He also confirmed that SA women have no problem approaching a man and "toasting him" the way Nigerian men accost or chat up women here in Nigeria ( in terms of frequency and aggressiveness ).

I like hearing that... That's what is known as a bold woman, mot the Nigerian type that just "gives green light" as if dm be traffic lights.

Like many Nigerian men, the guy I'm dating frowns on female promiscuity ( and would never take a promiscuous woman seriously)

A girl that toasts a guy isn't 'Promiscuos'. She's bold, she knows what she wants and she'll go for it... That ain't promiscuity.

QueenEdna:
Getting worried wunt stop him frm STRAYING dear, a Man who wants to cheat wud cheat regardless of how good U̶̲̥̅̊ are in bed, smart or even pretty . Ur concern should be that he returns home in one piece(disease free)

Pull your self together okay n focus on other outlets, be happy aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ love your man as long as he loves aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ respects you.


I have come to realise that CHEATING is synonymous to being a Man, sometimes they just wanna be 'adventourous' or its just so complicated U̶̲̥̅̊ gotta keep a level head if U̶̲̥̅̊ wanna mk any progress in d relationship. it doesnt mean they stop loving you but your nagging aΩ̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅ excessive complaints could extinguish the Love. Just avoid gettn confrontational with a man over his philandering ways, rather PRAY about it, im sure twill work. *cheers*

i call this post wisdom, knowing what is what at the right time and instance.

not all babes know this anyway..only a guy knows where his heart lies and if it is you, he will play around and come to you..is no rocket science at all.

Is he going to start comparing my body to theirs? After all I don't have a big bum or wide hips and we are currently not having sex although we've kissed etc.

Not every guy loves big bum and wide hips. I don't. I love slim girls. And some guys prefer romance to actual sex. I prefer giving head than receiving.

But on a serious note, what's it with Nigerian girls and 'taking it slow' in a relationship?. Some guys will stay with you for 3 years after getting what he wants, he will go.

Thanks for all your responses and for all the information. Although some are quite difficult to digest but I appreciate your honesty.

I know that withholding sex is no guarantee that things will work out. Truth is he hasn't complained bitterly and is sensitive to the situation. He understands where I'm coming from... of course I know that he may not always be this understanding but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Truth is I don't even know how to be adventurous in bed, but I guess I'll learn at the apt time. Are sexual skills inherent or learned over time?



He'll be back in a few days time. Should I broach the topic of him messing around in SA in a casual, light way or just ignore it?

passionate88:
According to my friends "S.A girls love pampering Naija guys"... If your guy is the type that womanizes or you are the monitoring spirit type.... Hmmmm

What do you mean by "pampering" ? If you mean treating him right, minus the fronting & stunting some of your ladies do, then, that's right!

Sunshine2016:
Should I be concerned? Boyfriend has traveled to South Africa for 12 days for work/ holiday purposes.


Dear All,

First time poster here. Great and informative forum. Hoping you can assist me with some truthful advice.

I'm currently dating a guy whom I care about deeply. We've been dating for some months now. He's currently in South Africa ( Johannesburg specifically ) for a conference and a brief holiday thereafter, spending a total of 2.5 weeks.

Now my question is, should I be worried about him cheating on me or messing around with South African girls when he is there? I know he went out to some bars and clubs on Friday night and Saturday night. Some of the bars he went to are located around the "university area" ( is anyone familiar with that area?). I also know that he visited these clubs with some of his Nigerian friends who are based in SA.

I had no problem with him going clubbing ( he's on holiday and nothing wrong with a night out with friends) until I started reading some of the comments on this forum about SA women, their protruding backsides, their sex appeal and rumored casual/ liberated approach to sexual matters. Nigerian men on these boards describe SA women like goddesses who cannot be outmatched or even rivaled by Nigerian women and it's made me feel quite insecure, inadequate and jealous about my boyfriend as he's currently in SA . I asked him casually if "the rumours about SA womens' casual approach to sex are true" to which he responded "yeah I can't even lie, it's true". He also confirmed that SA women have no problem approaching a man and "toasting him" the way Nigerian men accost or chat up women here in Nigeria ( in terms of frequency and aggressiveness ).

Like many Nigerian men, the guy I'm dating frowns on female promiscuity ( and would never take a promiscuous woman seriously) but nonetheless really enjoys casual sex with casual lovers. ( double standard I know). He's a typical Yoruba man.

I've been told that I'm pretty and good looking... I get a lot of male attention. Im petite and slim and well educated with a good career. I'm 28 years ago if that's of any relevance to your assessment of the situation. I'm also a loving and kind person. Guess those are my good traits. I however have a conservative approach towards sex- I'm far from a virgin but I don't sleep around. I haven't had sex with my BF at this point because I'm trying to take it slow in that department and want to be certain about the direction of the relationship before going too far. He's asked for sex but I held back/ resisted- guess that makes me boring compared to the SA girls. We've kissed and engaged in some "petting" but no intercourse or oral (s*x). I'm trying to be careful because I don't want to make anymore mistakes.

In a nutshell, I'm a bit concerned and I'm admittedly feeling insecure about my boyfriend's trip to SA. I also feel a bit inadequate. Is he likely to cheat seeing as he went clubbing a few times in SA and admitted that the women are very sexually permissive? ( I don't mean to be disrespectful to SA women, no offence intended at all). Is he going to start comparing my body to theirs? After all I don't have a big bum or wide hips and we are currently not having sex although we've kissed etc. Do the SA women truly approach men and "toast" them? I can't block the images of him having steamy sex with a curvaceous South African woman and it's doing my head in!!

Your responses would be much appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

Yes dear, you should be very worried of SA women! Spend every minute of your time counting his wherabouts and imagining who he is meeting. Don't forget to show him your insecurities by acting like his mom asking him his where abouts while on holiday. Please just make sure you get plenty pain tablets and BP tablets so atleast he can find you alive when he gets back, only to discover he was just missing you and hanging out with friends.

You are too insecure please get your life and stop obsesseing about our bum bums To put your mind at eas we don't approach men they see the same curves and follow follow like thirsty dogs.

Relax babe, he only said we approach to get himself out of trouble if anything happens. If he gets jiggy with anyone, he approached them. Its his fault and where you are there's nothing you can do about it.

In SA soon, let's connect.

PunkyVeer:
Most of this is rubbish. Toast men? Like, are you being for real? I'm a South African lady & I have never approached a guy for a relationship, my entire life. However, I can admit to being flirtatious etc because I'm not about to blush & giggle like an idiot when a man is talking to me. I give him what he gives me. That's maybe the difference between Nigerian women & South African ladies. We are not shy around men. We're easy going, chatty & men like that. Whether your man gets snatched or not depends on him & his loyalty to you. No South African lady is going to jump on his dyck unless he allows it or initiates it. The question shouldn't be about the women, but your men. Finish & klaar.

Southy chics roll call: Oohlalah, Soilsista, Southyqueen, ShortBass

passionate88:
I like hearing that... That's what is known as a bold woman, mot the Nigerian type that just "gives green light" as if dm be traffic lights.
A girl that toasts a guy isn't 'Promiscuos'. She's bold, she knows what she wants and she'll go for it... That ain't promiscuity.

tell them jare..i respect girls that are straight forward and bold with their emotions..they rock!

PunkyVeer:


Lol, for once I'm speechless. Wait..

awww! patiently waiting..

PunkyVeer:
Most of this is rubbish. Toast men? Like, are you being for real? I'm a South African lady & I have never approached a guy for a relationship, my entire life. However, I can admit to being flirtatious etc because I'm not about to blush & giggle like an idiot when a man is talking to me. I give him what he gives me. That's maybe the difference between Nigerian women & South African ladies. We are not shy around men. We're easy going, chatty & men like that. Whether your man gets snatched or not depends on him & his loyalty to you. No South African lady is going to jump on his dyck unless he allows it or initiates it. The question shouldn't be about the women, but your men. Finish & klaar.

Southy chics roll call: Oohlalah, Soilsista, Southyqueen, ShortBass

Oh yes you have: I visualized you toasting me just now. And it was you I saw, PunkyVeer. You toasted me in my imagination, so stop with the lies!

PunkyVeer:


What do you mean by "pampering" ? If you mean treating him right, minus the fronting & stunting some of your ladies do, then, that's right!

Argggg, you see the self praising with Nigerians? She says we like "pampering" Nigerians as a general rule. I for one and my friends don't even squint when a Nigerian man approaches us and they will say we xenophobic. So when such general statements are made who exactly are they referring too?

After the Queen B saga really who wants to be labelled by our bad mouth social terrorists

RickRichards:

Oh yes you have: I visualized you toasting me just now. And it was you I saw, PunkyVeer. You toasted me in my imagination, so stop with the lies!

Oops You caught & exposed me My telepathy communication skills must be improving. Chyeah! Hope you enjoyed all the sweet nothings I was saying. So, am I in or out? Or do I need to work harder? Just imagine, you & me.....

PunkyVeer:


What do you mean by "pampering" ? If you mean treating him right, minus the fronting & stunting some of your ladies do, then, that's right!

Have you been to Nigeria? Have you seen the way Nigerian girls treat boys?, the fronting, the greediness, the lies, etc?. 98.5% are just money conscious, very broke ass lazy bitches that can't work without opening their legs.

passionate88:
Have you been to Nigeria? Have you seen the way Nigerian girls treat boys?, the fronting, the greediness, the lies, etc?. 98.5% are just money conscious, very broke ass lazy bitches that can't work without opening their legs.

True true. But when you want to date, go for a working class girl, i am done with students and jobless girls from now on. My ex was a student in uniport, the one before her was working, very comfortable by her own right. Back to d student, one day i sat down and calculated how much i spend on her each month then calculated for the 4 months we have been together . My eyes opened quickly. I have not yet bought a 2nd AC for my flat or a 2nd home theater or water dispencer. Plus her student thinking was getting on my nerves, can you imagine someone using a galaxy S5 just cuz her friend got an iphone 6 she was pestering me to sow a seed of 40k in her life to get an iphone . Me a working dude, saving up to settle down, using an S5 never even think of spending 150k on an iPhone. FOR WHAT.

Nna men, i broke up and went back to my working class matured gf. Who actually tells me off when i spend stupidly

vani86:


True true. But when you want to date, go for a working class girl, i am done with students and jobless girls from now on. My ex was a student in uniport, the one before her was working, very comfortable by her own right. Back to d student, one day i sat down and calculated how much i spend on her each month then calculated for the 4 months we have been together . My eyes opened quickly. I have not yet bought a 2nd AC for my flat or a 2nd home theater or water dispencer. Plus her student thinking was getting on my nerves, can you imagine someone using a galaxy S5 just cuz her friend got an iphone 6 she was pestering me to sow a seed of 40k in her life to get an iphone . Me a working dude, saving up to settle down, using an S5 never even think of spending 150k on an iPhone. FOR WHAT.

Nna men, i broke up and went back to my working class matured gf. Who actually tells me off when i spend stupidly

I am a student of uniport, what those girls do is just heart wrenching. Thursdays and fridays night, you will see them in all shapes and sizes putting on cloths the size of handkerchief waiting for cars either in front of kilimanjaro or sammys... So also in alakahia area. Marriage dey fear me.

Wow! You wrote my story .. Mine has bin there for 2yrs+ now. i keep crying all nite. i hardly sleep at nite. . To make it worst, My frnds keep telling me abt SA girls hips and boobs couple with the once i read on NL. He hardly gv me attention nor av erotic chat with me . I am a slim nd perrty lady from a decent family.... we ve been together for close to 6yrs now. .

PunkyVeer:


Oops You caught & exposed me My telepathy communication skills must be improving. Chyeah! Hope you enjoyed all the sweet nothings I was saying. So, am I in or out? Or do I need to work harder? Just imagine, you & me.....

I want to know what "playing hard to get" feels like, so I guess you'll need to work harder.
Also, don't sweat and mix up your lines next time.

Elegantdiva:
Wow! You wrote my story .. Mine has bin there for 2yrs+ now. i keep crying all nite. i hardly sleep at nite. . To make it worst, My frnds keep telling me abt SA girls hips and boobs couple with the once i read on NL. He hardly gv me attention nor av erotic chat with me . I am a slim nd perrty lady from a decent family.... we ve been together for close to 6yrs now. .

Awwww. Chorry!

passionate88:
I am a student of uniport, what those girls do is just heart wrenching. Thursdays and fridays night, you will see them in all shapes and sizes putting on cloths the size of handkerchief waiting for cars either in front of kilimanjaro or sammys... So also in alakahia area. Marriage dey fear me.

Are you for real. Waiting for someone to pick them up?

passionate88:
Have you been to Nigeria? Have you seen the way Nigerian girls treat boys?, the fronting, the greediness, the lies, etc?. 98.5% are just money conscious, very broke ass lazy bitches that can't work without opening their legs.

Being on Nairaland, trust me, is like being in Nigeria because through some of the stuff I read here, in a way, I feel I am able to get into people's heads, so to speak. The way some of the ladies think is totally different from how I think or how anybody I know thinks. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just different. Example, "shakara". I didn't know anyone still does that in this day & age until I came here & read lamentations from guys about it. To me, it's either you want the guy or you don't. Finish. No point wasting time. The 2nd example, I heard that most ladies feel uncomfortable discussing how they lost their virginity & would rather resort to lies about being raped than honestly talk about it. Well, I don't see what the issue is. You had sex with a guy. What's the big deal about that? That's too much unnecessary fronting & stunting for MY taste. I'm not saying Nigerian ladies are bad though, because I'm sure there ARE good ones, I just don't get how some operate. Too much ado about nothing, imo. But it's all good. To each their own. It's actually interesting to see how others tackle issues, even if it's from a different angle. Intriguing.

Elegantdiva:
Wow! You wrote my story .. Mine has bin there for 2yrs+ now. i keep crying all nite. i hardly sleep at nite. . To make it worst, My frnds keep telling me abt SA girls hips and boobs couple with the once i read on NL. He hardly gv me attention nor av erotic chat with me . I am a slim nd perrty lady from a decent family.... we ve been together for close to 6yrs now. .

I'm so sorry to hear. Do you visit him in SA? Truth is there are attractive women everywhere and there will always be distractions. It's easy to get insecure sometimes because there's always someone who is "hotter" than you but truth is men don't marry based solely on physical beauty/ attributes. There's a whole lot more than goes into the decision of marrying a woman.

Have you seen him in the last two years? If you're not seeing him, why is that? It's really difficult for a rship to survive without physical interaction.

PunkyVeer:


Being on Nairaland, trust me, is like being in Nigeria because through some of the stuff I read here, in a way, I feel I am able to get into people's heads, so to speak. The way some of the ladies think is totally different from how I think or how anybody I know thinks. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just different. Example, "shakara". I didn't know anyone still does that in this day & age until I came here & read lamentations from guys about it. To me, it's either you want the guy or you don't. Finish. No point wasting time. The 2nd example, I heard that most ladies feel uncomfortable discussing how they lost their virginity & would rather resort to lies about being raped than honestly talk about it. Well, I don't see what the issue is. You had sex with a guy. What's the big deal about that? That's too much unnecessary fronting & stunting for MY taste. I'm not saying Nigerian ladies are bad though, because I'm sure there ARE good ones, I just don't get how some operate. Too much ado about nothing, imo. But it's all good. To each their own. It's actually interesting to see how others tackle issues, even if it's from a different angle. Intriguing.

Something you might not understand in view of the fact that you're not Nigerian or haven't lived in Nigeria is the barbaric double standard imposed by men. The truth is women in Nigeria are conditioned to behave the way we do because of Nigerian men and cultural/ societal norms. These men will happily enjoy a romp with a stranger but turn around the next day and berate her for "giving it up too early". It's a situation of being damned if you do and damned if you don't. Have sex early and you're a slut, hold back and you're a boring prude. Some Nigerian men go as far as demanding for virgins ( in spite of their high sexual numbers).


In a nutshell, societal standards and expectations in SA significantly differ from Nigeria. Women therefore have little or no choice but to conform. Your society affords you the option of exploring your sexuality in a way that pleases you, but not many Nigerian women can boast of such opportunities. There are too many negative consequences and stigma attached to being a "free spirit" in Nigeria. Consequences that don't apply to Nigerian men who are incidentally some of the most promiscuous men you'll find on this planet.

vani86:


I agree with some of what you said but keeping quiet when your man is after every skirt will merely make things worse. I actually like it when my gf calls me to order when i misbehave, cuz if she dont, i will turn her into a rag and will take her for granted.

Yes we hate unnecessary nagging but if the nagging has a point we actually listen and if we love d girl we do change.

Sure, having a 'heart 2 heart talk' @some point wud make sense i actually advice that to 'nagging', hopefully it wud make an impact on d CHEATER.

Sunshine2016:




Something you might not understand in view of the fact that you're not Nigerian it haven't lived in Nigeria is the barbaric double standard imposed by men. The truth is women in Nigeria are conditioned to behave the way we do because of Nigerian men and cultural/ societal norms. These men will happily enjoy a romp with a stranger but turn around the next day and berate her for "giving it up too early". It's a situation of being damned if you do and damned if you don't. Have sex early and you're a slut, hold back and you're a boring prude. Some Nigerian men go as far as demanding for virgins ( in spite of their high sexual numbers).


In a nutshell, societal standards and expectations in SA significantly differ in Nigeria as compared with SA. Women therefore have little or no choice but to conform. Your society affords you the option of exploring your sexuality in a way that pleases you, but not many Nigerian women can boast of such opportunities. There are too many negative consequences and stigma attached to being a "free spirit" in Nigeria. Consequences that don't apply to Nigerian men who are incidentally some of the most promiscuous men you'll find on this planet.

Hmmm, interesting. Thanks for clarifying. Nigerian guys are promiscuous? You don't say! These "angels" here? You could never tell going by how self righteous some of them are. Noted. Very informative post though. Thanks again.

Sunshine2016:





Like many Nigerian men, the guy I'm dating frowns on female promiscuity ( and would never take a promiscuous woman seriously) but nonetheless really enjoys casual sex with casual lovers. ( double standard I know). He's a typical Yoruba man.

I don't understand your concerns according to you your boyfriend enjoys casual sex of which you are aware and comfortable with even while in Nigeria why should he not enjoy himself with new variety while in south africa?

Elegantdiva:
Wow! You wrote my story .. Mine has bin there for 2yrs+ now. i keep crying all nite. i hardly sleep at nite. . To make it worst, My frnds keep telling me abt SA girls hips and boobs couple with the once i read on NL. He hardly gv me attention nor av erotic chat with me . I am a slim nd perrty lady from a decent family.... we ve been together for close to 6yrs now. .

So for the last 2 yrs you've been crying all night and having sleepless nights because of a man who hardly gives you attention my darling there are so many good men who will be glad to give you attention why oh why have you chained yourself to this man believing you are still in a relationship with him? Leave this man and make yourself available to willing, able and happy men.

PunkyVeer:


Hmmm, interesting. Thanks for clarifying. Nigerian guys are promiscuous? You don't say! These "angels" here? You could never tell going by how self righteous some of them are. Noted. Very informative post though. Thanks again.

You're welcome. Lol yeah they are. Polygamy is rife in Nigeria, so is adultery to a worrying degree. The sad thing is they don't ascribe the same standards to themselves but guess that's the society we have to contend with. In a nutshell, women here are sexually repressed and those who dare to challenge societal platitudes are labelled "whores" and what not.

Elegantdiva:
Wow! You wrote my story .. Mine has bin there for 2yrs+ now. i keep crying all nite. i hardly sleep at nite. . To make it worst, My frnds keep telling me abt SA girls hips and boobs couple with the once i read on NL. He hardly gv me attention nor av erotic chat with me . I am a slim nd perrty lady from a decent family.... we ve been together for close to 6yrs now. .

Ok, now this is heartbreaking. If it makes you feel better, not all have big hips, etc. And these guys, after a while, get tired/get used to the bodies & start to want something more or start to come back to their senses so to speak. Think of it as temporary insanity. I'm sure he won't throw away what you've both put in over the last 6 years because of some titts & @ss. If he does, then he doesn't deserve you or your tears. Like, I don't know what else to say but woman to woman, I sympathise.

Not all Nigerian men are promiscious... I once shared a story here where two femal course mates of mine slept in my lodge, I left the bed and slept on the cold floor, in the 9t one invited me to bed, I didn't do anything nor attempt anything with them. Later in the morning they started berating me, that two girls slept in the same bed with me yet I couldn't do anything. I like girls, most of my friends are girls but I hate the way they reason. That's why Nigerian guys likes tagging them as 'fish brain'.

andromida:


I don't understand your concerns according to you your boyfriend enjoys casual sex of which you are aware and comfortable with even while in Nigeria why should he not enjoy himself with new variety while in south africa?

He used to have casual sex BEFORE we met. In the past 2 years he hadn't had sex with the SAME girl more than 5 times... I'm his first relationship in a long time. If I were to have sex with someone else, he most likely wouldn't forgive me. He's already told me this, so why shouldn't I hold him to the same standard?

Sunshine2016:



You're welcome. Lol yeah they are. Polygamy is rife in Nigeria, so is adultery to a worrying degree. The sad thing is they don't ascribe the same standards to themselves but guess that's the society we have to contend with. In a nutshell, women here are sexually repressed and those who dare to challenge societal platitudes are labelled "whores" and what not.

You've "shined" my eyes. Thank you very much. I now understand.

andromida:


So for the last 2 yrs you've been crying all night and having sleepless nights because of a man who hardly gives you attention my darling there are so many good men who will be glad to give you attention why oh why have you chained yourself to this man believing you are still in a relationship with him? Leave this man and make yourself available to willing, able and happy men.

Maybe the man promised her ring along the line

When women think a man may marry them, they lose their common sense

As in there needs to be a lord of the rings PT 4 featuring Naija babes