Stats: 3,189,331 members, 7,937,013 topics. Date: Sunday, 01 September 2024 at 10:29 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How to parent a Stubborn Ward (24219 Views)
Two Children Accidentally Switched At Birth Three Years Ago Returns To Parent / Texts Between A Parent & A Child Inside D Florida Club Where D Shooting Happened / How Do You Handle A Stubborn Kid? (2) (3) (4)
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by atospet(m): 9:39pm On Oct 17, 2015 |
Mrs OP shouldn't forget that she's just 11. She's still a child. 2 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 5:47am On Oct 18, 2015 |
@ Amazebell, atospet n GHojes thanks so much. Now I have to admit raising kids is a difficult task especially when you didn't start parenting them from the beginning. Thank God I didn't use hard words or cane on her. |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Captainswag225(m): 7:38am On Oct 18, 2015 |
wonyi:woooh, thats means her mum myt beat her black and blue should u report her to her parents. Btw have u returned her gud or u will go back for her after some time? |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Nobody: 9:47am On Oct 18, 2015 |
Please this girl is only 11 I have a 12 year old daughter too so I know exactly what they can and cannot do You are expecting her to reason like an adult . . .she is a kid By the grace of God, you will have your own kids too and one day when that girl is 11, you will look back and say, so my own child can do this ![]() ![]() Start again please You sound like you really want to make a positive difference in this kids life You need to be the adult here You pull small, you push small I go to my daughters room and lie on her bed and we both watch tv together . . .at the same time I am telling her that her room is untidy and where to place things. Kids need Love, direction and firmness. The adult needs to balance it The adult also has to remember that they are dealing with a kid whose brain and physical features are still in development. There is no way my daughter can clean dishes as well as I can. Her hands are much smaller for a start and the sink is much higher for her (most probably more uncomfortable) than it is for me shey you get what I am saying 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 11:28am On Oct 18, 2015 |
tearoses: Thanks very much. She does all these things at home. I asked her what she can do n she told me. My anger is her disobedience n disrespect . I am thrice her age. The least thing I expect was respect. If u read my post, I spoke to her softly like a mother to her child. I realised that first week since I was always in bed, she does what ever she likes. When she served me food I was surprised when she gave me half fish n when I requested she said she said she shared it. I understand she's a kid n could b naughty. My health is improving by the grace of God. I will b visiting this section more to learn. Kids are different. Some needs tlc while some needs iron hand. That is left to her parents 2 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 1:10pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
atospet: That's the reason why I sought support but most of us here suggested I return her . Thanks 1 Like |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Nobody: 2:05pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Tearoses spoke my mind. She's just 11years old. Even if she did all these chores at home you are not with her in her home to see how well she does them or if she's not rude to her own mother. Besides she will quickly answer her mum regarding chores because that's her mum but staying with you is like a vacation for her. She doesn't feel she has any responsibilities to you even if you support her through school. Return her and don't take her back. She won't meet your expectations ever she has already formed habits from childhood that you don't have the patience to undo. Make she no turn you into 'winch' You are in recovery you dont need anymore stress. If you still want to help do so but don't bring her into your home again 2 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by armyofone(m): 2:42pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Just let her go. Forget her or your emotions and let her go. You both started on a wrong foot. If you change your mind and keep her, any positive change may not last long...which will make you frustrated leading to abuse. Best let her go. 2 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 3:10pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
@ armyofone n salsera thanks. It could be because we are not biologically related. |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Nobody: 5:00pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
wonyi: 1 Like
|
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by GHoJes: 5:28pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
I thought i read somewhere you said you returned her to her parent without telling them anything, i think you should say something to them yourself as some parent will see it as disrespect or that you are a bad person because you spoke to them when you wanted to collect her only to return her without a word. Also she can add some lies to what happened in other to save her face. She didnt do it because she is not biologically related. It is you who didnt set the track for a mum/daughter relation. She saw you as her nice church aunty whilst you treated her kindly as a mum but too relaxed with punishment like a mum, then expected mum loyalty. A well trained child is a product of love and discipline. You would have discipline her like your own. If you treat her as a daughter she owe you the mum favour. When you were sick, you would have asked your child to skip school or forgo extra lesson to care for you atleast for few days, thats what you should have done with her. Btw, i think she trekked as usual to arrived at 6pm and pocketed the TP. It is human nature to be pushed to do right plus she is a child, in case of next time or child. Lastly the chores you gave her, were simple, normal and okay. 2 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 5:54pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
@ GHOJES, thanks. I couldn't take her home because of my legs . currently I don't even drive. So called on Friday told them I may not b around for some time n she can't stay alone. So someone came to pick her on saturday. I was also thinking of picking her again n will introduce all that before picking her. Nevertheless when I resume church will discuss with her mum, n I will make her testify in my presence. I got a return call of gratitude from her dad. |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by thelish(f): 7:13pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
tearoses: |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by thelish(f): 7:17pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
GHoJes: Thank u jare 1 Like |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Ewuro4: 7:41pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
I stopped reading your post after first paragraph. OP Sweetheart .. 11yrs old are mostly untidy so don't take it personal. thought I was doing something wrong as a parent until I approached other moms with similar age groups. It's a disaster I tell you. So you either live with her flaws and correct her with love until she outgrows it or just send her back to avoid losing it on her. My throat hurts as I type you have no idea ![]() |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Ewuro4: 7:42pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
armyofone: Yimu ![]() |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 9:17pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Ewuro4: Thanks, she is in her house warming up. Did u read her disobedience n disrespect attitude. Some 11 years old look after their siblings properly Check with some female children. When u beat ur child with cane or wire people call it discipline but a WARD it's called maltreatment. She leaks milk n milo. IMAGINE just two persons n it's not our regular breakfast yet the second container is down. I was grooming her to be organise but it seems I was. ... 1 Like |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Ewuro4: 9:38pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
wonyi:I didn't read it and Infact I won't bother coz I understand your plight and intention. @bold That's ^^ the thing, you made the right call, just send her back to her parents and help with whatever you can afford. It's best that way. A distant relative visited for couple of months and insisted I cancel babysitter visit during her stay. I ended up throwing her out when she almost tranformed all my kids ears into a cinnamon twist. You can't raise/chastise another's child to their parents satisfaction. How many times I've asked my own child of same thing over and over without result and numerous excuses .. 'It skipped my mind mom' or 'I don't know mom' ![]() ![]() |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by GHoJes: 9:47pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
wonyi:Its alright and good, before you take her again, see if she missed being around you not just the niceties you offer and if she is eager to come back. Delay the taking her back a bit so they will worry and sense there was problem, then you still get to spill it to them before she thinks she can continue as before not knowing you are hurting. This time be fully involved in her school, all other areas of her life, dont be scared to have the major and i dare say final say in them. Please stop giving her money apart from tp to school, i dont think she will handle it well at this late stage. Let her take food to school as she does in her parent's besides the home food reeks of better training than everyday 'mama-put'. You can occasionally dash her money and encourage her to save. Lest i forget let her know she is going finally if she doesnt amend. As long the discipline is that you can give your child dont bother about her or people's reaction, trust me, it wont make her love or hate you less. You are welcome! |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Ewuro4: 9:52pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
tearoses: Hehe I didn't read this before.. Thanks sis for the kind words. It can be frustrating but raising a twin/teen requires a truckload of patience. |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Miami11: 5:47am On Oct 19, 2015 |
wonyi: Kids grow at different paces, just send her back home to her parents, if I were you I would be more understanding. 1 Like |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by SAMBARRY: 6:22am On Oct 19, 2015 |
You're thrice her age, are you people doing competition? Please listen to tearoses a woman who is a mother of a 12 year old girl so tell me when you were her age were you doing all the things you are imposing on her? No lies please ![]() wonyi: 2 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by armyofone(m): 6:23am On Oct 19, 2015 |
![]() they didn't start well. Hope you all had a nice thanksgiving. Ewuro4: |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 7:38am On Oct 19, 2015 |
@ SAMBARRY, it means these our young ones are loosing it. Unfortunately I didn't have a younger one. At 11, I was already going to the market to buy my stuff, washing plates neatly n sweeping. Also prepare little meal whenever the chance comes up. I spent weekends n vacations with relatives n friends n also took correction whenever the need arises. I see why we have more crimes now. She's not yet a teenager yet she can't be curb. If they can't b controlled now, is it when they get into the university we can control them? In fashola ' s voice E ko o ni baje o. I won't let her become ruined in my house. 4 Likes |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by SAMBARRY: 7:45am On Oct 19, 2015 |
You don't train kids by force. You raise them with extreme patience and love. She's a child and not some child slave labourer. There's a difference between the both ![]() wonyi: 1 Like |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 7:47am On Oct 19, 2015 |
SAMBARRY: Yeah, when she is my child I will b fulling involved. The fact is I can't stand disobedient kids. I easily cut them off, she lies occasionally. |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 7:54am On Oct 19, 2015 |
Training someone else's child is not a do or die affair. When things become difficult quietly withdraw |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 7:57am On Oct 19, 2015 |
SAMBARRY: You are right, that's the reason why after 3 weeks when things didn't fall in place I quietly returned her. It's easier said than done. May God give us the grace to raise our kids properly. I never used her for child slave labour. A girl child needs to b groomed properly otherwise she won't b able to keep her home. Maybe having a stable health would have helped. When a child says sorry, thank u n please easily, it pushes u to love more n b more patient. When my child dares me, he or she faces the consequences with love. |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by SAMBARRY: 8:02am On Oct 19, 2015 |
Then do the needful wonyi: |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 8:05am On Oct 19, 2015 |
SAMBARRY: I returned her on saturday morning. Thanks |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by Pidggin(f): 8:09am On Oct 19, 2015 |
wonyi: You are a perfectionist, you need to lower your standard and accept mistakes from people especially kids. I am sure the poor girl was even bored living with you, thank goodness she has been returned to her parents, between both genders need to be groomed to keep their home, I am sure you will not mind a husband that can help you out with chores especially as you are not well. Goodluck |
Re: How to parent a Stubborn Ward by wonyi: 8:12am On Oct 19, 2015 |
Miami11: Thanks, she started cooling off in her parents house since Saturday morning. |
Cutting Your Baby's Hair When He/she Clocks 1 Year / Is It Right To Share House Chores Between Husband And Wife? Bamisepeters' Blog / What's The Happiest Day of A Guy's Life?
Viewing this topic: 1 guest(s)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 91 |