Hello house I need your views on this please.

There's a young man have been seeing, getting to 3months now. Recently we got talking deep and I realise he wants something serious, along the line I discover we have different views about certain issues, he tends to be the typical traditional man that just follow the norms of life without having a cogent reason for doing so, I mean all those click that follow the trend.

For instance we got talking about the kind of marriage ceremony to be considered, he told me he wants an elaborate wedding the kind the guests will go back and reminisce, that even if it means him borrowing to achieve that he doesn't mind.

This is someone working as a credit officer in a micro finance bank oh with slightly above 50k pay.
Me on the other hand would prefer a quiet wedding something like an indoor tm and a court/church wedding, he was like then I'm not his kinda woman.

I went ahead to explain to him the risk of having a marriage above your means but he wasn't ready to buy into such.
I personally want don't want an elaborate wedding cos through out my hard times have discovered that no one in this life cares for real, they only care when they have one thing or the order to gain from you even the immediate family isn't exempted.

When I was working friends and family flocked around and I was fooled to be believe they care not knowing it was cos I had what they wanted and I'm this type that I can't harden my heart towards people suffering, I can even sacrifice my last kobo for someone in need. These days my phone hardly rings and even those that say hi on whatsapp go religious and end the chat a moment they realise you're still jobless.

So of what gain should I entertain people that don't care if I breathe or not, even if my man has the means I will prefer he invest it or we use the money to enjoy life to the fullest.

I don't just like it when people do things just cos everyone else is doing them, I must have my reasons before doing a particular thing, that's me!!!

So dear Family is my reason for wanting a quiet wedding flimsy?

It's not flimsy, it's sensible. You guys should compromise, you may decide to go for something simple and classy...Not as elaborate as he wants and not as simple as you want too.

I'm glad you're thinking of the future

Shugga mi ..... You might have taken his words wrongly from him.... And please don't take his 50k salary for granted.... Most guys are very determined. They could go a great length to achieve whatever they desire for..

Mainly, I don't like weddings or ceremonies... But if I may...I'll do it for the love. And I'll do it they way she wants it... If I'm very buoyant, I wouldn't mind making it very classy!

Most times, I'll say... If I'm very rich I'll use cars as my souvenirs! (Don't mind me)

Lastly, just let him... When that time is near, he'll look into his pocket. He'll think twice. N1million-wedding is a very small wedding this days... If he really wnts it big... You should do the saving. So that you guys will have wet palms after the wedding.

I quite like your opinion about it. Very cogent reasons!

But you see,there are some men that derives joy in bragging so maybe he wants to make it elaborate just to show off,forgetting that that's not there is to marriage.

Like Sijo earlier stated both of you should reach a compromise,that is;like it be in the middle.



I'd say,you'd make a good wife.

Point of view quite understood.
Not living within one's means is very detrimental to success and progress. I can see some people above me trying to make excuses for him. Wanting to brag shouldn't be an excuse to rent Psquare when you know there's upcoming Taofeek behind your house that will just settle for a plate of rice and probably charge you 10k and still make the event fun.
My point is if you can't live within your means before marriage, you may end up ruining your marital home by the time you see your school mate driving g-wagon and you want to do the same when all your life savings can't even buy a bumper. End result - stealing, greed, irritation, anger (when you can't get what you want), indebtedness, frustration etc.
Op, did you say 50k? In fact, he may end up paying for wedding expenses for the first three years of marriage. What joy is in that? Find out who your friends are.

My dear OP,

Judging by all u have written..
You are very intelligent

You are rare

You have experience.

Your choices would worth more than wat ur fiance has in mind.

That guy does not look like a good financial planner to me. Seems he believes more in "luck".

I'm sure he hasn't seen life.

If u were my blood sister, I wud say take ur time. Becos getting married is a long term thing. Be very Careful.

#shalom

The guy just wants to get between your legs. After 3 months, elaborate wedding? Hahaha

tintingz:
He's going to use his own money so whats the fuss?

80% ladies wants a wedding ceremony that will shake the street.

but remember after the elaborate wedding the marriage begins you want to feed ppl who never told u they r hungry abi after your own hungry start abi

yomi007k:
My dear OP,

Judging by all u have written..
You are very intelligent

You are rare

You have experience.

Your choices would worth more than wat ur fiance has in mind.

That guy does not look like a good financial planner to me. Seems he believes more in "luck".

I'm sure he hasn't seen life.

If u were my blood sister, I wud say take ur time. Becos getting married is a long term thing. Be very Careful.

#shalom

my long lost brother
seconded

The wisdom dat is in the op is wise

Op tell your guy to
never live a champaing life on beer income
who is he trying to show off to
Friends who would ditch u @ d slightest provocation?

He should drop the idea of borrowing money and cut his coat according to his size.
After borrowing money and having an elaborate wedding, what next? You guys will begin to struggle to pay off the debt.
In my own opinion, the wedding is just a ceremony, the real deal starts after the jamboree. He should be wise.

And by the way, I think 3 months is too short for you guys to start taking things very seriously to the extent of talking of marriage. I may be wrong but marriage is a life-long contract so you need to think carefully before getting into it. Don't rush so that you won't get crushed later.

@ shugga,

Please think twice before marrying that kind of guy...you will get frustrated in that marriage.

Your financial maturity level is VERY different. From what you wrote, I see him as a 'keeping up with the Jones'' kind of guy. Be extremely careful. It might not end in the elaborate wedding ceremony. Imagine already married and still behaves this way? If care is not taken, he might succumb to pressure to steal or do blood money.

So, be wise.

shugga:
Hello house I need your views on this please.

There's a young man have been seeing, getting to 3months now. Recently we got talking deep and I realise he wants something serious, along the line I discover we have different views about certain issues, he tends to be the typical traditional man that just follow the norms of life without having a cogent reason for doing so, I mean all those click that follow the trend.

For instance we got talking about the kind of marriage ceremony to be considered, he told me he wants an elaborate wedding the kind the guests will go back and reminisce, that even if it means him borrowing to achieve that he doesn't mind.

This is someone working as a credit officer in a micro finance bank oh with slightly above 50k pay.
Me on the other hand would prefer a quiet wedding something like an indoor tm and a court/church wedding, he was like then I'm not his kinda woman.

I went ahead to explain to him the risk of having a marriage above your means but he wasn't ready to buy into such.
I personally want don't want an elaborate wedding cos through out my hard times have discovered that no one in this life cares for real, they only care when they have one thing or the order to gain from you even the immediate family isn't exempted.

When I was working friends and family flocked around and I was fooled to be believe they care not knowing it was cos I had what they wanted and I'm this type that I can't harden my heart towards people suffering, I can even sacrifice my last kobo for someone in need. These days my phone hardly rings and even those that say hi on whatsapp go religious and end the chat a moment they realise you're still jobless.

So of what gain should I entertain people that don't care if I breathe or not, even if my man has the means I will prefer he invest it or we use the money to enjoy life to the fullest.

I don't just like it when people do things just cos everyone else is doing them, I must have my reasons before doing a particular thing, that's me!!!

So dear Family is my reason for wanting a quiet wedding flimsy?

i think its too early for you to conclude.
just play along and allow events to make him see reality.
As you progress in your relationship, events will make but of you adjust and come to a meeting point.

Leave him and come marry me.

He said you arent his kind of woman since you hold different views about this issue..

and I agree with him you guys don't seem compatible and this could extend to other issues if not today then tomorrow. .

You guys come from different backgrounds, therefore you ought to compromise....

i'm not married but I should think being compatible is key to its success..

' traditional' men are strong headed o

so, check for other issues in your relationship and see how compatible you are

PS: stop worrying your life about how people treat you in good or bad times... you came alone remember, so just live a happy life as much as you can and people's actions wont affect you one bit.

i doff my hat for you dear op,wisdom emanates from you write up and here i am having the reverse with my lady.

Dear, you are the most intelligent young lady I have ever seen. You have said it all. convince him further but if he insist, let him please his conscience.

He wants an elaborate wedding with 50k salary? Dreamer! ! Talk is cheap .. His 3years salary can't even do an elaborate wedding

So senseless! When he should be happy he has someone like you! He isn't even worried about whether his 50k salary can take care of the family he's about to raise....

obiak4:

my long lost brother
seconded

Na so oo

kellyJames5:
I quite like your opinion about it. Very cogent reasons!

But you see,there are some men that derives joy in bragging so maybe he wants to make it elaborate just to show off,forgetting that that's not there is to marriage.

Like Sijo earlier stated both of you should reach a compromise,that is;like it be in the middle.



I'd say,you'd make a good wife.

Good morning, thanks for the compliment!

Yes I just discovered he's the bragging type, he lives above his means just to show off to his friends and I'm not cool with such, I'm having a second thought already.

EHI1933:
Dear, you are the most intelligent young lady I have ever seen. You have said it all. convince him further but if he insist, let him please his conscience.

Thanks!

obiak4:

but remember after the elaborate wedding the marriage begins you want to feed ppl who never told u they r hungry abi after your own hungry start abi

Whether elaborate wedding or not elaborate wedding there's still going to be challenges in a marriage.

And again he's using his own money what's the fuss eh?

kokosheen:
The guy just wants to get between your legs. After 3 months, elaborate wedding? Hahaha

Good a thing I always don't rush getting sexually involved with someone to avoid emotions being mistaken for love!

tintingz:
Whether elaborate wedding or not elaborate wedding there's still going to be challenges in a marriage.

And again he's using his own money what's the fuss eh?

Money that he's planning to borrow or loan, I'm not ready to have sleepless night mbok

yomi007k:
My dear OP,

Judging by all u have written..
You are very intelligent

You are rare

You have experience.

Your choices would worth more than wat ur fiance has in mind.
That guy does not look like a good financial planner to me. Seems he believes more in "luck".
I'm sure he hasn't seen life.
If u were my blood sister, I wud say take ur time. Becos getting married is a long term thing. Be very Careful.
#shalom

Thanks for the compliment but I guess you're a genius for discerning I'm intelligent, top of the morning to you!

tintingz:
Whether elaborate wedding or not elaborate wedding there's still going to be challenges in a marriage.

And again he's using his own money what's the fuss eh?

financial challenge in a new marriage is very wrong
don't start what u will not be able to finish

Wow! wow!! Wow!!!

This is exactly what my cousin did two months ago and the hubby surprised her with a brand new car after the wedding and the way he holds my cousin in high esteem ehen...op your guy is immature, he doesn't deserve you in my own opinion.




Lalasticlala can I make a request

blublahd:
Leave him and come marry me.

You dey dull...


Other smart guys go don do the needful since, Infact let me invite some that are looking for op type here

shugga:


Thanks for the compliment but I guess you're a genius for discerning I'm intelligent, top of the morning to you!

Morning,

Wudnt say I'm a genius.

I have just seen a lot in ds life

shugga:


Good morning, thanks for the compliment!

Yes I just discovered he's the bragging type, he lives above his means just to show off to his friends and I'm not cool with such, I'm having a second thought already.

Please, run for your life. No need for plenty talk. Trust me, you are not going to like being married to such a man.

All they know how to do is dream big and build castles in the air without any concrete plans. They will be owing landlord 1 year rent but will be wearing designer shoes. You, the woman, will be the one struggling to meet up with the basic financial needs of the family (feeding, rent, school fees etc) while he just keeps dreaming.

Run, i say.