Oliviaarims:



Let's not be unrealistic here. If u say there wouldn't be any reason to love or get attracted to someone, why then does a person not fall in love with a hundred ppl at a time? Why's it just one person at a time? It's simply because there was sth in the other person that spurred the attraction.


There' s most definitely got to be a reason. It just might not be concrete.. The ppl in love may not realize why they fell for that one person.. they just love. But the fact remains that something or certain things brewed the love.



@the bolded. What do u mean by that exactly?

There are cases where people fall in love with more than a person, albeit in disproportionate scale. However, as mammalia animals that has evolved to humans we have developed an intrinsic ability not to allow whatever we feel for another person (apart from our lover) blossom. If someone in love with one person can feel lust/crush for another then they can love more than a person if their emotion is left unbridled and unregulated. Not acting on a feeling to love more than a person doesn't make it impractical. Love is an emotion and like every other emotion if "acted" upon can be fixed on multiple objects.

By the embolden I meant love only exist for as long as our partner behaves in a certain way, a manner they have been conditioned to by their other half. To put it in perspective, if I'm to call my girlfriend maybe usually every morning and nights, weekends we're out on a date or watch movies. In some cases, I'm to offset some of her personal bills, which could be hairdo or whatever, then that love will only subsist for as long as I continue to do those stuff. Once I desist the love dwindles.

By the narration above, it means love exist only when we revel in certain actions that we have been conditioned to. If we're to say love exist that's fine by me, it does really. But it's conditional and no such thing as unconditional love.

Then again, if we can agree to love being conditional then it's safe to also admit that it's a feeling of vested interest. Knowing humans and our innate greedy tendency as selfish animals our emotion would only traject us on the path of love where we stand to benefits from something. If love can't maturate and mellow unconditionally and without any attached clause then it can't be real. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Vikky014:
hmmmm

if i cant tolerate 20% of the character of my future hubby i dnt hav any business in marriage. some people can pretend to be nice and change after marriage

like i said earlier my home is the school where i learn what marriage is all about. yes i threat all male friends equal. same with my female friends. what i can do for a Miss i can equally do it for a MR

meaning you don't have a best freind..and neither are you a best freind to somebody else...

Kinda cynical and pessimistic. Even if it's a delusion (true love that is,which BTW I do think it is), it is a welcome one as how else do you expect folks to cope in a world such as this, in a country try such as this. We are social animals and the ability to love and be loved has been written in our DNA, engraved in our hearts and breathed into our essence. It is the reason we call ourselves "Humans".

Take that delusion away and folks might just as well cease to exist. Please, let folks be with their delusion of feeling loved, respected, needed and wanted by the next man/woman, child or animal.

Oahray:
ehya. Sorry about your plight. I'm sure he's just as unfortunate as you are.

Lol...Nobody is unfortunate.We both know that there is nothing like love btw man and woman.

Be good to me and am good to you.Be a husband,i be a wife.Forget love and expect just anything at anytime.Thats it!

Cutehector:
so dat means God's love is trash? U berra be serious here!

did u read his post at all

Oahray:
bros, after you are done replying Olivia.arims, I'd like to know what you think love is. Not for argument purposes, just curious.

Like I said in the initial comment you referred to love is all about personal interest. When someone conforms to our way of life and if they have something to offer us in return that's when we act on our emotion and let it flourish to love. My only purpose for argument about love is that's it's conditional and not an unconditional feeling. So to proceed further, you may want to tell if you believe it's unconditional so we can argue for or against it.

Toks2008:


It is a second name for trash

Be careful what you wish for! With the mouth confession is made unto salvation...or destruction.

Never express dismay or be mortified when all that come your way be females without an iota of interest in you well-being, just remember you asked for it!

IzonOwei:
meaning you don't have a best freind..and neither are you a best freind to somebody else...

so your girlfriend is your best friend O i have a best friend my one and only mum.. i think my hubby might display her though. most people regard me as their best friend though how about that

Vikky014:
hmmmm

if i cant tolerate 20% of the character of my future hubby i dnt hav any business in marriage. some people can pretend to be nice and change after marriage

like i said earlier my home is the school where i learn what marriage is all about. yes i threat all male friends equal. same with my female friends. what i can do for a Miss i can equally do it for a MR

Alright. Sorry if I sounded condescending at any point. I'm just worried by how naive you sound.

I hope marriage and related matters turn out the straightforward way you've imagined it.

Vikky014:
so your girlfriend is your best friend O i have a best friend my one and only mum.. i think my hubby might display her though. most people regard me as their best friend though how about that

I am not talking about girl freind now sef...you said you treat all your girl freinds even the same reason why I asked...meaning you don't have best freind...your mum is your mum..All our mums are beloved to us..I am talking about freinds who aren't related to you...if you don't have a best freind kindly tell me why..and if you're a best freind to some one else why not reciprocate...and does the person who view you as his or her best freind show you preferential treatment...

HateU2:
Love is complicated. Yeah. We don't understand it ourselves. Love don't last. It's just for some months or some years. Some are lucky 2 find it while some will never find it. Some will only experience it just once in a life time. I prefer true friendship which is even scarce. So, just love yourself.

And when your significant other loves just himself, what becomes of it...what you share. It is then nothing but a fallacy, a poor attempt at re-living the bliss and challenges of a relationship based on true love, a caricature sketch of a landscape so surreal as to drive out demons from a tortured soul that gazes at it.

Let it come to you. It exists. Do not wish it away. It comes with sooooooo much pain but, in the end you wouldn't want it any other way.

Vikky014:
i hope you know that someone making his intention known matters alot. at least when a guy tells a girl his intention the girl in question will give him a feedback. you dont expect me to treat my fiance the way i treat others... fiance is quite different from male friends please in the former evrybody in the house already know that you are getting married to MR A. even your male friends will also be aware of that so that if they were nursing the feeling of marrying you they will retrace their step...Thanks

you never hear of fiancee wey dump hin partner? Or a marriage that lasted 2 weeks. I just dey laff here

missyadorable:


Lol...Nobody is unfortunate.We both know that there is nothing like love btw man and woman.

Be good to me and am good to you.Be a husband,i be a wife.Forget love and expect just anything at anytime.Thats it!

ehya... Sad opinion. I feel very sorry for you both. A marriage characterized by an emotionless sense of duty might be common, but it isn't normal.

You are wrong though. Love can exist between a man and woman. Your marriage is just one of thousands, possibly millions.

Oahray:
Op, don't start arguing against something without a clear definition of what you think it means. Would help avoid strawman arguments.

Love means different things to different persons, and no one is born with love in his heart. If it can grow, it can die.

I think it's the overly romanticized pic of love that has got you confused. The unconditional love farce. You want to see Cinderella's happily ever after in reality, innit?

Well, think of love as a flowering plant. It's existence and survival is very much conditional. After being planted, it needs to be watered constantly or it withers instead of blossoming.

Your argument is that if it withers, it was never a plant. Does that even sound reasonable to you?

Hear ye! Hear ye! Superior argument cum reasoning if there was any.

Carnations:
I totally believe in love..

Keep it up! That's the feeling and way to go. Tough times ahead though,but I'm sure you can brace it out.

IzonOwei:
I am not talking about girl freind now sef...you said you treat all your girl freinds even the same reason why I asked...meaning you don't have best freind...your mum is your mum..All our mums are beloved to us..I am talking about freinds who aren't related to you...if you don't have a best freind kindly tell me why..and if you're a best freind to some one else why not reciprocate...and does the person who view you as his or her best freind show you preferential treatment...

all these question for the gods self. your best friend is someone u can share your fears and doubt with. isnt it and i told you my mum is. i can freely discuss anything with her.
those people that regards me as their best friend did so bc of how i threat them. i hope this helps

COOLCATS:
you never hear of fiancee wey dump hin partner? Or a marriage that lasted 2 weeks. I just dey laff here

since fiance dumped his partner after two weeks should we now avoid marriage and be boyfriend girlfriend to avoid dumping after two weeks

Na waoh

tommychow:
Babes keep scaring me off with that line...CRINGEWORTHY!

The idea of love is relative. The common conception is someone that makes your heart pound, gives you butterflies blah blah blah. I differ. For me loving someone are the actions you take to be with the person till the end NOT the temporary excitement you feel in the early periods of the relationship. So saying "I love you" is reassuring your partner you'll NEVER LEAVE. If everyone sees love this way, some will realise the really don't love their partner.

Mostly women are a victim of this ignorance and they jump from one guy to the other believing the initial lust or aching desire (aka ''falling in love'') is the TRUE LOVE. It's usually like this:

- Babe meets guy
- They have serious chemistry
- They spend time together
- Babe "falls in love" and they become serious
- A year later, babe realises there's no more spark like before
- Babe takes the frustration on the poor guy
- Babe is introduced to new guy at a friend's party
- They have serious chemistry
- Babe breaks up with the old guy
- Babe spends time with new guy
- Babe "falls in love" again...

The pattern continues till she has had 10 bf. This is VERY come with extroverted females. That's why I find them appealing for flings than serious relationship. The chill babes are usually the keepers.

Someone just spoke with clarity!

Oahray:
hmmm... Such naivity. You'd be quite easy to get sha. He'd just just promise marriage, act serious about it and you'd fall for him like manna from heaven.

It's all good sha, as long as you do not try to act like you know what happens in every relationship.

lols, she need to learn more. Her pre requisite are easy
1 . Avoid making sex moves
2 care and show her concerns
3 .ask her out
4 . Tell her you have plans for marriage
5 . Meet her people
6 . Keep assuring her and start making plans
7. Hit it as you want.
Madam vicky, you won't need to force a guy that really loves you to start making plans or meet your family.

Vikky014:
i see marriage as a hook as a lady if am married am hooked


so hrt break means suffering and smilingif yes why r u advising me to strt a relationship then since hrt break means suffering and smiling

There's gotta be a spark before the fire. You might do well to remember that.

Vikky014:
all these question for the gods self. your best friend is someone u can share your fears and doubt with. isnt it and i told you my mum is. i can freely discuss anything with her.
those people that regards me as their best friend did so bc of how i threat them. i hope this helps

..A best freind is not just one you share fears and doubts with..I hope you know that.....I hope you would discuss how you do have sex with your husband eventually when you get married...except you would be having two best freinds..that sounds funny sha...

My point is..It is a bit selfish on your part to say your mum is your best freind(all mums are best freinds by default to their kids) while the freinds who view you as their best freind are just normal freinds to you and not special. ..aren't you self centered...please discard those freinds who view you as special amongst their other freinds...you don't deserve them..

Vikky014:
when i get 80% of the qualities i want in one person and he proposes of course why wont i accept it besides my previous post was referring to the real meaning of boyfriend. Anytime a guy asks me to be his girlfriend i do tell him i can only be his female friend not girlfriend. if he asks the difference i refer him to his dictionary. Tell me how boyfriend and girlfriend relationship will exist without the S*X thing or can you be someone's boyfriend without doing that atleast any of my male friend is always free to flirt as he want. but can you say that a boyfriend can flirt as he want

There are relationships without sex even amongst teenagers. Where both parties see each other as special not as mere friends. You have not even the right male friends. I don't have to flirt with you as a boyfriend or girlfriend. If we share the same view we can date even before I agree to marry you. You are just scared about sex and unwanted pregnancy. It's your opinion tho but stop making a general assumption.

Vikky014:
since fiance dumped his partner after two weeks should we now avoid marriage and be boyfriend girlfriend to avoid dumping after two weeks

Na waoh

your inference in the earlier post does not make your conclusion valid. That's my point. Understand ! what am trying to tell you is being a fiancee, a husband is not a guarantee that you won't/can be heart broken or torn into pieces.

ronald4lif:


Like I said in the initial comment you referred to love is all about personal interest. When someone conforms to our way of life and if they have something to offer us in return that's when we act on our emotion and let it flourish to love. My only purpose for argument about love is that's it's conditional and not an unconditional feeling. So to proceed further, you may want to tell if you believe it's unconditional so we can argue for or against it.

no, I'm not going to argue whether love is conditional or unconditional. You just said something makes us "act on our emotions and let it flourish to love." For me that means you believe love is conditional, whether you acknowledge it or not. That's even besides the point.

I'm not interested in what someone has to do to stir up love. I want to know what you think that love is, that love that emotions flourish into.

Saying it is all about self interest, is about as good as saying a fertilized egg cell splits many times to become a human as a response the question "Who is Oahray?"

What is love, bro?

Toks2008:


Brilliant.

The only twist is that most times,the witty like ladies now decide to chill and trust me..when they chill they really chill...

Its like a lady divorcee who has learned to tolerate more shits than what she could not take in her previous marriage.

Experience is definitely the best teacher.

Which is why I'm always suspicious of ladies within a certain 'matured' age bracket when they are so nice, mannered and stuff.

I always want to know what you were like 10-12 years ago when you were 'it'. Were you on the average a nice person then? I use the term "average" to allow for some latitude in her conduct as she has to enjoy the days of her youth by engaging in harmless shenanigans and frivolities that comes with her age which is all well and good ( don't want to end up with an idiot an/or frigid old maid all in the name of raising a conscientious and pious female). That is, I am not insinuating that she has to be a model daughter and such but given her 'sowing her oats' escapades one can still refer to her as a 'good girl'.

This assertion of mine doesn't mean I do not believe that with the benefit of experience people can look back on the error of their ways and initiate a change for the better. My stand is how genuine is that change? Was it informed by necessity or what is borne out of a legitimate yearning to be a better person? If the former is the case then, it's pretended humility and/or piousness which doesn't bode well for participants involved in the charade.

Unfortunately, females are usually guilty of piousness informed by necessity (just telling it like it is) rather than for its own sake.

Oahray:
no, I'm not going to argue whether love is conditional or unconditional. You just said something makes us "act on our emotions and let it flourish to love." For me that means you believe love is conditional, whether you acknowledge it or not. That's even besides the point.

I'm not interested in what someone has to do to stir up love. I want to know what you think that love is, that love that emotions flourish into.

Saying it is all about self interest, is about as good as saying a fertilized egg cell splits many times to become a human as a response the question "Who is Oahray?"

What is love, bro?

Love is a feeling of attraction and concern for another person accompanied with sexual attraction. This is the conventional definition and which I subscribe to. But the issue isn't about what we consider love to be but what ignites it and the conditions in which it manifest.

Vikky014:
am serious ooo. my uncle is an active member here

i don finally cash (catch) u......uncle ofcos.
I luv ur mentality. U dey tink lyk a man.

ronald4lif:


Love is a feeling of attraction and concern for another person accompanied with sexual attraction. This is the conventional definition and which I subscribe to. But the issue isn't about what we consider love to be but what ignites it and the conditions in which it manifest.

well, that's the thread's issue, not mine. I quoted you because I wanted to know what you consider love to be. You painted love as totally selfish in your first post, and that got me curious.

On the lighter side...
From your conventional definition, a mother's affection for her child cannot possibly be love since it isn't accompanied by sexual attraction abi?

Don't mind me, just fooling around. I think I get where you are coming from now. Thanks.

COOLCATS:
I guess you are still a teenager. There is a broad difference between sex and love. You can love without sex. You will be more heartbroken when a dude you had sex with leaves. It's best to avoid it as a female. My point is, you are simply looking for what to gain before you love and that is a happy marriage.in the event where you are not happy in that relationship, you get frustrated and that develops into real hatred even while in that marriage. Your love already is conditional. True love is never based on benefits. I have had relationships in the past where we never indulged in sex, yet we still didn't work. I was not looking for what to gain rather I was looking to make my partner a better person, supporting in every area. Now, that's true love.

Echoed my thoughts with regard to her quips. So much to learn ( gotta say she's got potential though if she's still a teenager and can reason thus. She just needs to get her feet wet a little. Get off the armchair and get in the field of play even if it is to test out her hypotheses).

Oliviaarims:




That a number if wives were killed by their husbands doesn't mean love doesn't exist.. Nor does it suffice as a standard basis for ur argument. Not in any way. And why are u sounding as though everyone marries out of love?

Ppl marry for different reasons. U shouldn't assume that every couple u see is in love , or were at any point in love with each other... And the fact that there are many failed relationships doesn't negate the fact also that love exists. I can only agree with u that there are lots of ppl who mistake lust , infatuation and whatever else for love. But again, it is no sufficient condition to assert that love is nonexistent. The mistakes, misfortunes and short-sighted mess of a number of individuals should not send the idea of love into forever exile or make is delude ourselves that it never existed.

Love exists... And as imperfect humans, we shouldn't crave for a perfect love. It just can't be. God loves us despite all of our short comings because he's God and infallible. But, still... It doesn't stop Him from punishing us when we go wrong and err against him. But God, in all His perfection can afford to forgive us and bring us back into his fold. Don't even attempt to compare the love of God and that of man. It's preposterous!


As humans, we must acknowledge our imperfections and love within that limit. Too many ppl are looking for fairytales Why? How? When will that ever be achievable? Love, like a plant needs to be nurtured and tendered else it rots away.

Yeah, true love exists-but its now so rare. All guys want now is intimacy and girls is money. Got friendly with a charming girl recently and her body language to me was that I wanted something physical with her. That's what on nearly all girls mind now that any guy that befriends them wants them in bed-quite sad its hard to find true love nowadays, lust has drowned love and its crying for help. With what our ladies wear nowadays, you will know that many of them are used to satisfying men's love-sorry lust for them.

Oahray:
wow! I hope any nice man planning to marry you gets to learn about this your viewpoint before he finds himself trapped in a loveless self-centred marriage.

Got ya! She's in need of some real psycho-analysis. (Please I don't mean this in a perjorative way).

Oahray:
well, that's the thread's issue, not mine. I quoted you because I wanted to know what you consider love to be. You painted love as totally selfish in your first post, and that got me curious.

On the lighter side...
From your conventional definition, a mother's affection for her child cannot possibly be love since it isn't accompanied by sexual attraction abi?

Don't mind me, just fooling around. I think I get where you are coming from now. Thanks.

Lol. I should have added 'unrelated people love' sha.

But do you agree love it's about personal interest? If yes, what does that make it, a selfish or selfless act? And if no, do you think love can exist/survives without individual's interest being met? It would be nice if you can address this but not a must.