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How To Cope With Traffic On Third Mainland Bridge by k3npat(m): 4:43pm On Nov 11, 2015 |
Dear motorists of 3RDMB,
When I see you in traffic every evening during the week I
see the frustration in your faces. I see the hurt in your
bloodshot eyes (from staring too long at brake lights). I
feel the pain in your arms (from latching unto your
steering wheels for 2 hours). It’s insane to say the least.
On 3RDMB rush hour in the morning is between 5.45
and 10am while in the evening it’s typically between 6.30
and 9.30 pm. After 7 years of being a victim of
locomotion (loco as in ‘crazy’ in Spanish) and getting high
on ‘secondhand exhaust fumes’ I believe at this point it is
my civil duty to share how you can cope with the
menace that is the traffic on 3RDMB:
Rule 1: Wise up
I hate unpleasant surprises; 3RDMB being in my top 3.
That’s why I log in to GIDITRAFFIC, TSABOIN TRAFFIC
TALK and TRAFFICBUTTER APP on Twitter for the latest
updates on all my routes out of the Mad Arena more
commonly known as the Marina. These info sources are a
Godsend if you have access to the Internet and want
online real-time news about the state of traffic on all
major Lagos routes. If you’re more of the radio listening
type you can tune in to 96.1 Traffic FM and get the
scoop there. Even if all your other alternative routes are
experiencing traffic at least you’ll know which one has
that broken down trailer blocking two-thirds of the
three-lane road!!! Don’t drive off without getting your
traffic information right or you’ll be singing ‘Bumper to
bumper’ @wandecoal
Rule 2: Snack up
If you’re driving a brand new car and your rule of thumb
is never to eat in it then think again. Motorists would
agree that by the time you’re motionless on 3RDMB at
about 9.30pm and you start nodding off to sleep on the
wheel, you’re gonna need more than your stereo to keep
you awake. But help is on the bridge. They roam the
tarmac with multiple bags of popcorn, cartons of
plantain chips and other munchies. I call these heroes
Teenage Hell-bent Ninja Hawkers. Have you seen them
run after motorists to make that sale? Usain Bolt aint got
nothing on these guys and I say that boldly because he’s
not running between the narrow spaces of moving trucks
and danfo buses. If you haven’t noticed them by now
then they’re better ninjas than I thought. The first set of
hawkers when you get close to the UniLag waterfront
section of 3RDMB sell Popcorn. A few 100 metres down
the bridge you begin to see plantain chips and the
occasional coconut chips and chin-chin. If you still
haven’t made up your mind about what snack you want
after this point then get ready for…(drumroll)…Rat
poison. I still don’t get the connection and I’ve debated
this severally with my passengers. Why have snacks,
drinks and rat poison sold in that order? Don’t ask me.
Ask the Teenage Hell-bent Ninja Hawkers. I’m yet to see a
rat invasion at the end of 3RDMB so for now I ain’t
buying.
Rule 3: Wind up
Last but not least, switch on that air conditioning and
wind up your windows. Why? Because this is Lagos where
open car windows are an invitation to robbery attacks.
Some of the hawkers I mentioned earlier are informants
and robbers in disguise. That said, keep your windows
low enough to let your snack have easy access into your
car and then wind up immediately you’ve paid the
hawker. This is no time to be a cheapskate with your fuel
consumption. ‘Ember’ months are in and the armed
robbers are out. So unless you’ve got a car with external
gadgets to apprehend or maim your attackers,
EVERYBODY’S WINDOWS GO UP!….AND THEY STAY
THERE! AND THEY STAY THERE! AND THEY STAY THERE!
NOT DOWN, NOT DOWN, NOT DOWN or all you do is
SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM lol.
Even as I type this article on this fine Saturday I’m already
dreading 3RDMB blues which set in round about 5pm
every week day. Well, it is what it is. Remember, Wise up,
Snack up and Wind up.
Till Monday when I see you on the bridge, this is the
Crazy Nigerian zooming off! |
Re: How To Cope With Traffic On Third Mainland Bridge by Favparis(f): 4:49pm On Nov 11, 2015 |
Don't think this will work in Lagos |
Re: How To Cope With Traffic On Third Mainland Bridge by k3npat(m): 4:58pm On Nov 11, 2015 |
Favparis: 3RDMB??... Apply It |
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