Human beings have weakness but this my own is killing me. It is anger and I have tried severally to work on it but sometimes its bounces back on me. I am a mature single lady in my late twenties and to some extent people tell me I took after my mother in my character. I know temperament has a role to play in our life but environment should be able to shape us. I am easily angered and when I do I can shout at anybody be it my subordinates in office or my friends around me. This anger usually arise from the aspect that when I expect people to measure up and they don't, it gets me angry and pissed off that I would think they don't have common sense.When a boss is not measuring up and does not act when he or she is supposed to and things go wrong I get angry and irritated. Some people say I am impatient and I think to some extent they are right.

Sometimes I want things to go my way because I might think my way is the best and if u don't listen and it backfires u are in trouble because I might nag, shout and be angry.If someone didn't measure up I tend to be angry that they didn't use their common sense and people have tried to counsel me that human beings are not the same that I should take an individual as they come, but I must tell u with me is difficult because there is a minimum standard u should expect of human beings. Am I wrong to conclude that way?

I am a ChlorSan, people that know about temperament will tell that this two temperament combine is not easy.People also say I am bossy and controlling in which is not a good trait for a wife. I really need help from Nairalanders cos I don't want this problem to pose as a problem for me in my career and my home when I eventually get married.At my work place some people already noticed that I am easily provoked.I have read books on temperament and how to control anger but I must tell u it is not easy for me at all. After every shout and anger towards people I feel so embarrassed and I regret it and I begin to ask myself why couldn't I just keep quiet at that moment. Please genuine advice are welcome.

We get fooled easily with this temperament issue, I was of the same mind frame whenever I do something wrong I tend to blame it on my temperament and I go "that is the way I am". But when you start taking responsibility for your actions and deep down you want to be a better person, you will be more cautious of yourself. Whenever I am angry at someone I breathe in and out for 10 secs and mind what I say to that person.
For someone who is angry at everything, definitely you will be angry at yourself at times.

@mylove4him - Recognition of your weakness means you are closer to solving it. Attitude problem is the worst characteristic a woman could have. It could ruin your personality and your marriage.

You dont get any results when you are too bossy. At your position you should know that individual differences exist. Learn how to carry people along and always remember that it is not good for you as a woman to be bossy. You need to seriously and continually checkmate your utterances. Learn to do more of Listening than talking and always be patience. Acknowledge that human beings are not perfect including you. I am sure you dont want to be a nagging wife so it is important you deal with it now.

I recommend that you go for Leadership training/courses as this will help you.

Wonderful advise you have there by Chaircover and co, but dont treat yourself with kid glove because Anger  is like an acid in a plastic container, It does more harm to the container than on the object it is poured.
Anger lies in the bosom of the fool says the scriptures,
If you take off in Anger, you will have a bad landing,
Anger is one letter short of danger,
Anger is giving control of your live to others and circumstances,
Anger is a destiny destroyer, .

], Bottom line anger is not worth the trip, better suffer fool gladly than found playing the fool in anger. Ben Carson the world renowned neurosurgeon would have ended up in jail as a teenager due to anger with his dream dashed if he had not learnt to drop anger fast ( read Gifted hands to get first hand information) Above all Benjamin Disreali, Abraham lincon, and most people who had affected their generation positivley started out by conquering themselves, their temperament and their anger. Join the league. Anger is for losers lose it fast[/b].

[b][s]Hint: learn to say less or even keep quiet when you have reach your boiling point[/s].

My dad told me that he used to have a really bad anger problem. Someone told him in the 70's that that kind of anger could ruin his life. It kind of surprised me because my dad is a very gentle man but going with what chaircover said, my dad is also a very spiritual and disciplined person. He lives his life strictly by the Bible so I think that has helped a lot. There are many self help books out there and of course the Bible. I don't know exactly what is taught in anger management classes but I would imagine that at the very least they teach anger management so that's something you can look into. Don't expect it to change overnight. Practice makes perfect and as they say if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again

Since you already know the problem and wiling to work on it, then, the battle is won.

I had an Anger management problem.  I had to go to counseling to learn how to deal with it.  You are correct, Anger is when someone fails to meet your expectations.  I had to learn how to adjust my expectations.  The key to change is to understand the human behaviour and the body.

Just remember there are four parts of us:  behaviour-thoughts-biology(hormones)-emotion.

All parts are interconnected and have an effect on each other.  Most therapist will approach the thoughts and it will adjust the other parts of you.

My suggestion would be to get some help with a trained person.  If that is not in your means, get some books on Anger management.

@POSTER.
My dear, i understand how concerned you are because of this .I have an advice for you to join with the invaluable contributions given by chaircover and co . Please take there pieces of advice because they are made of Gold.

My one cent is this :At any point in time you encounter anything that will make u raise your voice to attract your anger issues, control yourself and keep quiet.Try to overlook so many things .Make sure you dont allow people actions to get on your nerves and try to put yourself in peoples shoes before you react to peoples actions.Always weigh actions of people before you respond.Give people the benefit of doubt and try to understand that people are different.With such understanding, you will fare better and deal better with people.Dont always expect your point to stand at all times. Life isnt configured that way .Other people might have a better idea or way of doing things which might be better than what you envisaged.PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE, GRAB IT. It will help you a lot.You are destined for greatness but get a hold of your anger issues which to me you can control it if you are determined and pray seruiously about it .There isnt any thing God cant do.Jesus is there to help.just ask him to and you would turn out a better and more controlled person.Wish you well

thanks everyone for the advice, am really happy that despite the provocation we had this few days due to mobilization I didn't raise my voice on anybody. I saw myself working out of the scene and keeping quiet when provoked. I will really do more, so help me God.

@passion up, my love I have heard everything u said and I promise u it is a phase and it will pass away, thanks 4 being there for me.

This is an indication that ppl love you try to love them back and take them they way they are remember God say love ur God and then love ur neighbour as ur self so try this, if ur angry try to go out to were u could play playing helps develop love love take away sadness.making mistake is not a problem dont be afraid to make one we all do

Your ID name is MYLOVE4HIM

If you are not careful this anger will DESTROY your URLOVE4HIM.............

Then ur eyes will open.

Shikena

guess we are opposite cos u can never make me angry.

Research health and related problems for a more comprehensive view.

God,control,breathing exercises,lower your heart rate,will... gurl, you're just a few steps from perfection

My dear try to tackle it spritually,pray to God to help u.anger is a very very bad tin.
Practice the steps recommended but don't forget God.

Let me borrow you some few tips

1. Always hold a bottle of water, whenever you are about to get angry, just take a zip. This has a physical and pyscological effect. Anger is like a 'fire' burning in you, the water will quench it. This act of zipping water would more or less become a habit and would make you to always remember not to get angry.

2. If your anger starts while in a standing position, please take a sit. And if it was in a sitting position, lie down or rest your head on your table or, which ever is convenient.

Trust me, the above will help.

Whenever you feel angry, dont talk for the next hour . hope its helps

Thanks guys. I posted this in 2012. I am a totally different person now. I can say I am more mature and can handle things differently. Thanks a bunch.

mylove4him:
Thanks guys. I posted this in 2012. I am a totally different person now. I can say I am more mature and can handle things differently. Thanks a bunch.

I'm glad you have changed

You really need help from Nairalanders







Who Nairaland don help before

tosyne2much:
I'm glad you have changed

Yea changed for good. Thank you

mylove4him:

Yea changed for good. Thank you

I sent you an email for an enquiry about a poster that contacted you, please kindly check your mail and revert

The only way so solve it is to shout at a guy or lady that won't be able to tolerate it. Maybe when the person give you the beating of your life, your behaivour will change for good.

There's a difference between someone with anger issues and a control freak....

Based on what u have stated...U got the two combined... and it's a really bad combination..

Based on the anger issues, some people count 1-20 when they they were approaching the boiling point or when they were about to explode..that gives them a little bit of time not to do something drastic...Some walks out of that place instantly.. Others do things that will give them kind of control...u have to find something that could work for u...

As for the control freak issue, u should know that people work at different pace.. if u register this in your memory, u will never be angry...also try and step in to help.. do not demand that they do this and that at a particular point in time with no help coming from u..find out the area that's gonna lag behind and make sure that it was fortified

I hope that u are a very good worker and irreplaceable because Hmmmmm!!!!

I know this thread is old but I just have to say it. People like OP are big fat hypocrites because they will never tolerate another person shouting at them the way they shout at others so easily. And can you imagine her wanting people to do things her way and nagging others because they didn't do what she said? Your friends and family really love you sha. If I was a friend and you treated me so shabbily I will so cut you out of my life and if you were family I will endlessly look for ways to undermine you and make you look stupid so you will realize you don't know everything and humble yourself.

gbadexy:

I sent you an email for an enquiry about a poster that contacted you, please kindly check your mail and revert

Haven't seen your mail.

mylove4him:

Haven't seen your mail.

I sent it to this email: unbridledpassions@yahoo.com

gbadexy:

I sent it to this email: unbridledpassions@yahoo.com

OH that is hubby's email. Please if it is targeted at me? Can u send me a PM. Can't drop my email here.

mylove4him:

OH that is hubby's email. Please if it is targeted at me? Can u send me a PM. Can't drop my email here.

Ok thanks