byvan03:




Not everyone checks with the law .

Of course not else there would be no police and no courts.

Mindfulness:
Byvan03 and Edwife, I have not even seen one argument that justifies your positions. Don't let me down, where are your arguments?
I am very eager to learn.

We are not trying to convince you, we also have not seen any argument good enough to justify these girls going scot free. We all perceive differently, that's ok I guess.

edwife:


I tire o.You just can't come to my territory and think you can get scot free when you fully know what you are doing.Mistresses have killed wives so many times.Their rubbish should stay away from me but if you as much visit my child in school,i am gonna deal with you.

No, that's not the logic. Let me share a few pointers from the post. Hope you didn't read it defensively.

1. The logic is if you are cursing and praying for her to die, then such prayers will also fall on your hubby.

2. The wife has no business calling or fighting the girl esp if they have no relationship. Is she is your friend she owes you an explanation, if a stranger - don't debase yourself.

3. Women should stop accepting pathetic excuses that their husbands are victims of these girls.

4. Women should hold men to their vows of fidelity and make them take responsibility for breaking such vows.

Truth is if a man doesn't respect his wife enough to be faithful or at least hide his infidelity then the issues transcend the girl in the picture.

byvan03:



We are not trying to convince you, we also have not seen any argument good enough to justify these girls going scot free. We are perceive differently, that's ok I guess.

Nothing more to say.

Match don start,i beg later babes.

Mindfulness:


Of course not else there would be no police and no courts.

You missed my point, not everyone seeks the Law's approval before serving their own justice .

MusingsOfALady:


No, that's not the logic. Let me share a few pointers from the post. Hope you didn't read it defensively.

1. The logic is if you are cursing and praying for her to die, then such prayers will also fall on your hubby.

2. The wife has no business calling or fighting the girl esp if they have no relationship. Is she is your friend she owes you an explanation, if a stranger - don't debase yourself.

3. Women should stop accepting pathetic excuses that their husbands are victims of these girls.

4. Women should hold men to their vows of fidelity and make them take responsibility for breaking such vows.

Truth is if a man doesn't respect his wife enough to be faithful or at least hide his infidelity then the issues transcend the girl in the picture.

All these your epistles are irrelevant to me because in no where in my posts i didn't hold the husband responsible.
My position will not change,BOTH are responsible especially if you are my friend.

edwife:


Nothing more to say.

Match don start,i beg later babes.

OK dear

byvan03:



You missed my point, not everyone seeks the Law's approval before serving their own justice .

I am happy you said "own justice" because clearly what you consider just is not universal.
Just make sure that the other lady does not smash your head, just in case.

byvan03:



We are not trying to convince you, we also have not seen any argument good enough to justify these girls going scot free. We are perceive differently, that's ok I guess.

Scot free? So what should the wife do? Sue her? Arrest her?

@MusingsOfALady

You try to approach the topic using reason, the other ladies approach the topic emotionally. Nothing is wrong with any of these approaches but the differences between the two are the reason why you won't be able to find common ground.

I find it amusing that some ladies will expect some stranger to feel responsible for them when even their own HUSBAND shi.ts on them.
Sorry for my choice of words, I couldn't help it.

Mindfulness:


I am happy you said "own justice" because clearly what you consider just is not universal.
Just make sure that the other lady does not smash your head, just in case.

Good advice. I remember how a Unilag girl beat up a big Madam then at Whispering palms, scratched her face and tore her clothes. Rather than deter her, the confrontation demystified the Madam and the girl made her life hell.

We all have our different opinions but my advice is never debase yourself to talk to "the other woman". Is that letting her go Scott free? Not really, Posterity and Karma will handle her.

MusingsOfALady:


Good advice. I remember how a Unilag girl beat up a big Madam then at Whispering palms, scratched her face and tore her clothes. Rather than deter her, the confrontation demystified the Madam and the girl made her life hell.

We all have our different opinions but my advice is never debase yourself to talk to "the other woman". Is that letting her go Scott free? Not really, Posterity and Karma will handle her.

Why would posterity and karma handle her?

byvan03:




I get you kulyie, assuming the girl is ignorant of his marital status but majority are aware. You see some wives begging these girls not to destroy their homes yet the bangers will scorn the poor woman and continue without empathy. If this woman goes wacko and decide to chop off her husband's head with a Samurai sword, I expect two heads, the Cheat and the Cheatee .

These girls are inexcusable, they are part and parcel of the infidelity and therefore shouldn't be excused with the usual cliché " she made no vow to be faithful to you ". They have to partake in any consequences the scorned wife decides to met out if she so desires.

my dear i want you to understand that if there's no buyer there won't sellers

edwife:


This thread says it all.Why was she blamed then if she isn't at fault?

https://www.nairaland.com/2688718/want-save-relations-him/1#39364364


cc Sambarry?

I rest my case.court dismissed. Oro ti pari

SAMBARRY:
I rest my case.court dismissed. Oro ti pari

You see am?

Mindfulness:


Why would posterity and karma handle her?

The way you ask question to dissect a post. Are you EfemenaXY sister?
Efe come and see your sister.

SAMBARRY:
my dear i want you to understand that if there's no buyer there won't sellers

If there is no seller, there won't be buyer either .

byvan03:



If there is no seller, there won't be buyer either .

hahaha that's true. Ok you win

MusingsOfALady:


Scot free? So what should the wife do? Sue her? Arrest her?

Whatever she plans to do to the husband, maybe pray for her .

Mindfulness:


I am happy you said "own justice" because clearly what you consider just is not universal.
Just make sure that the other lady does not smash your head, just in case.

You keep using "you" and "your", don't lose sight of the aim of the dialogue. It has nothing to do with me. You complained of belligerence but you are the one exhibiting it here. What I have stated so far is my view on the matter, nothing personal.


You are the one that refuses to accept that nothing is universal,not me .

Chillis:


The way you ask question to dissect a post. Are you EfemenaXY sister?
Efe come and see your sister.

Hello babe..

MusingsOfALady:


No, that's not the logic. Let me share a few pointers from the post. Hope you didn't read it defensively.

1. The logic is if you are cursing and praying for her to die, then such prayers will also fall on your hubby.

2. The wife has no business calling or fighting the girl esp if they have no relationship. Is she is your friend she owes you an explanation, if a stranger - don't debase yourself.

3. Women should stop accepting pathetic excuses that their husbands are victims of these girls.

4. Women should hold men to their vows of fidelity and make them take responsibility for breaking such vows.

Truth is if a man doesn't respect his wife enough to be faithful or at least hide his infidelity then the issues transcend the girl in the picture.

Truth....

However, I gotta ask?

Why do we put on wedding rings?

Chillis:


The way you ask question to dissect a post. Are you EfemenaXY sister?
Efe come and see your sister.

Long time Chilli. Howdy?

Anyway...

Anyway, cheating is no crime according to any law.. No one ggets jailed for cheating on his/her spouse?
However, as much as marriage is a vow between partners, it is also a declaration that those partners are off the marriage market.. so people should stay off, any other person becomes an intruder... the husband is wrong for breaking his vows, the other woman is also wrong for intruding.. an intruder is never devoid of blame...
I employ a gateman to watch my house, he connives with an outsider to steal my property and you are telling me the outsider shouldn't share an equal blame becos I didn't employ him? Where's d logic??
This is why young girls recklessly throw themselves at married men, becos of crazy rationalisations such as this
Like edwife said, if there are no sellers, there would be no buyers...

The aforementioned big madam didn't know what she went at whispering palms to do with the chic. I also witnessed the opposite of what you have witnessed. In this case the madam beat the beautiful mistress blue and black and that was the end of her relationship with the man. The disgrace on the chic's parents part was terrible because the man she dated lives in her Street. Do I feel sorry for the girl, hell no! Will I go beating up girls? Hell no, but I can't judge any woman that chose that path. Of course her husband 's head was stitched by the nurse that operates a drug store around.

Not everyone is interested in hoping on karma to deal blows on their behalf. No one even mentioned that women should go fighting mistresses, you added your salt and pepper to spice it up.

Mindfulness:
Byvan03 and Edwife, I have not even seen one argument that justifies your positions. Don't let me down, where are your arguments?
I am very eager to learn.

You don start again. Interesting argument. Lemme finish read it up first...

byvan03:

Hello babe..

Nne - I still dey read am oh!

How're you though?

EfemenaXY:




You don start again. Interesting argument. Lemme finish read it up first...

I don't even know how I got roped in when I have sworn to face my work . Hope you are doing great madam Efe.

byvan03:




I don't even know how I got roped in when I have sworn to face my work . Hope you are doing great madam Efe.

C'mon it's Saturday. Let your hair down a bit, Bev.

byvan03:
The aforementioned big madam didn't know what she went at whispering palms to do with the chic. I also witnessed the opposite of what you have witnessed. In this case the madam beat the beautiful mistress blue and black and that was the end of her relationship with the man. The disgrace on the chic's parents part was terrible because the man she dated lives in her Street. Do I feel sorry for the girl, hell no! Will I go beating up girls? Hell no, but I can't judge any woman that chose that path. Of course her husband 's head was stitched by the nurse that operates a drug store around.

Not everyone is interested in hoping on karma to deal blows on their behalf. No one even mentioned that women should go fighting mistresses, you added your salt and pepper to spice it up.

This is the part i don't get.

MusingsOfALady:
I read a sob story online a few days ago. Well it’s actually a story that has been going round the internet for years but in different variations (with changing names and forms of course). It’s the story of how a married man was dating a single girl and lavishing money on her... bla bla bla and the wife prayed against the girl for 21 days or so and the girl was in an accident and lost all or went mad or died – or whatever variation of ending you will like to slot in here. And boy, do a lot of women love these stories! They click “Like” and "Share" on their Facebook wall immediately. Holy Ghost Fire!

Let me state categorically that adultery is wrong; it’s a sin, a betrayal of trust and no man or woman should be involved in it. So I am not about to defend husband snatching, no! Yet, I am writing to the many women stripping themselves naked at the stroke of midnight, raining curses on the other girl whom they say “snatched their husband” (Snatched? Is he a toy? 'cos toys get snatched but full grown men? Hmm…)


Before you send down thunder and fire, ask yourself: Would God punish the girl without punishing your husband? Would God be just to do that? If God is a just God, then the first person that prayer will likely land on, is your cheating husband. Okay, I know most of you won’t like this but it’s the truth. The other lady is not breaking any vow, she is committing a sin alright but she made no vow to you. The one who made a vow to you and is breaking it is your spouse.

Let’s be truthful, he is probably the one who initiated the affair (I said probably oh!) but surely, he agreed to it. He is the one bankrolling it, he is the one lying to you, deleting her texts, hiding behind your back to see her, probably telling her lies about you, buying her gifts instead of you, making her promises, sleeping with her, made a CHOICE to be with her… He! He!! He!!! The other woman owes you nothing "IF" she is a stranger to you. So cool down with the thunder and fire because you may just roast your hubby.


What if it’s Juju? Yeah, if it’s Juju, she will definitely get the fire and thunder but it’s not Juju 90% of the time, No, its indiscipline! The reason most women blame and curse "the other woman" is because they don’t want to face this reality or this truth. So what should you? Fold your arms? No!

1. Get your facts right and confront him calmly.
2. Get a commitment from him to break it off, he should get good pastoral/spiritual counsel.
3. He needs to get himself into an accountability relationship.
4. Check yourself. While you are not to blame for his straying eyes, you might have contributed. So check yourself, have you been unavailable, ignoring him, taking him for granted or something. Remember you pulled his strings, that’s why he married you, so, pull them again.
5. Pray for him for wisdom, strength and discipline to be faithful. Pray that every link between him and the other person be broken.
6. Pray for yourself as well.


If your husband can’t commit to being faithful then cursing other girls won’t work because even if the current girl or girls die, he will get another. Let’s stop trying to use God’s name for selfish reasons. God is a just God, if the girl who had an affair with your husband deserves death then so does your husband.

What are your thoughts?

My thoughts?

No. 4 I'll grudgingly do (yeah, no one's perfect) but No. 5? Certainly not! Why should I be the one praying for him to do the right thing? Is he a child? How can he claim to be a "man" + head of the home, but yet lets his JT override his sense of reasoning?

@OP: abeg talk another one jare. See, that attitude of fast and pray for him...he's not doing it with his clear eyes.... yardi-yardi-ya is part of the reason many many women are diffident, meek, not to mention un-confident. I mean how does this work? I mean really work? What I'm picturing in my mind's eye is Oga rolling over lazily in bed the morning after, all bleary-eyed and smiling smugly to himself after his hot night out with Mistress A - while madam in her oversized white-garment robes prances around the house in her barefeet, candle in hand, holy water & bible in the other hand, speaks in tongues cursing Mistresses A, B, & C but pleads for the holy ghost to descend on Oga who by the way, is still in bed happily reliving his escapades.

Talk about giving one's self high BP.

Women should learn to be more assertive in relationships be it marriage / dating. Have borders that can't be crossed. Men do. So why can't women? Set standards for yourself, of what is acceptable, what is "manageable" and what is a definite no-no. Until then, many women would continue to suffer in silence.

Mindfulness:


The ladies who date married men JUST LIKE YOU do what they THINK is right.



The lady can never be as guilty as the husband, if anyone is guilty at all, BECAUSE the girl owes you NOTHING. She doesn't give a damn about you and your marriage and it is her RIGHT.

Her right? I don't get it... we all know dating a married man in a non polygamous society is morally wrong, so why propagate it?

So many of these ladies intentionally throw themselves at married men.. You hear them say; married men are more caring, they're already made, they are gentler and all sorts of rubbish. ..

Please, we should try to uphold what's right and shame evil.. Dating a married man is very wrong! !
If we can say these mistresses do what they think is right, then we can also say boko haram, ISIS, our corrupt politicians, eeeettcc also do what they think is right..afterall everyone's got a reason for an act!!
What is wrong is wrong! ! If we continue with this 'right' thing, so many evils will be excused! !

I hope you'll say it's the girl's right when a lady tries to sleep with your husband. .or tell your daughters to date married men afterall it's their RIGHT not to give a sh! T about the men's marital status. ..

Also, alot of people here condemned a woman on another thread concerning her relationship with a married man... why didn't you cheer her on and tell her it was her right?

I will apportion more blame to the husband but the mistress isn't blameless!!

edwife:


This is the part i don't get.

Did you advise women to tear out mistresses weaves? I didnt oooo