“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou
I remember first hearing these words in my early twenties. I heard them. I just didn’t follow them. Hence, I brought myself a whole lot of painful lessons and needless suffering because I always wanted to give people a second chance, and a third, and a fourth … You get the picture.
I was the girl who always saw the “potential” in people. The person they “could” be, with a little love and nurturing from yours truly. I considered myself to be one of the most loving, loyal, and big-hearted people out there. And besides, there were very few things I truly wanted that I went after and didn’t get.
I suffered many disappointments and even more heartbreaks because of this, both in friendships and romantic relationships.
I expected people to change just because I thought they should be or feel a certain way. But at that point in my spiritual journey, I hadn’t yet learned that everyone is on their own path, and sometimes their soul just isn’t in alignment with yours.
When I fell for some guy and had it made up in my mind that he was “it,” I made a lot of excuses for his behavior, which was never in alignment with what I was looking for. Well-meaning friends would warn me in the beginning : “He doesn’t sound like a good match for you. His behavior seems a little sketchy.” Did I listen?
No. My ego was way too big. Sure, I saw the behavior. I even saw the red flags. But I thought I was “different.” I was so special that I felt I could change that person… just by being wonderful, amazing me.
NOTE TO SELF: When people show you who they are, believe them the first time!
I married someone after seeing all the red flags in the very beginning. Behavior that didn’t add up to what I was being told, behavior in past relationships that was not filled with integrity. But there was so much about him that was good and pure, and the love and passion we had for each other was real and intense.
I truly believed that people could change . And they can. But more importantly I believed I was different, and that behavior would never exist again now that he was with me.
It should be no surprise that the marriage ended and was the most devastating and painful loss of my life. But that was the moment I started to live by Maya Angelou’s mantra.
The dating world after divorce is a lot of things—exciting, fun, scary, sometimes horrible, but most of all, a test. How much have you learned from your previous relationships? And what are you going to do differently this time around?
For me, I learned a lot, but I have blind spots. And comfort zones I fall into. I keep gravitating toward men that feel “like home,” except that home never made me feel good or secure in it and it was definitely a place I shouldn’t consider settling in long term.
Some warning signs I’ve finally learned to look for and walk away from :
Lack of commitment to anything especially in relationships
Not a great communicator
Not being emotive with feelings
History of cheating in past relationships
Always looking for the “next best thing”
These are my red flags. Someone else’s may be completely different. But they are things I know just won’t work for me and will eventually lead to heartbreak.
What I tell friends when I see them falling into the same trap I often do is to ask themselves some key questions and to be rigorously honest:
Is this person someone who embodies all the things that are important to you, or are you convincing yourself that you can change them? You can never change someone. Walk away.
Are you attracting the same type of person you always do (the one who never works out for you and always leads to heartbreak)? If so, walk away.
Does this person have all of the things that are on your “Essentials” List? Those are the things that are your “must haves” and are non-negotiable. For me, those are trustworthy, spiritual, a great communicator, and someone who is affectionate, loving, and expressive with their emotions. If this person doesn’t have your essentials, walk away.
The best advice I got just this week was from a friend who knows my journey well. He said , “You know what. Just recognize that you are finally learning what your heart truly wants and moving closer to that every day. You’re walking away from people who aren’t in alignment with your core values anymore.”
So yes, I’m learning. And I still have a ways to go. But I trust that the right one, the one who steals my heart for good, will show me how amazing he is for me…. the first time.http://tinybuddha.com/blog/when-someone-shows-you-who-they-are-believe-them/

I am currently faceing one now because I was too blind to read d handwriting on d wall.

D best advice u can ever get in this world is the one you give to yourself. I really leant my lesson in a hard way and I don't think I can ever trust again in this life.

#commonsense not applied from the beginning!

One of my uncle once said, and I quote...
''people around you will be good to you so far there is benefit coming from it''

I thought about this and it was true. The first decision in any relationship is to be true to ones self!

That's why av always made the decision to be just me, anywhere I find my self!

donTbone:
#commonsense not applied from the beginning!

One of my uncle once said, and I quote...
''people around you will be good to you so far there is benefit coming from it''

I thought about this and it was true. The first decision in any relationship is to be true to ones self!

That's why av always made the decision to be just me, anywhere I find my self!

the worst mistake you as a man will commit in life is marrying the wrong partner....

man dont pray for that!!

stardragon:

the worst mistake you as a man

the worst mistake you will commit as a man in life is marrying the wrong partner....

man dont pray for that!!

Worst is an understatement... There is more to worse if such happens

Snowangel4:
I am currently faceing one now because I was too blind to read d handwriting on d wall.

Do you mean currently or previously ?

ayokellany:


Do you mean currently or previously ?

Currently

Snowangel4:


Currently

How sad, am so sorry to hear that.

Snowangel4:
I am currently faceing one now because I was too blind to read d handwriting on d wall.

D best advice u can ever get in this world is the one you give to yourself. I really leant my lesson in a hard way and I don't think I can ever trust again in this life.

Hi

ayokellany:


How sad, am so sorry to hear that.

It's ok....

lampardizik:




Hi

Watsup

Nice one here
I guess am also in d learning process

Snowangel4:

Watsup

what you said earlier was harsh and not true

soon you'd see someone screaming, your post is too long , can't finish it !.... . .

lampardizik:




what you said earlier was harsh and not true

Wat was dat

Snowangel4:

Wat was dat

About not trusting and all

lampardizik:




About not trusting and all

Y do u say so

Snowangel4:

Y do u say so

No matter what your story is...there's always a second chance for everything

lampardizik:





No matter what your story is...there's always a second chance for everything

It's very hard...u won't understand sha

Snowangel4:


It's very hard...u won't understand sha

You told me nothing and just concluded that I won't understand,I just might shock you

lampardizik:




You told me nothing and just concluded that I won't understand,I just might shock you

K