I just want to know your opinion guys. Would you want your wife to follow her career or stay home to nurse your children?
A barrister friend and I got engaged in a discussion and he said he won't give his daughter out to a man that would make her a full-time house wife after spending a million/term on her in university. His argument is that why spend so much on her if she won't make use of her certificate to build a career.

Another twist to it is that a friend told me about a friend of his who pays his wife 250k/month as salary just to take care of the children at home.

Ladies, you are not left out, will you marry a man that will allow you grow your career or make you a full-time house wife?
Let's hear your views.

I have a career, but for the past almost two years I have given up momentarily to take care of my kids a toddler and an infant.
I'm stay home mun but enrolled full time for a masters degree program online, so I'm gaining not loosing. My kids are well taken care off. This is a temporary situation but I will do anything for my kids.

You can still make money while caring for your family.

Check my link to know how.

totalhouse:
I just want to know your opinion guys. Would you want your wife to follow her career or stay home to nurse your children?
A barrister friend and I got engaged in a discussion and he said he won't give his daughter out to a man that would make her a full house wife after spending a million/term on her in university. His argument is that why spend so much on her if she won't make use of her certificate to build a career.

Another twist to it is that a friend told me about a friend of his who pays his wife 250k/month as salary just to take care of the children at home.

Ladies, you are not left out, will you marry a man that will allow you grow your career or make you an house wife?
Let's hear your views.

I want to work.

Miami11:
I have a career, but for the past almost two years I have given up momentarily to take care of my kids a toddler and an infant.
I'm stay home mun but enrolled full time for a masters degree program online, so I'm gaining not loosing. My kids are well taken care off. This is a temporary situation but I will do anything for my kids.

Hmmmmmm

Tosyn2much,elantraceey, caracta, naijaboy, oyinprince, onismate, onegai, Gaborone, 4tunebest,efiko,lalasticlala, toks37, introvert, viviangist4,explorers,

...........

Must you stay at home to take care of kids? So those kids whose mums work ain't well taken care of?

There are jobs that give good work-life balance..

In this economic hardship, someone will stay at ahome doing nothing. . What if something happens to your husband's source of income?

If I should think of the amount of milk I consumed to calm down my brain when I was studying then, my conscience wouldn't even allow me become a full-time housewife.


I would certainly not date/marry a man who would want me to be a full time house wife, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE'S READY TO PAY ME MONTHLY.

My reasons:

1. I worked hard and long for my certificates, as such, in this life, they must fetch me money.

2.I love my profession and I do not think I would be a satisfied person if I abandoned it completely.

3. No house can contain me 24/7 , year in, year out. I love going out every week day or thereabout to solve problems, and get paid for solving them. I love the feeling.

4. As a single lady, I have my own dreams, of which building a career is one of them. That dream isn't going to die because I got married or had children; I believe all I have to do is create a balance, and always remember that family comes first. I believe with God helping I can do just that.

5. I believe there's a high chance of a full-time housewife becoming mentally rusty, and I do not want that to be told of me.

That's pretty much it.

Being who I am, if a man tells me he would want to marry me, and then he goes on to say I'll be a full-time house-wife, I'll immediately tell him he's not found his wife. I'ld probably join him to search for her if he allows me. lol

PresVA:
Must you stay at home to take care of kids? So those kids whose mums work ain't well taken care of?

There are jobs that give good work-life balance..

In this economic hardship, someone will stay at ahome doing nothing. . What if something happens to your husband's source of income?

You can have the best of both worlds, it is very possible
I personally just calculated how much it cost to put three kids in childcare (for those abroad)
To make a decision

Gaborone:
If I should think of the amount of milk I consumed to calm down my brain when I was studying then, my conscience wouldn't even allow me become a full-time housewife.


I would certainly not date/marry a man who would want me to be a full time house wife, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE'S READY TO PAY ME MONTHLY.

My reasons:

1. I worked hard and long for my certificates, as such, in this life, they must fetch me money.

2.I love my profession and I do not think I would be a satisfied person if I abandoned it completely.

3. No house can contain me 24/7 , year in, year out. I love going out every week day or thereabout to solve problems, and get paid for solving them. I love the feeling.

4. As a single lady, I have my own dreams, of which building a career is one of them. That dream isn't going to die because I got married or had children; I believe all I have to do is create a balance, and always remember that family comes first. I believe with God helping I can do just that.

5. I believe there's a high chance of a full-time housewife becoming mentally rusty, and I do not want that to be told of me.

That's pretty much it.

Being who I am, if a man tells me he would want to marry me, and then he goes on to say I'll be a full-time house-wife, I'll immediately tell him he's not found his wife. I'ld probably join him to search for her if he allows me. lol

Career woman to the core... Lol
Striking the balance is the key
Can't imagine my wife sacrificing her career for being a full-time house wife after all the degrees and certifications she has acquired. It will be unfair to her abandoning such a wonderful career. However those giving up their career for their children really deserved to be commended too.
Striking the balance for me is the key.. Follow your career path and see the family as no1. One can still marry the two together without one affecting the other.

Miami11:

You can have the best of both worlds, it is very possible
I personally just calculated how much it cost to put three kids in childcare (for those abroad)
To make a decision

Yeah, it's pretty expensive over there.. what matters is that you're happy with your decision. .

If I hear the mention of 250 k for a month to stay home and be a house wife for my own kids,I will take the offer walahi. There is so much I can do with that 3milla per annum from my house. If being a house wife gets me paid, why not? the essence of my working is to earn money . How many jobs pay up to that in Nigeria?


I can't be a house wife for nothing, I do what pays. Let me get this offer and see why I won't tender resignation via text message instantly . Career with empty portfolio doesn't trip me , the sound of gallant credit alert on my phone does and if I can get that babysitting, why not

We forget that degree & career will not take care of us at old age. It's good to go after your career but better to have a hand work or your own business as a house wife so you can go to your office anytime you want. I can't imagine my wife coming home to tell me how she was insulted by a boss I may be older than or a boss that is insensitive(in the name of career). I will prefer her to run her show. At her own convenient time.

Me and the kids are enough stress already.

Personal choice. I'm at home right now with a baby, but now that she's 6 months, I've started putting out feelers to connect back to work. It's not really the money per se (we're doing okay) but I would like to keep busy and work on some projects of mine.

I know a lot of people say you can balance work and family, yeah but it's hard and one must suffer for the other (no-one is gonna pay you N500, 000 monthly and not demand your time at work). I heard of a lawyer who came home nightly to see her child tucked in bed for 2 days and on the 3rd, hubby locked the gates that morning. Child had been sick for the past 2 days but Nanny had been taking care of it and mum came home too tired to check. So all she would do was ask Nanny and Dad "is baby okay? " and peek into his room. Her husband got mad at the 3rd day and said she wouldn't leave the house till she ascertained for herself how her child was doing.

I've seen far too many parents chasing money to care for their kids. Here's the truth, in Nigeria you need money for healthcare but that's it. There's a price point for all other things (schooling, extracurricular etc). Those parents aren't chasing money for their kids, they're chasing money for themselves.

Nigeria is a tough place and it has taken the gentleness and kindness out of most Nigerians. I know so many well-educated couples abroad who the wife is now Suzy-Homemaker by choice and they're delighted but their counterparts in Nigeria would never dream of being a SAHM (because menfolk here will show her pepper). I'm not trying to bash, it's just the reality of what we saw our mothers go through: helpless to stop anything or any decision by any male in their family, powerless when he died because his family swooped in and they watched their kids become tenants in their father's house, begging for school fees.

One of my cousins tried being a SAHM, the day her husband decided to take a marital squabble to the next level, kicked his car and travelled to another state, leaving wife, 2 kids and entire household penniless and having to call her siblings to loan her N5, 000 to feed everyone, she wept in humiliation and swore that she was never going to do this again. Now sometimes she's too busy to be there 100% for her children and her husband dare not complain (he's very remorseful now that he's reaping the bitter fruit of an immature decision).

Go to the New Mothers thread in Health section, it seems almost weekly someone comes begging for help and advice on how to raise funds and do business and it's not that money is tight, it's usually that the man in their lives are using the fact that they have no financial standing to deal. with them (imagine having to submit a list and dutifully stand by someone's chair, whilst he childishly ignores you and watches tv. All because you want to buy diapers for your child).

Do I want to be a SAHM? Mostly. But I'm married to a Nigerian man and whilst he seems decent, trustworthy and loving, I'm too afraid to risk it. Too many horror stories and experiences.

The reason I always roll my eyes at all these threads preaching at women is that, if people were really serious about fixing Marriage, they'd talk to men. I'm yet to see how fixing any organizations starts from the followers (wife and children), not from the leaders (husband). But here we are.

Onegai:
Personal choice. I'm at home right now with a baby, but now that she's 6 months, I've started putting out feelers to connect back to work. It's not really the money per se (we're doing okay) but I would like to keep busy and work on some projects of mine.

I know a lot of people say you can balance work and family, yeah but it's hard and one must suffer for the other (no-one is gonna pay you N500, 000 monthly and not demand your time at work). I heard of a lawyer who came home nightly to see her child tucked in bed for 2 days and on the 3rd, hubby locked the gates that morning. Child had been sick for the past 2 days but Nanny had been taking care of it and mum came home too tired to check. So all she would do was ask Nanny and Dad "is baby okay? " and peek into his room. Her husband got mad at the 3rd day and said she wouldn't leave the house till she ascertained for herself how her child was doing.

I've seen far too many parents chasing money to care for their kids. Here's the truth, in Nigeria you need money for healthcare but that's it. There's a price point for all other things (schooling, extracurricular etc). Those parents aren't chasing money for their kids, they're chasing money for themselves.

Nigeria is a tough place and it has taken the gentleness and kindness out of most Nigerians. I know so many well-educated couples abroad who the wife is now Suzy-Homemaker by choice and they're delighted but their counterparts in Nigeria would never dream of being a SAHM (because menfolk here will show her pepper). I'm not trying to bash, it's just the reality of what we saw our mothers go through: helpless to stop anything or any decision by any male in their family, powerless when he died because his family swooped in and they watched their kids become tenants in their father's house, begging for school fees.

One of my cousins tried being a SAHM, the day her husband decided to take a marital squabble to the next level, kicked his car and travelled to another state, leaving wife, 2 kids and entire household penniless and having to call her siblings to loan her N5, 000 to feed everyone, she wept in humiliation and swore that she was never going to do this again. Now sometimes she's too busy to be there 100% for her children and her husband dare not complain (he's very remorseful now that he's reaping the bitter fruit of an immature decision).

Go to the New Mothers thread in Health section, it seems almost weekly someone comes begging for help and advice on how to raise funds and do business and it's not that money is tight, it's usually that the man in their lives are using the fact that they have no financial standing to deal. with them (imagine having to submit a list and dutifully stand by someone's chair, whilst he childishly ignores you and watches tv. All because you want to buy diapers for your child).

Do I want to be a SAHM? Mostly. But I'm married to a Nigerian man and whilst he seems decent, trustworthy and loving, I'm too afraid to risk it. Too many horror stories and experiences.

The reason I always roll my eyes at all these threads preaching at women is that, if people were really serious about fixing Marriage, they'd talk to men. I'm yet to see how fixing any organizations starts from the followers (wife and children), not from the leaders (husband). But here we are.

You are always so on point, bless your heart
I'm stay at home now too, I took my son to a daycare next day I found a daycare worker dragging a toddler by the arms, your guess is as good as mine I took my baby back home immediately never ever to go back to daycare
I'm married to a wonderful man and I have access to all funds, my mom is coming to stay with us, so I for sure will be running back to work because my kids are in trustworthy care.
Sometimes as women we make the ultimate sacrifice, nobody want to ever be in this position.

Tenk you.

I see those women as really courageous and brave to hand over their entire lives to a husband like that knowing that any money he makes is 'his money' the house is 'his house' and you are tenant who can't be kicked out as if you were picked from the gutter. See people say "kick her out of your house" as if a grown woman isn't supposed to have something that belongs to her.
One can have a little peace of mind to be a SAHM here because you're protected to an extent if he starts behaving anyhow.

Onegai:
Personal choice. I'm at home right now with a baby, but now that she's 6 months, I've started putting out feelers to connect back to work. It's not really the money per se (we're doing okay) but I would like to keep busy and work on some projects of mine.

I know a lot of people say you can balance work and family, yeah but it's hard and one must suffer for the other (no-one is gonna pay you N500, 000 monthly and not demand your time at work). I heard of a lawyer who came home nightly to see her child tucked in bed for 2 days and on the 3rd, hubby locked the gates that morning. Child had been sick for the past 2 days but Nanny had been taking care of it and mum came home too tired to check. So all she would do was ask Nanny and Dad "is baby okay? " and peek into his room. Her husband got mad at the 3rd day and said she wouldn't leave the house till she ascertained for herself how her child was doing.

I've seen far too many parents chasing money to care for their kids. Here's the truth, in Nigeria you need money for healthcare but that's it. There's a price point for all other things (schooling, extracurricular etc). Those parents aren't chasing money for their kids, they're chasing money for themselves.

Nigeria is a tough place and it has taken the gentleness and kindness out of most Nigerians. I know so many well-educated couples abroad who the wife is now Suzy-Homemaker by choice and they're delighted but their counterparts in Nigeria would never dream of being a SAHM (because menfolk here will show her pepper). I'm not trying to bash, it's just the reality of what we saw our mothers go through: helpless to stop anything or any decision by any male in their family, powerless when he died because his family swooped in and they watched their kids become tenants in their father's house, begging for school fees.

One of my cousins tried being a SAHM, the day her husband decided to take a marital squabble to the next level, kicked his car and travelled to another state, leaving wife, 2 kids and entire household penniless and having to call her siblings to loan her N5, 000 to feed everyone, she wept in humiliation and swore that she was never going to do this again. Now sometimes she's too busy to be there 100% for her children and her husband dare not complain (he's very remorseful now that he's reaping the bitter fruit of an immature decision).

Go to the New Mothers thread in Health section, it seems almost weekly someone comes begging for help and advice on how to raise funds and do business and it's not that money is tight, it's usually that the man in their lives are using the fact that they have no financial standing to deal. with them (imagine having to submit a list and dutifully stand by someone's chair, whilst he childishly ignores you and watches tv. All because you want to buy diapers for your child).

Do I want to be a SAHM? Mostly. But I'm married to a Nigerian man and whilst he seems decent, trustworthy and loving, I'm too afraid to risk it. Too many horror stories and experiences.

The reason I always roll my eyes at all these threads preaching at women is that, if people were really serious about fixing Marriage, they'd talk to men. I'm yet to see how fixing any organizations starts from the followers (wife and children), not from the leaders (husband). But here we are.

Gaborone:
If I should think of the amount of milk I consumed to calm down my brain when I was studying then, my conscience wouldn't even allow me become a full-time housewife.


I would certainly not date/marry a man who would want me to be a full time house wife, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE'S READY TO PAY ME MONTHLY.

My reasons:

1. I worked hard and long for my certificates, as such, in this life, they must fetch me money.

2.I love my profession and I do not think I would be a satisfied person if I abandoned it completely.

3. No house can contain me 24/7 , year in, year out. I love going out every week day or thereabout to solve problems, and get paid for solving them. I love the feeling.

4. As a single lady, I have my own dreams, of which building a career is one of them. That dream isn't going to die because I got married or had children; I believe all I have to do is create a balance, and always remember that family comes first. I believe with God helping I can do just that.

5. I believe there's a high chance of a full-time housewife becoming mentally rusty, and I do not want that to be told of me.

That's pretty much it.

Being who I am, if a man tells me he would want to marry me, and then he goes on to say I'll be a full-time house-wife, I'll immediately tell him he's not found his wife. I'ld probably join him to search for her if he allows me. lol

Excellent piece

Miami11:

You are always so on point, bless your heart
I'm stay at home now too, I took my son to a daycare next day I found a daycare worker dragging a toddler by the arms, your guess is as good as mine I took my baby back home immediately never ever to go back to daycare
I'm married to a wonderful man and I have access to all funds, my mom is coming to stay with us, so I for sure will be running back to work because my kids are in trustworthy care.
Sometimes as women we make the ultimate sacrifice, nobody want to ever be in this position.

It's heartbreaking to read all these threads threatening females in marriage, when I know the average Nigerian woman endures so much (my bee's foreign gf and a conservative friend of hers were arguing about stuff. I showed them Nairaland Family section and they were silenced into horror. She had to query my brother in anxiety about his beliefs). Nigerian women endure so much and yet most of them will swear on a bible that they have the perfect marriage.

Who truly wants to miss out the smiles and little moments with her child? Who doesn't run mad being left alone for days with same child? Who doesn't want the luxury of choice between both worlds of Career and Family? Bu nowhere else do I see this "I must work after children" sentence said with such desperation and determination in the eyes of the speaker than in our society.

You can't have it all 50-50.

cococandy:
Tenk you.

I see those women as really courageous and brave to hand over their entire lives to a husband like that knowing that any money he makes is 'his money' the house is 'his house' and you are tenant who can't be kicked out as if you were picked from the gutter. See people say "kick her out of your house" as if a grown woman isn't supposed to have something that belongs to her.
One can have a little peace of mind to be a SAHM here because you're protected to an extent if he starts behaving anyhow.

In the U.K. there was a divorce case between a man and his SAHM. When he complained about having to give her anything since she hadn't "contributed", the judge (a man) asked them to tabulate how much childcare, feeding and transportation costs for each child that he had saved whilst she stayed. home and did that. Then he awarded the wife every penny of it. The amount was more than what the wife had initially asked for.

^^ Did she calculate how much on free rent, free food, the car she drove and all the gifts she received from being the wife to return it back?

The child was for both of them and she had equal rights over the child not like she is a baby sitter or a surrogate

This onegai can just save me from long typing I don't think anything is wrong wit being a stay at home mum if it is done for the right reasons BUT I get why it's not really a Nigerian thing. Finance is really important for respect in Nigeria (and even though I hate stereotypes and generalising ) sadly a non earning spouse is more often than not seen as adding 'No value ' so yeah I get why being a stay at home mum is not a great idea in Nigeria.

Yorubas even have a derogatory word to describe it

However this topic has been rehashed and rehashed on NL e don do now .

raumdeuter:
^^ Did she calculate how much on free rent, free food, the car she drove and all the gifts she received from being the wife to return it back?

The child was for both of them and she had equal rights over the child not like she is a baby sitter or a surrogate

The judge calculated all that and awarded the woman accordingingly. Judges abroad award women for giving up careers to take care of homes.
Carrying multiple pregnancies, while getting ill frequently, tiredness. Loosing shape attaining stretch marks, all for giving man a family. Then taking care of family's every need, also comes to considerations.

@onegai @cococandy @damiso

It is a very interesting topic and I have enjoyed reading your contributions.

You have touched upon the risk that a woman takes when she does not have her own source of income and I believe that it is important to be aware of the risk before one decides to stay at home. However, even in countries where women can rely on social welfare, many women choose to work when the child is about 2 or 3. So why - if not for social security?

Women have always been doing more than looking after their kids entirely and exclusively because they needed to, because they wanted to and because they intuitively knew when to let go step by step.

There is this modern day phenomenon called "helicopter parenting" and I believe that it makes many kids weird and socially awkward and I believe that it is also the result of over-protective parents who underestimate the importance of autonomy for a child's development.

As for me, I want to have it all! Why would I want to be at home 24/7 when everyone else leaves the house in the morning? It is very much about the money but it also is about fulfillment, recognition, success and fun, a lot of fun.

Is it not lazy to stay at home 24/7 when your kids are already in primary school? You don't have to work from 9-5 every day, what about a part-time arrangement?

if my wife de say she wants to be house wife with her degrees, even boutique she no go try am …

@Mindfulness, shall I tell you what I wanted to do with my time at home?

I wanted to start a free public library, right here in Lagos. A recreational centre, open to anyone who can pay a token fee of N500 maximum. A horticultural place, where city kids and anyone can come and relax and learn about plants and flowers and Nature, absolutely free. A charity targeting new mothers, supplying them with essentials like diapers, formula, nursing pillows, lactation support and clothes.

Those goals will impact Society more than me working a full-time job. I won't have the time to do any of that if I'm working.

I'm not executing any of them anymore because I don't want to take time off work and help everyone else whilst my home burns down. And Nigerians are an ungrateful lot, they will ask me "who send u" unsympathetically when I'm sacrificing my time and effort to better society rather than earn a paycheck and my husband takes it out on me.

One of my sisters told me "some of the greatest ideas happened in your downtimes of Life". Majority of the women who are celebrated didn't make their names in an office, some were Oprah and some were Jessica Alba's The Honest Company (started because she couldn't find organic, synthetic chemical-free products for her baby. Now a million dollar company).

No-one will be there to support my decision to stay home or help me defend it to my husband. So all the people my philanthropy would have impacted, have to wait till whenever i can settle myself to help others. We are a selfish people. We deserve what we have.

We all have our parts to play. Some of us should be working and others can stay at home. But my issue is that it's not an option for the average Nigerian woman. For a country that beats its chest about Family Values, our behaviour doesn't reward people who put family fast (let a man said he turned down a job in another state to be with his family, see insults that will trail him. Let a woman say she gave up a nice job to stay home with her kids, hear the mocking comments).

There's nothing wrong with having a career or staying at home. I just wish it were easier for us to take either option. But here we are (shrug)

Onegai:
@Mindfulness, shall I tell you what I wanted to do with my time at home?

I wanted to start a free public library, right here in Lagos. A recreational centre, open to anyone who can pay a token fee of N500 maximum. A horticultural place, where city kids and anyone can come and relax and learn about plants and flowers and Nature, absolutely free. A charity targeting new mothers, supplying them with essentials like diapers, formula, nursing pillows, lactation support and clothes.

Those goals will impact Society more than me working a full-time job. I won't have the time to do any of that if I'm working.

I'm not executing any of them anymore because I don't want to take time off work and help everyone else whilst my home burns down. And Nigerians are an ungrateful lot, they will ask me "who send u" unsympathetically when I'm sacrificing my time and effort to better society rather than earn a paycheck and my husband takes it out on me.
One of my sisters told me "some of the greatest ideas happened in your downtimes of Life". Majority of the women who are celebrated didn't make their names in an office, some were Oprah and some were Jessica Alba's The Honest Company (started because she couldn't find organic, synthetic chemical-free products for her baby. Now a million dollar company).

@bold

I wouldn't call you a SAHM if you were doing all that. Volunteering is work too.

No-one will be there to support my decision to stay home or help me defend it to my husband. So all the people my philanthropy would have impacted, have to wait till whenever i can settle myself to help others. We are a selfish people. We deserve what we have.

We all have our parts to play. Some of us should be working and others can stay at home. But my issue is that it's not an option for the average Nigerian woman. For a country that beats its chest about Family Values, our behaviour doesn't reward people who put family fast (let a man said he turned down a job in another state to be with his family, see insults that will trail him. Let a woman say she gave up a nice job to stay home with her kids, hear the mocking comments).

This is true but who enjoys any social security in Nigeria anyway?

There's nothing wrong with having a career or staying at home. I just wish it were easier for us to take either option. But here we are (shrug)

You have options. You made a conscious choice between them in favor of one.

Mindfulness:


There is this modern day phenomenon called "helicopter parenting" and I believe that it makes many kids weird and socially awkward and I believe that it is also the result of over-protective parents who underestimate the importance of autonomy for a child's development.

Story. Helicopter Parenting has little to do with a Stay At Home Parent and more to do with parents with a sense of entitlement. Come to the island (Lagos), you'll see many of them. Babies not walking because nanny is carrying them, children who can't go to Balogun market and refuse to find out how unless driver takes them. Kids who can't make a decision. Half their parents are too busy "having it all" to actually realise "hey, maybe my 17 year old daughter shouldn't be having a curfew of 12 mid night and dating a 25 year old man".

And these lofty goals of Career this and that. Let's be real biko, how successful is your career? All the projects I talked about, if I execute even half, you'll be sitting in your offices reading about me.

Oh the irony.

I love Shonda Rhimes, to quote her "to be the most successful black television executive means that sometimes I can't get home to read my daughter a goodnight story".

If you want a career, go for it. If you want to stay at home, go for it. Neither should demonize the other.

Onegai:


Story. Helicopter Parenting has little to do with a Stay At Home Parent and more to do with parents with a sense of entitlement. Come to the island (Lagos), you'll see many of them. Babies not walking because nanny is carrying them, children who can't go to Balogun market and refuse to find out how unless driver takes them. Kids who can't make a decision. Half their parents are too busy "having it all" to actually realise "hey, maybe my 17 year old daughter shouldn't be having a curfew of 12 mid night and dating a 25 year old man".

And these lofty goals of Career this and that. Let's be real biko, how successful is your career? All the projects I talked about, if I execute even half, you'll be sitting in your offices reading about me.

Oh the irony.

I love Shonda Rhimes, to quote her "to be the most successful black television executive means that sometimes I can't get home to read my daughter a goodnight story".

If you want a career, go for it. If you want to stay at home, go for it. Neither should demonize the other.

Who did that??

@Onegai:

I think you are mixing up who a SAHM mom is.

Going by your definition, Pastor Adeboye is a Stay @ home husband.

Good topic, one should evaluate the scenario before making such a difficult decision.

Am at that point where am asking someone to give up her father's name to bear mine, whatever decisions I take now I have to put my potential family first.

I don't believe women should stay at home, to train kids, its both parents job. A man should be equally invested in the lives of his kids, that way both can share the burdens. Yes this is Nigeria, but we are all different and what works for A might backfire on B.

I have dreams goals and ambitions, but just because we have a kid doesn't mean wifey should stay at home and not pursue hers, for me it has little to do about the money but more about satisfaction. I want to see her happy, so if pursuing a career makes her happy then I'll support it. As long as we both realize that being parents is our topmost responsibility, because after all said and done our kids are an extension of us.

In conclusion, I believe the first decision rests with her, then we can consider other possibilities and make informed decisions.

NB: Not to put down anybody's opinion, the amount of degrees or certificates shouldn't be the reason why anyone should work, because that means if she hasn't gone to school then she can be a stay at home mum? Weird thinking

I think some folks are missing the link between: SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and Working from home.

Linda Ikeji works from home (not a Stay At Home Mom); nursing babies when she eventually gets married won't make her a SAHM either, unless she decides to abandon her blogging career.

With the popularity and the instrumentality of internet, many people are currently earning their income and self-actualization needs (the total essence of career) by "working from home."

A stay/sit at home mom or a stay at home dad according to those who coined these concepts is someone who sits at home with the sole aim of taking care of kids and general home management.

If the aim is to take care of kids and manage the home (wash, cook, etc), then you're a stay at home mom/dad. Its either you're one by choice or by necessity. By choice means you love to spend your time raising your children, you want to sacrifice all willingly without considering the money out there. By necessity could result following a job loss, unemployment, maternity leave, etc.

If the aim is to make money from home without necessarily being a subject to any boss whilst giving yourself, and your children the time and attention at home, then you're an entrepreneur, a self-employed folk or a freelancer. You can be any of the aforementioned without sitting at home though, and that's the reason I mentioned the instrumentality of internet.