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Please Advice A Brother. - Family (3) - Nairaland

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My Marriage; A Blessing Or A Curse. Please Advice / My Neighbour Is About To Kill His Wife!! Please Advice. (urgent) / Dear Family Please Advice A Wife To Be!!! (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Cutehector(m): 8:27pm On Oct 01, 2015
Mrs0J:


These people you are calling, are they married?
I may nad knw.. R u married?
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 8:29pm On Oct 01, 2015
Cutehector:
I may nad knw.. R u married?

Ok! Yes I am married.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by LordReed(m): 8:32pm On Oct 01, 2015
Tallesty1:
His Story:



I lost my job (after putting in 7 years) about 11 months ago. The management decided to lay off some staff-with little compensation. Unfortunately, I was affected…the financial compensation is not much and one has been careful not to run out of cash before another job comes.

What is stressing me out is the attitude of my father in-law in all these. When things became challenging (economically) for us, my wife took our only baby (8 months old) to her parents’ house.

She’s been living there, the few times I made it clear that I want them back home with me, my father in-law said I should focus on finding my feet first and leave my wife and child where they are –for now.

I am very bitter about things right now. It’s not as if things are very bad for us, we still get by. Just that I made it clear to my woman that we have to cut down on all our expenses, so as to be able to manage the little money on me…as I intensify efforts to find my feet again.

My father in-law is making me run my home from his house. Right now, I really am considering going for another lady, so that he can marry his daughter. But I want to be advised first.

Imagine a wife that doesn’t call me on the phone and even when I call, she would refuse to pick the call.
When I go there to see my baby (a girl)…she gives me attitude.

It is even beyond her to ask how I am faring or even ask after my mother that has been battling ill health for months.

Should one’s partner not stand by him during trying times? I am not a lazy man and I have been making efforts to find my feet since I lost my job but I also deserve to find happiness in the woman I call my wife.

I am 36 years old, my wife (unemployed) is 28’’

Please what should I do?

In as much as I find the attitude of the wife and father-in-law irritating, I have to admit that it is also pragmatic. The man wants a way to cut down expenses, what better way than support from family? He really should let the bitterness of the situation go and focus on getting back on his feet again. This is a trying and painful time but it will pass and he and family would be together again.

I do have a question though, did the wife discuss with her husband before she moved back to her father's house?
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Cutehector(m): 8:34pm On Oct 01, 2015
Mrs0J:


Ok! Yes I am married.
alright. Happy married life
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 8:36pm On Oct 01, 2015
Cutehector:
alright. Happy married life

Thanks
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by soonest(f): 9:00pm On Oct 01, 2015
@Op, concentrate on getting your feet back. Then as for your wife, things aren't easy for her too but i think i can guess why she's giving you altitude. I think her parents have been bad mouthing you,subtly making her feel she married a lazy man and she's beginning to believe it . Words from parents have a way of getting to you without your knowing it. So pls count it as one of the challenges of marriage and try and get a job ASAP. Let your wife look for something doing as well. It's well
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by cococandy(f): 9:01pm On Oct 01, 2015
Marriage is for better for worse o.
This is a perfect example of for worse. Not cheating and abuse that we encourage people to endure.

If only the wife was here cos she needs to understand that now is the time to stick by her man.

All this typing is a waste if the actual person who needs to take correction is not here to learn.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by soonest(f): 9:15pm On Oct 01, 2015
Tallesty1:
Ok, let's assume he was treating her badly when he had money and she stayed without complaining, but she disappeared once the money stopped coming.



What does that make her
My dear women can be very vindictive. I know someone the husband treats like trash, she's says Shey the man will get old one day and depend on her, then he will pay for all the wrongs he ever meted on her.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by cococandy(f): 9:21pm On Oct 01, 2015
Did someone say he should go and apologize to his father in law?
For what? angry
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by raumdeuter: 9:29pm On Oct 01, 2015
soonest:

My dear women can be very vindictive. I know someone the husband treats like trash, she's says Shey the man will get old one day and depend on her, then he will pay for all the wrongs he ever meted on her.

Why she no simply divorce him now
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by ijedallar: 9:47pm On Oct 01, 2015
most times we dont see reasons why somethings happen to us,maybe you have been living in afluence and God want to use a little thing to show you the things you dont know about your marriage .my little advice to you is that you should make yourself happy first and be focus in your struggle to get a new job for yourself,since you know that she is in her father's house dont even bother calling her on phone again,anytime you have chance make sure you visit them just for the sake of your daughter and get the small girl anything that you can afford.I believe if you dont disturb her line again that will make you know more about what she has in mind for you and the game plan of her father will manifest soonest,thinking of getting another woman is not necessary for now the opportunity will present itself if need be.just be focus a new job is on the way for you,and lastly when you get your new job dont even let her know ,just pretend to play the fool so that you will live longer.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by soonest(f): 10:21pm On Oct 01, 2015
raumdeuter:


Why she no simply divorce him now
Finally divorce no easy o especially with kids. It takes will power. Secondly, some women have been raised to believe in 'give me marriage or i die'.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by bellong: 11:36pm On Oct 01, 2015
No need for long story.

Tell her to come back home or remain forever in her father's house.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Coefficient(m): 4:25am On Oct 02, 2015
teddybear007:


In as much as I do not commend d wife's behaviour, she only stayed waiting patiently for her turn knowing fully well it will come, if not now then later. Dnt forget, u can neva strike a man wen he has everything.

You sound like someone who can do such to her spouse.

Too many sickening comments here. It's really baffling to see people blame the guy. I don't think it's too much to ask for emotional support in trying times from a woman who claims to be your wife!
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Coefficient(m): 4:28am On Oct 02, 2015
cococandy:
Did someone say he should go and apologize to his father in law?
For what? angry

You dey mind that woman wrapper? He must have been starved of a woman's presence in his life!
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 5:39am On Oct 02, 2015
Let him send his wife a text message and tell her this:

I will get back on my feet but those who didn't stick around when times were tough, won't have a place around when times get better and they definitely will.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by gidjah(m): 6:47am On Oct 02, 2015
let her be for now,she definately come looking for you when d chips get up.all the same thank GOD FOR UR FIL
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by bukatyne(f): 8:05am On Oct 02, 2015
raumdeuter:


Why she no simply divorce him now

Well, we are against divorce and do not want our children to grow up in broken homes grin

Never mind a woman planning revenge that will span decades needs a lot of bitterness to fuel her plan undecided

@Soonest:

Let that woman decide to thrash the issue with him or go her own way.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by bukatyne(f): 8:06am On Oct 02, 2015
Mindfulness:
Let him send his wife a text message and tell her this:

I will get back on my feet but those who didn't stick around when times were tough, won't have a place around when times get better and they definitely will.

grin

1 Like

Re: Please Advice A Brother. by bukatyne(f): 8:08am On Oct 02, 2015
cococandy:
Marriage is for better for worse o.
This is a perfect example of for worse. Not cheating and abuse that we encourage people to endure.

If only the wife was here cos she needs to understand that now is the time to stick by her man.

1 Like

Re: Please Advice A Brother. by bukatyne(f): 8:16am On Oct 02, 2015
Tallesty1:
His Story:



I lost my job (after putting in 7 years) about 11 months ago. The management decided to lay off some staff-with little compensation. Unfortunately, I was affected…the financial compensation is not much and one has been careful not to run out of cash before another job comes.

What is stressing me out is the attitude of my father in-law in all these. When things became challenging (economically) for us, my wife took our only baby (8 months old) to her parents’ house.

She’s been living there, the few times I made it clear that I want them back home with me, my father in-law said I should focus on finding my feet first and leave my wife and child where they are –for now.

I am very bitter about things right now. It’s not as if things are very bad for us, we still get by. Just that I made it clear to my woman that we have to cut down on all our expenses, so as to be able to manage the little money on me…as I intensify efforts to find my feet again.

My father in-law is making me run my home from his house. Right now, I really am considering going for another lady, so that he can marry his daughter. But I want to be advised first.

Imagine a wife that doesn’t call me on the phone and even when I call, she would refuse to pick the call.
When I go there to see my baby (a girl)…she gives me attitude.

It is even beyond her to ask how I am faring or even ask after my mother that has been battling ill health for months.

Should one’s partner not stand by him during trying times? I am not a lazy man and I have been making efforts to find my feet since I lost my job but I also deserve to find happiness in the woman I call my wife.

I am 36 years old, my wife (unemployed) is 28’’

Please what should I do?

1. Why is the wife unemployed?

2. How was their home run before the sack?
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by soonest(f): 9:44am On Oct 02, 2015
bukatyne:



@Soonest:

Let that woman decide to thrash the issue with him or go her own way.
She's a marriage proponent and has children for him. She says bitter or sweet, marriage is marriage. She's been advised to thrash the issue with him but she says she's done that alot of time and no change so she's tired of talking and will wait for when the tables turn.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by bukatyne(f): 9:58am On Oct 02, 2015
soonest:

She's a marriage proponent and has children for him. She says bitter or sweet, marriage is marriage. She's been advised to thrash the issue with him but she says she's done that alot of time and no change so she's tired of talking and will wait for when the tables turn.

It is well
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by toksbisola: 10:16am On Oct 02, 2015
@OP; sorry for your predicament; but may I ask who decided that your wife and kid should move back to her father’s house? Did she forcefully tell you that she is going back to her father’s house?

Her father ain’t helping matters at all. If he really wanted to help; then I see no reason why he can’t support your wife financially from her marital home (with your agreement) rather than her moving back in with him. In my view, as long as you provide a home for her and the baby, you provide an allowance for her to take care of the home and other maintenance money for herself and the baby; then SHE HAS NO BUSINESS GOING BACK TO HER FATHER’S HOUSE.

All you said was for her to reduce her spending and she didn’t like that fact and runs down to daddy’s house (She’s a real daddy’s girl; then there was no need for her getting married as she might as well have married her father). If you ask me, she hasn’t demonstrated the skill of a good wife. When things are good with plenty money she's in; but when the stakes are down and less money she's out. TOTALLY WRONG.

It doesn’t appear as if she understood her marital vows in the form of sticking together in times of distress. She forgets that just by being by your side and encouraging you makes a lot of difference and can go a long way in reducing your fears of the un-known.

Does she now think that when you get back on your feet and she decides to then return home; she’ll still receive the same love you use to shower on her? I really pity her; as she has set herself up for a show-down with you in relation to the current attitude she’s displaying; even going as far as not picking your calls and ignoring you. LET YOUR WIFE KNOW HOW DISPLEASED YOU’RE WITH HER ATTITUDE.

Let me digress a bit; I really can’t understand why your wife isn’t working and don’t say she has a baby she’s looking after as she won’t be the first to have a baby and combine working alongside. It’s at times like this that having a wife that works is helpful as she’ll have been able to carry the financial burden until her husband gets back on his feet financial again.

I’ll have said give her an ultimatum to either return by a certain date or stay permanently in her father’s house or better still; when you find employment; you should tell her not to bother coming back home and continue to stay with her father; but I won’t say that as I want this to work out fine in the end.

When you’re back on your feet again, cut down on her allowance (That’s brutal right; but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures) simply tell her that you need to save more money so that if you ever find yourself in a situation without employment again you’ll have more than enough to keep her from moving back to her father’s house.

You mentioned looking for another woman; I'll say don’t go there; concentrate on getting yourself a job and back on your feet financially again. I really hope you find employment soon. All the best.

I rest my case

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Re: Please Advice A Brother. by teddybear007(f): 4:17pm On Oct 02, 2015
Coefficient:


You sound like someone who can do such to her spouse.

Too many sickening comments here. It's really baffling to see people blame the guy. I don't think it's too much to ask for emotional support in trying times from a woman who claims to be your wife!
Lols at ur first comment, if u read my comment so far u'll get to knw dat am nt in favour of d woman neither would I give d man a standing ovation jst becos he said he's own side of d story. Wait till u hear d woman's side den u can be d judge. Gracias.
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by 735i(m): 5:22pm On Oct 02, 2015
OP,
Do not let your wife or FIL take away your happiness...
No woman, and I repeat; No woman should have that power over you.

I still maintain that's this whole marriage thing is a scam!!! All these f*cking gold diggers who only want the good life but are not ready to make sacrifices...

Greedy, fortune hunting B*tches and their fathers!
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by ksbusari(m): 6:08pm On Oct 02, 2015
Ur wife unemployed!!! And yet ur father still dey form abi? Talk to ur wife and remember u r a Man. U own ur pikin. No one can claim it frm u. Go for ur pikin when its tym. Google search for another single lady
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by GHoJes: 11:30pm On Oct 02, 2015
I had to add this because you say the real owner will see it.

No doubt the wife is displaying some immaturity but i dont think the brother is all blameless. Here is it, some women can overlook the faults in their man as long as he can provide for them, talk about 'covering the shait with leaves and picking the udara beside it' but dont find it funny to put up with his excesses with no money or something to console or comfort themselves. The brother may not have to dish her his ego as before on half filled stomach, not forgetting his joblessness/insecurities may have magnified the ego as is usually the case.

Also, the girl may have never experienced such lack before, as such not know how to cope especially with her dad's refuge nearby. I can imagine brother remind if not order or shout at her to cut down everytime she uses stuff and she will be like the rats in my dad's gets better.

The solution is not in giving her outright ultimatum lest she goes back to same situation that made her leave initially or even refuse to go home, then they divorce and make their daughter pay for their immaturity.

He should talk with her first, make her realise she is hurting him, ask of his faults in the issue and be willing to amend, be patient with and assist her to learn to manage in lack because its not easy to cope when the person does no what it means to lack before, not especially when there's alternative. At the end of the talk, gently but firmly give her the ultimatum.

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