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hmmm....

So pregnancy wanted to force you into marriage? Which is more expensive?

Hahaha. This guy has seen a way out. You want to dodge because you think she is coming to get pregnant again, not so. It looks like your window of opportunity has opened, think well. If she knows you were marrying her because of the pregnancy, then no harm on both ends. However if you pretended to propose marriage because you love her, then thunder fire you there. It's your decision, do what you think it's right. I don't feel you even want to continue the relationship and you were forced by family.

obowunmi:
hmmm....

So pregnancy wanted to force you into marriage? Which is more expensive?

Baba pregnancy wanted to force me ooo. Deep down I never wanted that n I don't even have a dim for that. Buh what should I have done? Run away? I don't think so

Kizmilz:

Baba pregnancy wanted to force me ooo. Deep down I never wanted that n I don't even have a dim for that. Buh what should I have done? Run away? I don't think so

If you have the balls to get her pregnant, you should be able to have the balls to marry her.

baby124:
Hahaha. This guy has seen a way out. You want to dodge because you think she is coming to get pregnant again, not so. It looks like your window of opportunity has opened, think well. If she knows you were marrying her because of the pregnancy, then no harm on both ends. However if you pretended to propose marriage because you love her, then thunder fire you there. It's your decision, do what you think it's right. I don't feel you even want to continue the relationship and you were forced by family.

I don't think she's coming to get pregnant again. I've always wanted marrying her, Buh not so early. I love her so much that I didn't want her to have a child out of wedlock for me. As regards the relationship, I still wanna continue. Buh m not ready for marriage now, I've not always been ready.

obowunmi:


If you have the balls to get her pregnant, you should be able to have the balls to marry her.

Sure Buh not the pregnancy is out of the way.

if u love each other she would gladly wait but u shuldnt make d mistake of getting her pregnant again b4 d marriage.the economy aint smilling bro

Kizmilz:

I don't think she's coming to get pregnant again. I've always wanted marrying her, Buh not so early. I love her so much that I didn't want her to have a child out of wedlock for me. As regards the relationship, I still wanna continue. Buh m not ready for marriage now, I've not always been ready.

There is no wedlock to look forward to anymore bro. You both have done everything needed to be done in marriage.

However, you can put the ceremony on hold till you are financially vibrant if your girl agree with you. You will have to do a good job to convince her that you wouldn't bail out on her

I'm not sure you love this girl as much as you think
Your fiancée had a miscarriage and rather than consoling her and immediately being there for her, the first thing you think about is how you can escape from the forthcoming marriage

its better that you both go your separate ways to be honest. You are not just ready financially but deep down this is not your woman of choice.

Meanwhile when you both know that you are not ready for marriage, you should have both used protection cos seriously as a youth corper how were you intending to provide for your family?.

You both had a lucky escape cos you were both marrying each other only because of pregnancy and when that clears from your eye you would have both felt conned and blame each other and with financial issues involved, you guys would have been at each others throats all day.

oga bellong eku ojo 3

You dodge bullets from this hellfire weapons below. Congrats.

Kizmilz:
Good day Nairalanders, this is a true life story that happened to me.
There is this girl I've been dating for about 3years now she loves me and so do I and both families are aware of the relationship.
Last year October she took in for me(got pregnant) and she refused aborting it, though I didn't tell her to abort the pregnancy nor did I tell her to keep it not minding the fact that am still serving (a corper) and not ready for marriage yet.
To cut the long story short, both families met and marriage plans where made on my behalf.
We are supposed to be getting married by March/April this year. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage on Monday night. She's so devastated right now and she want to pay me a visit at my PPA.
My question now is "Should I still go ahead with the marriage plans with the economy situation in the country or we should continue dating till when am fully ready for marriage"?
Your candid advice pls. (Matured minds only)

Lala, please let the world see this

get married first.........

Kizmilz:
Good day Nairalanders, this is a true life story that happened to me.
There is this girl I've been dating for about 3years now she loves me and so do I and both families are aware of the relationship.
Last year October she took in for me(got pregnant) and she refused aborting it, though I didn't tell her to abort the pregnancy nor did I tell her to keep it not minding the fact that am still serving (a corper) and not ready for marriage yet.
To cut the long story short, both families met and marriage plans where made on my behalf.
We are supposed to be getting married by March/April this year. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage on Monday night. She's so devastated right now and she want to pay me a visit at my PPA.
My question now is "Should I still go ahead with the marriage plans with the economy situation in the country or we should continue dating till when am fully ready for marriage"?
Your candid advice pls. (Matured minds only)

Lala, please let the world see this

Don't get married yet. You weren't planning on getting married before , it was the baby that forced u guys hand. Now you have a second chance take your time and be properly prepared. Marriage is not somthing u rush into, trust me on this.

I'll keep saying it. pregnancy is not a good basis for marriage. You've made one mistake, why should you let it determine the course for the rest of your life?

Please, free the girl if the only reason you wanted to marry her was because of the pregnancy.

btw, isn't it high time you gave up pre-marital sex? Jesus love you you know.

Kizmilz:
Good day Nairalanders, this is a true life story that happened to me.
There is this girl I've been dating for about 3years now she loves me and so do I and both families are aware of the relationship.
Last year October she took in for me(got pregnant) and she refused aborting it, though I didn't tell her to abort the pregnancy nor did I tell her to keep it not minding the fact that am still serving (a corper) and not ready for marriage yet.
To cut the long story short, both families met and marriage plans where made on my behalf.
We are supposed to be getting married by March/April this year. Unfortunately she had a miscarriage on Monday night. She's so devastated right now and she want to pay me a visit at my PPA.
My question now is "Should I still go ahead with the marriage plans with the economy situation in the country or we should continue dating till when am fully ready for marriage"?
Your candid advice pls. (Matured minds only)

Lala, please let the world see this

She took in for you now how did that happen?
You know you are a corper not yet ready for marriage yet you release fluids as if its her responsibility to make sure she doesn't get pregnant then you go on to say i didn't tell her to abort nor did i tell her to keep it implying she didn't seek your consent yet you went along with everything.Now you have made promises you are not sure you want to keep the result of not manning your fluids.

What do you want to do? be honest with yourself nobody knows what you want you are the only one in your body, mind who knows what you really want so get honest with yourself and act in your best interest because in the long run your best interest will be her best interest whether its to proceed or abort marriage preparations. If you get honest with yourself you may even discover you don't mind getting married you are just scared because you don't have the kind of money you think you should have before you get married. So get clear with yourself.

Good day my people,
Thanks for the contributions you've all made so far, am most grateful.
This issue is that I never promised her marriage this 2016, though she's the type I would want to settle down with. The pregnancy brought about we trying to get married this year. Which deep down in me I never wanted it to happen, bt it was about going to happen because of the pregnancy involved. Now the pregnancy is out of the way, I know there is always reason for everything that happened. Maybe God knows I won't be able to cater for the child now, that's y it turned out this way, never can tell.

tearoses:
I'm not sure you love this girl as much as you think
Your fiancée had a miscarriage and rather than consoling her and immediately being there for her, the first thing you think about is how you can escape from the forthcoming marriage

its better that you both go your separate ways to be honest. You are not just ready financially but deep down this is not your woman of choice.

Meanwhile when you both know that you are not ready for marriage, you should have both used protection cos seriously as a youth corper how were you intending to provide for your family?.

You both had a lucky escape cos you were both marrying each other only because of pregnancy and when that clears from your eye you would have both felt conned and blame each other and with financial issues involved, you guys would have been at each others throats all day.

oga bellong eku ojo 3

We have always wanted to get married, the pregnancy was only trying to hasten that. This girl in particular is someone I love, I've been trying my best consoling her. Its not as if I never used protection, just that shit happens sometimes. I just want to get this straight before she pop up the question if we are still proceeding with the marriage plans.

@Tearoses,

Ojo kan pelu.. E ku Odun mewa. Happy new year to you ma.

May 2016 be glorious for you and yours

Then marry her and go for family planning.

Kizmilz:

We have always wanted to get married, the pregnancy was only trying to hasten that. This girl in particular is someone I love, I've been trying my best consoling her. Its not as if I never used protection, just that shit happens sometimes. I just want to get this straight before she pop up the question if we are still proceeding with the marriage plans.

armyofone:
Then marry her and go for family planning.

Hmmm. It is well.

bellong:
@Tearoses,

Ojo kan pelu.. E ku Odun mewa. Happy new year to you ma.

May 2016 be glorious for you and yours

Amen and same to you and your family

Kizmilz:

We have always wanted to get married, the pregnancy was only trying to hasten that. This girl in particular is someone I love, I've been trying my best consoling her. Its not as if I never used protection, just that shit happens sometimes. I just want to get this straight before she pop up the question if we are still proceeding with the marriage plans.

It seems that she is the one keen on getting married to you and you kind of see it as if you are doing her a favour
Thats how I feel it sha, I may be wrong
My advise . . . . dont rush anything
something tells me that she may not be the one and you may not be the one.
If I had suffered a miscarriage and my fiance hasn't dropped everything to be by my side, but is going on about cancelling the wedding for now instead, I will think twice and thrice about the real state of our relationship.

Kizmilz:

Baba pregnancy wanted to force me ooo. Deep down I never wanted that n I don't even have a dim for that. Buh what should I have done? Run away? I don't think so

If u can maintain her as a gf when u had nothing, u can aswell maintain her as a wife too, @least,no kids to catter for, for now. So, u both can still get married, and den hustle together,but please leave the issue of getting babies out for now,until u can @least get something to do,no matter how little u earn, u cant depend on family all d time.


For me, if i can leave with my GF as a bachelor and maintain her, i see no reason why i cant also maintain her as a wife without any kid.

Kizmilz, let me try to help you here.

This marriage was going to happen because you got her pregnant not because you guys are so in love or that yall were ready. Na shotgun wedding una been wan do. Now the pregnancy is no more, there's nothing compelling you to get married right now.

Your NYSC allowance seems to be your only source of income and we both know 20k is hardly enough to raise a family on, moreover, that 20k will not be forever. Let's not even forget the odds of getting a good job right after service year ends. Belive me, you dont want to be unemployed and married, not a good combination.

Truth is you were going to get married for practical reasons not for love, now the reason for the forced marriage is no more. It's time to get practical again. You are not ready and that's that. Love is the least of your worries right now. A jobless, penniless husband is one status shy of a criminal, all you have to do is scour nairaland for topic upon topic of disillusioned wives who can no longer stand the very existence of their brokeass husbands to take a cue.


Belive me when I say nobody understands your relief more than I do, I was once in your shoes. You have been given a second chance. Embrace it fully and use it wisely. You don't have to get married now. There is no longer any baby to hold you to ransom and pressure you into sleeplessness. Your woman will not remember how much love she has for you when hunger comes calling and you can't provide.


A word should be enough...


PS: She might be coming for a re-impregnation, if you like load am with hot akamu again, you hear!

Timbuktou:
Kizmilz, let me try to help you here.

This marriage was going to happen [b]because you got her pregnant not because you guys are so in love or that yall were ready. [/b]Na shotgun wedding una been wan do. Now the pregnancy is no more, there's nothing compelling you to get married right now.

Your NYSC allowance seems to be your only source of income and we both know 20k is hardly enough to raise a family on, moreover, that 20k will not be forever. Let's not even forget the odds of getting a good job right after service year ends. Belive me, you dont want to be unemployed and married, not a good combination.

Truth is you were going to get married for practical reasons not for love, now the reason for the forced marriage is no more. It's time to get practical again. You are not ready and that's that. Love is the least of your worries right now. A jobless, penniless husband is one status shy of a criminal, all you have to do is scour nairaland for topic upon topic of disillusioned wives who can no longer stand the very existence of their brokeass husbands to take a cue.


Belive me when I say nobody understands your relief more than I do, I was once in your shoes. You have been given a second chance. Embrace it fully and use it wisely. You don't have to get married now. There is no longer any baby to hold you to ransom and pressure you into sleeplessness. Your woman will not remember how much love she has for you when hunger comes calling and you can't provide.


A word should be enough...

Thanks man, atlast I'm a bit relieved now. It seems you've gotten the clue in my points maybe because you've once been in my shoes. Most peeps here don't even get it at all. Once again, thanks for the advice. God bless

Timbuktou:
Kizmilz, let me try to help you here.

This marriage was going to happen because you got her pregnant not because you guys are so in love or that yall were ready. Na shotgun wedding una been wan do. Now the pregnancy is no more, there's nothing compelling you to get married right now.

Your NYSC allowance seems to be your only source of income and we both know 20k is hardly enough to raise a family on, moreover, that 20k will not be forever. Let's not even forget the odds of getting a good job right after service year ends. Belive me, you dont want to be unemployed and married, not a good combination.

Truth is you were going to get married for practical reasons not for love, now the reason for the forced marriage is no more. It's time to get practical again. You are not ready and that's that. Love is the least of your worries right now. A jobless, penniless husband is one status shy of a criminal, all you have to do is scour nairaland for topic upon topic of disillusioned wives who can no longer stand the very existence of their brokeass husbands to take a cue.


Belive me when I say nobody understands your relief more than I do, I was once in your shoes. You have been given a second chance. Embrace it fully and use it wisely. You don't have to get married now. There is no longer any baby to hold you to ransom and pressure you into sleeplessness. Your woman will not remember how much love she has for you when hunger comes calling and you can't provide.


A word should be enough...


PS: She might be coming for a re-impregnation, if you like load am with hot akamu again, you hear!

be like say you dey inside the whole scenario. Will be very careful, I may not even touch her.

Kizmilz:
Maybe God knows I won't be able to cater for the child now, that's y it turned out this way, never can tell.

...I really didn't want to, but just in case you are referring to the God of Our Lord Jesus Christ, otherwise, please ignore this post.

God, is The God of the living. He does not tempt, nor does he condone sin. Sex before marriage is sin. He wouldn't kill an innocent baby to cover your unclothedness. He's just like that. Rather he would have provided a way for the baby - and likely family - to be cared for, if they trusted in Him. And possibly, even if they didn't.

Please don't implicate God in your behaviour, actions or the consequences. And if you choose to involve Him, best do so with a penitent heart.

Kizmilz:
I love her so much

You've stated this repeatedly. "Love does no harm" - you have defrauded and harmed this woman.

It was your self-serving actions that led to this, not true love. If you truly love her - despite your mistakes so far - you will comfort her in her grief and commit to her long-term. Or let her go. Not simply focus on your position. Be a man. All the best.

A little harsh? Perhaps, but I'm not feeling hypocrisy this morning. The stench of it.


TV

Kizmilz:

Thanks man, atlast I'm a bit relieved now. It seems you've gotten the clue in my points maybe because you've once been in my shoes. Most peeps here don't even get it at all. Once again, thanks for the advice. God bless

Well, as the saying goes, experience is the best teacher.

Also, don't fall for the trap of marrying and not having children till you're comfortable. You don't know how patient she can be, even she doesn't know . Only a woman with the patience of Job can have a happy home with a broke dude. Moreover, just for the sake of providing for the family there is the risk of doing just any kind of work even if you'd rather be doing something else that you might find fulfilling. At that point, it would be all about getting money home.

And, no, don't touch her no matter how persuasive she gets. Na her own plans dey her mind now, na she go still insult you when theres no money to care for the home with.

Good luck.

TV01:

...I really didn't want to, but just in case you are referring to the God of Our Lord Jesus Christ, otherwise, please ignore this post.

God, is The God of the living. He does not tempt, nor does he condone sin. Sex before marriage is sin. He wouldn't kill an innocent baby to cover your unclothedness. He's just like that. Rather he would have provided a way for the baby - and likely family - to be cared for, if they trusted in Him. And possibly, even if they didn't.

Please don't implicate God in your behaviour, actions or the consequences. And if you choose to involve Him, best do so with a penitent heart.

You've stated this repeatedly. "Love does no harm" - you have defrauded and harmed this woman.

It was your self-serving actions that led to this, not true love. If you truly love her - despite your mistakes so far - you will comfort her in her grief and commit to her long-term. Or let her go. Not simply focus on your position. Be a man. All the best.

A little harsh? Perhaps, but I'm not feeling hypocrisy this morning. The stench of it.


TV

Just curious TV, how has he defrauded and harmed this woman.

Also, he states he always planned to marry this person, not just yet. ì

Timbuktou:
Just curious TV, how has he defrauded and harmed this woman.

Also, he states he always planned to marry this person, not just yet. ì

Holá Tim, how far? HNY,

OP mentioned God. And like I noted, if he meant the God of the bible, he has not acted according to the bible, and in fact blasphemes. Like I also noted, if not, he should ignore my post. Biblically, he should not have touched her until fulfilment of the commitment was in view.

If one views the matter outside of Christianity, he has still missed the mark as a man. Not being considered in his actions, not being able to take responsibility for his actions, being coerced to act by others, and being unable to respond when situations change. He lacked mastery.

His proclamations of love and good intentions bear little or no weight without the ability, or means to largely control them. Not judging him, that's just a factual reading of the situation.

I exhort men to not waste time with women who do not present great value. Good women who will respect and honour them as fathers and husbands. The flip side is my expectation, that men, in every sense, warrant this respect and honour.


TV

TV01:

Holá Tim, how far? HNY,

OP mentioned God. And like I noted, if he meant the God of the bible, he has not acted according to the bible, and in fact blasphemes. Like I also noted, if not, he should ignore my post. Biblically, he should not have touched her until fulfilment of the commitment was in view.

If one views the matter outside of Christianity, he has still missed the mark as a man. Not being considered in his actions, not being able to take responsibility for his actions, being coerced to act by others, and being unable to respond when situations change. He lacked mastery.

His proclamations of love and good intentions bear little or no weight without the ability, or means to largely control them. Not judging him, that's just a factual reading of the situation.

I exhort men to not waste time with women who do not present great value. Good women who will respect and honour them as fathers and husbands. The flip side is my expectation, that men, in every sense, warrant this respect and honour.


TV

Oh, happy New year, bruv. Trust you and yours are well.

Thanks for the explanation, I understand much better now. To be honest, I've got nothing to add.

Timbuktou:


Oh, happy New year, bruv. Trust you and yours are well.

Thanks for the explanation, I understand much better now. To be honest, I've got nothing to add.

We are well o jare, thank God and thank you for asking. I trust likewise.

I actually feel for the guy. If he fumbles this, it could seriously curtail his future, and like you said, leave him open to being "dealt with".


TV