Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals,

White-Americans and African-Americans. They are marrying, not for the primarily purpose of acquiring “greencard,” but for other noble

reasons. They marry, not for the curiosity, but because they are bonded and are determined to make a success of the marriage institution;

they are bonded by love and faith and a commitment to one another to live their lives as one in a happy matrimony.

The more I notice this phenomenon, the more I wonder about some Nigerian men. I wonder. Culturally, Nigerian men are overbearing,

controlling, and paternalistic. They relate to their fathers and mothers differently. They believe it is “a man’s world” and so they have the

tendency to relegate women to subservient roles. True, things are changing. True globalization and modernity and westernization are

impacting the Nigerian culture. In cities across Nigeria, these changes are noticeable; but over all, the effects of these changes are minimal.

A Nigerian may be well read, well educated and well traveled, in the end though, he will succumb to the weight and influence of the Nigerian

culture.

We have a society where anthropological and sociological behaviors are still paramount. For instance, a great many Nigerians still practice

levirate and sororate marriage, and they also engage in polygyny, bridewealth, and matrilocal and patrilocal living arrangements. And in spite

of westernization, Nigerians are still not comfortable with public display of affection, i.e. kissing and verbal declaration of love; and neither are

they comfortable with open and public discussions of abortion, sex and exotic sex acts. That Nigerians are not comfortable with such public

declarations and have not completely embraced westernization is due, to a large extent, on the hold the traditional African culture has on the

vast majority of the populace. At the core of every Nigerian, and indeed every African, is the thumbprint, the umbilical cord of their ancestors.

This non-public declaration and display of love and affection is not unique to Nigerians living in Nigeria. No! The vast majority of Nigerians

living in the United States are loath to engage in such practices, too. Furthermore, most Nigerians do not engage in endearing practices like

candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park, or even running the bath for their wives or lovers. It would surprise most

westerners to know that a typical Nigerian father or mother would rarely, if ever, utter affectionate or confidence-building words like “I love

you…” to their children; yet, the children have no doubt that their parents love them. Children are the crowing glory of any respectable

Nigerian family.

Haven digressed a bit, I return to the issue of Nigerian men and their foreign wives. I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the

transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western

world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world

belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and

sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes

honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul?

How were they able to adjust to living under a different set of rules and matrimonial conventions? How is it that a breed of men married to

their fellow countrywomen would behave in a given and predictable manner; but then adjust to a different matrimonial lifestyle when married

to foreigners? When they are with the Nigerian women, these men are all about control and power and they expect their wives to cook and

clean and raise babies and provide sex on demand; but with the foreign wives, their balls shrink! Such men live by schedule. They have daily

and weekly schedule of when to do the laundry and the dishes; of whose turn it is to empty the thrash; and of whose turn it is to sweep and

mop the floor; and of when to eat out and cook at home.

These men — especially if married to White women — feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed. These men meet and exceed all

matrimonial expectations; but would rubbish and dominate their Nigerian women. What is it about a White woman that makes the Nigerian

male lose his senses? Could it be because of their skin color and their supposed sensuality and submissive attitude in bed? Could it be

because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in? Or perhaps it

has to do with the warped mentality of some Nigerian men who thinks everything white is good and desirable and so must be had!

Why are Nigerian men afraid to turn control over to their Nigerian wives? Why are they averse to showing their sensitive side? Why the need

to control and dominate? Why are Nigerian men reluctant to take their wives on a romantic walk to the parks and beaches, buy roses and

cards? Why the need to bottle up their romantic side? Why have they refused to do for their Nigerian wives what they would heartily do for

non-Nigerian women? After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house.

They usually do not demand for more than is earthly possible. And way more than their foreign counterparts they understand what it means

to be a wife and a partner; they understand what it means to be part of the extended family.

When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their

in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about

non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes.

For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about

“us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly

or quarterly remittances.

Yes, some of us can’t help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw

you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not

likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other

crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul! Again and again and again, they

have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are![color=#006600][/color]

Nigerian ladies,do have thick skin to stomach Nigerian men excesses,but it is different with their foriegn counterpart,nigerian men tend to respect and value their non nigerian wives because of (1) the foriegn ladies have a vast knowledge of the law and their rights as a person (2) they insis on statutory marriages which gives them an hedge over their husband (3)the don't really give a damn about religion,like here in nigeria where divorce is a taboo because of christianity,and if a woman is divorced,people view her like a failure that she was not able to keep her marriage.(4) the non nigerian ladies are mostly independent,they don't rely on men's money,the work and make their money,unlike here,that most ladies make it as a point of duty to get money from men for everything at a point he will feel he owns u another point is level of exposure.

Abeg enough of this cheap flattery, some Nigerian men should really learn to respect women whether local or foreign. Its not because I'm Nigerian that one man will think he can maltreat me and get away with it.







#my two kobo

Suigeneris93:
Abeg enough of this cheap flattery, some Nigerian men should really learn to respect women whether local or foreign. Its not because I'm Nigerian that one man will think he can maltreat me and get away with it.
#my two kobo

As an African American guy I used to always wonder how a lot of Nigerian guys can get away with things and not get labeled like us. In America there is a market for taboo which you see on TV and hear in American music. There is always an African American portrayed in these roles so people believe we're all a monolith, that we all have the same brains, dreams, values, etc. Nigerian guys on the other hand always dodge this by sheilding themselves with "culture." Many of them advertise that they are "family guys" with a bright future and willing to provide but not all of them reflect those values when they come to America. It's as if many of them come to "let loose" and live out fantasies all the while maintaining the Nigerian image with their families. If they are caught in a scandal their family just says they've "been in America too long" and that they should come home, they always scapegoat by blaming some of the culture seen on TV in America.

If things get really desperate they'll blame African American men for their behavior, I've witnessed this personally several times. a few years ago I was in college and also working managing a store; I had several Nigerian male employees who were a little older than me. A few of them had famlies back home in Nigeria but were secretely dating African American women who would visit their job and they'd go out on lunch breaks with. In college I've also witnessed some Nigerian men pulling the "oh baby, oh baby" routine with African American women, they were quick to try to get to the 'bedroom.' I think they assume that because the woman is African American she has no values at all and it's easy to get into bed with her as opposed to a Nigerian woman, but they have no intention of introducing this girl to their Nigerian family. I know this African American woman who graduated college with a great job, she's raising a son alone that she had with a Nigerian man who she thought loved her. He told her he wanted a family and promised he would not mistreat her and she made the mistake of sleeping with him before marriage...Eventually he did marry her, but he was sketchy about introducing her to his family and when he finally did approach his family about her they did not approve so he left the US without warning and went back to Nigeria. She tried to reach him for a long time and each time she only made contact with someone from his family who made an excuse for him, finally she had to file for divorce because he had abandoned her.

He told his family the baby wasn't his and they believed it because she was African American and he was Nigerian. A little later he tried to return to the states to continue pursuing his degree in nursing, which previously she had been paying for. When he did he was arrested for not paying child support, he was forced to take a DNA test where the child was proved to be his which was embarrassing to his family. The point I'm trying to make is that each individual chooses how they will treat people and culture isn't always the deciding factor in that, sometimes greed and selfishness is. Don't judge a person by the last conversation you had with them or promises, you have to look at their entire life and the decisions they make, how they treat others...you have to know their story, especially if you're coming to America. In Nigeria since I've never been I can only imagine that expectations and culture is everything so people may assume you're on the up and up simply because of culture. In America you can't trust everyone, people have to be tested so I'm always surprised with how many Nigerian men can get away with things while I'm stereotyped as the bad guy even if I'm not bad.

I'm always surprised with how many Nigerian men can get away with things while I'm stereotyped as the bad guy even if I'm not bad.

it's the system doing that.

but, you did not mention scamming at all, which Nigerian men (or Nigerians) are stereotyped with while AA men are not.