Should I be concerned? Boyfriend has traveled to South Africa for 12 days for work/ holiday purposes.


Dear All,

First time poster here. Great and informative forum. Hoping you can assist me with some truthful advice.

I'm currently dating a guy whom I care about deeply. We've been dating for some months now. He's currently in South Africa ( Johannesburg specifically ) for a conference and a brief holiday thereafter, spending a total of 2.5 weeks.

Now my question is, should I be worried about him cheating on me or messing around with South African girls when he is there? I know he went out to some bars and clubs on Friday night and Saturday night. Some of the bars he went to are located around the "university area" ( is anyone familiar with that area?). I also know that he visited these clubs with some of his Nigerian friends who are based in SA.

I had no problem with him going clubbing ( he's on holiday and nothing wrong with a night out with friends) until I started reading some of the comments on this forum about SA women, their protruding backsides, their sex appeal and rumored casual/ liberated approach to sexual matters. Nigerian men on these boards describe SA women like goddesses who cannot be outmatched or even rivaled by Nigerian women and it's made me feel quite insecure, inadequate and jealous about my boyfriend as he's currently in SA . I asked him casually if "the rumours about SA womens' casual approach to sex are true" to which he responded "yeah I can't even lie, it's true". He also confirmed that SA women have no problem approaching a man and "toasting him" the way Nigerian men accost or chat up women here in Nigeria ( in terms of frequency and aggressiveness ).

Like many Nigerian men, the guy I'm dating frowns on female promiscuity ( and would never take a promiscuous woman seriously) but nonetheless really enjoys casual sex with casual lovers. ( double standard I know). He's a typical Yoruba man.

I've been told that I'm pretty and good looking... I get a lot of male attention. Im petite and slim and well educated with a good career. I'm 28 years ago if that's of any relevance to your assessment of the situation. I'm also a loving and kind person. Guess those are my good traits. I however have a conservative approach towards sex- I'm far from a virgin but I don't sleep around. I haven't had sex with my BF at this point because I'm trying to take it slow in that department and want to be certain about the direction of the relationship before going too far. He's asked for sex but I held back/ resisted- guess that makes me boring compared to the SA girls. We've kissed and engaged in some "petting" but no intercourse or oral (s*x). I'm trying to be careful because I don't want to make anymore mistakes.

In a nutshell, I'm a bit concerned and I'm admittedly feeling insecure about my boyfriend's trip to SA. I also feel a bit inadequate. Is he likely to cheat seeing as he went clubbing a few times in SA and admitted that the women are very sexually permissive? ( I don't mean to be disrespectful to SA women, no offence intended at all). Is he going to start comparing my body to theirs? After all I don't have a big bum or wide hips and we are currently not having sex although we've kissed etc. Do the SA women truly approach men and "toast" them? I can't block the images of him having steamy sex with a curvaceous South African woman and it's doing my head in!!

Your responses would be much appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

S.A BABES HIPS NO BE HERE. . .OO
BUT if he truely love u. . .
he no go cheat on u.
#YOLO

U shouldn't be concerned...


In marriage u will be experiencing long days witout ur husband... So be strong..

Its a 50/50 thing,he might not cheat and he might cheat buh know that him cheating dos nt mean he doesnt love u,he might not be able to overcome the temptations knowing fully well dah u wunt compromise ur stand of no sex..

my advice: take your mind from it,if he is yours,he will surely come back and appreciate you.

Trust is key...insecurity is the cause of most relationship issues.

Thank you for all your responses.

To be honest, what really got to me was his admission that " In reality SA women are as sexually liberal and assertive as they're rumored to be". How else would he know that if he hasn't succumbed to their advances or even solicited sex himself from them/ made the moves himself? Also he went clubbing on Friday and Saturday (nothing inherently wrong with that) and also went to bars in the University area. All these factors increase the odds that's he's messed around, especially if the SA women are all as alluring as they're described to be on this forum?

'nuff said, the possibility of your bf cheating on you or not depends on his level of loyalty to you..


noh s.A lady will just work up to your bf, point a gun et him n demands to be f*ucked.

Most of this is rubbish. Toast men? Like, are you being for real? I'm a South African lady & I have never approached a guy for a relationship, my entire life. However, I can admit to being flirtatious etc because I'm not about to blush & giggle like an idiot when a man is talking to me. I give him what he gives me. That's maybe the difference between Nigerian women & South African ladies. We are not shy around men. We're easy going, chatty & men like that. Whether your man gets snatched or not depends on him & his loyalty to you. No South African lady is going to jump on his dyck unless he allows it or initiates it. The question shouldn't be about the women, but your men. Finish & klaar.

Southy chics roll call: Oohlalah, Soilsista, Southyqueen, ShortBass

Yawns.

You don't want to have sex with him and also don't want him to have a fling. Is he some wooden art without hormones and sexual urges. I smell selfishness.

i came here to see PunkyVeer

babe how are doing?

Maamin:
i came here to see PunkyVeer

babe how are doing?

OP, see, watch & learn Even from afar, we don't need to hunt a man down, they come to us *smirks*

How are you doing, Maamin?

Some girls think putting off having sex with guys will make them look wife material to d guy, i laugh in cantonese.

Yes being cheap will make a guy not take you serious, but come on you have been dating for months and not giving your bf some honey. My dear i may love you with all my heart o, but the body is weak and if i am him i will prob get some sugar while in SA to cure my konji, when i come back we will continue with the sex strike.

That is d plain truth. Not trying to give you heart attack but the probability of your bf having casual sex that you said he actually enjoys is 80%

ronald4lif:
Yawns.

You don't want to have sex with him and also don't want him to have a fling. Is he some wooden art without hormones and sexual urges. I smell selfishness.

now you don't have to shift the blame on the lady..


#'nuff said.

Cassidy9:




now you don't have to shift the blame on the lady..


#'nuff said.

The dude is right, be honest and leave all these self righteous crap.

They have been dating for monthsssss haba now.

Some guys will say she is wicked sef.

I am sure when he comes back, she will wellcome him back with just a thong

@ Ronald4lyf- I'm not selfish, I'm simply taking my time and trying to develop a string relationship before crossing the sex boundaries. Why can't a man wait for a woman he claims to care about until she is comfortable enough to go all the way? Is it an unreasonable request? It hadn't been years, we're taking about several months.

@ PunkyVeer- Goes without saying that a man is ultimately responsible for whatever decisions he takes. I'm merely trying to find about the sexual trends in SA, which he has since confirmed to be true.

vani86:

The dude is right, be honest and leave all these self righteous crap.
They have been dating for monthsssss haba now.

self righteous crap? who's playing holy here?
yeah I gerrit he's lost it completely and decides to drill a southy chic, huh.

PunkyVeer:


OP, see, watch & learn Even from afar, we don't need to hunt a man down, they come to us *smirks*

How are you doing, Maamin?

lol! dont push your luck joor!


am doing great...with what am hearing about SA babes, think i would like to marry one so how about a date?

Just trust this guy. What if he isnt cheating on you and you just giving yourself headaches.

You also go out, you club, you have fun. You hang out with other very handsome guys guys, and i bet so many guys approach you also.....does not mean u cheating on him

@ Vani and Cassidy, contrary to your insinuations, I'm actually not using sex as a manipulative tool. I have sexual urges myself you know? I'm simply taking my time. I'm not a self righteous, sanctimonious person, I'm simply trying to avoid mistakes of the past and I want to be certain he's the right person for me before taking the next step. Admittedly, the last time we saw which was the day he travelled, he physically tried to have sex but I refused and he asked me why I was withholding sex from him- I explained that I wanted to take things slow. He wasn't angry and has still remained caring but he complained that I gave him " Blueballs" and that he was in pain. For the record, I'm not even sure I believe Blueballs exists. We engage in heavy petting but no intercourse yet so it's not like I'm leaving him hung out and dry.

In any case, having sex with a guy is no guarantee that he will not mess around. I'm sure I'd still have posted this thread even if we had had sex. After all I don't know all the acrobatics in bed and I don't even know how to perform good oral s*x.

ronald4lif:
Yawns.

You don't want to have sex with him and also don't want him to have a fling. Is he some wooden art without hormones and sexual urges. I smell selfishness.

mmmm! tiri gbosa for this epic post..

adon know wat iz wrong wit some babes, boyfriend cant have you and you dont want him to have others too...the worse is romancing him and making his 'Ogede kpon' then leave him witout completing the mission

Getting worried wunt stop him frm STRAYING dear, a Man who wants to cheat wud cheat regardless of how good U̶̲̥̅̊ are in bed, smart or even pretty . Ur concern should be that he returns home in one piece(disease free)

Pull your self together okay n focus on other outlets, be happy aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ love your man as long as he loves aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ respects you.


I have come to realise that CHEATING is synonymous to being a Man, sometimes they just wanna be 'adventourous' or its just so complicated U̶̲̥̅̊ gotta keep a level head if U̶̲̥̅̊ wanna mk any progress in d relationship. it doesnt mean they stop loving you but your nagging aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅ excessive complaints could extinguish the Love. Just avoid gettn confrontational with a man over his philandering ways, rather PRAY about it, im sure twill work. *cheers*

Yes you have reasons to be concerned

1. You're not a virgin but you won't give a man that wants to be sexually active sex so you can secure the ring. Listen Frodo, you don't need a Gandalf to tell you he is rocking the boat, gripping some firm Jozi butts


2. Yoruba men and voluptuous idi nla are like car and petrol

3. He is paid and has friends in SA to guide him to the warm inner recesses of these nubile SA babes


On the bright side however many men love to play away match but they know there's no place like home.


So don't fret too much, you're the main course but what's the entree without something on the side


Don't be stingy, he's not even properly married you yet, let him enjoy some coleslaw, dodo, etc etc

And get used to it, Pls. It's like 5 and 6

Sunshine2016:
@ Ronald4lyf- I'm not selfish, I'm simply taking my time and trying to develop a string relationship before crossing the sex boundaries. Why can't a man wait for a woman he claims to care about until she is comfortable enough to go all the way? Is it an unreasonable request? It hadn't been years, we're taking about several months.

@ PunkyVeer- Goes without saying that a man is ultimately responsible for whatever decisions he takes. I'm merely trying to find about the sexual trends in SA, which he has since confirmed to be true.

Well, there are no "sexual trends". Being South African is not a Meyers Briggs personality type. We all have different personalities & approaches to sex + relationships. The one thing most of us have in common is that we're "free spirits". If that makes one slutty, then so be it. Truth be told, if he started flirting with a chic over here, she 100% is not gonna run for the hills, but will engage him. Whether it leads to sex afterwards depends on them & there's no way to predict the outcome since no one knows what type of chics he'll be meeting up with. If he's into clubbing, however, there's a high possibility he might get laid. You know what they say about alcohol + it's ability to make everything feel & look good He probably might start to look like Denzel Washington after a few drinks to some drunk chic & her like Beyonce to him. Shyt happens when inhibitions are lowered. Askies

Sunshine2016:
Thank you for all your responses.

To be honest, what really got to me was his admission that " In reality SA women are as sexually liberal and assertive as they're rumored to be". How else would he know that if he hasn't succumbed to their advances or even solicited sex himself from them/ made the moves himself? Also he went clubbing on Friday and Saturday (nothing inherently wrong with that) and also went to bars in the University area. All these factors increase the odds that's he's messed around, especially if the SA women are all as alluring as they're described to be on this forum?

It's the Nigerian babes attitude that does not allow some of y'all find happiness


Women love sex too but you lot in this nation prefer ring to any thing

Those girls will let a man hit it and move on and wait till their own husband comes


You guys think whomever hits it has to be your husband or ATM or something....


That's why so many women here struggle to find happiness....they have built prisons for themselves

On top of a man who will give you a ring and still do whatever he damn well pleases like his father's before him...

Any african man that's not polygamous is either lying, gay or the elder bro of Jesus

Sunshine2016:
@ Vani and Cassidy, contrary to your insinuations, I'm actually not using sex as a manipulative tool. I have sexual urges myself you know? I'm simply taking my time. I'm not a self righteous, sanctimonious person, I'm simply trying to avoid mistakes of the past and I want to be certain he's the right person for me before taking the next step. Admittedly, the last time we saw which was the day he travelled, he physically tried to have sex but I refused and he asked me why I was withholding sex from him- I explained that I wanted to take things slow. He wasn't angry and has still remained caring but he complained that I gave him " Blueballs" and that he was in pain. For the record, I'm not even sure I believe Blueballs exists. We engage in heavy petting but no intercourse yet so it's not like I'm leaving him hung out and dry.

In any case, having sex with a guy is no guarantee that he will not mess around. I'm sure I'd still have posted this thread even if we had had sex. After all I don't know all the acrobatics in bed and I don't even know how to perform good oral s*x.

Blueballs do exist and it hurts like mad. Witholding sex or having sex do not guarantee a guy or girl wont cheat. But to be honest i dont think witholding sex until you are sure he is d one for you will mean you guys will live happily ever after. At the same time i am not saying you should shag him every chance you get.

Dudes can seriously pretend to be in love for 3 4 5 months just cuz he wants to have sex.

I just dont think you are waiting until you are sure he is d one for you before you have sex is a valid reason. 6 months down the line you give in and he did not enjoy the experience at all, what happens then?

[quote author=vani86 post=3748

Dudes can seriously pretend to be in love for 3 4 5 months just cuz he wants to have sex.
[/quote]


And babes can pretend to be in love forever just to collect ring and/or to be eating your money

Nonsense

PunkyVeer:
Most of this is rubbish. Toast men? Like, are you being for real? I'm a South African lady & I have never approached a guy for a relationship, my entire life. However, I can admit to being flirtatious etc because I'm not about to blush & giggle like an idiot when a man is talking to me. I give him what he gives me. That's maybe the difference between Nigerian women & South African ladies. We are not shy around men. We're easy going, chatty & men like that. Whether your man gets snatched or not depends on him & his loyalty to you. No South African lady is going to jump on his dyck unless he allows it or initiates it. The question shouldn't be about the women, but your men. Finish & klaar.

Southy chics roll call: Oohlalah, Soilsista, Southyqueen,
ShortBass

Present mam! was up?

QueenEdna:
Getting worried wunt stop him frm STRAYING dear, a Man who wants to cheat wud cheat regardless of how good U̶̲̥̅̊ are in bed, smart or even pretty . Ur concern should be that he returns home in one piece(disease free)

Pull your self together okay n focus on other outlets, be happy aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ love your man as long as he loves aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ respects you.


I have come to realise that CHEATING is synonymous to being a Man, sometimes they just wanna be 'adventourous' or its just so complicated U̶̲̥̅̊ gotta keep a level head if U̶̲̥̅̊ wanna mk any progress in d relationship. it doesnt mean they stop loving you but your nagging aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅ excessive complaints could extinguish the Love. Just avoid gettn confrontational with a man over his philandering ways, rather PRAY about it, im sure twill work. *cheers*

I agree with some of what you said but keeping quiet when your man is after every skirt will merely make things worse. I actually like it when my gf calls me to order when i misbehave, cuz if she dont, i will turn her into a rag and will take her for granted.

Yes we hate unnecessary nagging but if the nagging has a point we actually listen and if we love d girl we do change.

[quote author=scribble post=37487740][/quote]

Lol. Men have their priorities, girls have theirs.

Win win

OohLalah:


Present mam! was up?

Khaw' thethe. Bathi we "toast" men. Kikikiki

According to my friends "S.A girls love pampering Naija guys"... If your guy is the type that womanizes or you are the monitoring spirit type.... Hmmmm

Maamin:


lol! dont push your luck joor!


am doing great...with what am hearing about SA babes, think i would like to marry one so how about a date?

Lol, for once I'm speechless. Wait..