If your husband after 2 children wants more children and you say no to his wishes then what is he to do especially if you're against a polygamous relationship.

I think the wife is wrong to play God with his destiny because it's his right to have as many children has he wants. Why won't she accept a polygamous relationship at least. She wants him to leave his home for another man to raise his kids. Women we can be so bad minded I swear... This man loves you can't you give him more kids or another wife? Come on now you gotta take one for the team IMHO

In my opinion the wife is being a little harsh. Maybe I think like this because I've not had children yet. They really really love each other and he'd do anything for her so why deny him a child? I dont understand all these rights...

If it was you whose husband want you to have more kids than you want or are capable of

What would you do

raumdeuter:
If it was you whose husband want you to have more kids than you want or are capable of

What would you do

# polygamy is for these said cases in my culture. If he is truly capable then I wouldn't stand in his way.


But then again I'm not married so I'd be guessing.

They were supposed to have agreed on the number of kids to have during courtship to avoid situations like this , that is what courtship is meant for.

@ op, your post is so biased. That woman has got her own choices, needs and life goals too, It must not always be about what the man wants. What exactly does he need more Children for? is he looking for a particular gender or he just wants a full house?

The fact that he is capable of supporting a large family doesn't mean he should become the father of many nations. He is not the one birthing those kids, so i understand why he is hell bent on having more.

IMO, two is a good number. What matters is quality and not quantity, they should concentrate on raising the kids right and the outcome could be better than what you get with 10 children put together...

I still don't believe there are people that go into marriage blindly without discussing and sorting out issues like this first in this age. They need to come to a compromise if they still want to remain married.

Nubian113:


# polygamy is for these said cases in my culture. If he is truly capable then I wouldn't stand in his way.


But then again I'm not married so I'd be guessing.

Being capable in what sense? Raising kids is not all about feeding and paying school fees, it goes beyond that.

BTW, Nigeria is becoming over populated . The goal should be one kid or two max.

Nubian113:


# polygamy is for these said cases in my culture. If he is truly capable then I wouldn't stand in his way.

But then again I'm not married so I'd be guessing

Good. Now, start by getting married, getting pregnant, carrying that pregnancy for 9 months and going into a life/death labour. Then have sleepless nights for 3 months and care for that child afterwards. God help you if you are a working mum.

You can then come back and give that advice to a woman who already has two children.

You don't know what transpired between that man and his wife. You don't know why she has taken that decision.

Bottom line: Please keep quiet and take several seats, till you walk in that woman's shoes.

Capable in what sense?
Raising kids is not just about money and for him to be thinking polygamy shows how shallow his thoughts are towards being a parent.
It is possible that:
The woman had complications with birthing her two kids
Her husband is useless in helping out around the house and with the kids
The "capable" financial status u claim might be as a result of the husband and ( over stressed working) wife's pooling of resources together
Anytime she gives birth, his mom will come and baff the baby with omo .
But joke aside, I know one MIL who derives so much pleasure in causing trouble anytime any of her kids' wives put to bed. No story is one sided

Something could have been responsible for the woman's objection to having more children. If it is not related to her health, then she has to point not given birth again.

If the man actually wants more children all he needs to do is to stop using any form of protection when mating with the wife. Sooner or later, the good news would be announced.

We so much copy the western culture in this part of the world that we dont consider the consequences. Most European countries in the next hundred years would have no indigenous people. This is simply because they refused to give birth. Their economy is already been affected, reason for the acceptance of refugees and other asylum seekers. The aged are more than the youths and children put together. A case of a reversed triangle demography.

For these European countries, it is rather too late to reverse the population growth trend. China has realised this and has change the one child policy to two.

The fact of the matter is if you want to sustain your population give birth to 2, less than 2 will wipe you out while more than 2 will increase your population.

Population is power. The choice is yours.

I wonder why they didn't agree on the number of children they want before venturing into marriage...



On the other hand, I think that decision depends on the woman, agreement or no agreement. She can take family planing measures without his content (if she really doesn't want more kids). I suggest they discuss and come to a mutual conclusion tho






#Adonis3HasSopken

mostyg:
Something could have been responsible for the woman's objection to having more children. If it is not related to her health, then she has to point not given birth again.

If the man actually wants more children all he needs to do is to stop using any form of protection when mating with the wife. Sooner or later, the good news would be announced.

We so much copy the western culture in this part of the world that we dont consider the consequences. Most European countries in the next hundred years would have no indigenous people. This is simply because they refused to give birth. Their economy is already been affected, reason for the acceptance of refugees and other asylum seekers. The aged are more than the youths and children put together. A case of a reversed triangle demography.

For these European countries, it is rather too late to reverse the population growth trend. China has realised this and has change the one child policy to two.

The fact of the matter is if you want to sustain your population give birth to 2, less than 2 will wipe you out while more than 2 will increase your population.

Population is power. The choice is yours.

What kind of a stupid mentality.

DBestDoc:
They were supposed to have agreed on the number of kids to have during courtship to avoid situations like this , that is what courtship is meant for.

I still don't believe there are people that go into marriage blindly without discussing and sorting out issues like this first in this age. They need to come to a compromise if they still want to remain married.

Courtship and marriage are very different times.

You both may agree during courtship to have 5kids. However, during marriage the man may not have the financial capability to cater for more than 2. That's reality.

The woman may have had difficult pregnancies or deliveries on two occasions that may have affected her psychologically or physically for life, and decides to stop at 2. That's also reality on ground.

Not everyone is "lucky" enough to have life go smoothly as planned .

Adonis3:
I wonder why they didn't agree on the number of children they want before venturing into marriage...



On the other hand, I think that decision depends on the woman, agreement or no agreement. She can take family planing measures without his content (if she really doesn't want more kids). I suggest they discuss and come to a mutual conclusion tho






#Adonis3HasSopken

Sir/ma, never. advise a woman to go for family planning without the husband's consent.. a relationship end game.. you'd understand better if you are a man..

should I be caught in this situation, then polygamy is an option. and if she refuuses to accept a second wife, then she becomes a baby mama and I marry someone else.

but if there were complications during the birth of both children, then I will have to make do with two kids and one wife...

Nubian113:
If your husband after 2 children wants more children and you say no to his wishes then what is he to do especially if you're against a polygamous relationship.
I know a man in this predicament. I think the wife is wrong to play God with his destiny because it's his right to have as many children has he wants. Why won't she accept a polygamous relationship at least. She wants him to leave his home for another man to raise his kids. Women we can be so bad minded I swear... This man loves you can't you give him more kids or another wife? Come on now you gotta take one for the team IMHO
*man in question is capable of supporting a large family*

This is one of those topics you broach pre-marriage.

They can try revisiting the topic of more children, but it sounds like she's firm and at her limit. And frankly, she has a right to opt out of their marriage completely if he opts for polygamy and she's against it. If I were put in that position, or husband wants more than what we agreed to, I would arrive at the exact same conclusion. It's his right to have as many children as he wants, but it's also her right to have as many children as she wants.

The man has a choice to make. From the sounds of it, if they fail to compromise, reaching his desired quota of children will involve divorcing his current wife and marrying another. How many children does he want?

Nubian113: man in question is capable of supporting a large family*

** No complications at both pregnancy
**10+ years marriage
** 2 girls but husband wants to try for a son
** he loves her & the children
** no agreement as such before marriage but he has made it clear he'd like a big family

In my opinion the wife is being a little harsh. Maybe I think like this because I've not had children yet. They really really love each other and he'd do anything for her so why deny him a son? I dont understand all these rights...In my opinion the wife is being a little harsh. Maybe I think like this because I've not had children yet. They really really love each other and he'd do anything for her so why deny him a son? I dont understand all these rights...

I've seen this trying for a certain gender thing turn out tons of babies w/o success. It's a rat race. Next thing you know, the family suddenly has 6 boys in trying for just that one girl, or 6 girls trying for one boy. She can try, but maybe she doesn't want to get sucked into committing to the, "keep-popping-them-out-'til-we-get-there!" plan, which is no plan at all, and a scary one at that.

Our family knows this man who remarried 5 times and had multitudes of kids, all girls, in search of the one son he never had until he basically gave up.

@bold, how do folks manage to type loads of hot horsepoo with so much authority.

mostyg:
Something could have been responsible for the woman's objection to having more children. If it is not related to her health, then she has to point not given birth again.

If the man actually wants more children all he needs to do is to stop using any form of protection when mating with the wife. Sooner or later, the good news would be announced.

We so much copy the western culture in this part of the world that we dont consider the consequences. Most European countries in the next hundred years would have no indigenous people. This is simply because they refused to give birth. Their economy is already been affected, reason for the acceptance of refugees and other asylum seekers. The aged are more than the youths and children put together. A case of a reversed triangle demography.

For these European countries, it is rather too late to reverse the population growth trend. China has realised this and has change the one child policy to two.

The fact of the matter is if you want to sustain your population give birth to 2, less than 2 will wipe you out while more than 2 will increase your population.

Population is power. The choice is yours.

Lord knows I understand where that woman is coming from.
I'm always an advocate for compromise but really in this case, the compromise should come from the man.
It's easy to want more suya when you're not the cow whose flesh goes into the making of it.

Seeing as they didn't have an agreement before marriage, talking about that now is like crying over spilt milk.

Another option is adopting a male child if he's so bent on having one. That way he gets another child, madam's body is not put through the wringer again and one homeless boy gets a home. And the world will be 0.1% a better place for it.

P.S hope he knows he's the one that determines the sex of the kids. Let ignorance not make him go marry another wife while searching for a son.

EnlightenedSoul:


I've seen this trying for a certain gender thing turn out tons of babies w/o success. It's a rat race. Next thing you know, the family suddenly has 6 boys in trying for just that one girl, or 6 girls trying for one boy. She can try, but maybe she doesn't want to get sucked into committing to the, "keep popping them out until we get there" plan, which is no plan at all and a scary one at that.

Our family knows this man who remarried 5 times and had multitudes of kids in search of the one son he never had until he basically gave up.

This is her exact argument. Is it true that it's the man that determines the sex of the baby? So he could be shooting all girls,right, like that man you know. My sister kept trying for girls and number 4 and number 6 were her two princesses. Her husband never told her no after 3 boys because he can't afford more children, he let her fill her boots. I blame this on the west, and the lazy generation we are. Give the man his kids!! Lol

Nubian113:

This is her exact argument. Is it true that it's the man that determines the sex of the baby? So he could be shooting all girls,right, like that man you know. My sister kept trying for girls and number 4 and number 6 were her two princesses. Her husband never told her no after 3 boys because he can't afford more children, he let her fill her boots. I blame this on the west, and the lazy generation we are. Give the man his kids!! Lol

We contribute the X chromosome. The sperm that fertilizes the egg determines the sex of the child by either contributing another X (XX=girl) or a Y (XY=boy). Yh, the man we know is actually the story of a man my father knew and told us about from back in the motherland. Of course, out of ignorance, he blamed the women he wifed to his dying breathe, lol.

They should try to come to a compromise, but honestly, I don't blame her at all.

Nubian113:




This is her exact argument. Is it true that it's the man that determines the sex of the baby? So he could be shooting all girls,right, like that man you know. My sister kept trying for girls and number 4 and number 6 were her two princesses. Her husband never told her no after 3 boys because he can't afford more children, he let her fill her boots. I blame this on the west, and the lazy generation we are. Give the man his kids!! Lol

Yes, the man determines the sex of the baby. From the way you write, I guess you are pretty young but know that the body of a woman differs from other women, and what one woman can do, another might not be able. Simple analogy; do all the women in your family have the same kind of monthly periods? Some have longer periods, as some do shorter ones. Some have heavy, while some are light. Some have light, heavy or severe cramps. It is the same with childbearing women.

Also, planning and reality isn't often the same. Reality might throw out better or worse options, and a wise person knows to make adjustments.

At OP,how close are you to the man? do you want to become a second wife to him or help him bear the son? Just asking because all you talked about here is what the man wants.

As a female, you have to know that childbearing is not easy for some people, you are not in the labour room with her and you don't know what she went through .
Only the woman can determine what she went through and if her body can withstand and survive another pregnancy,delivery and caring for the child.

Thank you. Lol at me being young, I'm not but then again I'm not a wife or mum so maybe that's why my views on this matter come across as a tad bit naive..
Thank you for your contributions.

Enoquin:


Yes, the man determines the sex of the baby. From the way you write, I guess you are pretty young but know that the body of a woman differs from other women, and what one woman can do, another might not be able. Simple analogy; do all the women in your family have the same kind of monthly periods? Some have longer periods, as some do shorter ones. Some have heavy, while some are light. Some have light, heavy or severe cramps. It is the same with childbearing women.

Also, planning and reality isn't often the same. Reality might throw out better or worse options, and a wise person knows to make adjustments.

Nubian113:
Thank you. Lol at me being young, I'm not but then again I'm not a wife or mum so maybe that's why my views on this matter come across as a tad bit naive..
Thank you for your contributions.

Well, if you aren't young, then you are probably sheltered - no offence intended. I am also not a wife or mum yet but I know these things. I knew babies could come out with their legs around 10 years. I read about breeches and and birth defects then too from my mum's midwifery huge illustrative textbooks. I also asked questions too.
My uncle has 6 girls from his wife, he just played an away match and got a boy. Now his home is on fire, he hasn't told his wife yet but she has heard rumours and is causing trouble, I wonder what will happen when he finally tells her. Their first child will be 25 this year.

EnlightenedSoul:
It's his right to have as many children as he wants, but it's also her right to have as many children as she wants.

I'm struggling here And for a number of reasons;

1. Firstly, where does this right originate?
2. And within the context of marriage how does this "right" play out? Especially if i. there is no agreement, or ii. capability or ability prevents it, even if there is agreement.


TV

Oh for the love of God, let that woman allow her husband marry a next wife and satisfy his desires...

She doesn't want to have more kids, and still doesn't want him to marry another woman instead...and these broads here are busy preaching about how it's the woman's body - isn't that the height of selfishness?
Okay it's the woman's body all right, so she should keep it and let a next woman offer up her body to the man na... Shoir!

Nubian113:
Thank you. Lol at me being young, I'm not but then again I'm not a wife or mum so maybe that's why my views on this matter come across as a tad bit naive..
Thank you for your contributions.

They will come for your head here o, this is the type of topic that reveals how self-centered and extremely entitled women of this generation are.

Beware of family section harridans and STEP WISELY. . .

Adonis3:
I wonder why they didn't agree on the number of children they want before venturing into marriage...



On the other hand, I think that decision depends on the woman, agreement or no agreement. She can take family planing measures without his content (if she really doesn't want more kids). I suggest they discuss and come to a mutual conclusion tho






#Adonis3HasSopken

You're right, it's her decision because she's the one carrying the burden of pregnancy abi...issokay.
However, I don't know what you were thinking when you advised that the woman undertakes family planning without her husband's knowledge or consent...that's just muddling the unhelpful.

So what if they can't come to a mutual understanding and neither of them is willing to shift grounds?
Shouldn't the man be allowed to have a go at another wife to fulfill his big-family dream?

All this "it's about her" malarkey. What about this Man's family?His mother who desires a grandson or more children. So He must loose out on his linage because of his so called wife,lover and partner. Hun she had no birth complications. She didn't go to work for the ten years he did. He paid the bills and loved her alone. Now he can't have his God giving right to procreate. I feel for African men in the west I swear. BeCause if this was Somaliland he would've remarried and even her mother will whoop her ass if she complained. But in the west he must compromise just so she won't leave with his daughters.

crackhaus:

You're right, it's her decision because she's the one carrying the burden of pregnant.
However, I don't know what you were thinking when you advised that the woman undertakes family planning without her husband's knowledge or consent...that's just muddling the unhelpful.

So what if they can't come to a mutual understanding and neither of them is willing to shift grounds?
Shouldn't the man be allowed to have a go at another wife to fulfill his big-family dream?

Nubian113:
All this "it's about her" malarkey. What about this Man's family?His mother who desires a grandson or more children. So He must loose out on his linage because of his so called wife,lover and partner. Hun she had no birth complications. She didn't go to work for the ten years he did. He paid the bills and loved her alone. Now he can't have his God giving right to procreate. I feel for African men in the west I swear. BeCause if this was Somaliland he would've remarried and even her mother will whoop her ass if she complained. But in the west he must compromise just so she won't leave with his daughters.

Hehehehehe...

I don't get how a woman will decide not to have more kids and still not let the man get more kids from another woman. Wow! What a princess she must be.

I mean, is it like written in a man's genetic code to be the one who compromises...or have some women so reduced themselves to pets such that like a cat, she must be pampered and given special consideration so she can stay happy in a world where even 16year old girls now desire equality in all ramifications... Can't be

TV01:

I'm struggling here And for a number of reasons;

1. Firstly, where does this right originate?
2. And within the context of marriage how does this "right" play out? Especially if i. there is no agreement, or ii. capability or ability prevents it, even if there is agreement.


TV

It's a basic biological human right, which can be and often is determined and ascertained by other outstanding factors, some of which you've already taken the liberty of mentioning. Your local laws, your abilities (physical, financial, etc), your capabilities (fertility, etc), and spousal willingness, etc.

If you're asking what should happen when disagreement strikes, I have no way deciding that for anyone. However, I will say that I wouldn't blame or blacken the image of those who leave infertile (or unwilling) partners with the hopes of having children they could otherwise never have, nor those who refuse to bear children they don't want in the case of women or refuse contribution to their bearing in the case of men. They are justified in what they chose to do with their own genetic material, and they've their own reproductive rights alongside that of their partners.

Hmmmm
instead of poly, just discuss surrogacy with your wife.

bqlekan:
should I be caught in this situation, then polygamy is an option. and if she refuuses to accept a second wife, then she becomes a baby mama and I marry someone else.

but if there were complications during the birth of both children, then I will have to make do with two kids and one wife...

She is being selfish here since there is no complication with previous births, trying one more for the sake of her husband isn't that bad. You can't deny one something very important to them and yet expect them to be happy. The man didn't ask beyond reasonable limits , adding one more will just make it 3.


Who knows the role this man played in the previous births, she might have her reasons. No one knows the whole story.