Ladies wit such mentality shows dey dunt bliv in d man D're marrying........wud any of dem say dat to sum1 like dangote?....im sure d'll not only change name but religion too

poshestmina:
No big deal.I am not dropping my surname when I get married too

hmmn

daretodiffer:


This is Nigeria

And where I come from, there is nothing like surname. What we have is ‘Jane Doe' the daughter of this, the wife of that, the lover this, the mother of that

$
Stay dere wit ur daughter & luver of dis & dat....we av Mr & Mrs, mama dis. Papa dis etc

daretodiffer:


Must?

Are you okay at all?

Ask me anoda silly question again......Must I repeat

NemzySeries:
$
Stay dere wit ur daughter & luver of dis & dat....we av Mr & Mrs, mama dis. Papa dis etc

Ode!

I am a Yoruba not an English or American woman.

I won't be so foolish to stick to some BS that has always been BS.

NemzySeries:
Ladies wit such mentality shows dey dunt bliv in d man D're marrying........wud any of dem say dat to sum1 like dangote?....im sure d'll not only change name but religion too

Ode!

What are you trying to say?

AfroKnight:
You brother should realize that this is just the beginning. He will still make more concessions in this marriage. She is probably doing this not out of disrespect for her fiancé but out of respect for her late father.

If they cannot agree on this issue, then they should place the wedding preparations on hold. A person's identity is very fundamental and the decision to bear any name should not be taken lightly. He should consider her cos she's the one to bear the name.

I like that

She is always going to be her father's daughter, she is his daughter, HER ROOT.

daretodiffer:


Ode!

I am a Yoruba not an English or American woman.

I won't be so foolish to stick to some BS that has always been BS.

U're not a yoruba....d ones I kw dunt talk crap...U're probably Belruba or yorugium but not yoruba

:

NemzySeries:

U're not a yoruba....d ones I kw dunt talk crap...U're probably Belruba or yorugium but not yoruba

daretodiffer:


Ode!

What are you trying to say?

Yeye gal....i kw u'll not wana behave ursef & do d ryt tin...beta go learn sum manners....uncultured gal

NemzySeries:

Yeye gal....i kw u'll not wana behave ursef & do d ryt tin...beta go learn sum manners....uncultured gal

You missed your lessons yourself.

You are uncultured. You can't think logically. You are rude. You are dumb. And you write like foo.l.

daretodiffer:


You missed your lessons yourself.

You are uncultured. You can't think logically. You are rude. You are dumb. And you write like foo.l.

LMAO OOO... Passes a pill of chill and a glass of water... Oya don't vex again...

I really don't 'put mouth' in this kinda matter on NL cos it's usually not worth it....BUT I will today....if she won't use my surname, then we aren't destined to marry

if she prefers to use it accompanied with her dad's and make a compound crap of the two,its fine....it only means she's still too young to get married by my standards so she can spend a few more years in her father's compound (that's the best compound for her) not my 'name compound'


P.S: there are so many babes for one to giv me such headache. And i'll be sure to raise this issue early in courtship judging by the comments from 'modern' girls around here.

daretodiffer:


You missed your lessons yourself.

You are uncultured. You can't think logically. You are rude. You are dumb. And you write like foo.l.

I write LIKE a fool.....ure naturally FOOLISH....compliments of d season once again

niceeric:
I really don't 'put mouth' in this kinda matter on NL cos it's usually not worth it....BUT I will today....if she won't use my surname, then we aren't destined to marry

if she prefers to use it accompanied with her dad's and make a compound crap of the two,its fine....it only means she's still too young to get married by my standards so she can spend a few more years in her father's compound (that's the best compound for her) not my 'name compound'


P.S: there are so many babes for one to giv me such headache. And i'll be sure to raise this issue early in courtship judging by the comments from 'modern' girls around here.

U nailed it bro....4get dos ladies acting like pple recovering frm high fever

some folks just watched frozen fever i guess.

According to my religion the woman doesn't av to take up the husband's surname after marriage, it's even encouraged for the woman to be recognised wt her father's name, na her husband's family born am and brought her up?
But this is our own culture, if the woman doesn't want to drop her father's name, then she shld make a compound name of it wt her husband's own, shikena.

chocolateme:
Hmm..
What about something like this "Chioma Chukwuka Akpotha"? She doesn't want it either?
Ok so she wants your brother is going to join her in answering her surname too.
Please tell your brother I said that this is the first sign of a disobedient wife.

'Disobedient' wife? Because she refused to abandon the identity she's grown up with for years? I disagree. What would you then say about the man trying so hard to force his name on her? Because I think that is the first sign of dictatorship marriage, where the woman has no say in matters involving her. Is that the kind of marriage you are advocating for?

Personally, I don't see anything wrong in a woman 'choosing' to keep her name. She is marrying the man after all, not his name. And the same goes for him; he's marrying the woman, not her name. Men should learn to understand this; a woman isn't a property you slap your name on. She has a choice too. And denying her that isn't fair. Because she chooses to keep her name doesn't make her disobedient. And because she 'chooses' (note that I used the word 'choose' not 'accept'? Because a woman being married to a man doesn't mean she has relinquished her right to choose) to adopt her husband's surname does not mean the marriage will last. Because in a marriage, it is not the name that matters, it is the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

ILoveToFuCcK:
Please am not a good writer bear with me..Thank you

Ermm where should i start from seff??

My big bro is currently in this dilemma..
He has a fiance ..They're wedding date has been set already(although they have not started printing the Invitation card)..

Last three weeks he was jokingly playing with his girlfriend(wife to be) when he uttered the statement "Very soon you'll be known as Mrs Adekunle" (not the real name)

Then the girlfriend responded that she wants to keep her surname and add it to the guys surname... that she doesnt want to completely throw away her surname
My bro rejected the idea.. it all started like a joke but now its a big problem

My bro is threatening to call off the marriage just because of this funny issue
The girl is also forming "strong head" claiming she will stand by her decision (NB shes a lawyer by profession )
Funny enough her mum is also fully behind her(her dad is late)

My brother said its either she sticks with only his surname or He calls off the wedding

My brother loves the girl.. and I know she loves him too
Do you think my brother is being immature with this issue?
Should my brother go on with the wedding or should he Call it off??

Haba ur brother is selfish, I even thought she didn't want to bear his surname at all. What's the big deal if she bears a compound name, she is the one bearing the name not him. Ur brother can't compromise and he wants to force his idea on the woman.
Was it ur family tht gave birth to her, took care of her from birth till now? So she wants to stick wt her family's name, ur brother is crying.
He shld call off the wedding nau, nonsense. If he calls it off, the woman shld even be happy cos she has not found a good husband.

niceeric:
I really don't 'put mouth' in this kinda matter on NL cos it's usually not worth it....BUT I will today....if she won't use my surname, then we aren't destined to marry

if she prefers to use it accompanied with her dad's and make a compound crap of the two,its fine....it only means she's still too young to get married by my standards so she can spend a few more years in her father's compound (that's the best compound for her) not my 'name compound'


P.S: there are so many babes for one to giv me such headache. And i'll be sure to raise this issue early in courtship judging by the comments from 'modern' girls around here.

I noticed you said 'compound crap'. That right there is evident of the way you see a woman's background; her father's name, the identity she's grown with for years - you disrespect these things because you feel your own name is superior. I think that is a very sad character for any man to have.

There are women who would choose to adopt your name though. I agree. But you seem to think you are the real deal; that you are doing women a favor by marrying them; that all other women would fall at your feet if you decide not to marry another woman. I find that very funny. You have your own preferences in a woman. And women also have preferences when it comes to men. And believe me brother, not all women are looking to marry men who refer to their father's name as 'crap' and who show a great disregard for their background.

But that is besides the point. The point is this: No woman on this planet owes you anything. She doesn't owe you her name, she doesn't owe you her virginity, she doesn't owe you her time, and she sure as hell doesn't owe you her life. If any woman chooses to give you all these things, it's not because you have a right to them, it is because she chooses to do so. Because at the end of the day, a woman, be it girl, lady, or wife, forever has a right to choose. No man, husband or not, can ever take that right away from her. So consider it an honor if a woman chooses to take your name, not your birthright. Because you were not born with a certificate claiming rights over any woman.

I should also add, because a woman agrees to the things I've said doesn't make her immature. It only means she understands her right and wishes to explore them. And I understand why most men would find it annoying; because they are so used to women living by their rules. Did you know Islam encourages women to keep their name? By this knowledge, what then would you say about a muslim girl living by the rules of her religion? Would you refer to the very act as 'crap'? Think about that for a moment.

HaneefahRN:

Haba ur brother is selfish, I even thought she didn't want to bear his surname at all. What's the big deal if she bears a compound name, she is the one bearing the name not him. Ur brother can't compromise and he wants to force his idea on the woman.
Was it ur family tht gave birth to her, took care of her from birth till now? So she wants to stick wt her family's name, ur brother is crying.
He shld call off the wedding nau, nonsense. If he calls it off, the woman shld even be happy cos she has not found a good husband.

Exactly. He wants to force his decisions on the woman without any compromise. And he wants to use their marriage to coerce her into living by his rules. That is the first sign of a dictatorship marriage right there. If he can threaten to leave her over a name that do not in anyway guarantee the success of any marriage, what lengths would he go to force his ideas on her if they got married?

ILoveToFuCcK:

The same thing i told him..
But he claims he doesnt want such..
He wants her to take up our surname fully

Then perhaps your brother doesn't love her, he loves his name.

What I think about this is that any man who obsesses about it is a very silly man. Silly and small minded.

As far as the ladies, to each their own. If u wanna keep ur surname, who cares, if ur hubby is down with it. However u should have a good reason to do so IMO....
Eg. Ur career, family name/history

[size=30pt]THANKS FOR YOUR POSTS YOU'ALL IT WENT A LONG WAY IN TALKING SENSES INTO HIM[/size]

[size=4pt]Although its obvious hes not tottaly comfortable with the compound name ish
but e be like say e don agree[/size]

Craven:


I noticed you said 'compound crap'. That right there is evident of the way you see a woman's background; her father's name, the identity she's grown with for years - you disrespect these things because you feel your own name is superior. I think that is a very sad character for any man to have.

There are women who would choose to adopt your name though. I agree. But you seem to think you are the real deal; that you are doing women a favor by marrying them; that all other women would fall at your feet if you decide not to marry another woman. I find that very funny. You have your own preferences in a woman. And women also have preferences when it comes to men. And believe me brother, not all women are looking to marry men who refer to their father's name as 'crap' and who show a great disregard for their background.

But that is besides the point. The point is this: No woman on this planet owes you anything. She doesn't owe you her name, she doesn't owe you her virginity, she doesn't owe you her time, and she sure as hell doesn't owe you her life. If any woman chooses to give you all these things, it's not because you have a right to them, it is because she chooses to do so. Because at the end of the day, a woman, be it girl, lady, or wife, forever has a right to choose. No man, husband or not, can ever take that right away from her. So consider it an honor if a woman chooses to take your name, not your birthright. Because you were not born with a certificate claiming rights over any woman.

I should also add, because a woman agrees to the things I've said doesn't make her immature. It only means she understands her right and wishes to explore them. And I understand why most men would find it annoying; because they are so used to women living by their rules. Did you know Islam encourages women to keep their name? By this knowledge, what then would you say about a muslim girl living by the rules of her religion? Would you refer to the very act as 'crap'? Think about that for a moment.

Omo see epistle on top my head........u misinterpreted almost all of my post anyway
compound name crap doesn't mean her name is crap, it means a mixture of our surnames is crap.
anyway I noticed u were all out for my head, but my resolve is rigid, as long as it's tradition that she takes my surname and not me take hers, It has to remain that way or no marriage would take place......babes no be my problem sha I'll still maintain

It is the legal right of every woman to either adopt her husband's surname or retain her maiden name.

Craven:


Exactly. He wants to force his decisions on the woman without any compromise. And he wants to use their marriage to coerce her into living by his rules. That is the first sign of a dictatorship marriage right there. If he can threaten to leave her over a name that do not in anyway guarantee the success of any marriage, what lengths would he go to force his ideas on her if they got married?

Don't mind the chauvinistic man, they think women are their properties wtout a mind of their own they can stamp whatever name tht pleases them on

niceeric:

Omo see epistle on top my head........u misinterpreted almost all of my post anyway
compound name crap doesn't mean her name is crap, it means a mixture of our surnames is crap.
anyway I noticed u were all out for my head, but my resolve is rigid, as long as it's tradition that she takes my surname and not me takes hers, It has to remain that way or no marriage would take place......babes no be my problem sha I'll still maintain

Are u the one to bear the crap names? If she decides not to let go of her surname and makes it compound wt her own, what's her business if it's crap to u, she is the one to bear the name.

HaneefahRN:

Are u the one to bear the crap names? If she decides not to let go of her surname and makes it compound wt her own, what's her business if it's crap to u, she is the one to bear the name.

ma'am,the solution to the question above is right in the post I made....if she doesn't see my name fit to become hers,then she isn't fit to be my wife plus marriage to her isnt by force and vice versa.
my house, my rules.......no place for undue feminism with me.

niceeric:

Omo see epistle on top my head........u misinterpreted almost all of my post anyway
compound name crap doesn't mean her name is crap, it means a mixture of our surnames is crap.
anyway I noticed u were all out for my head, but my resolve is rigid, as long as it's tradition that she takes my surname and not me takes hers, It has to remain that way or no marriage would take place......babes no be my problem sha I'll still maintain

Who is going to be addressed by the names? You should be grateful that she is accepting to take your name sef.

daretodiffer:


Who is going to be addressed by the names? You should be grateful that she is accepting to take your name sef.

see, If u won't take your husband's name or you're not even taking his if you're married already, good for you if he accepts....perhaps some dudes don't mind BUT with me, no lady is my only option for marriage, if the conditions aren't right to her,we split and another comes in.
I know most ladies are only forming feminists online as it's a way to show themselves strong but it's to me a way to show inferiority complex cos women have always had this strength over men so y claim some extra 'pseudo' strength through unrealistic feminism?...well,na una sabi

niceeric:

ma'am,the solution to the question above is right in the post I made....if she doesn't see my name fit to become hers,then she isn't fit to be my wife plus marriage to her isnt by force and vice versa.
my house, my rules.......no place for undue feminism with me.

Use your brain. How is this undue feminism? Are you a father? Is she your property? What right do you have over her other than marital rights which is also the same she has over you? Are you suggesting that she abandons her identity because of one stupi.d union?

She can have several husbands but she will only have one father. Therefore you won't have anything on her if not for your union with her.

It is no longer your house when you are married. Learn how to use ‘our' as in our house, it is either you build the house together or she contributes to it during the course of marriage. Regardless, it is as much her home as it is yours