wonyi:
@Captainswag225, thanks. My husband is not around. I have returned her. Will stay by myself. Thanks . I didn't discuss with her parents but I feel they were probably nurtured. She told me that her sister grumbled at her mum n the mum threw padlock at her. If anything comes up, I will discuss with her

tearoses:
Please this girl is only 11
I have a 12 year old daughter too so I know exactly what they can and cannot do
You are expecting her to reason like an adult . . .she is a kid

By the grace of God, you will have your own kids too and one day when that girl is 11, you will look back and say, so my own child can do this

Start again please
You sound like you really want to make a positive difference in this kids life
You need to be the adult here
You pull small, you push small
I go to my daughters room and lie on her bed and we both watch tv together . . .at the same time I am telling her that her room is untidy and where to place things.
Kids need Love, direction and firmness.
The adult needs to balance it
The adult also has to remember that they are dealing with a kid whose brain and physical features are still in development. There is no way my daughter can clean dishes as well as I can. Her hands are much smaller for a start and the sink is much higher for her (most probably more uncomfortable) than it is for me
shey you get what I am saying

atospet:
Mrs OP shouldn't forget that she's just 11. She's still a child.

wonyi:


Thanks very much. She does all these things at home. I asked her what she can do n she told me. My anger is her disobedience n disrespect . I am thrice her age. The least thing I expect was respect. If u read my post, I spoke to her softly like a mother to her child. I realised that first week since I was always in bed, she does what ever she likes. When she served me food I was surprised when she gave me half fish n when I requested she said she said she shared it.
I understand she's a kid n could b naughty. My health is improving by the grace of God.
I will b visiting this section more to learn. Kids are different. Some needs tlc while some needs iron hand. That is left to her parents

tearoses:
Please this girl is only 11
I have a 12 year old daughter too so I know exactly what they can and cannot do
You are expecting her to reason like an adult . . .she is a kid

By the grace of God, you will have your own kids too and one day when that girl is 11, you will look back and say, so my own child can do this

Start again please
You sound like you really want to make a positive difference in this kids life
You need to be the adult here
You pull small, you push small
I go to my daughters room and lie on her bed and we both watch tv together . . .at the same time I am telling her that her room is untidy and where to place things.
Kids need Love, direction and firmness.
The adult needs to balance it
The adult also has to remember that they are dealing with a kid whose brain and physical features are still in development. There is no way my daughter can clean dishes as well as I can. Her hands are much smaller for a start and the sink is much higher for her (most probably more uncomfortable) than it is for me

This is different from stubbornness n disobedience.








shey you get what I am saying

GHoJes:
I thought i read somewhere you said you returned her to her parent without telling them anything, i think you should say something to them yourself as some parent will see it as disrespect or that you are a bad person because you spoke to them when you wanted to collect her only to return her without a word. Also she can add some lies to what happened in other to save her face.

She didnt do it because she is not biologically related. It is you who didnt set the track for a mum/daughter relation. She saw you as her nice church aunty whilst you treated her kindly as a mum but too relaxed with punishment like a mum, then expected mum loyalty. A well trained child is a product of love and discipline. You would have discipline her like your own. If you treat her as a daughter she owe you the mum favour. When you were sick, you would have asked your child to skip school or forgo extra lesson to care for you atleast for few days, thats what you should have done with her. Btw, i think she trekked as usual to arrived at 6pm and pocketed the TP.
It is human nature to be pushed to do right plus she is a child, in case of next time or child. Lastly the chores you gave her, were simple, normal and okay.

armyofone:
When you first took her home, you should have bold typed or written down all the rules for her to read. Then you tell her that both of you would sit down and discuss/explain in depth on each rules...

Ewuro4:
I stopped reading your post after first paragraph.

OP Sweetheart .. 11yrs old are mostly untidy so don't take it personal. thought I was doing something wrong as a parent until I approached other moms with similar age groups. It's a disaster I tell you. So you either live with her flaws and correct her with love until she outgrows it or just send her back to avoid losing it on her.

My throat hurts as I type you have no idea

wonyi:


Thanks, she is in her house warming up. Did u read her disobedience n disrespect attitude. Some 11 years old look after their siblings properly Check with some female children. When u beat ur child with cane or wire people call it discipline but a WARD it's called maltreatment . She leaks milk n milo. IMAGINE just two persons n it's not our regular breakfast yet the second container is down. I was grooming her to be organise but it seems I was. ...

wonyi:
@ GHOJES, thanks. I couldn't take her home because of my legs . currently I don't even drive. So called on Friday told them I may not b around for some time n she can't stay alone. So someone came to pick her on saturday. I was also thinking of picking her again n will introduce all that before picking her. Nevertheless when I resume church will discuss with her mum, n I will make her testify in my presence. I got a return call of gratitude from her dad.

tearoses:
Please this girl is only 11
I have a 12 year old daughter too so I know exactly what they can and cannot do
You are expecting her to reason like an adult . . .she is a kid

By the grace of God, you will have your own kids too and one day when that girl is 11, you will look back and say, so my own child can do this

Start again please
You sound like you really want to make a positive difference in this kids life
You need to be the adult here
You pull small, you push small
I go to my daughters room and lie on her bed and we both watch tv together . . .at the same time I am telling her that her room is untidy and where to place things.
Kids need Love, direction and firmness.
The adult needs to balance it
The adult also has to remember that they are dealing with a kid whose brain and physical features are still in development. There is no way my daughter can clean dishes as well as I can. Her hands are much smaller for a start and the sink is much higher for her (most probably more uncomfortable) than it is for me
shey you get what I am saying

wonyi:


Thanks, she is in her house warming up. Did u read her disobedience n disrespect attitude. Some 11 years old look after their siblings properly Check with some female children. When u beat ur child with cane or wire people call it discipline but a WARD it's called maltreatment. She leaks milk n milo. IMAGINE just two persons n it's not our regular breakfast yet the second container is down. I was grooming her to be organise but it seems I was. ...

wonyi:


Thanks very much. She does all these things at home. I asked her what she can do n she told me. My anger is her disobedience n disrespect . I am thrice her age. The least thing I expect was respect. If u read my post, I spoke to her softly like a mother to her child. I realised that first week since I was always in bed, she does what ever she likes. When she served me food I was surprised when she gave me half fish n when I requested she said she said she shared it.
I understand she's a kid n could b naughty. My health is improving by the grace of God.
I will b visiting this section more to learn. Kids are different. Some needs tlc while some needs iron hand. That is left to her parents

Ewuro4:


Yimu

wonyi:
@ SAMBARRY, it means these our young ones are loosing it.
Unfortunately I didn't have a younger one. At 11, I was already going to the market to buy my stuff,
washing plates neatly n sweeping. Also prepare little meal whenever the chance comes up. I spent weekends n vacations with relatives n friends n also took correction whenever the need arises. I see why we have more crimes now. She's not yet a teenager yet she can't be curb. If they can't b controlled now, is it when they get into the university we can control them? In fashola ' s voice E ko o ni baje o. I won't let her become ruined in my house.

SAMBARRY:
You're thrice her age, are you people doing competition? Please listen to tearoses a woman who is a mother of a 12 year old girl

so tell me when you were her age were you doing all the things you are imposing on her? No lies please

SAMBARRY:
You don't train kids by force. You raise them with extreme patience and love. She's a child and not some child slave labourer. There's a difference between the both

wonyi:


You are right, that's the reason why after 3 weeks when things didn't fall in place I quietly returned her. It's easier said than done. May God give us the grace to raise our kids properly. I never used her for child slave labour. A girl child needs to b groomed properly otherwise she won't b able to keep her home. Maybe having a stable health would have helped. When a child says sorry, thank u n please easily, it pushes u to love more n b more patient. When my child dares me, he or she faces the consequences with love.

SAMBARRY:
Then do the needful

wonyi:


You are right, that's the reason why after 3 weeks when things didn't fall in place I quietly returned her. It's easier said than done. May God give us the grace to raise our kids properly. I never used her for child slave labour. A girl child needs to b groomed properly otherwise she won't b able to keep her home. Maybe having a stable health would have helped. When a child says sorry, thank u n please easily, it pushes u to love more n b more patient. When my child dares me, he or she faces the consequences with love.

Miami11:


Kids grow at different paces, just send her back home to her parents, if I were you I would be more understanding.