You're the one seeing aggressiveness where there's none.

I simply said put a stop to it by no irrational or extreme method order than telling her she's too told to sleep with them.

But you went on an emotional rant labeling me harsh and saying I wouldn't do that if it as my child.like you know me. You don't know me so pls I didn't appreciate that.
Did you read your first post quoting me? If one didn't know better they'd think I suggested the man disown his daughter from your righteous response to it.

FYI I'm quite capable of having divergent opinions with someone else civilly.

I just get irritated when goody-two-shoes like you can't pass your opinions without trying to make the other person look bad.
Don't play victim now.

And have good day.

I888:
Madam, I didn't chicken out. I am only avoiding a case where this will turn into dirty fight/battle cos you and I will never agree on this subject which is already so glaring.

Her perspective is widely varies as we are both looking at it from different angles, which are right, only that you feel it's big issue while I feel it's simple.

You feel the best approach is being aggressive to it while I feel otherwise.

So you see where we both stand? Good. We are far apart as far as this subject is concerned.

loshybab:

TEENage starts at thirTEEN and ends at nineTEEN

lol thanks for the correction

cococandy:
You're the one seeing aggressiveness where there's none.

I simply said put a stop to it by no irrational or extreme method order than telling her she's too told to sleep with them.

But you went on an emotional rant labeling me harsh and saying I wouldn't do that if it as my child.like you know me. You don't know me so pls I didn't appreciate that.
Did you read your first post quoting me? If one didn't know better they'd think I suggested the man disown his daughter from your righteous response to it.

FYI I'm quite capable of having divergent opinions with someone else civilly.

I just get irritated when goody-two-shoes like you can't pass your opinions without trying to make the other person look bad.
Don't play victim now.

And have good day.

okay you win

cococandy:
lol thanks for the correction

You welcome!

What an outrageous balderdash!! A 14 year Old girl. Is she into incest or what Was she sent as a spy by her Mum.? Some things are often devoid of rational reasoning..

Hahaha, 14 year old daughter on my matrimonial bed chaii. Wetin I no go hear.

veins2016:
my husband has been divorced for 5 years.we got married 2 yrs ago.his daughter visits once
or twice a month and stays for d weekend. d mum lives in d same city wit us. d problem is dat weneva his 14 yr old daughter comes,she prefers to sleep in our bed.we hav a 3 two bedroom apartment. we sleep in one room,d oda room is d guestroom.she came yesterd for d weekend.last nite at 2am and said she had stomach ache,afta stayimg with us for 20 mins,she said she felt beta but refusetd to go to her room,she stayed til d following morning.today she came to our room by 8pm and has refused to go to her room.i told my hband to go to d guestroom wit her since she claimed she was scared.does it m sense for a 14yr old to still want to sleep on our bed? she doesnt do dat to her mum.dey sleep in separe beds at home.

Op, if your step daughter is acting like a child, you act like an adult. Empathise. It's not normal, true. But that must be because she is starved of her father's love and is afraid you will take him away from her completely. Tolerate, after all she doesn't live with you but only visits once in a while. Be friends with her and slowly coerce her out of her insecurities.

She only gets to see her dad twice a month. And she's utilising that time as much as possible. I don't see anything wrong with it. Forcing her back to her room or blackmailing her dad to force her back will only confirm her fears about you. Leave it alone. She'll grow out of it eventually.

sickstars:


Do u mind her?

She started calling me names

Over a child dats ur own husband's blood na wa for sum women

A child froma broken hme u cant show her love?
considering d same blood flows in ur own kids vein same with d girl!
Omo any child in my own care is good as my own

Wud love d child i love my heart

I wud take it as fun imagine me nd my hubby tryin to run to make love in anoda room d running d tip toe things gettin to d guest room closing d door laughin at ourselves gettin down to business it sounds fun to me


I love to turn situations to favor me


Op is just a bitter woman! Competition with a 14 yr old ur husband's daughter madness!

I just had to agree to their madness m nt in d mood to insult today or argue deep dunno why

@bold
You must have a good heart.
Probably cos u have been in a similar situation. The situation certainly doesnt warrant the kind of seriousness some people here are bringing to it.

RiloKiley:

@bold
You must have a good heart.
Probably cos u have been in a similar situation. The situation certainly doesnt warrant the kind of seriousness some people here are bringing to it.

I love kids alot so mch

dats why

And at bolded i love crazy love


Av never been in d situation before bt its a thing of joy avin kids arond u dey giv me joy dunno why!

sickstars:


3some ke ?

Its nt everytime me nd my hubby will b avin sex
M ok if i av a child related by blood sleeping on d bed with me nd hubby m d loving loving kinda mum


Just cos she sleeps on d bed with us doesnt mean morally she wont stand out among her peers

Every one does wat suits dem ma

A 14yr old doesnt av d intention of avin sex with her dad ma!

You need to be patient with humans and learn to read between the lines. Some people were molested by their parents and that has coloured their perception of life and the actions of others.

Timbuktou:


You need to be patient with humans and learn to read between the lines. Some people were molested by their parents and that has colours their perception of life and the action of others.

I kno but it all depends on ow u handle d situation

A loving heart to heart talk will do

Op sounds like she wana rip off d little girl's head

Cant u feel d aggression in her posts

Nairaland women, some of the most unfeminine, selfish, brainless females life has to offer.

Look, veins2016, I understand it can be weird for you that this happens, but it's totally understandable your step-daughter would be like that. Perhaps, she had a close relationship with her father prior to his divorce and misses him. Perhaps, she used to sleep in his bed when he was still married to her mother and she misses that. Perhaps, her father is busy and that's the only time she thinks she can be with him, this is two days in a month we're talking about here.

You can handle this lovingly like you would like your own daughter to be treated if roles were reversed. No need to blow a gasket unless you suspect some hanky-panky. Good luck.

sickstars:


I kno but it all depends on ow u handle d situation

A loving heart to heart talk will do

Op sounds like she wana rip off d little girl's head

Cant u feel d aggression in her posts

Lol. I wouldn't say aggressive or wants to rip her head off, pissed off more like. She's got the right to not like it, just that like you said, some empathy and love(at least patience) would be best in handling this issue.

Timbuktou:


Lol. I wouldn't say aggressive or wants to rip her head off, pissed off more like. She's got the right to not like it, just that like you said, some empathy and love(at least patience) would be best in handling this issue.

Tank u

sickstars:

Tank u

You're welcome.

sickstars:
By the way u wana compare ur sef at age 14 living under d same roof with ur parents

To a 14 yr old girl who is givin limited time to stay with her parents

op av d fear of God at heart fear God!

How does that explain sleeping on the same bed wit her father? They are in the same house. I don't get you guys. Setting boundaries is translated as being mean?

sickstars:

Wat did i do

All am sayin is she sleeping on d bed is but for a while

Wen puberty fully sets in she hersef wud b hiding from her dad

Am an educationist i av learnt nd studied and done research on children early childhood all d stages in a child's life nd d psychological effects

I kno wat am saying professionally

As a professional? Then you need to go back to school. This scenario right here will prompt several investigations from cps

i hav a 7month old baby.my step daughter and i are friends. i spoil her silly but i need boundaries.if i had a 14yr old child,whether male or female,i certainly wouldnt want her or him sleeping in my bed. my husband ani r both very busy people,our nights are for unwinding and talking about our daily events. it isnt jealousy oh.thks for d comments.i laid down d law yesterday and hubby has said he spoke to her and she wont sleep in our room again. cos i askehim if it were my 14yr old son,would he allow him sleep on d same bed with us and he replied hell no

i posted thread to c if any nairalanders were goin thru this issue.cos i'v been married for 2 yrs and she's be sleeping on our bed whenever she comes to stay but last nite i realised, abeg dos doesnt make sense o.i actually googled it b4 posting and seems many white pple go thru dis stuff and its normal for kids at younger ages to b so attached to their dads after a divorce,but for a girl of 14, dat seemed excessive to me.

veins2016:
my husband has been divorced for 5 years.we got married 2 yrs ago.his daughter visits once
or twice a month and stays for d weekend. d mum lives in d same city wit us. d problem is dat weneva his 14 yr old daughter comes,she prefers to sleep in our bed.we hav a 3 two bedroom apartment. we sleep in one room,d oda room is d guestroom.she came yesterd for d weekend.last nite at 2am and said she had stomach ache,afta stayimg with us for 20 mins,she said she felt beta but refusetd to go to her room,she stayed til d following morning.today she came to our room by 8pm and has refused to go to her room.i told my hband to go to d guestroom wit her since she claimed she was scared.does it m sense for a 14yr old to still want to sleep on our bed? she doesnt do dat to her mum.dey sleep in separe beds at home.

Maybe she just wants to be pampered.

U shud ask ur husband to go to the guest room when she comes and see if she will sleep with u alone or follow her dad.

I beg life is too short jare, let her sleep in the middle and cuddle her

My 5yr old still come to our bed, but not on my side oo, I have warned both her and her dad, I don't want to be disturbed .

TheArchangel:
What an outrageous balderdash!! A 14 year Old girl. Is she into incest or what Was she sent as a spy by her Mum.? Some things are often devoid of rational reasoning..

Hahaha, 14 year old daughter on my matrimonial bed chaii. Wetin I no go hear.

And this one will look in the mirror before going to church tomorrow morning and believe she has intelligence.

So what's the difference if a 14year old or a 6year old sleeps on your bed?
Your own daughter oo.

Timbuktou:
Nairaland women, some of the most unfeminine, selfish, brainless females life has to offer.

Look, veins2016, I understand it can be weird for you that this happens, but it's totally understandable your step-daughter would be like that. Perhaps, she had a close relationship with her father prior to his divorce and misses him. Perhaps, she used to sleep in his bed when he was still married to her mother and she misses that. Perhaps, her father is busy and that's the only time she thinks she can be with him, this is two days in a month we're talking about here.

You can handle this lovingly like you would like your own daughter to be treated if roles were reversed. No need to blow a gasket unless you suspect some hanky-panky. Good luck.

Guy no be small thing oo....on top of all that, these NL women sabi lie through their teeth no be small.

So you mean someone's 14year old daughter will want to share their bed at night and they will be treating the matter with such disgust...imagine some even mentioning menses
Jesus, blood of God!

With the way kids are getting more mature and independent early on, a mother should be happy that her 14year old daughter even wants to climb on the same bed with her..
Was there not a topic on FP recently where the musician Waje complained about how her teenage daughter is growing up too fast and doesn't want to sleep in mummy's room anymore?

Nairaland is really bad for some people I swear, common sense these women no get again on top say dem dey spend hours on the internet and on TV that they're beginning to lose grasp of reality.

veins2016:
my husband has been divorced for 5 years.we got married 2 yrs ago.his daughter visits once
or twice a month and stays for d weekend. d mum lives in d same city wit us. d problem is dat weneva his 14 yr old daughter comes,she prefers to sleep in our bed.we hav a 3 two bedroom apartment. we sleep in one room,d oda room is d guestroom.she came yesterd for d weekend.last nite at 2am and said she had stomach ache,afta stayimg with us for 20 mins,she said she felt beta but refusetd to go to her room,she stayed til d following morning.today she came to our room by 8pm and has refused to go to her room.i told my hband to go to d guestroom wit her since she claimed she was scared.does it m sense for a 14yr old to still want to sleep on our bed? she doesnt do dat to her mum. Dey sleep in separe beds at home.

[size=21pt]You don't like it because she is not your daughter![/size]

Simple and short, no need for big grammar.

crackhaus:

[size=21pt]You don't like it because she is not your daughter![/size]

Simple and short, no need for big grammar.

Can't this overgrown step daughter use the whole daytime to bond with daddy than squeezing in bed under the sheets
What kind of morals are instilled on this baby jare

That is why you don't marry this men with baggages.Some of their kids are not taught manners then sent to step mums house.what kind of nonsense is that.
If that was a 14 year old step son would you have let them cuddled with step mum all night with all the sweet dreams

In some Arab countries or even the north the 14 year old is someone's wife,
Not a baby being encouraged to sit on daddy's lap.
At 14 some kids are already working,

Why are people trying to wage anti step mum rhetorics on such?

Miami11:


Can't this overgrown step daughter use the whole daytime to bond with daddy than squeezing in bed under the sheets
What kind of morals are instilled on this baby jare

What a question.

So let's assume daddy doesn't have a job that keeps him out all day of course, what exactly is the big deal in a 14year old wanting to sleep on the same bed with daddy and mommy or step-mommy in this case...and what has morals got to do with it?

I noticed your use of adjectives and adverbs like squeezing and under the sheets, giving the impression that your mind is hell-bent on giving this gesture a sexual undertone.
You don't think this is a problem, no?

RiloKiley:

@bold
You must have a good heart.
Probably cos u have been in a similar situation. The situation certainly doesnt warrant the kind of seriousness some people here are bringing to it.

that's because there are too many bitter women in this section. This is just a tip of what crawls around here. Others are still in their cave and would be out like vampires at night.

Only a few are matured and reason from all angles before they make a post.

crackhaus:

What a question.

So let's assume daddy doesn't have a job that keeps him out all day of course, what exactly is the big deal in a 14year old wanting to sleep on the same bed with daddy and mommy or step-mommy in this case...and what has morals got to do with it?

I noticed your use of adjectives and adverbs like squeezing and under the sheets, giving the impression that your mind is hell-bent on giving this gesture a sexual undertone.
You don't think this is a problem, no?

Off course I gave all the sexual undertones
How many cases of paedophiles do we hear everyday? Especially from fathers to daughter's,
Why can't daddy create reasonable time to hangout with daughter and not in bed.
My husband will not even let out two year old spent a night in our own bed

I think you just saw STEP mum and run to conclusion

Really, Are we talking 14years old or 14monrhs. This is laughable. I would not allow my child that is much younger than that sleep in the same room/bed with us through the night. If the 14years old is unwell, the Dad and step mum can see to her in the guest room.
Women please think really hard before you become a step mum.

veins2016, you did the right thing though. After two years, that was the right step to wean her off that behavior.

Now that you have a child, please ensure that your husband makes time to hang out with his daughter. Also, you too should find time to hang out with her. With a child, she may start to feel unloved and ignored because all your energies will be spent on the baby.

I truly hope more women will show some empathy. What I have read on this thread is very disappointing. What if you die tomorrow, how will you want your child(ren) to be treated by the new step-mom? Sheesh!

I remember sometimes going to my parents room even @ 15. Sometimes, they would allow me to sleep through the night and sometimes I wake up to find myself in my room. Who knows if na step-mom, she might have used cane to chase me back.

If that was a step son would you have let him at 14 years sleep with mum and step father.
What happened to his bed. His own room