I would cut the story short. Been married for 3 years and dated for 5. I caught my husband cheating twice in the marriage and forgave him. However i just realised today that he has been cheating on me since we got married, and says he has slept with over 60 people that he can count in 4 years, some of them repeatedly. Please don't ask me how i didn't know..... a lot of them was either in the evenings or he would leave the office from work and go to a hotel room. he says sometimes he sleeps with 6 in a week. he has fake Facebook, fake instagram, fake twitter, and 2 extra phones that i never knew about. the phones were kept in his office. He even confessed to lying to me that he had an official meeting in nigeria, but when to have orgy. there was no meeting. From what he said its like it was the moment he changed jobs and started making money that he started the cheating spree. which was shortly after our wedding. We have just 1 son together. In the light of this news, i have decided i want a divorce. I would say i am lucky to go this far without being hiv positive. This is a man that would be leading devotion every night lol. and be harassing me for wearing sleeveless to church. I thought he was a saint.
He has said he wants to change and work things out lol, however i have to think straight, as i know there is no change for this kind of problem. I have informed my parents and his, and to my surprise, they are telling me to stay...and ENDURE. I do not understand what kind of endurance. My parents have advised i sit down and start praying and fasting for him,, so God will turn him round. Also that for the sake of my sonI don't think devil has anything to do with this, just a selfish cheating man.

So please has any of you dealt with something like this before? I don't believe he will change. Has anyone stayed and it was bearable? do you think you made a mistake by staying? Has anyone left and regretted it for the sake of their children?


Thank you.

Since u didn't heed the advise of both ur inlaws and ur parents to work things out in ur marriage; is it now the advise given to u by nairaland that u will heed to

When u both marched to the altar; it was for better for worse till death do u part
Whatever happened to those lines

McCarlito:
Since u didn't heed the advise of both ur inlaws and ur parents to work things out in ur marriage; is it now the advise given to u by nairaland that u will heed to
When u both marched to the altar; it was for better for worse till death do u part
Whatever happened to those lines

Thank you Carlito, i am asking for those who have been in the situation so they can give their experience and i weigh pros and cons. thanks

The reality is 50/50 chance cos sometimes they do change and other times they don't the question is are you ready to take that chance.

heartbrokenwife:


Thank you Carlito, i am asking for those who have been in the situation so they can give their experience and i weigh pros and cons. thanks

Alright then; before mariage; we go to marriage courses (personels) or marriage class (church)....
He/She who joined u both together can be of help

OR

Ur marriage "sponsor" is likely to to play a part too

.

If you love your life let him go for std tests! Place him on probation of 1 full month without kpekus, when he feels like it he should pray the urge away and specially embark on praying and fasting. He is the only one that can deliver himself. I personally cannot stay in this type of union for my personal well-being and cannot advise on whether or not you should quit, pray and get divine direction!

Marriage is for better or worse.Since is not a case of domestic violence,I suggest dt u take d advice of ur parents.He confessed to U,that means there is possibility that he has changed.Why not watch him. D truth is that majority has passed through worst cases in marriage.And u need to go for STD test with your Husband.Be wise in ur decisions.

McCarlito:
Since u didn't heed the advise of both ur inlaws and ur parents to work things out in ur marriage; is it now the advise given to u by nairaland that u will heed to

When u both marched to the altar; it was for better for worse till death do u part
Whatever happened to those lines

There was also a place they both said "forsaking all others" abi did you and him forget that part?

Cece23:
Marriage is for better or worse.Since is not a case of domestic violence,I suggest dt u take d advice of ur parents.He confessed to U,that means there is possibility that he has changed.Why not watch him. D truth is that majority has passed through worst cases in marriage.And u need to go for STD test with your Husband.Be wise in ur decisions.

Watch him do what? She caught him twice and he didn't change. There is no need to watch anything.

You didn't force him to confess all he did so there might just be a fighting chance he's sorry for all he's done. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt especially as you didn't mention that he's violent. Being non violent is a plus for him.

Nobody's a saint not even you. Cut the sarcasm and cynicism it won't help

heartbrokenwife:
I would cut the story short. Been married for 3 years and dated for 5. I caught my husband cheating twice in the marriage and forgave him. However i just realised today that he has been cheating on me since we got married, and says he has slept with over 60 people that he can count in 4 years, some of them repeatedly. Please don't ask me how i didn't know..... a lot of them was either in the evenings or he would leave the office from work and go to a hotel room. he says sometimes he sleeps with 6 in a week. he has fake Facebook, fake instagram, fake twitter, and 2 extra phones that i never knew about. the phones were kept in his office. He even confessed to lying to me that he had an official meeting in nigeria, but when to have orgy. there was no meeting. From what he said its like it was the moment he changed jobs and started making money that he started the cheating spree. which was shortly after our wedding. We have just 1 son together. In the light of this news, i have decided i want a divorce. I would say i am lucky to go this far without being hiv positive. This is a man that would be leading devotion every night lol. and be harassing me for wearing sleeveless to church. I thought he was a saint.
He has said he wants to change and work things out lol, however i have to think straight, as i know there is no change for this kind of problem. I have informed my parents and his, and to my surprise, they are telling me to stay...and ENDURE. I do not understand what kind of endurance. My parents have advised i sit down and start praying and fasting for him,, so God will turn him round. Also that for the sake of my sonI don't think devil has anything to do with this, just a selfish cheating man.

So please has any of you dealt with something like this before? I don't believe he will change. Has anyone stayed and it was bearable? do you think you made a mistake by staying? Has anyone left and regretted it for the sake of their children?


Thank you.

I am not divorced neither do I plan ever to but an unrepentant cheat is not someone I will stay with. I am all in favour of you making the plunge but I think you need to do a separation first, maybe it could dawn on him that he is about to loose you and give the needed impetus for him to look at himself. Then again he just might not care and carry on with his life but in either case you are prepared to transition. Being a divorcee may be a tough call but I am of the opinion that it is better than being with a person who has no regard for you. If you do take the plunge then please be strong for your son's sake, life does not stop because you divorce and you can still make something of yourself and raise your son to become a real man.

It is easy to judge and condemn people when we actually have no idea what they are going through.

My dear your husband case is nothing but sex addiction.A sex addict doesn't have to look sick or abnormal;They are just like you and me,successful,educated,church goers and all.

Sex addiction is described by the relationship counselling service Relate as any sexual activity that feels out of control.
It could involve sex with a partner, but it may also mean activities such as viewing pornography, masturbation, visiting prostitutes, or using sex chat lines.
For many people, these habits don't cause them a problem. But sex addicts are unable to control these urges and actions, despite the problems they may cause in their relationships, finances and professional lives.
This addiction is similar to substance abuse because it is caused by the powerful chemical substances released during sex.

It's up to you if you want to help him or leave him,he confessed and for me it's a cry for help.

You can google for more information.If you decide to help him,abstain from sex for now and help him through it.

Many people have this sickness but because we are African and like the word "cheat" we miss out on how bad it truly is.Even the say people don't even know that they are sick,they just think they womanise but in reality they need help.

LordReed:


I am not divorced neither do I plan ever to but an unrepentant cheat is not someone I will stay with. I am all in favour of you making the plunge but I think you need to do a separation first, maybe it could dawn on him that he is about to loose you and give the needed impetus for him to look at himself. Then again he just might not care and carry on with his life but in either case you are prepared to transition. Being a divorcee may be a tough call but I am of the opinion that it is better than being with a person who has no regard for you. If you do take the plunge then please be strong for your son's sake, life does not stop because you divorce and you can still make something of yourself and raise your son to become a real man.

please do not take this advice. If you divorce him, what makes you think the next man will be a better person? I nearly left my marriage early last month and God saw me through. Be patient, don't be in a hurry to act. Keep cool and watch him. Your marriage is not the worst. There are millions of others yours is better than.

heartbrokenwife:
I would cut the story short. Been married for 3 years and dated for 5. I caught my husband cheating twice in the marriage and forgave him. However i just realised today that he has been cheating on me since we got married, and says he has slept with over 60 people that he can count in 4 years, some of them repeatedly. Please don't ask me how i didn't know..... a lot of them was either in the evenings or he would leave the office from work and go to a hotel room. he says sometimes he sleeps with 6 in a week. he has fake Facebook, fake instagram, fake twitter, and 2 extra phones that i never knew about. the phones were kept in his office. He even confessed to lying to me that he had an official meeting in nigeria, but when to have orgy. there was no meeting. From what he said its like it was the moment he changed jobs and started making money that he started the cheating spree. which was shortly after our wedding. We have just 1 son together. In the light of this news, i have decided i want a divorce. I would say i am lucky to go this far without being hiv positive. This is a man that would be leading devotion every night lol. and be harassing me for wearing sleeveless to church. I thought he was a saint.
He has said he wants to change and work things out lol, however i have to think straight, as i know there is no change for this kind of problem. I have informed my parents and his, and to my surprise, they are telling me to stay...and ENDURE. I do not understand what kind of endurance. My parents have advised i sit down and start praying and fasting for him,, so God will turn him round. Also that for the sake of my sonI don't think devil has anything to do with this, just a selfish cheating man.

So please has any of you dealt with something like this before? I don't believe he will change. Has anyone stayed and it was bearable? do you think you made a mistake by staying? Has anyone left and regretted it for the sake of their children?


Thank you.

Op,don't tell me you didn't know he was a flirt while you were dating, I always say it that for anybody that lives contrary to the princple of marriage there are all ways a tell tale signs, for example a man who smokes before marriage will definitely smoke after marriage. I will advice you to stick to your parents advise to pray for him to have a change of heart, that is the bitter truth for now.

LordReed:


There was also a place they both said "forsaking all others" abi did you and him forget that part?

Babana no be me need the advise na
Na the OP u suppose quote na
Na she need the advice

ebyjoyken:
please do not take this advice. If you divorce him, what makes you think the next man will be a better person? I nearly left my marriage early last month and God saw me through. Be patient, don't be in a hurry to act. Keep cool and watch him. Your marriage is not the worst. There are millions of others yours is better than.

Good for you that you were able to overcome but did you not almost divorce? The God that helped you also says you are free to leave a cheating partner so please don't be a hypocrite.

McCarlito:

Babana no be me need the advise na
Na the OP u suppose quote na
Na she need the advice

I was only helping your selective memory.

LordReed:


Good for you that you were able to overcome but did you not almost divorce? The God that helped you also says you are free to leave a cheating partner so please don't be a hypocrite.

yes I almost divorced,Even paid a lawyer. Please don't contradict God's words. There is no marriage without problem. And if couples were to leave their partners because of cheating the population of married couples won't be up 1% in the world. She will bear it and with God she will conquer all. There is no marital problem God cannot fix.

ebyjoyken:
yes I almost divorced,Even paid a lawyer. Please don't contradict God's words. There is no marriage without problem. And if couples were to leave their partners because of cheating the population of married couples won't be up 1% in the world. She will bear it and with God she will conquer all. There is no marital problem God cannot fix.

And did you see where I wrote do a separation first? BTW how did I contradict God's Word?

60 people?

He's a sex addict jare.
That one pass cheating.

He needs psychiatric help (not just a counselor) and must go meet a psychiatrist if he wants the marriage to continue.
Give that to him as a condition.
They have all sorts of addiction therapy these days so he may be able to find help.

I don't believe he's a horrible person who wants to keep punishing you because he confessed by himself and promised to work on it.
That's the sign of a repentant person.

But staying married to him means living in fear of stds because for now he can't help himself.

So weigh your choices carefully.
If you want to stay and help him work it out, you have to protect yourself.

If you don't want to stay, no one can blame you.

An unrepentant womaniser.......

While i won't say you should give up on the marriage just yet,you should move out.Help him get therapy from a sex therapist.Give him time to see if there would be a change.

I doubt if he just started cheating after marriage,he has always been that way.Unfortunately,many young ladies don't know how to catch womanisers.

ebyjoyken:
yes I almost divorced,Even paid a lawyer. Please don't contradict God's words. There is no marriage without problem. And if couples were to leave their partners because of cheating the population of married couples won't be up 1% in the world. She will bear it and with God she will conquer all. There is no marital problem God cannot fix.

I wish posters like you can come speak up when some men want to divorce their cheating wives.

You're usually conveniently quiet in such cases.

Just saying.
Not that I'm against what you're saying here o.
Would just like to see the message spread around. Not one sided.

ebyjoyken:
yes I almost divorced,Even paid a lawyer. Please don't contradict God's words. There is no marriage without problem. And if couples were to leave their partners because of cheating the population of married couples won't be up 1% in the world. She will bear it and with God she will conquer all. There is no marital problem God cannot fix.

If you don't mind sharing,I'm actually interested in why you decided to stay.

DO whatever your heart says you should

cococandy:

I wish posters like you can come speak up when some men want to divorce their cheating wives.

You're usually conveniently quiet in such cases.

Just saying.
Not that I'm against what you're saying here o.
Would just like to see the message spread around. Not one sided.

I don't understand you. My story and hers are different. I am just giving her my own opinion. If you have any advice to give her please do.

ebyjoyken:
I don't understand you. My story and hers are different. I am just giving her my own opinion. If you have any advice to give her please do.

Never mind.

thorpido:
If you don't mind sharing,I'm actually interested in why you decided to stay.

1 because of my children 2 he is not completely bad. He has his good sides too. I was in hurry to act but I thank God for my parents. Now things has changed for good.

I think you should take a break. You might not be in the right state to make a balanced decision now. Good you mentioned this to your parents and you're talking about it here. Those should help a little. Just take a break from your environment. Must not be necessarily posh or expensive. Just go find a place you can rest, unwind and catch your breath. These events are enough to choke life outta anyone. You could keep your baby with your parents or take him along. Whichever. But the goal is to calm down, think/pray deeply over all that's happening and come out reborn. Remember it's an important decision you need to make. Always best to make such decisions with a clear head. God will take care of you.

ebyjoyken:
1 because of my children 2 he is not completely bad. He has his good sides too. I was in hurry to act but I thank God for my parents. Now things has changed for good.

Okay good.The most important thing for me is that he is willing and actually changes.
I know some women just stay because of the children.

ebyjoyken:
1 because of my children 2 he is not completely bad. He has his good sides too. I was in hurry to act but I thank God for my parents. Now things has changed for good.

Madam I am still waiting for you to show me how I contradicted God's Word.

cococandy:
60 people?
He's a sex addict jare.
That one pass cheating.
He needs psychiatric help (not just a counselor) and must go meet a psychiatrist if he wants the marriage to continue.
Give that to him as a condition.
They have all sorts of addiction therapy these days so he may be able to find help.
I don't believe he's a horrible person who wants to keep punishing you because he confessed by himself and promised to work on it.
That's the sign of a repentant person.
But staying married to him means living in fear of stds because for now he can't help himself.
So weigh your choices carefully.
If you want to stay and help him work it out, you have to protect yourself.
If you don't want to stay, no one can blame you.

Make una stop dis sex addiction thing before e start, no be only una watch film. So the more the partner the surer its addiction.

A nympho is one who want it everyday, even a nympho can have self control by wanting it always but with one woman. Not when a man has has allowed his lack of self control to grow bigger, he is passed as an addict. There's a clear difference between habit and addiction.

The man may/may not be an addict. The details provided here is not sufficient to conclude.