PunkyVeer:


Won him over? On her death bed? 1st of all, no woman should be in a competition with anybody over a man. Especially NOT a husband. He should have shut all of that down before walking down that isle. 2ndly, it stops being a marriage the second any of them strays. Marriage is a contract, hence it needs both signatures & those of witnesses. Breaching the contract, calls for no other action other than nullifying it so both can be free, yanno. No need for long talks on this. It's as simple as ABC.

lezz:
You know nothing about marriage.

rapmike:
OP, to be frank to you, its seems like you are trying to water down adultery by asserting that women should be patient with cheating men but you know that men cannot be patient with cheating women.

I can assure if it was the other way round, your uncle is most likely to divorce her, probably with some beating too. To me infidelity in both sides is not acceptable or justifiable. You just alluded that Men are goats( goats are the best example of such behavior around here).

That said, its true that Patience and Forgiveness is needed in marriage. Patience in deciding what to do next and forgiveness is also needed.

sammyke:
I think I like dis lady

babygirlfl:


I quoted you just to say well done. You will make a good lawyer.

PunkyVeer:


I hope this won't get me jumped by all your NL "brides".

Any of them better speak now or forever hold their piece

PunkyVeer:


Ok. Teach me.

frakdon:
of course, you are a darling albeit a STB 1 with a Midas touch..... Well I wanta add " daretodiffer" to my darlings, you know, but she has build a defensive wall around her precious...

lezz:
How do measure when a partner strays? Since one can have emotional affair or physical ones. Inside marriage, emotional affairs are often more dangerous than physical ones.

How can you drag marriage to a mere contract? It is a convenant of the highest order. The Catholic church deems it a Sacrament. It is a union of life, spirit, soul and body.



Too much 21st century _sex has cheapen the institution of marriage.

daretodiffer:

PunkyVeer:


Well, maybe you need to focus more on breaking down her defenses then so she can join your other "darlings", because this chic right here, yeah that's me, don't do no harems. I'll leave you to it. Put your back into it & maybe she'll yield.

lezz:
How do measure when a partner strays? Since one can have emotional affair or physical ones. Inside marriage, emotional affairs are often more dangerous than physical ones.

How can you drag marriage to a mere contract? It is a convenant of the highest order. The Catholic church deems it a Sacrament. It is a union of life, spirit, soul and body.



Too much 21st century _sex has cheapen the institution of marriage.

3rdlegxxx:


Thank you for your points, Nigerians and sentiments, talking about the fear of God, excuse upon excuse, women shouldn't have to go through pain and likewise men, all because of sex and cheating, i know sometimes it's hard, especially with us men.

Captain001:




My brother, fear of God has everything to do with it. Acknowledging that Jesus is Lord does not translate to having fear of God. A man who has the fear of God will obey his commandments to the letter. "Thou shall not commit adultery" a God fearing man understands the spiritual consequences of breaking marriage vow. A God fearing man knows he has committed himself to one woman's "privates" for life. There are too many points to prove that a God fearing will not as much as lust after another woman let alone engaging in the act.

rexkexmilan:
I wish our ladies will emulate Your "late aunt", She must be strong for putting up with her cheating husband!!!


Daretodiffer, though I don't share your view, i must type that you are an inteligent lady!!!


Having typed the above, I strongly believe that we all are entitled to our various opinions, To each his own !!!

dearestaramide:
MY uncle and I love to have conversations on life, relationships, politics etc. Any way, we got into discussion on the high rate of divorce in Nigeria and he went on to express what he felt were cause of it. He emphasized on patience and forgiveness and went on to tell me of an experience that cured him of his player life style

Years ago, my uncle was like the average Nigerian man, that is of course womanizer but like the average man, he was smart not to flaunt it, though as women, we always can tell. His wife had always known and was always told by her over sabi friends but since she never caught him red handed, she couldn't do anything about it.

The constant late night calls, meetings, sudden travels increased her belief of what she already knew. what could she do? yes, as any average wife, she was in pains but still showed him love and made sure she was there for him any time he needed a friend to talk to. She never complained or cried to her family or friends but kept in all inside her. He respected her for this even though as he said, he was too addicted to women to stop, though he tried.

My uncle was called off for a conference which was to last for one week and as usual with out delay, he jetted off. A cousin of my aunt whom she had not seen for over two years then came to visit and but was staying in a hotel which was by all means high standard and very expensive. My aunt decided to visit her on a Saturday so as to stay longer and catch up on old times. My aunt as you suspected caught sight of her husband really romancing a woman in the pool area and as you know, the man was supposed to be in Port Harcourt and had presumably jetted off three days before. She calmly finished what took her to the hotel and went back home.


My aunt never showed her husband any difference and still treated him normal as usual but one day whilst he was in a very good mood and they were watching an interesting movie in their room, she calmly told him what she had seen THREE MONTHS EARLIER and asked him not to do it again as he had hurt her deeply.

That night, shame, shock, fear all kinds of thoughts but best of all respect clouded my uncle's thought. He did eventually stop but not immediately oooo. He said it was gradual but he eventually stopped.

MY aunt fell ill and died years later and my uncle was sooo heart broken. He is still single by the way.

WHAT I LEARNT

all men are the same only thing that differentiates them is fear of God and self control.
Women need to be wiser and more matured than men.
Never act immediately this enables you time to think and strategise
shouting doesn't change men but pushes them away

PunkyVeer:
Moral of the story: put up with a cheating man & you're going to die early/before him.

RIP to your aunt, btw.

PunkyVeer:


Dude, the vow is simple-FORSAKEN ALL OTHERS. Nobody gives a rat's ass if the affair is physical or emotional, you're still breaking one of the golden rules of marriage which clearly commands not to get involved with anyone else other than your spouse. That doesn't need intrepretation or sematics. It's as simple as they come. If you consider marriage very respectful, then you shouldn't be here advocating cheating & saying women should be meek. Meek my azz!

daretodiffer:


Bwahahaa

On the first point, you are right but you failed to look a the issue itself. The issue is that men justify their cheating. For them it is okay, they know they are going to get a free pass. They know people like you would caution the woman to take it easy and if she left her house because of that, you will call her names. Why can't she tolerate things for the sake of the greater good that is marriage(she is too petty, isn't she). And the circle keeps rotating. You won't declare marriage a state of emergency when men cheat and fail to see the inherent wrong in what they do. They keep getting away with it and their wives keep hurting deep inside. But it doesn't matter, they can get hurt but they must not leave.

However if it were a woman, OMG, she must leave that marriage today. The man must walk out o. There wouldn't be any state of emergency because it is a guy and he is justified.

Isn't that a hypocrisy? I agree that there are times we have to look the other way in a marriage but when the world and you believe that it is your birthright to cheat and it is your wives' birthright to look the other way to avoid disrepute, then there is a big problem. If we can't join hands to castigate hypocrites, please don't be afraid of state of emergency nor should be afraid of women cheating in their married homes. Because once you think a woman should/must stay with a cheating partner, you no longer have an opinion because you are biased.

My own palava is that I want you to recognise that a woman can have affairs too. If she can't discipline herself not to, then the man has no excuse. Also, women should be given a choice either to stay or not to stay without fools who think they have an opinion calling her names.




I didn't insult him, he threw the first stone with his ‘mature and learn'.



When the so-called leader lack self-discipline, how is the follower/partner supposed to respect him



Every woman that has an opinion is frustrated, depressed and unhappy abi. Yes, I am all the above if that makes you feel good as a man

When next you try to tackle issues, use your objective mind. If you can't please do not quote me.

daretodiffer:


Why can't you share my view?

Johnnoah1st:
what is d name of d movie? shey na comedy or tragedy

daretodiffer:



I think it is too much 'it is a man's birthright to cheat' in the 21st century that has cheapen the institution of marriage

if we can c collectively castigate men who cheat, women will not see marriage as a mere institution and they will know better than to chat on their husbands

Kingsasian:
I am amazed at your intelligence but a little disappointed at the derogatory words you use on the Op's late aunt.

daretodiffer:


Why can't you share my view?

When you get married and perhaps start making babies, Will your view still hold water Will it still be appropriate



I know it's not right for the man to have an unfair advantage over his wife as regards cheating, Buh we both know that we men lust insatiably!!!


'Nough typed, I don't think your view is bad, buh when it comes to marital instances, it could be the "wrongest" aproach!!!


Cheers

CoCoLav:


Welcome back

Toks2008:


I am impressed with this quote and that reminds me of a thread i created months ago:

We know that in any affair,men cheat as well as women but im not here to advice the men on what to do but this is about sending a very deep taught provoking advice to the women who find themselves in a union with a cheating spouse.

Its one thing to be the best you can be for your man and have every reason to castigate him for cheating on you and its another thing to be a sucker in the affair and expects the man to remain faithful to you so be the best you can be for him and yourself by being

1.A good cook
2.Financially independent
3.Sexually active and appealing
4.Humble
5.Being faithful to him and
6.God fearing

Then leave him to his conscience.

If i were a lady and i find myself in a situation where i have to decide whether to break up with a sexually unfaithful hubby or not,given the hopeless cheating nature of most men,before i make up my mind on what to do i will ask myself these very important questions;

1.Can i remain a celibate forever?
2.Is there a guaranty that the next man will not do same or even worse?
3.As a sexually active lady who is out of my marriage is it really worth it leaving a cheating husband to start sleeping around with men that may likely be cheating with me on their ladies too?

There is more to a woman's life than hinging her happiness on a man's fidelity towards her or freaking out over a man's sexual infidelity and the best any lady can do for herself is to expect that polygamous side of her man to manifest someday irrespective of the unfading love he promises from time to time and if that never happens,good but if it does happen you are prepared emotionally anyways and the lady should switch to "indifferent mode" and start seeing that man as a mare sex partner who services her whenever she needs it and no longer a faithful husband to her and she must never think of revenge but should focus on her life and that of her child(ren)

This is one of the greatest secrets why our mothers stayed in their marriages and this is also one of the best ways to be happy in any marriage any lady finds herself because no man is really worth the headache and nobody has the key to your matrimonial happiness except you.

This write up is not about justifying infidelity or about asking a woman to stay with a philandering hubby but an humble advice for any lady to consider and weigh her choices before making up her mind.

I hope this makes sense.

https://www.nairaland.com/2595132/before-divorce-cheating-hubby

lezz:
I do not advocate cheating in marriage from either partners.

But when it does happen , if it ever does, it serves no purpose running for the exit door. What's the point?

The balance of a home is always in the hands of the woman as is the power to rail her straying husband in.


And yes, women should be meek, it is their only undisputed strength.


90 % of women are guilty of emotional affairs as men are guilty of physical affairs.

Are we advocating mass divorce ?

rexkexmilan:
When you get married and perhaps start making babies, Will your view still hold water Will it still be appropriate



I know it's not right for the man to have an unfair advantage over his wife as regards cheating, Buh we both know that we men lust insatiably!!!


'Nough typed, I don't think your view is bad, buh when it comes to marital instances, it could be the "wrongest" aproach!!!


Cheers