Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,199,887 members, 7,973,043 topics. Date: Saturday, 12 October 2024 at 06:47 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. (16191 Views)
Why Nigerian Men Hardly Forgive A Cheating Woman / Nigerian Men In USA, Killing Their Imported Wives From Nigeria. / How Infidelity Landed Some Nigerian Men And Women In Hospitals (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:00am On Dec 23, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: I do know it. When the husband set up a shop, the woman didn't feel like working there even though the kids were grown. What the hell was she doing all day long? There is nothing unusual about that sort of arrangement - an arrangement which has worked well for many couples. Do not underestimate the contribution of a stay-at-home mum or parent. Not everyone is built or even wants to be a high-flying career go-getter. Many couples choose this option because they want well-balanced kids. Kids who'll come home from school to a clean house, hot meals, etc. Or for the younger ones, having a parent waiting for them at the school gates after school to take them home, as opposed to a nanny / househelp. There is nothing wrong with that for a limited period of time but kids grow and become more self-reliant so what do you do when they grow up? And why is it not possible for a mother to at least work for a few hours a week or part time once the kids go to school? Human beings will always want more and will always want to experience the "other" aspect of life which is different to what they currently have / live. And that's no different to what happened in this example you've given. Now let's be realistic. Death / ill-health is no respector of gender. Just as you say anything could have happened to the man, anything could likewise have happened to his wife too. She too could have met her demise early on in life or struck down by ill health. Secondly, prior to the man's business crumbling (due to the economic crises you mention), would he have attained that height without the woman's input - or better still, are you saying the woman looking after the homefront had no contribution to his success? The husband didn't want something for the sake of having it. He was deeply troubled and had no support from the person who was supposed to be there for him. Of course a mother can die too but the difference is that the husband will still be able to feed his kids whereas many widows won't. If the man hadn't married, he would have still been able to run a business. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by EfemenaXY: 11:01am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Sagamite: Lol @ the bolded. You do have some hardline stance - but at least you're open and upfront about it. Yep - it's all about choices at the end of the day. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:03am On Dec 23, 2015 |
TooNoisy: Sorry sir! I have forgotten that you are the angels: D 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:03am On Dec 23, 2015 |
pickabeau1: Well, many men on this forum seem to be. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by SAMBARRY: 11:06am On Dec 23, 2015 |
EfemenaXY:ok na let's watch and see |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:06am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Sh0llypopz: True but I still don't understand why Africans can never be innovative. The progress that takes place in Africa is always the result of the imitation of the Western world but never anything original. And even the imitation is always delayed. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:07am On Dec 23, 2015 |
pickabeau1: On this forum, Nigerian women are biitches, sluts, gold diggers, rude, arrogant, disloyal and liars...if you go by what men post here. 6 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by TooNoisy(f): 11:10am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: The question really should be why should a stay at home parent always be the woman? It is perfectly normal and ok to have a woman be the stay at home parent. Infact we even praise her because it is not easy to be a house wife. But let a woman create a thread saying her husband is not working at the moment, you will hear a very different reaction. They will say he is lazy, useless and an slowpoke. Nigerian women cannot demand equality and still create a very different set of rules from evaluating the contributions of men and women. That is the difference with white women. The whites play fair with the rules. The man and woman take turns to baby-sit but she also contributes to the home. Even while dating, she offers to pay for vacation sometimes and she pays for some of the dates. 3 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:10am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Sh0llypopz: If I have to count the number of times I have been asked to consider ‘my future' before I chose my undergraduate career, I will never blame a Nigerian woman for financially depending on her husband. A woman can aspire but she cannot aspire too much. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by pickabeau1: 11:13am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: See? daretodiffer: I disagree The level of hate towards guys is gargantuan |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:13am On Dec 23, 2015 |
TooNoisy: People will tell you that women are better at this because nature made it so. They carry the kids for nine months and they must breastfeed so they must stay at home as the father can't do the same. Nigerian women cannot demand equality and still create a very different set of rules from evaluating the contributions of men and women. That is the difference with white women. The whites play fair with the rules. The man and woman take turns to baby-sit but she also contributes to the home. Even while dating, she offers to pay for vacation sometimes and she pays for some of the dates. Very true! |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:14am On Dec 23, 2015 |
TooNoisy: I keep telling to stop using stereotypes http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/feb/08/men-women-cleaning-gender-divide-middle-class-men-do-less http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-206381/Working-women-housework.html http://edition.cnn.com/2015/03/05/opinions/kohn-gender-roles-cleaning/ |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Olasco93: 11:15am On Dec 23, 2015 |
I really don't know much about being married though, but at least am learning the needful here on ways to make things work out right before, during and after ours. . All of the Comments above me all made 'some' meaningful points, positive/negative about White Women and their Nigerian counterparts. But for me, i think it's all about individuals and their different MINDSET of the Nigerian Man, Woman and the Whites respectively. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:15am On Dec 23, 2015 |
pickabeau1: I am sorrt but you cannot disagree with this 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:18am On Dec 23, 2015 |
daretodiffer: Have you read these articles? |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by babygirlfl: 11:19am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Sh0llypopz: Well said 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by EfemenaXY: 11:21am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: There's nothing wrong with not wanting to work in a shop. Whose idea was it that she work in a shop? And more importantly was that the only option available to her? Have you considered that she might have wanted something completely different but the man was probably against it as per wanting her to operate close to the homefront? Not everyone is cut to sit at at a shop all day selling goods / services to customers. I for one particularly detest it - but this isn't about me. Mindfulness: Doing what exactly? Something "small" here and there? Again it's about choice and interest. But let's look at this from a different angle: Assuming this woman went to Uni and bagged a degree in a field that is dynamic to change - e.g Computer Science. How realistic would it be for her to get back in there after being away from the working environment for so long? Assuming she had 3 or 4 kids over a period of 10 - 12 years, What would her chances be of getting a job in her field compared to her younger, fresher-faced counterparts just out of Uni? Mindfulness: That doesn't address the question I asked you...which was: does being a stay-at-home parent (or mum) equate to having no hand in a spouse's success? Her being at home was utterly useless? Have you considered that in order to do well, one needs to be of a sound, and peaceful mindset? Who in their right minds will feel settled coming home to an unkempt house with kids not looked after properly? Can such a person think sanely in such an environment? Mindfulness: The question wasn't about whether he would be able to feed his kids or not in the absence of his wife. The question was how well he'd have progressed with building up the business if she wasn't around to help play her part - and yes, the stay-at-home mum played an important part towards the success of that business. It wasn't her fault that an economic downturn occurred. ****MODIFIED**** Mindfulness: Really? So for the 30 odd years they were married what was she doing then if not supporting him? He suddenly discovered he was "deeply" troubled after his kids had grown, flown the nest, and madam was no longer fresh-faced but suddenly an old woman? Do you for one second think his alternative woman would have successfully combined looking after his kids and run her business to the standard he met? Talk about wanting a ready-made setting. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:22am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: I did not read the last one. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Sh0llypopz: 11:25am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Shymm3x: The second highlighted sentence makes my blood boil because women (especially black women) have always been raised to blame themselves for the shortcomings of the opposite sex. Women are raped because they weren't dressed properly, they were violently abused because they provoked the man with their tongue, their husbands cheated because they got fat and so on. My issue is this, at what point do you as a black man start to hold other black men to the same standard you hold your women? At what point do you tell your fellow kinsmen to take responsibilities for their actions? Are you you trying to tell me that you are not aware of the self-hate a lot of black men have? A Nigerian man who has no problem beating his wife would hesitate when it comes to hitting Becky because he knows Becky's rights are protected. Moreover, Becky also has white privilege. He knows that white men would never tolerate a black man hitting one of their women. Na straight to jail. We black women do not have that. Our men are "endangered species", there is no one to protect us. Black women are raised tough. We are raised to be strong, we are raised to "hold down" our men. We are raised to not focus on "silly" things like romance but be prepared to protect our men because they already have it rough. So, we suffer in silence. We reduce our expectations and we grow up to be women who coddle their sons but hard on their daughters. It's so sad, we are expected to understand the black man, to not call the police on him because a lot of black men are in jail. Yet, these same black men become yes men to Beckys because Beckys have something that black women do not? Like what Shy? BTW, where is Ileke? What happened to the common wealth thread? I came back and it looks like no one was commenting on the thread anymore. 6 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by TooNoisy(f): 11:40am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Sh0llypopz: Interesting, black women have all these great qualities but black men are horrible, unromantic etc. May be I should bring the white man into the picture. Why do you think Nigerian women are not exactly appealing to white men and men of other nationalities. If indeed Nigerian women possess all these great and wonderful qualities which should make them endearing to men of any colour or nationality. The question is why? More Nigerian men would prefer Becky to Adesua and the average white guy wouldn't even think of Adesua. Well may be Adesua should examine herself and stop believing that she is the best thing God created. She believes she is way better than Becky but the rest of the world disagrees with her. Truth is that she should stop her self deceit. The first thing the Nigerian women needs to know is that most men today do not want a stay at home wife. I did not say all, but I will say at least 75% of Nigerian men do not want a stay at home wife. This basically means get a job and be relevant to your society. More men want women who are intellectually presentable. I am not talking about women who understand quantum physics, but women who can at least solve basic problems in the house on their own without waiting for the man for everything. And women who can discuss something more than African Magic and Telemundo. Most Nigerian men seek self advancement even after marriage, but you see our women pad-locking their brains once they are married and start giving birth. Nigerian men can hand over control to a white woman or a Nigerian woman that shows ability to handle that control. But if you don't even know anything about anything, what do you want to control. 6 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:42am On Dec 23, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: She didn't want to work at all, not even when her husband was struggling financially. If my husband was struggling financially, I would even clean toilets to help him out if I had no other option. Doing what exactly? Something "small" here and there? Again it's about choice and interest. But let's look at this from a different angle: Assuming this woman went to Uni and bagged a degree in a field that is dynamic to change - e.g Computer Science. How realistic would it be for her to get back in there after being away from the working environment for so long? Assuming she had 3 or 4 kids over a period of 10 - 12 years, What would her chances be of getting a job in her field compared to her younger, fresher-faced counterparts just out of Uni? Efe, there are millions of options and opportunities in life if you are willing. I have no understanding for people who are not willing to work. There is always something one can do. My great-grandmother had six kids and was working. All women in my family have been working. No woman said that she is unable to work because she has kids to look after. Women have always been working, even back in the day helping out on farms. I don't even know when the notion developed that a woman's life begins and ends with children. It has not even been like this back in the day. My grandmothers were working on farms, picking what they planted, feeding the animals, my grandma was even killing them That doesn't address the question I asked you...which was: does being a stay-at-home parent (or mum) equate to having no hand in a spouse's success? Her being at home was utterly useless? Have you considered that in order to do well, one needs to be of a sound, and peaceful mindset? Who in their right minds will feel settled coming home to an unkempt house with kids not looked after properly? Can such a person think sanely in such an environment? This is one of the arguments some people here use on threads which justify the hilarious amounts of money women take after divorce. No, she has no hand in his business. His business is his business. He would have it with or without her. The children are theirs and they take care of them together in different ways. The question wasn't about whether he would be able to feed his kids or not in the absence of his wife. The question was how well he'd have progressed with building up the business if she wasn't around to help play her part - and yes, the stay-at-home mum played an important part towards the success of that business. It wasn't her fault that an economic downturn occurred. This is a flawed premise. You make it look like the husband was out doing business for himself while she was taking care of their kids for the benefit of all. In fact, he was working for the financial security of them all and she was taking care of the home front. Besides, he was dedicating time to his kids after work was done. The difference is that when things go sour, she is left with almost nothing and is at his mercy whereas his life goes on. Moreover, once the kids grow, of what use are you then? I would never recommend any woman that she stays at home without a Plan B for now and for her future. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Sh0llypopz: 11:43am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: I don't have the answers but this is what I think- Poverty and Religion. We can't be worried about developing a new technology or travelling to space because we still have fundamental problems like lack of water, food, healthcare, education and so on. Secondly, we have become so dependent on religion. We have learned to not fight and struggle for what belongs to us but to look to God to save us. These two I blame on colonialism but I often wondered if killing of twins, and some of the barbaric things that took place in some African ethnic groups would have continued if our lands weren't invaded by white people. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:47am On Dec 23, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: She was supporting him by cooking and cleaning for 30 years. What a life. He suddenly discovered he was "deeply" troubled after his kids had grown, flown the nest, and madam was no longer fresh-faced but suddenly an old woman? Do you for one second think his alternative woman would have successfully combined looking after his kids and run her business to the standard he met? Talk about wanting a ready-made setting. He was troubled when his business began to crumble. By the way, his new woman is loaded so really not looking after his money as she was the one who helped him re-create his business. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by pickabeau1: 11:47am On Dec 23, 2015 |
daretodiffer: ok |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 11:51am On Dec 23, 2015 |
Sh0llypopz: Poverty should drive people instead of stopping them. Religion is definitely a problem or shall I rather say what people make out of it. Thanks for the answers. I won't dig deeper into it as we would derail too much and simple answers wouldn't do this topic proper justice. |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by bukatyne(f): 11:57am On Dec 23, 2015 |
pickabeau1: You are not objective if you do not notice the hate towards Nigerian women on this forum. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by EfemenaXY: 12:01pm On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: A paid maid / house help could have done all of that. Try harder. What did he need a wife for? Mindfulness: And his crumbling business was her fault? Meaning a spouse's business goes bust, the next thing to do is blame the other half and go look for comfort outside? Re the bolded: you're missing the point. Does this new woman of his have kids and if so, does she have the same number of kids as he? And are they of the same age? If not, why not? |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Sh0llypopz: 12:01pm On Dec 23, 2015 |
TooNoisy: Are you projecting your own issues and low self-esteem? I was never of the impression that white men weren't attracted to Nigerian women; that seems ridiculous considering the number of interracial couples I have met. And if for whatever reason white men aren't attracted to a Nigerian women, it would be a black issue not a Nigerian issue. Black women have never been the standard of beauty in the western world because a lot of white people believed in the white race being superior. Black people were seen as animals, less smart and thing of mockery to them. It shocks me that a black woman (if you are one and not a troll) would make the comment you made if you are aware of Sara Baartman and your history. More Nigerian men would prefer Becky to Adesua and the average white guy wouldn't even think of Adesua. Well may be Adesua should examine herself and stop believing that she is the best thing God created. She believes she is way better than Becky but the rest of the world disagrees with her.Your point is moot because your have no statistics or numbers to prove your ridiculous claims. Truth is that she should stop her self deceit. The first thing the Nigerian women needs to know is that most men today do not want a stay at home wife. I did not say all, but I will say at least 75% of Nigerian men do not want a stay at home wife. This basically means get a job and be relevant to your society. More men want women who are intellectually presentable. I am not talking about women who understand quantum physics, but women who can at least solve basic problems in the house on their own without waiting for the man for everything. And women who can discuss something more than African Magic and Telemundo. As far as I'm concerned, white women aren't smarter than Nigerian women. They only have access to better education, better funding and their society encourages them to pursue their dreams. This cannot be said for the Nigerian woman growing up in a patriarchal society that glorifies gender roles. How can you beat up Nigerian women for not being career oriented when you champion gender roles? You train these women to see men as head of the home and providers, yet you berate them for thinking the way the society has taught them to? If you want more career oriented women, you have to give way for feminism in Nigeria. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by bukatyne(f): 12:08pm On Dec 23, 2015 |
tearoses: @Bold, true But again, not everyone is working with that definition or outlook towards marriage. The posts on this thread has still not addressed the OP's POV that Nigerian husbands treat their non-Nigerian wives better than Nigerian wives. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Sh0llypopz: 12:09pm On Dec 23, 2015 |
Mindfulness: LOL! Yes, it drives them to scamming. Do you know the amount of money America puts towards research in a year? If you have drive and no resources, you can't achieve nothing. We don't even have facilities for proper education talk less of developing new technologies. You're right 3 Likes |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by Nobody: 12:10pm On Dec 23, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: Exactly my point. And his crumbling business was her fault? Meaning a spouse's business goes bust, the next thing to do is blame the other half and go look for comfort outside? The first thing was to look for comfort inside, which was denied. Re the bolded: you're missing the point. Does this new woman of his have kids and if so, does she have the same number of kids as he? And are they of the same age? If not, why not? She has younger kids. Actually Efe, I didn't share this story to discuss it though it is fun but to demonstrate what can happen when you rely on anyone else for everything. This is life! Whoever decides to stay at home for longer than necessary is at their own. Whatever we may think of it morally, is secondary, the point is that it is not a single incidence. 1 Like |
Re: Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives. A Must Read. by pickabeau1: 12:16pm On Dec 23, 2015 |
bukatyne: Interesting coming from you... all your posts denigrate Nigerian men, their bible, their God.. I don't hate Nigerian women of course some male posters carry it too far but not as much as the vitriol coming from you females |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Reply)
How Children With Responsible Parents Suddenly Becoming Bad / Morally Bankrupt Kids – How To Avoid Raising Them / School Sent My Sisters Wards Away For Trying To Address Bullying
Viewing this topic: 1 guest(s)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 137 |