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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Please Advice A Brother. (4944 Views)
My Marriage; A Blessing Or A Curse. Please Advice / My Neighbour Is About To Kill His Wife!! Please Advice. (urgent) / Dear Family Please Advice A Wife To Be!!! (2) (3) (4)
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by MizMyColi(f): 12:20pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
MarvellousGod: The emboldened above are my thoughts exactly. Of course it is normal to fine tune your story in a way that would cause folks to sympathize with you. Since he is the one complaining, I have to state again that the root cause of his problem is EGO. It is more prevalent among the male folk. Look Sis, we can stay here and blame the wife all day, but what would it change? What would it solve? I purposely left out the wife's faults because it would give him more bullet points to attack her with. I decided to focus on the solution....what he on his part can do. I read the post and what made me click the reply button was when he made this statement... I lost my job but I also deserve to find happiness in the woman I call my wife. This is true and very understandable...but I have observed through experience that statements like this come from a place if insecurity. I am not saying that insecurity is such a baaad thing, I think it's normal, but we cannot continue to let it rule us. The people we make it obvious to that we are depending on them for happiness also have their baggage. If he can work on finding him self and knowing that his worth as a person isn't tied to what he owns or doesn't...he will be amazed at how things will start falling in place...even the wife who is feeling bragadocious at the mo because Pups is there to cater will start looking for him. Love heals, Love rejuvenates, Love is the answer. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by ronald4lif(m): 12:25pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
hanubarbie: Okay so he's got right and freedom to get her back to his house without her consent coz he paid some dowry? 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by hanubarbie(f): 12:52pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
ronald4lif:yes! He has the right to get his wife back after all they are married,if she wants her freedom let her seek for divorce. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by ronald4lif(m): 1:12pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
hanubarbie: You've got it wrong. He's got no right impelling her to move over to his place if she doesn't want to. She's no property or possession that he can subject force to take ownership of. She's made a decision she doesn't want to move in with him and it's either he respect it, courteously convince her or initiate divorce proceedings. No one would institute divorce for him but himself. That someone is a wife or one performed some hoary dowry practice doesn't mean they have the right of dominion over them. Sorry to say but your logical process is antiquated and archaic. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by SAMBARRY: 1:22pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Op you married omo daddy secondly you're living in one of her daddy's houses and you want them to stay out of your business ![]() do you think marrying another woman will solve your problem or finish you financially. My dear you better respect yourself |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by hanubarbie(f): 1:25pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
ronald4lif:whatever rocks ur boat bro... |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 1:49pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Eeehn? I don't even know where to start from. If he can, he should forget about the lady and learn to be happy with or without some care from some uncultured girl that's supposed to be a wife. Ahn Ahn? Something tells me another guy is already is already in her life (i might be wrong sha). Kachisbarbie come see o. Choi! ![]() |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by teddybear007(f): 1:53pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
In as much as I hate one sided story cos it paints d other as d villain but if I must say something, I wouldn't be so fast in judging ur wife cos u might actually be d cause of the problem. women are d most rational being on earth, I want u to think bck if u ve ever wronged her while u had ur job. How were u treating her to made her harden her heart against u. Sometimes our partner's behaviour make or mar us either to be a good person or to be bad person. Gracias. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 2:07pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
iAmCharis: I hate to judge from one part of the story BUT I have to ask some questions :- Why should a married woman leave her husband when things go bad? How long will she continue going back to her parents? Shey it's because they are alive? I guess she is a daddy's girl. She ain't cut out for the worst_ only the best. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by An0nimus: 2:22pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
lol 80% of replies are telling the man to 'man up' in the face of emotional and financial crisis. The man should get his life together, get a job, start making some actual money, text his wife of his new status (as she's having problems with calls) then viola, wife strolls back home with baby and probably remains full time housewife with no other source of income. amazing... OP let the man try and talk to his wife or the FIL and iron things out. He needs emotional support too in these trying times. A simple 'honey how was your day?' can do miracles. But if they refuse to listen then he has to sever emotional ties with her and start thinking of his daughter and himself. No condition is permanent in this world. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by crackhaus: 2:43pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
chalantmike:- His wife's action is irrelevant but his kid should occupy his mind huh?So how do you separate the two? Isn't it the wife's action that led him to the issue of the kid? - The father is helping him out of course... but doesn't one have to ask for help first before being offered it? So why does his wife not take his calls anymore or want him around if her father truly rendered this so-called help out of the abundance of his heart? - He should buy kolanut and apologize to his FIL huh? For what wrong exactly? Conclusion: You obviously don't know what you're talking about. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 2:44pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie:Exactly. The worst part is the attitude she gives her husband + not picking his calls. Meehn I pity the man. Times like this, emotional support from a loved one can go a long way. Would you say the man wasn't patient enough if things fall back in place and he doesn't allow the woman in? |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 2:59pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
teddybear007:Ok, let's assume he was treating her badly when he had money and she stayed without complaining, but she disappeared once the money stopped coming. What does that make her ![]() |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 3:05pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
E done tey, no be today. Trust and believe women at your own peril. I am surprised the guy is surprised that his wife did this. You know when women say they stood by a man when he had nothing and he changed when he became rich, they forget "little" situations like this. This, right here, is those things men consider when they finally hammer and are fvcking around like a prize boar. He'll probably accept her back when his fortunes change, but I can bet she will come here with her story when he fvcks 60 women in one week. He will have come to the realisation that bitches are only loyal to money and comfort. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by SAMBARRY: 3:12pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Timbuktou: |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by alcatraz002: 3:32pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Timbuktou: God bless you my brother, the way the present generation of ladies behave makes me scared of that institution called Marriage. Are ladies only meant to enjoy money and not suffer? is it only guys that are meant to toil and toil till death? I am really sad and disappointed at the reasoning of our ladies nowadays. Maybe men should just consider having babies because this kind of situation in s very sad to say the least.See women on this thread justifying the non sense the wife did. 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by SAMBARRY: 3:49pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
As for the mr husband
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Re: Please Advice A Brother. by SAMBARRY: 3:52pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Moreover
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Re: Please Advice A Brother. by teddybear007(f): 4:14pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Tallesty1: In as much as I do not commend d wife's behaviour, she only stayed waiting patiently for her turn knowing fully well it will come, if not now then later. Dnt forget, u can neva strike a man wen he has everything. 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Raymie(m): 4:15pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Oga, focus yhur energies towards getting back on yhur feet, if not for anything, for the sake of yhur daughter. Concentrate on bouncing back and earn the respect of yhur wife and her family, not that what they did is right, but if I were yhu, in this present situation, I wouldnt bother about her attitude especially as she's not around. Or yhu think she'd be any different if yhu both stayed together? She might even turn out worse. So, use the break yhu have now to hustle hard, praying that God shall crown yhur efforts with success. Stay focused. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by raumdeuter: 4:34pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
This is my own advice Go to your inlaws house and tell your wife to report back to your house by weekend or forget about the marriage in the next 2-3 weeks. She can marry her dad If na garri remain for your house dey soak am together Secondly She also needs to find a job, This is one of the reason why its not advisable to marry a housewife If she refuses to come back. the marriage is over dont bother calling her. Change your house keys and you can even move out to find ajob out of state but just know you are on your own |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 4:41pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
iAmCharis:She will come online to post that she was with him when he had nothing but he abandoned her when money started coming. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 4:43pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
alcatraz002:Listen bro........ Things have changed. Relationships, friendships and marriages no longer hinge on love, rather they hinge on convenience. A little inconvenience and the lady will port. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 4:55pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Tallesty1:Sad reality! ![]() |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by luvablesam(m): 5:51pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
The Father-in-law is lucky the guy is cool...My advice is simple,give ur wife a window period to have a rethink (I.e) come home with our baby or stay with her dad. If she chooses to stay with her dad,please divorce her legally n ask for the custody of ur child. On no condition shld u accept her back after u might have settled ur job issues. Kindly think of a small business u can run before ur savings run out. Don't search for a job for too long |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 6:23pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
crackhaus:how do yhu seperate the two?, shud he be worried of the future of a grown woman, whose liable to her own actions, or the future of his kid, who in his present position he cant help. The issue he has with his wife is communication, but sorry to say this problem started long before he lost his job. Apologising to the father inlaw, is not because he commited any offence, atleast not by action, mayb intention. The point is to seek his attention and prays, as well as discuss, as well. As so his FL would see this from his own perspective |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 6:35pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
freecocoa: I went through the whole topic and saw some other post like that of the dude. Everyone seem to neglet the wife's attitude towards her husband. If he is considering divorce I really don't blame him in this case because, of what good is a woman when she can't be there for her man and vice versa. Ifhe talks to the parent and they don't give back their daughter. He should take his daughter and find and keep searching for a job, when he gets one he should not welcome her to his house anymore. I don't like cases of divorce or broken home but some times you cant help but think it. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Miami11: 6:50pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Tallesty1:People handle frustrations differently when we were facing a tough time in our lives, I was nagging hubby more talking to him anyhow, he had to talk to me, and this startled me, sometimes she don't even realize she is pulling an attitude talk to her. Most women handle stress with outburst. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Enoquin(f): 7:18pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
I don't like divorce cases and wouldn't want OP's friend to think of that first. In my opinion, they both have their faults. This is where the man erred: Allowing his wife to leave in the first place. Why he gave his consent to that idea is beyond me. Even if the wife left one day without his full consent, as long as he wasn't okay with the act, he should have taken a stand there and then. For those that will experience this, this is how I think the situation can be handled: Go to your father-in-law's place and after exchanging pleasantries, turn to your wife and tell her to get her things. Do that without batting an eyelid or asking the opinion of your FIL. Turn to your FIL and continue with light-hearted conversation. If your wife hesitates or looks to her father. Ignore her, turn and tell her again to go and get her things. The FIL might be forced to interfere by wanting to protect his daughter. Turn to him and politely tell him, it is a family affair. Then tell your wife, you won't ask her again. You would be surprised the FIL would be the one to tell his daughter to do as her husband has asked. Wife's fault: Left husband, not providing emotional support, not stepping up as the second in command should. The only reason, I do not want to attack the unemployed tag is: She might just have finished NYSC, got married and then got pregnant OR there was an agreement between the couple because I know no sane person in this harsh economy will deliberately sit at home or be allowed to sit at home. For husbands that cannot out rightly tell their wives they want them to start working, just drop hints, send them links to job vacancies. So, OP tell your friend; another marriage shouldn't be in the cards for now. Every marriage has issues some huge, some small and some irreparable. I don't believe this issue is irreparable even though it is huge. As for the calls, I am a treat you as you treat me person so please I would defer on giving advice on this call thingy. Whatever rocks your boat. PS: I am surrounded by families who are supportive of one another through tough and crazy circumstances...so, please posters shouldn't always be in a hurry to castigate women and/or men. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 8:02pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
tallest, that your friend is not a MAN. SO AFTER PAY ING UP FOR HER BRIDE PRICE, HE STILL HAD TO BEG FOR HIS WIFE TO COME HOME ![]() Except of course he may be maltreating her, I see no reason why he shouldn't go to his in laws house and drag the woman out!!! Or better still take his child! I suggest he go there and give his laws serious warning concerning his next action to take another wife! If his crime is the fact that he lost his job, this utter nonsense is not good enough! A drowning man finds solace in his family, a situation where they aren't there will definitely plunge him into more depression and hopelessness. As for the wife, she should be smart enough to understand that there are trying times in marriage in terms of finance. Those days of "managing" must definitely come.If you hand no reach to buy fresh tomatoes, go "awalawa" section. Mama put wey we dey chop, all na "awalawa" tomatoes, but e still sweet.If your hand to reach for meat,buy ice fish put, it's even more healthier! If you're living in two bedroom, make plans to rent one bedroom! If your friends laugh at you and your husband, invite them to your house, as soon as they knock, open the door with full bucket of water and splash it on them!!! "Bird wey fly throughout the day must surely come down" "No condition is permanent" "There is eternal joy when you live a simple life" "Tears does not mean one Is it pain alone, joy also brings tears" That niggar should go alone nd bring his wife home alone not all cost! |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 8:12pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Cutehector: These people you are calling, are they married? 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by jabojafa(m): 8:24pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
the true test of a woman in marriage comes when her husband is broke and cnt support his family financially. And its obvious she hs failed in her duties as a wife to be a helpmeet in times of financial scarcity. Its a pity dt d op married a fair weather wife and he jst hv to live with his choice for life. That is why we always adviced as singles to marry ur frnd. Again d op isnt man enough to handle his home. How can his FIL be dictating d affairs of his home? He shd give his wife an ultimatum to either come back to their home or forever remain and be married to her father. Also if d said FIL wantd d happiness of hs SIL home he cud have supported them even in deir home rather than him telling his daughter to come live with him. |
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