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written by lacasera (Ekwe Obed )

plagiarists keep off

Cc Class captain, Biafrabushboy, skarlett, larrysun, Obinnau, mattkent.

This is a very short story based on fiction. Enjoy















Two years ago before I lost my job due to redundancy, I was financially stable at least I could afford whatever I wanted then without much hassles. I had a high school bossom friend called kunle as my neighbour. Kunle offered to help me look for accommodation close to my work place so as to reduce cost on my transport fares, he was also living close to my work place. Eventually a neighbor of his moved out so he promptly notified me of the vacant self-contain which I paid for almost immediately and that’s how we got to be neighbors .


6 months later kunle lost his job and became a parasite to me. I became his interim mum, feeding him almost every day and catering for some of his basic needs and as such he voluntarily offered to do the dishes for me and other house chores, I told him on several occasions not bother doing them but he kept on insisting so I left him to it, a relieve to me actually.


One Saturday morning I was at home when kunle knocked on my door and as usual without approval he bounced in smiling

“why you dey smile, you don get work?” I quizzed

“mtcheeew, which Job, you know that compound wey dey beside our own, that compound wey face me I face you dey inside? Kunle asked still smiling

“yes I know” I supplied

“ehen I been go see one of my nigga there as I de come back na im I notice sey there bathroom get one small opening for the wall na im I sey make I just peep small, omo come see one fine girl de bath oboy that thing sweet to watch o something wey people de pay to see this one na free of charge no worry eh we go de go together as I de watch you go just de check weda person de come na turn by turn e go be” kunle said with a big smug on his face

“you de craze? You and who? Better stop that rubbish now oh cos if dem catch you na prison straight”.

As much as I tried to dissuade kunle from that act he was still hell bent on lustfully feasting his eyes on unclad women bathing since he was jobless at the time, that became his new job “kunle the peeping tom”.



While returning from work one day I noticed a small crowd closed to my house, my curiosity got the better of me, I went close only to discover kunle on the floor weeping, from the look of things he was severly battered by the little mob, his head was bowed in shame and all sorts of insults where been hurled at him I just stood transfixed and mortified, just to be sure my thoughts were right I asked one of the onlookers what happened

“hmmm that boy? Na ashawo, e go peep person wife for bathroom na im dem catch am e get luck sey no be me na hot beans I for pour am” the woman replied,

on hearing that I quickly left the scene to avoid been recognized by kunle, while sneaking out the police came and took him away.
2 days later I went to perform the only duty I owed him in prison which was to give him food as I far as I was concerned he should enjoy the prison life a little to teach him some lessons. On seeing me kunle resumed crying duty, pleading for me to get him out of there, promising to turn a new a leaf.



I gave him the “but I told you” look and he said the famous” it was the devil” excuse. Out of pity and my church mind I struggled to bail him out and spent a total of 20k which he promised to pay back.



Few months after that incident was when I lost my job and I couldn’t pay my rents anymore, kunle offered I moved in with him but I declined, he was jobless, his rent will soon expire too so it was needless. Luckily for me I found Andrew an old friend, he offered to squat me in his one room apartment, so I moved him in with him at least he had something doing he was a vulcanizer (one when mends punctures tyres). I was later to discover that Andrew was a broke ass nigga even broke guys call him broker, I felt pity for myself but I had no choice anyway so I continued cohabiting with this brokes ass of a friend.

We were barely subsisting, feeding from hand to mouth. I went on several job hunts with a stomach filled with soaked garri, I also kept reminding kunle of my 20k bailout fee, who was now gainfully employed and each time I remind him I get the “month end pls” phrase which irked out my entire being until one day I got fed up and determined to get my money hook or crook so that morning I tapped broke ass roommate

“guy wake up jor, this na 7am you still de crash” I said while dressing up

“ohhhhh wetin happen na, person no fit crash in peace again” he spoke yawining

“e get money wey we wan go demand now and na by fire and force” I said, on hearing the the words “money” and “by fire and force” andrew’s face brightened up

“oya na make we de go sharply no time” he said, fighting was on andrew’s DNA, he loved fighting like a hobby, he rarely argues with people it only needs a yes from him and a no from you then you guys are in for a fight, how I was able to live with this kind of guy is a story for another day.


So we launched out to kunle’s place, the plan was for him to either give us the money or we seize some of his properties and sell. I told Andrew to place his hands on his chest and swear by his balls not to engage kunle in a fight which he reluctantly did.
On getting there, kunle was shocked to see us, we went very early so we won't miss him

“oga Titus how far na shey I tell you month end which one wey u come bracket me this morning with bouncer” kunle said on seeing us

“guy, me no dey for that month end shit you dey hear me you must give me my money this morning else I go carry your properties” I fumed in anger

“guy calm down na you be my padi you suppose……..”

he had barely completed his statement when I and Andrew quickly bounced into his room and went straight for his electronics, his electronics were very close to his kitchen door which was widely opened, on getting there I and Andrew came to an abrupt halt, we glanced at the kitchen for some seconds Andrew spoke first

“guy u dey reason wetin ah I dey reason “ he said while moving into the kitchen

“the beans?” I asked

“not just the beans, this kitchen is loaded and we need food badly” Andrew said

“so what are we waiting for?” I asked almost shouting,
with that, I and Andrew pounced on the kitchen, I helped Andrew lift up a bag of beans to his head, he had this build of a bouncer so it was less a big deal for him while i packed 2 crates of eggs emptied them in a sack and took 2 cartons of milk. Why the kitchen was stuffed with proteinous food items was what I never understood but cared less anyway, meanwhile all through this drama kunle was busy pleading, singing his “month end” anthem, all his pleas fell on deaf ears as far I was concerned kunle’s months has no end, and that’s how we came back with proteins promising to return for more kitchen raids because what we took didn’t amount to the 20k he owed, I was later going to regret this raid.

I and brokes ass Andrew had an LLB(Hons) degree from university of beansing, LLB is an acronym for Live Life on Beans. Literally we were living our life’s on beans , after using all the eggs to prepare egg soup, we ate our beans morning, afternoon and night, occasionally late in the wee hours of the day you’ll still hear Andrew the glutton with an abyss for a stomach munching his share of beans with unhurried calm, we had to share the bag of beans to avoid cheating.

While living our LLB life luck smiled on me, I wrote a job aptitude test and passed subsequently I was invited for an interview. The night before the interview Andrew decided we diversify a little in our LLB so he prepared moi-moi with some of the beans and cooked the rest while I spent most of the night preparing for the interview, since it was useless using Andrew as a HR manager for a mock interview cos of his 256mb brain I had to prepare on my own.

In the morning Andrew ate his share wished me goodluck and left for his business, I enjoyed my share of the assorted beans and moi-moi, wore my only suit or would I say a flying coat cos I was lost in it looking like I was going to fly, wished that was possible so as to save TP, I emptied Andrew’s perfume on my outfit , we could buy 10 cartons of it if I got the job so Andrew is going to understand, I said a little prayer and took off.

On getting there I was the No.5th person and in less than no time the interview began, from the 1st to the 4th person, I noticed none of them came out smiling, I shrugged my shoulders and reassured myself that we all have different destinies, it eventually got to my turn, I planted a cute smile on my face and walked in gently.


The HR manager was a pretty young lady in her late twenties “God punish poverty” my mind said. The interview started and so far I was doing great which was visibly evident on the HR”s smiles until disaster struck.
I wasn’t expecting it, didn’t plan for this kind of scenario I was as shocked as my HR manager when it happened. A fouled proteinous odour filled the entire room and it came from no one else but me “chei I don die, Tunda fire beans and moi-moi” I sobbed and cursed inwardly by then the odour has saturated the entire room, filled up the split unit AC and was suffocating HR manager

“Jesus!!!” she screamed

“what kind of rubbish is this?” she said while using her handkerchief to cover her nostrils

”am mmm sorry ma it’s the devil” I stammered while blaming the devil like kunle my friend

“oh, the devil asked you to come and fart for me? My friend get your stinking self out of my office “ she said, standing up

“gosh!! I can hardly even breath, you should be ashamed of yourself” she yelled

who would be proud of that anyway, I stood up with shame and moved slowly towards the door, all this while more farts where moulding up inside me but I tried hard to suppress them not to compound issues, when it dawned on me that I had already lost “the situation couldn’t get any worse than it has already, why not release everything you have in stock for her at once” I thought, so while moving out I quickly let open the remaining flood gates of fart Bra!! Bra!! Bra!!! It sounded “security!!!” I heard her scream while walking down the hallway to the reception.

On my way home I thought about how Andrew my broke ass bouncer friend was going to kill me for wasting his cologne, I also made a mental note to kill kunle when I get home and that’s how I and beans became sworn enemies.

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it's my first story, your criticisms are highly welcomed.

86 views no comment

Yippee,i am the first to conment on this wonderful funny nd educating story.Mr titus shouldn't have tried dat,well you've gat to eat what u av.I love d LLB degree,really funny can't stop laughing.Congrats on ur first story on NL.

nice nd funny story, too much of everything is bad...

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Opeoluwa99:
Yippee,i am the first to conment on this wonderful funny nd educating story.Mr titus shouldn't have tried dat,well you've gat to eat what u av.I love d LLB degree,really funny can't stop laughing.Congrats on ur first story on NL.

Tanx alot dear

It's difficult to read.

Incorporate some spacing and paragraphing to make it easier on the eye, otherwise you'll get many more views and no comments.

EfemenaXY:
It's difficult to read.

Incorporate some spacing and paragraphing to make it easier on the eye, otherwise you'll get many more views and no comments.

Okay I'll do just that tank u

LWKMD. NICE ONE KEEP IT UP

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