Laveda:
So you think every guy you come across is like your dad?
Have you even called your dad ..have a daughter and dad discussion with him? ask him if he derives joy when beating mummy..you can change your daddy girl..you're the first child ....try making peace amongst them..

Change that impression..we've got lovely men out there that shouldn't stop you from finding love...

Aristotle96:
mah dear its not easy o I swear, some taught just popping into ur head even wen u don't or didn't think about such and I starts bringing u down again

Laveda:
LOL..and how long us she gonna live with such thought?

Aristotle96:
she ought to be blocking such negative taught wen ever it tends to come and believe it's not always dah sad way... Gradually it fades away...

stupidity:
Yes!!! See fresh fish#

OP, u came to the right place. I am a psychologist, PM me asap. Let's get things started.

Laveda:
I don't see it as a serious ish though.. Its just a case of understanding.. Hope she gets over it..

Aristotle96:
lol not serious? Ah bet uv never hard issues dah affected u psychologically, that's one of the hardest health issue to over come

The only issue that has traumatized me that much ...was my first heart break ....heard cases like this sha.. Time would do Justice to it..

Vikky014:
OP RUUUUUUN DNT DO THIS

Laveda:
LOL..and how long us she gonna live with such thought?

Decker:
OP I understand how you feel, I can relate with you.

When I was little, I grew up around some form of physical abuse. But guess what, while I was upset as I witnessed this abuse, I had a sister that such experience didn't seem to affect.

What does this tell you? It shows that we are all wired differently and we differ in the way our minds process such kind of negative information. We all have different emotional barriers; walls built in our subconscious that helps us in shielding away negative emotion and the effects they might have on us. My sister had a stronger emotional barrier than I did.

In spite of all this, I still managed to get over it all. I found a way to gradually build by emotional barrier. How did I do this, I simply put aside the negativity and got hold on the positivity. I spent time dwelling on the good in the world instead of the bad.

Did all what I saw and how I felt change me? Yes, it did, to an extent, but I didn't let all those experiences define my perception of what a relationship should be or how I should treat a woman.

You may or may not actually a psychologist to help you through this. But even if you find one, you have to first believe that you can do it. That you can regain yourself, that you can live above all what you experienced growing up.
A psychologist or therapist can't help you if you don't want to help yourself first.

You have to understand that your dad is just an individual, one man, out of millions of other men. What he did, isn't in anyway a direct representation of the character of men in general. All men aren't like that. The probability that you would ever find any man that would abuse you like your dad did to your mum is very slim.

Fear is what's preventing you from going into a relationship. You should rise above that fear. When next you meet a guy that you are attracted to, please get to know him. See what he has to offer. Whenever you are with him, forget all those experiences and put on a positive spirit. Be free, smile, laugh, joke, talk, just behave around him as you'd normally do around your female friends. Trust me, it won't hurt.

You seriously don't know what you are missing. Guys are fun to be with. We would treat you like you are our queen. Like you are an extension of our beating heart. We always do our best to make our ladies happy. At the end of the day, you'd even be the one complaining that we are taking to much care of you. Lol.

Laveda:
LOL..and how long us she gonna live with such thought?

Laveda:
The only issue that has traumatized me that much ...was my first heart break ....heard cases like this sha.. Time would do Justice to it..

Mzdivacious:
exactly.i dont believe such thoughts will last either.she s young n it ll still fade.at a point she ll meet a guy she cant live without n cant help but love n trust

She's gonna get over it..she's just being affected by the dad's attitude....just time..and a sweet guy would come her way and change that bad impression

Aristotle96:
so person like u does have heart breaks? From my thinking I taught u would be the one breaking peoples heart o

no one is above heart break..though it was my first..and my first relationship..

Laveda:
no one is above heart break..though it was my first..and my first relationship..

Aristotle96:
Ehya sorry ... But what caused the heart break?

Its in my past now ain't bringing back old memories...

Laveda:
Its in my past now ain't bringing back old memories...

blogbrity:
I'm really trying to forget it but it isn't easy,my heart is loveless.

Laveda:
I don't see it as a serious ish though.. Its just a case of understanding.. Hope she gets over it..

Suigeneris93:





Hmmmmn, sorry dear but u fail am for this one. Its not a case of simple understanding, abuse has psychological effects on children, forget say na naija we dey and pple dey live with bs. She needs thorough therapy to get through this, the environment one is brought up in has a large role to play in their psychical balance or imbalance

Oh thanks..I haven't really experienced much case of this ..she needs the advice more
Thanks for the correction.

Decker:


Okay listen to me. Your heart isn't loveless, don't say that. The more you think you don't possess what it takes to love, the more you'd start believing that. No one is incapable of love. There is love inside of you, you just have to dig deep and access it.

I know it's not easy to forget, sometimes it's impossible to forget, but what you should do is create other positive memories and that would form a sort of covering over the negative ones, so instead of dwelling on those bad experiences, you will have something more enriching to dwell on.

And you won't create these positive memories by being all moody and aloof and afraid to try out a relationship. You should let go of your past.

You said you hate being alone and it's killing you. This means you crave a relationship, but your fear is what's serving as a hindrance. You listen to your friends when they talk about their boyfriends. Don't you want to experience all those good things they talk about? Do they ever mention anything about their boyfriends doing to them what your dad did to your mum? No, so you see you have nothing to be afraid of.

It's not wise to have a negative perception of something when you haven't actually experienced that thing. You should first try out a relationship, and see what it's like being in one, before you even start creating notions and ideas about it, just because of a single experience you witnessed.

Even if you find a guy that you don't love, but loves you, just spend time with him. Do fun and interesting stuff with him, get to know him, and you will see, with time, you would gradually start falling in love with him.