my husband has been divorced for 5 years.we got married 2 yrs ago.his daughter visits once
or twice a month and stays for d weekend. d mum lives in d same city wit us. d problem is dat weneva his 14 yr old daughter comes,she prefers to sleep in our bed.we hav a 3 two bedroom apartment. we sleep in one room,d oda room is d guestroom.she came yesterd for d weekend.last nite at 2am and said she had stomach ache,afta stayimg with us for 20 mins,she said she felt beta but refusetd to go to her room,she stayed til d following morning.today she came to our room by 8pm and has refused to go to her room.i told my hband to go to d guestroom wit her since she claimed she was scared.does it m sense for a 14yr old to still want to sleep on our bed? she doesnt do dat to her mum.dey sleep in separe beds at home.

She dey police una make u and her papa nor... *coughs*

my sister what nonsense is that........dont you have cane!.

she never wan get junior brother or sister a d ur menopause don dey reach. Gobe!

mexyk:
She dey police una make u and her papa nor... *coughs*

badoo. Op, pursue am comot, lock door except tummy ache na everyday.

She must be daddy's girl, that's what they do, you have to learn to manage it and not act jealous.

Pidggin:
She must be daddy's girl, that's what they do, you have to learn to manage it and not act jealous.

No. She needs to stop it. Is it till when she clocks 20 b4 u'all know its not normal. 14 yr olds these days are adults and not so innocent

It's once or twice a month n she's 14. .Endure till shes 15

Its very hard for a step mother to give boundaries to young teenagers.
I think its time for you to sit down with your husband and have a conversation about this issue.
Tell him that you are not comfortable with his daughter sleeping in your bed and that it has to stop.

Make d babe sef grow up jor.

Apart 4rm d "bed" part is dr any bond btw U two??
If none den she's jst silly??
To be frank if she kip slipn.. Hmmm.. My sis u no go born ooo

Just be very careful. As little as this seems, it can destroy or promote your marriage. Even if she is acting 'funny', try to endure because some things happen for reasons. I know it's getting you upset, but you need to act maturedly as i think you are. 'Pretend' you don't even care about it even though you really do and "be very wise and sensible" towards her and your husband.
Out of 100 people that will see or hear this from you, i bet you, 99 of them will advice you to take a drastic (negative) step, mostly the male folks.
This may just be the TEST that will Promote or Demote you/your Status and Dignity in your Husband's Heart!
Above all, Win her completely with Love by expressing unfeigned towards her and her dad because love conquers all and nobody resist the thing call love, not even Lucifer!

At 14 sit her down, tell her no sleep over in daddy's bed.
What kind of 14 year old is that. Most like their freedom.

the girl sure knows you ain't her mother. she just wants to put cracks in the marriage. It's obvious she's a daddy's girl but one quick important thing, does she sleep in between both of you @op or behind her daddy's back or behind your back?

End time daughter.

I think she just misses him since she only gets to stay over a few times unlike her Mum that she sees regularly plus it's not a familiar environment like her room in her Moms place. Sometimes kids need that sense of security so I understand her feelings. But you need to wean her off it just like you will your own children when they start coming too.

Anytime she comes to your room, alone her allow to stay for only stay for some minutes to comfort or reassure her then take her back to her room and you or hef father (you can alternate it so she'll start to feel closer to you too) should stay with her there till she starts nodding off then sneak out. After a while she'll stop coming to your room since she knows you'll take her back plus she'll get used to sleeping in the guest bedroom on her own.

Oh please what rubbish is that?

There's no managing this weird awkward situation.
Tell your husband and tell her too. It has to stop.

cococandy:
Oh please what rubbish is that?

There's no managing this weird awkward situation.
Tell your husband and tell her too. It has to stop.

I agree, a 14 year old girl has already started menses, boobs, puberty, what is she doing jumping in her dads bed, never heard of such madness not in Africa at least,

Reminds me of the post about a dad bathing a 15 year old, what are we not gonna see for naira lol

Miami11:

I agree, a 14 year old girl has already started menses, boobs, puberty, what is she doing jumping in her dads bed, never heard of such madness not in Africa at least,

Reminds me of the post about a dad bathing a 15 year old, what are we not gonna see for naira lol

I'm even more surprised some posters will advice someone to try walk on eggshells around such a silly outrageous situation.

cococandy:

I'm even more surprised some posters will advice someone to try walk on eggshells around such a silly outrageous situation.

you women amaze me and get jealous at the slightest chance while being defensive if the table was turned.

Would you use such negative words if the person involved was your daughter?

Do you know the relationship between the said girl and her dad prior to getting married to the OP?

The OP is angry because the girl isn't her child and I am more than 100% sure she won't be this angry if it were to be her child. Like someone advised, this line could make or mar her place in the man's heart. If I were the man, she sure would lose her place in my heart, Reason being that I won't see her own daughter as a "step" whatever.

It's a very simple thing but jealousy would make you women complicate things.

It's highly based on the relationship she had with her father, well bonded, before the divorce.

My 14 year old daughter will not sleep on the same bed with me and my husband.

It's silly and absurd.

Jealous ko jealous ni.

Have you people no boundaries?

I888:
you women amaze me and get jealous at the slightest chance while being defensive if the table was turned.

Would you use such negative words if the person involved was your daughter?

Do you know the relationship between the said girl and her dad prior to getting married to the OP?

The OP is angry because the girl isn't her child and I am more than 100% sure she won't be this angry if it were to be her child. Like someone advised, this line could make or mar her place in the man's heart. If I were the man, she sure would lose her place in my heart, Reason being that I won't see her own daughter as a "step" whatever.

It's a very simple thing but jealousy would make you women complicate things.

It's highly based on the relationship she had with her father, well bonded, before the divorce.

cococandy:
My 14 year old daughter will not sleep on the same bed with me and my husband.

It's silly and absurd.

Jealous ko jealous ni.

Have you people no boundaries?

I don't dispute boundaries but what I am saying is that it's a VERY simple case that can easily be solved but the OP is already so worked up about the whole thing.

You lied about your daughter and I know if such should happen, you won't use such strong words to describe her act. You would even pet her and talk to her mildly.

But here you are advocating some brash measures to be carried on another's child, which I do not find pleasing.

Note that I am not supporting the girl doing it but someone of her age does not act that way without a reason.

I888:
I don't dispute boundaries but what I am saying is that it's a VERY simple case that can easily be solved but the OP is already so worked up about the whole thing.

You lied about your daughter and I know if such should happen, you won't use such strong words to describe her act. You would even pet her and talk to her mildly.

But here you are advocating some brash measures to be carried on another's child, which I do not find pleasing.

Note that I am not supporting the girl doing it but someone of her age does not act that way without a reason.

What strong words were used? What brash measures were suggested?

Like most have said, it doesn't sound right for a 14year old to sleep in the parents room. It should be discouraged.

People have said the father should ask the girl not to, the stepmum should talk to her, some have suggested she should be allowed for a couple of min and should be taken back to her room but no one has suggested any brash measures.

The real mum would have probably chased her out of the room sef.

The words silly and outrageous aren't as strong as you think. In this context, it probably just means shocking/non conventional/passing reasonable bounds.

Brash measures like telling them it has to stop?

Please
which other brash measures are you reading in my posts that I'm not seeing.

Some of you need to wear your reading goggles before you log on and begin to deliberately misread other people posts.

Duh. Reason being " you're not my mother. Don't sleep in the same bed with my father"

I888:
I don't dispute boundaries but what I am saying is that it's a VERY simple case that can easily be solved but the OP is already so worked up about the whole thing.

You lied about your daughter and I know if such should happen, you won't use such strong words to describe her act. You would even pet her and talk to her mildly.

But here you are advocating some brash measures to be carried on another's child, which I do not find pleasing.

Note that I am not supporting the girl doing it but someone of her age does not act that way without a reason.

Pls help me ask o.

You would have thought I or someone else said something unheard of.

Like I won't use my bathroom slippers to chase my silly daughter out of the room if she tries that with me and her dad.

People like that fellow make step-mothers lives harder as they assume anything you do or say to the child is because they aren't yours.

eyinjuege:


What strong words were used? What brash measures were suggested?

Like most have said, it doesn't sound right for a 14year old to sleep in the parents room. It should be discouraged.

People have said the father should ask the girl not to, the stepmum should talk to her, some have suggested she should be allowed for a couple of min and should be taken back to her room but no one has suggested any brash measures.

The real mum would have probably chased her out of the room sef.

The words silly and outrageous aren't as strong as you think. In this context, it probably just means shocking/non conventional/passing reasonable bounds.

Its nt like she comes everyday or everytime


Any times she comes m on d floor ni o

things like dis since u not her mum make frnds with her


Let her b ur frnd she can love her mum nd also love u as a frnd

U dont realy av to scold her she comes to meeet her dad twice in a month the girl needs her dad love all she cud get for dose periods she stays with him


i wud even pet her play with her care for her u av no idea of ow it hurts gettin to see ur parents once in a while i wont blame or hurt her bt make her my frnd i wud understand her heart first as she matures she wud understand my heart too

Undi the condi of my heart

I send my 2yrsold back to his room, why then will I have a 15years old teenager in my bed? End the rubbish jare.

I888:
you women amaze me and get jealous at the slightest chance while being defensive if the table was turned.

Would you use such negative words if the person involved was your daughter?

Do you know the relationship between the said girl and her dad prior to getting married to the OP?

The OP is angry because the girl isn't her child and I am more than 100% sure she won't be this angry if it were to be her child. Like someone advised, this line could make or mar her place in the man's heart. If I were the man, she sure would lose her place in my heart, Reason being that I won't see her own daughter as a "step" whatever.

It's a very simple thing but jealousy would make you women complicate things.

It's highly based on the relationship she had with her father, well bonded, before the divorce.

Whether it's my real daughter or son, I would never let them jump into our bed(parents) past puberty,

That is absurd and ridiculous for a pre teenager, most kids at puberty are even self conscious about their looks, boobs, menses, and grown body that they value their privacy
Never seen any pre teen that wants to warm their parents bed, I would have walked her back jejely back to her bed, nonsense.

sickstars:
Its nt like she comes everyday or everytime


Any times she comes m on d floor ni o

things like dis since u not her mum make frnds with her


Let her b ur frnd she can love her mum nd also love u as a frnd

U dont realy av to scold her she comes to meeet her dad twice in a month the girl needs her dad love all she cud get for dose periods she stays with him


i wud even pet her play with her care for her u av no idea of ow it hurts gettin to see ur parents once in a while i wont blame or hurt her bt make her my frnd i wud understand her heart first as she matures she wud understand my heart too

Undi the condi of my heart

When people are trying to sleep what kind of time do they have for petting a pre teenager, what kind of nonsense are we not going to hear,

Why should a 14 year old even think her step mom should be petting her in between her fathers blanket, am sure even the real mom will not tolerate this nonsense.

Miami11:


When people are trying to sleep what kind of time do they have for petting a pre teenager, what kind of nonsense are we not going to hear,

Why should a 14 year old even think her step mom should be petting her in between her fathers blanket, am sure even the real mom will not tolerate this nonsense.

First u tinkin of her as who ur child or a step child?

That child is d elder sister to ur kids!

look just weekends nd twice a month is gonna kill u?

Dis girl doesnt av a stable home like ur kids do!

look if she wana sleep bside her dad let her do as she matures she herself wud stop

Teenagers gona bhave like one!

Dnt force dem to grow much bt u can also advise her dat she is allowed to sleep bside her dad bt its wrong to do dat with oda guys there scold her wen advising her make she no go tink u dey joke just cos she is a step child doesnt i wont advise her or train her u bear my husband's surname i gotto hear good reports bou u cos we share d same surname! I dont joke with my name!


Bt she is free dats her dad i do pass her sef it happens to all dis daddy's girl like me


Bt if u not cool with it ur husband is in d best position to caution her not u !

U are to b her very good frnd she shd b able to tell u wat she is afraid to discuss with her mum sef!

Ehn, step daughter needs dad reassurance of his constant love

sickstars:



First u tinkin of her as who ur child or a step child?

That child is d elder sister to ur kids!

look just weekends nd twice a month is gonna kill u?

Dis girl doesnt av a stable home like ur kids do!

look if she wana sleep bside her dad let her do as she matures she herself wud stop

Teenagers gona bhave like one!

Dnt force dem to grow much bt u can also advise her dat she is allowed to sleep bside her dad bt its wrong to do dat with oda guys there scold her wen advising her make she no go tink u dey joke just cos she is a step child doesnt i wont advise her or train her u bear my husband's surname i gotto hear good reports bou u cos we share d same surname! I dont joke with my name!


Bt she is free dats her dad i do pass her sef it happens to all dis daddy's girl like me


Bt if u not cool with it ur husband is in d best position to caution her not u !

U are to b her very good frnd she shd b able to tell u wat she is afraid to discuss with her mum sef!

We are not talking a bout a two year old still using pamper learning to use a potty, we are talking of a pre teenager someone with sizable boobs, menses, hips curling down in bed with step mum and dad while other younger kids of the house five years and below have already been taught boundaries, and that is using their own bed,

When do you expect this 14 year old to learn, when she is getting married, at 14 I was taking care of my siblings even teaching them not to jump on my parents bed.

That girl should be taught right there and then, even by step mum, to learn boundaries, that behavior is not normal whether she sees dad once a year or once in ten years.

I would lay this boundaries on her whether she is my real daughter, step daughter, sister or anyone