My biggest fear is not the monster lurking inside my wardrobe, or of heights or knives, blades and needles. It's not even of ending up old and alone. My biggest fear is getting FAT! My mum is fat, her mum is fat, the mother of her mum was also fat. I am not fat yet. But the genes have already been deposited in me. I used to be proud of the long line of strong big tall women I come from but suddenly I no longer am.


 Currently I'm fit, I've been working so hard on being fit. At a time I had pocrescophobia and I've only recently begun to overcome that. My whole life is directed towards being fit, pretty, acceptable. I tell people I'm working on losing weight and they look me over then go “what weight do you want to lose? you'll turn into a skeleton rather".
 These same people then turn around to tell me “ you'll be so fat! we're already seeing it".

 These words kill me. They haunt my very being and existence. I'm anorexic and I wonder if these people ever stop to think of how I feel. It hurts, it seriously does. When people keep telling you the very things you loathe about yourself, it's like adding fuel to fire. From the very moment they open their mouth to vomit the taboos to the time they close it, you feel little pieces of you dying, your heart breaking in several pieces, everything just fades away and go wrong for the rest of the day.

 And people do have enough things to say, comments to pass, loooaaads of opinions to give - spoiler alert, you didn't even ask for any of it. They do it in this way that screams “I'm so happy I'm not the one with whatsoever-you-have-got"
 When people keep telling you all these things about yourself that you already hate but now hate even more because people just seem to notice it and automatically can't keep their sh*t holes shut, you feel like sp**ting in their faces and telling then to put a sock in it once and for all but you really don't do that cause that's not who you are.

 You're so tired of hearing them, you don't know how many more you can take, how many more times you will continue to walk away, how much longer you can keep convincing yourself that beauty on the inside is more important.

But you've just got to keep walking away, because no matter how you try to change things, people will always have what to say. Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect. True beauty is not related to what colour your hair or skin is, how tall or short you are, true beauty is about your heart and your moral compass. If they can't see it and choose to focus on what doesn't matter, it's their problem. You are beautiful whatever way you are.

**looks on**

Don't let what people say get to you girl. Learn to develop a thick skin and do what's right for you. I'm a firm advocate for keeping fit (eating clean and exercising) and I think what you're doing is commendable. You know what risks you face and you're working hard to avoid them "manifesting". Good on you girl- especially if your profile pic is anything to go by. You certainly AREN'T anorexic.

Oh, and lovely stories you've got. Nice!

Exactly!

If u ask me i need FAT

JustTara:
My biggest fear is not the monster lurking inside my wardrobe, or of heights or knives, blades and needles. It's not even of ending up old and alone. My biggest fear is getting FAT! My mum is fat, her mum is fat, the mother of her mum was also fat. I am not fat yet. But the genes have already been deposited in me. I used to be proud of the long line of strong big tall women I come from but suddenly I no longer am.


 Currently I'm fit, I've been working so hard on being fit. At a time I had pocrescophobia and I've only recently begun to overcome that. My whole life is directed towards being fit, pretty, acceptable. I tell people I'm working on losing weight and they look me over then go “what weight do you want to lose? you'll turn into a skeleton rather".
 These same people then turn around to tell me “ you'll be so fat! we're already seeing it".

 These words kill me. They haunt my very being and existence. I'm anorexic and I wonder if these people ever stop to think of how I feel. It hurts, it seriously does. When people keep telling you the very things you loathe about yourself, it's like adding fuel to fire. From the very moment they open their mouth to vomit the taboos to the time they close it, you feel little pieces of you dying, your heart breaking in several pieces, everything just fades away and go wrong for the rest of the day.

 And people do have enough things to say, comments to pass, loooaaads of opinions to give - spoiler alert, you didn't even ask for any of it. They do it in this way that screams “I'm so happy I'm not the one with whatsoever-you-have-got"
 When people keep telling you all these things about yourself that you already hate but now hate even more because people just seem to notice it and automatically can't keep their sh*t holes shut, you feel like sp**ting in their faces and telling then to put a sock in it once and for all but you really don't do that cause that's not who you are.

 You're so tired of hearing them, you don't know how many more you can take, how many more times you will continue to walk away, how much longer you can keep convincing yourself that beauty on the inside is more important.

But you've just got to keep walking away, because no matter how you try to change things, people will always have what to say. Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect. True beauty is not related to what colour your hair or skin is, how tall or short you are, true beauty is about your heart and your moral compass. If they can't see it and choose to focus on what doesn't matter, it's their problem. You are beautiful whatever way you are.

You have and know the facts. That I can see. So don't lose it.

People always talk but its up to us to ensure we don't bring their words to reality through wrong actions.

I tell ladies daily that only a few guys like fat ladies as wives. when the lady becomes fat she becomes a resort. The people before you have a lot in common with you but you can choose to be slim, fit and trim. Eat right and live healthy. You already see tomorrow so change it to suit your wants and vision.