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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable (18583 Views)
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Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Ngokafor(f): 7:06pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
.....Spot on @op,very insightful. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by 2sex(m): 7:12pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
donephi:Well said brother. I will add ladies should learn to contribute in a man's life value-wise. I don't know about other guys, but sincerely, sex is just no way to connect with me. There has to be something you offer that isn't readily available elsewhere. Personally, I am a chronic lover-boy, romance or romantic personified, albeit they often abused it, thus my resolve to hide that part of me... I love a woman who has a mind of her own, who believe she can work to earn something no matter how small, one who strive to better her lot, without a man in it. I also don't like ladies whom, when asked a question, they reply with "I don't know" no matter how simple the question is. It shows level of shallowness, inability to make decisions. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 7:13pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Yep. I think the point is to start believing I am a precious gift and a blessing in itself and liking or loving myself is not selfishness or a sin, and I do not have to wait for anyone to like or approve of me before I like / approve of myself. Nice thread. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 7:28pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Krystalxxx: That is the essence of this thread. We have to start doing things differently. Lets take control of our lives in the ways we can. 3 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 7:29pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Ngokafor: |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 8:17pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
MizMyColi: On point. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by donephi(m): 8:21pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
2sex: Yea In as much as everyone craves for sex and attention, it shouldn't be abused though sex is overrated. No lady can hold down any guy with sex. Learnt to be yourself and stop living to please ur partner |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Enoquin(f): 8:29pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Beautiful! I wanted to open a thread about something like this but you beat me to it and rightly so because I procrastinated. I love EnoQuin because it is only after I have loved her that I can truly love someone else. And yet it isn't a narcissistic kind where I believe myself above faults. That is why it unsettles me when I see posts from ladies who believe it all begins and ends with a man. Yes, men have their value but so do women! Loving your self is also valuing yourself and you will find that in doing that you subconsciously set a standard even for yourself. An example: I found out last year that whenever my bae came to town I served him/us better than I served myself. If it was a meal like eba. I'd bring the washing bowl, hand wash, hand wipe, put the plates in a tray, open the water and pour in a cup and then we'd both settle down to a meal. But when I was alone, even though I ate little; I'd use a wide plate, put small eba on the plate. Put my soup plate on the space of the eba plate, neglecting the tray. Sometimes, I'd pick a bowl of water, other times I wash my hands at the sink. An haphazard sort of service. To me it didn't matter, it was me serving me. But why should me serving me be worse than me serving anyone else? Did I regard others more than I did myself? And so the change began. I starting serving myself as I would another I loved. 8 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by babygirlfl: 8:32pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Lovely write-up. 2 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 8:35pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Enoquin: Wo, it is well with you beyond measure. Truth is, being overly nice does not help. Wait, being overly nice is cool, as long as you're equally overly nice to yourself. But the idea of treating someone else better than you'd treat yourself? That's Self-Hypocrisy!!! Actually, I've learned a lot from your post. Thanks! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 8:36pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Enoquin(f): 8:53pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
MizMyColi: You are welcome 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by remsonik(f): 9:11pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Nice piece op A man will always at a time or the other be emotionally unavailable because the way both women and men process or should I say express love is different. Take for instance a man goes to work everyday of the week. He's faithful,pays all the bills,but has no time for his family. The wife says pls give me attention, show me you care about me and the kids. The man misinterpretes that as the lady isn't being appreciative after all I do trying to make money to look after you. Its not all about material things. Now as a lady I get lot of comments from guys about me who says I am proud or bossy but no,there's the soft sweet side of me but i try to hide it because I don't want to be the one who is always giving out the love. I like attention a lot and so as not to get carried away I am very principled I set my boundaries. I like to be in control of my life. I value myself and I believe I can take on challenges make impact without a man's input. I know some ladies ride men take advantage of their emotional availability but if you date every girl with that mindset, you are already restricting your heart to so many instances of love and wonderful moments you can both share. 3 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by anumide(f): 9:18pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
SUGARBEE: |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by SUGARBEE(f): 9:19pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
[quote author=anumide post=37133119][/quote] HI |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 9:19pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
remsonik: Well, in this part of the world, one is likely to be told that she is too proud, and arrogant, and stuff like that. What most guys fail to understand is that the ones who put on the biggest bragado et bravado are actually the most malleable and softest, except of course, life has dealt a course. What we are simply communicating from this thread to each other is love your self as you love others because you are your closest neighbor. Anything less is hypocrisy. Repent! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by kaboninc(m): 9:23pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
SUGARBEE: Sugar...... Lol. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by SUGARBEE(f): 9:25pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
kaboninc: Hi |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by anumide(f): 9:31pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
SUGARBEE:hey hey, that was nice; what you typed. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by SUGARBEE(f): 9:37pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
anumide: Oh awwww sweet. Thanks hun.. Just went with the flow 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by zeb04(f): 9:43pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
this is just a good reminder,right on time. I was almost losing myself to something. thanks miz 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Whynotthetruth(m): 11:56pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
Nice conjecture up there...Read only original post and avoided others...because I need less of amorous epistles in my head...emotions always blackmail...I wanna keep growing a thick skin daily thanks to politics...I read this at all because I trust Op to always "cook a tasty soup"...Am out... 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 3:43am On Aug 20, 2015 |
zeb04: Don't we all at some point? But light will keep guiding us home. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 3:44am On Aug 20, 2015 |
Whynotthetruth: |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by IsaacBuchi(m): 5:28am On Aug 20, 2015 |
MizMyColi: Well, truth is, it is always going be a circle if we fail to recognize the signs and fail into the trap of an emotionally unavailable relationship and which is what TrulyHis's thread was about, good enough you referred to it. In a relationship where someone leads you to believe that they love you and you swallow the pill, you are bound to start another circle if you thread again wrongly. For starters, we ladies must realize that we cannot keep doing things the same way and expect different results.It is not entirely their fault. Relationship is like two people preparing a meal. In this cooking everyone contributes an ingredient. Some however withdraw their own part of the contributions. The reason why the guys who employ this sick method are able to get to us is because we look up to things that are without for validation. For example, we can only love ourselves and see ourselves as beautiful if that guy (who more oft than not is emotionally unavailable) sees us as such. Everyone who is heartbroken is bound to get hurt no matter your self worth. Importantly as you mentioned it vital that we love ourselves which can help us rise above our hurt feeling quickly. Women are however very sentimental and that is how there are created. Sadly, they are created to be attached to something, especially man, which makes it a greater struggle.
Indeed I love this insightful part! As much as we want to have a high perception of ourselves we need to realize we need to continually work on ourselves and to improve the quality of who we are as a person and not about the qualities of our beautiful face, curvy back, firm bosom or rather ugly body, shapeless back, falling bosom as the case may be. The more we realize we have attractive qualities, or have something to contribute to the society and are a blessing to others, people will flock to us like flies and we can easily forget the heartbreaks, the rejections and possibly any existing flaws or imperfections within or outside of ourselves. We cannot rise above who we are inside - @JuniorPortland 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 6:41am On Aug 20, 2015 |
Thank you for your contribution IsaacBuchi 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Chillis: 6:53am On Aug 20, 2015 |
I can see feminism train subconciously moving even for those who dont beleive in it Op what are you preaching here.? After una go write Im not a femisnist. Confused people. 6 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 7:02am On Aug 20, 2015 |
Chillis: Which feminism are you on about? Is it modern feminism, true feminism or Nairaland Feminism Oh well, I have never been a fan of labels. I am more a fan of how to right the wrongs of the past and consolidating the rights for a better future... How does a tete-a-tete with my sisters on relationships and self-perception matters relate to femininsm? ...Yet you call "them" confused people. Smh Madam, look in the mirror biko. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by IsaacBuchi(m): 7:21am On Aug 20, 2015 |
MizMyColi: Thank You. I'm one of your fans and you make it easier for me to enjoy reading ur post if you cut the time you give politics section and give it to family or something like this one. Politics is heartless...Just Saying. #PetitionFromAfan 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 7:29am On Aug 20, 2015 |
IsaacBuchi: I've been subconsciously waiting for a comment like yours. Lols It's not as bad as you view it from the outside. Just trying to form a degree of balance. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Decibel: 8:50am On Aug 20, 2015 |
Nna eh negodu sósó epistle. Aguchaghi faa ncha m'òli. @MyzMyColi i na-ede ncha n'aka. More grease to your keypad. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 9:02am On Aug 20, 2015 |
Decibel: Nwannem, Ekene diri Onye we'anyi |
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