Good morning all, What i'm about to write is so real and serious to me that i had to create this account just for this purpose. I don't know where & how to start but let me start from somewhere & be as brief as I can.

My previous relationship lasted for roughly 2 years. It started at a time I'll say I wasn't really looking forward to starting one, I was 23 then and 26 now. I had been in a few affairs that turned sour before now and wasn't convinced I should be in another at that point but I guess it was meant to be. I started dating my ex after about a year of platonic friendship, in the process we got so knitted together that letters cannot explain, we were madly fund of each others, it was such that we did almost everything together that you could mistake us for siblings and I knew I had inward peace having him in my life but in all these there were always issues from time to time between us which I saw as normal relationship issues. But these "normal issues" have rendered me shattered for the better part of 9 months & counting.

The plan for our future was mutual and we were on it when some time around April 2015 we had this misunderstanding that wasn't different from what we've been having previously, we had our different grouses. Among many others, he always complained about me not sticking to a particular instruction of his while on my part i felt i wasn't being appreciated. In the heat of this issues his project took him to a different state from me. Before he left he made some concrete efforts to reconcile us which entailed me seeing reasons with that instruction but i was too agitated to cooperate as i wanted my own demand to be placed above. It didn't work out that way and we gradually started drifting apart, i constantly started seeing things that pointed to the fact that i wasn't getting enough in the relationship & this gave me reasons why i shouldn't bother pleasing him again, i think i became fed up & maybe the feeling was mutual.

When he travelled I asked for a break with the intention that what we shared will make him appease me, drop his stand and hold on to us but he was truly unhappy and dissatisfied to consider such, I was too, we both had genuine complains i could tell & that was the beginning of the end for us. He travelled to warri for his project & on my part i did everything do away with the memories together which was quite tormenting. Fast forward, it's close to 10 months now, developing a closer relationship with God has made me see things from a different point of view, i suddenly began to feel more matured & stable to understand that i should have done things differently, (he is older with about 8 years plus).

I made my immediate elder sister who i live with support me & see reasons why i should be adamant but of recent but presently my new found way of life & opinions made her take a decision to reach out to my ex requesting that he gives reconciliation one more chance. The result of this effort is what has shattered me to shreds, we got to find out that his trad is second week of February, i had deleted every contact of his & family from my phone that i never got to know anything going on in his life & he didn't bother either, i guess he did the same too. I feel so broken with this development, this few months i realised that his love for me was 200% pure but i for once never thought he could move on within such interval, i guess i'm yet to fully understand the male gender. I'm writing this with a very heavy & confused heart, i jolt out of sleep daily praying this is just a nightmare, i never thought i could feel this way, it's a feeling you can tell until you get there, a lot running through me now, this is a position i don't wish for any female enemy of mine. My agitations suddenly look mundane to me now, this past months i've come to accept by revelation & understanding that he should be my life partner & he already was which is more disheartening as it seems too late. I never thought i will feel this way, getting over this totally in life looks impossible. I need help asap before i loose my mind. I'm quite known on nairaland that's why i had to get a new account just for this. My elder sister has suddenly become unconvincing in comforting me, my parents say i should let go but they have no idea of what we had. I wish I could undo a lot, i wish i wake up from a nightmare, i even wish the marriage is put off. I need your advice, where do i go from here, what do i do?

Reading slowly

I don't understand why you are feeling this way, all I see is jealousy and you'll get over it with time.

Lme sleep first,will come back to read

OP, what's done's done, mistakes happen. There's no need beating yourself up over it. And wishing the marriage plans break up with the other won't be fair to her. Take out time to heal and move on. You will meet someone else who you will share even more with.

I broke up with an ex in 2009 and I didn't meet any other guy like him. All the ones I met just didn't seem to compare until I met my hubby. Life happens and we learnr everyday. Just learn from this and apply the lessons to your next relationship.

Been there, done that.

It really hurt i must say but with time it felt ok and i wished him and his wife all the best.



I moved on


Few years down the line he came back but i refused.


Cry if you want and wish him well.


Years past and i am thankful that i am where i am now.

Oh well, what's done is done.

You win some, you lose some.

You've just gained one of life's experiences.

Learn from it and move on.

He's someone else's now.

Lovelykate:
Good morning all, What i'm about to write is so real and serious to me that i had to create this account just for this purpose. I don't know where & how to start but let me start from somewhere & be as brief as I can.

My previous relationship lasted for roughly 2 years. It started at a time I'll say I wasn't really looking forward to starting one, I was 23 then and 26 now. I had been in a few affairs that turned sour before now and wasn't convinced I should be in another at that point but I guess it was meant to be. I started dating my ex after about a year of platonic friendship, in the process we got so knitted together that letters cannot explain, we were madly fund of each others, it was such that we did almost everything together that you could mistake us for siblings and I knew I had inward peace having him in my life but in all these there were always issues from time to time between us which I saw as normal relationship issues. But these "normal issues" have rendered me shattered for the better part of 9 months & counting.

The plan for our future was mutual and we were on it when some time around April 2015 we had this misunderstanding that wasn't different from what we've been having previously, we had our different grouses. Among many others, he always complained about me not sticking to a particular instruction of his while on my part i felt i wasn't being appreciated. In the heat of this issues his project took him to a different state from me. Before he left he made some concrete efforts to reconcile us which entailed me seeing reasons with that instruction but i was too agitated to cooperate as i wanted my own demand to be placed above. It didn't work out that way and we gradually started drifting apart, i constantly started seeing things that pointed to the fact that i wasn't getting enough in the relationship & this gave me reasons why i shouldn't bother pleasing him again, i think i became fed up & maybe the feeling was mutual.

When he travelled I asked for a break with the intention that what we shared will make him appease me, drop his stand and hold on to us but he was truly unhappy and dissatisfied to consider such, I was too, we both had genuine complains i could tell & that was the beginning of the end for us. He travelled to warri for his project & on my part i did everything do away with the memories together which was quite tormenting. Fast forward, it's close to 10 months now, developing a closer relationship with God has made me see things from a different point of view, i suddenly began to feel more matured & stable to understand that i should have done things differently, (he is older with about 8 years plus).

I made my immediate elder sister who i live with support me & see reasons why i should be adamant but of recent but presently my new found way of life & opinions made her take a decision to reach out to my ex requesting that he gives reconciliation one more chance. The result of this effort is what has shattered me to shreds, we got to find out that his trad is second week of February, i had deleted every contact of his & family from my phone that i never got to know anything going on in his life & he didn't bother either, i guess he did the same too. I feel so broken with this development, this few months i realised that his love for me was 200% pure but i for once never thought he could move on within such interval, i guess i'm yet to fully understand the male gender. I'm writing this with a very heavy & confused heart, i jolt out of sleep daily praying this is just a nightmare, i never thought i could feel this way, it's a feeling you can tell until you get there, a lot running through me now, this is a position i don't wish for any female enemy of mine. My agitations suddenly look mundane to me now, this past months i've come to accept by revelation & understanding that he should be my life partner & he already was which is more disheartening as it seems too late. I never thought i will feel this way, getting over this totally in life looks impossible. I need help asap before i loose my mind. I'm quite known on nairaland that's why i had to get a new account just for this. My elder sister has suddenly become unconvincing in comforting me, my parents say i should let go but they have no idea of what we had. I wish I could undo a lot, i wish i wake up from a nightmare, i even wish the marriage is put off. I need your advice, where do i go from here, what do i do?

no dear it's not a nightmare it's real, so wake up and face reality. and NO his love for you was not 200% as you think, It's not even up to 60%, else he would have tried reaching out to you in those 9months you were apart (except you dint tell us the full gist ). true love doesn't die in 9 months.
You both made your mistakes. He has moved on now you should also move on. I your life is not over so don't drive yourself insane over it. dust yourself up and look on the brother side of life. your man will find you and you will fine your man. love your ex alone and let him leave his new life in peace. If you wish him bad be prepared to face the same fate you wish him in many more folds. goodluck

You felt betrayed and he probably felt you are too headstrong. Power jam power.

The feeling will past, and you have to wish him well for you to heal before the bitterness engulf you, which can be very disastrous.

I don't understand you.You were not keen on resolving the issues you guys had and was okay to ignore him for months and even cut off contacts,yet you're biting yourself he didn't marry you?
You say you don't fully understand the male gender,well you really don't!what was he to do?Stay there till thy kingdom come?What you really need to understand more is yourself.

Relationships take efforts and a lot of compromise.You didn't really want what you had so just let it go.

It's a good thing you've drawn closer to God.Trust Him to give you something better than you have had.

You guys broke up and he moved on.. Being in a different state helped him move on so fast...
Don't even think about breaking his marriage, you have to move on too... There are wonderful guys out there; they'll probably come around. ..

Apply the lessons learnt in making your next relationship better. ..


Again, please don't go communicating with him, allow him to have his marriage in peace. .

That man is 8 years older. He won't remain single forever, wish him well and let go.

That's the reason you should always block all contacts and forms of communication with exes.

Your relationship will never work if you guys end up together again. What you feel right now isn't love, just some overtime and carry-over feelings with a serious touch of jealousy. What you currently feel can happen to any woman out there, especially those who go about checking dps of their exes and past toasters. I just hope you won't end up spending your time checking his wedding pictures on Facebook. That action can kill, especially in this current state.

This is the rule of relationships: do not settle quarrels with breakup. If and when you must breakup, do not look back!

Be practical and block all forms of communication with him; don't be f00led by being friends again.

Besides, are you sure you've not been involved with some other guys? Its not uncommon to be separated for 10 months without moving on. In short, why do you think you can makeup again after 10 months of separation? 10 months? Sis, do not let the wedding notification trigger a relapsed feeling that died a long time ago.

You didn't lose, you both won by moving on. You and I know you've met others since the past 10 months.

.......... ...............










But why?

taryour:


no dear it's not a nightmare it's real, so wake up and face reality. and NO his love for you was not 200% as you think, It's not even up to 60%, else he would have tried reaching out to you in those 9months you were apart (except you dint tell us the full gist ). true love doesn't die in 9 months.
You both made your mistakes. He has moved on now you should also move on. I your life is not over so don't drive yourself insane over it. dust yourself up and look on the brother side of life. your man will find you and you will fine your man. love your ex alone and let him leave his new life in peace. If you wish him bad be prepared to face the same fate you wish him in many more folds. goodluck

Op if i were you...i will follow this advice

thorpido:
I don't understand you.You were not keen on resolving the issues you guys had and was okay to ignore him for months and even cut off contacts,yet you're biting yourself he didn't marry you?
You say you don't fully understand the male gender,well you really don't!what was he to do?Stay there till thy kingdom come?What you really need to understand more is yourself.
Relationships take efforts and a lot of compromise.You didn't really want what you had so just let it go.
It's a good thing you've drawn closer to God.Trust Him to give you something better than you have had.

And this one too...dts all u need

....

Lovelykate:
Good morning all, What i'm about to write is so real and serious to me that i had to create this account just for this purpose. I don't know where & how to start but let me start from somewhere & be as brief as I can.

My previous relationship lasted for roughly 2 years. It started at a time I'll say I wasn't really looking forward to starting one, I was 23 then and 26 now. I had been in a few affairs that turned sour before now and wasn't convinced I should be in another at that point but I guess it was meant to be. I started dating my ex after about a year of platonic friendship, in the process we got so knitted together that letters cannot explain, we were madly fund of each others, it was such that we did almost everything together that you could mistake us for siblings and I knew I had inward peace having him in my life but in all these there were always issues from time to time between us which I saw as normal relationship issues. But these "normal issues" have rendered me shattered for the better part of 9 months & counting.

The plan for our future was mutual and we were on it when some time around April 2015 we had this misunderstanding that wasn't different from what we've been having previously, we had our different grouses. Among many others, he always complained about me not sticking to a particular instruction of his while on my part i felt i wasn't being appreciated. In the heat of this issues his project took him to a different state from me. Before he left he made some concrete efforts to reconcile us which entailed me seeing reasons with that instruction but i was too agitated to cooperate as i wanted my own demand to be placed above. It didn't work out that way and we gradually started drifting apart, i constantly started seeing things that pointed to the fact that i wasn't getting enough in the relationship & this gave me reasons why i shouldn't bother pleasing him again, i think i became fed up & maybe the feeling was mutual.

When he travelled I asked for a break with the intention that what we shared will make him appease me, drop his stand and hold on to us but he was truly unhappy and dissatisfied to consider such, I was too, we both had genuine complains i could tell & that was the beginning of the end for us. He travelled to warri for his project & on my part i did everything do away with the memories together which was quite tormenting. Fast forward, it's close to 10 months now, developing a closer relationship with God has made me see things from a different point of view, i suddenly began to feel more matured & stable to understand that i should have done things differently, (he is older with about 8 years plus).

I made my immediate elder sister who i live with support me & see reasons why i should be adamant but of recent but presently my new found way of life & opinions made her take a decision to reach out to my ex requesting that he gives reconciliation one more chance. The result of this effort is what has shattered me to shreds, we got to find out that his trad is second week of February, i had deleted every contact of his & family from my phone that i never got to know anything going on in his life & he didn't bother either, i guess he did the same too. I feel so broken with this development, this few months i realised that his love for me was 200% pure but i for once never thought he could move on within such interval, i guess i'm yet to fully understand the male gender. I'm writing this with a very heavy & confused heart, i jolt out of sleep daily praying this is just a nightmare, i never thought i could feel this way, it's a feeling you can tell until you get there, a lot running through me now, this is a position i don't wish for any female enemy of mine. My agitations suddenly look mundane to me now, this past months i've come to accept by revelation & understanding that he should be my life partner & he already was which is more disheartening as it seems too late. I never thought i will feel this way, getting over this totally in life looks impossible. I need help asap before i loose my mind. I'm quite known on nairaland that's why i had to get a new account just for this. My elder sister has suddenly become unconvincing in comforting me, my parents say i should let go but they have no idea of what we had. I wish I could undo a lot, i wish i wake up from a nightmare, i even wish the marriage is put off. I need your advice, where do i go from here, what do i do?

Learn ur lessons n move on, next time learn to b submissive to d man u love at least 95 percent of time

the same pathetic condition you put yourself in is almost what some young ladies are trying to get themselves into. When a man is really serious with you, he deals with you like a wife to be. He makes his opinion known to you all the time about any particular subject, he wants to know if his views matches your own. He wants some kind of mutual understanding between both of you. He might love you but once he doesn't understand your ways, once you begin to take his advice wrongly, once you begin to feel overrated in yourself, the man might feel he is not your first choice and he might also feel you listen to other men. I hope you've learnt your lesson? quit stalking him on Facebook else you might commit suicide from your own undoings