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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / .. (1470 Views)
About Whitey's Flash Fiction Challenge *comment Thread* / The White Mosquito Flash Fiction Challenge / Untitled Fiction (2) (3) (4)
.. by llaykorn: 4:09pm On Sep 22, 2015 |
.. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: .. by llaykorn: 7:55pm On Sep 22, 2015 |
Larrysun texanomaly timpaker Divepen1 firestar Ishilove Royver D9ty7 What do I need to improve on, abeg? ![]() |
Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 10:42pm On Sep 22, 2015 |
A brilliantly-written flash fiction. Well done, sir. |
Re: .. by llaykorn: 10:45pm On Sep 22, 2015 |
LarrySun: Wow! I'm so glad you did this. Thank you so much, sir! ![]() |
Re: .. by texanomaly(f): 2:02am On Sep 24, 2015 |
LarrySun: Larry: "Gotten" is not the best word to use, but it works. Your alternatives would be better. I disagree with you on "made" though. The tense change at the end does need fixing. @ lay Nice job. You continually surprise me with your literary talents. ![]() |
Re: .. by UjSizzle(f): 10:11am On Sep 24, 2015 |
Larrysun, I think the "flaming head" is supposed to indicate a fever. 1 Like |
Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 12:33pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
UjSizzle:Yes, to indicate high temperature. I still think a better metaphor should have been adopted. |
Re: .. by slap1(m): 6:49pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Nice 'Made' should be 'makes' to follow the proper sequence of tenses in the sentence. How about 'scalding head'? 'Flaming' is ambiguous. |
Re: .. by llaykorn: 5:02am On Sep 29, 2015 |
LarrySun: Larrysun, could you please to a dot modify that your quote of the piece? |
Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 7:25am On Sep 29, 2015 |
llaykorn:Modify? Why? |
Re: .. by llaykorn: 7:27am On Sep 29, 2015 |
LarrySun: I don't want the story on NL; for some reasons, sir. |
Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 1:42pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
llaykorn:Okay. Done. |
Re: .. by slap1(m): 7:46am On Oct 01, 2015 |
llaykorn: Hmm. I think I could hazard a guess as to why... Goodluck. |
Re: .. by llaykorn: 7:53am On Oct 01, 2015 |
slap1:I think your guess is right. Thanks, bro. Are you in too? |
Re: .. by slap1(m): 9:50am On Oct 01, 2015 |
llaykorn: Yes, I'm in. |
Re: .. by stuff46(m): 9:15am On Oct 02, 2015 |
why did you modify? |
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