I got married 2012, few days into our wedding we had a lil arguements that resulted into slaps,which he later apologised for and i fogave him.Two months after our wedding i got pregnant which i miscarried, been having problems to concieve since then.
On the month of may 2014 i concieved again, and when i was about six months plus i asked my husband to accompany me to biy baby stuff,which he refused on the basis of it been stressful. Meanwhile i also work too and will only have saturday to do any shopping.
I called my mum and she agreed to go with me and everything was fine after getting everything from the market and on our way to d car park we were told they kill someone and people were running so we started running too,thank God .
When i got home and asked my hubby to help me with the load he refuse, later told me he didnt hear. I managed and we brought out the load. And later dat evening i asked my husband y he was cold to me and he said i came back late which is 7 pm on a rainning day to ajah.

We were still talking when my husband goy angry when i told him he respect my mum been around, he walked away and was watching tv, and i stood and blocked his view so that he can concentrate, he told me to move away which i refuse and he ended up tearing my cloth leaving me naked in front of his bro, i hit his shoulders immediately cos i was shocked and i received 4 slaps, three days later i lost my almost 7 months baby to bp. Again i didnt disclose this to anyone.
My husband looks like an angel and sometimes i cant even phantom how he changes like that.
Fast forward to this year am 5 months pregnant and my husbands siblings came for a short visits without even telling me, and my husband fully knows i cant cook cos have been restricted because of a minor surgery but he just cant man up for me. And i had to open up to my mother, i said some stuffs about how my husbands family treats me and my husband screen grab the msg, and has been insulting my mum and calling her a witch to my face. He threatens to call her and tell her never to come to his house. He said he will make me see hell this coming months, i resign from my job because of this pregnancy and no cash flow, he has also restricted me from withdrawing any money.
My parents are financially very very kk and i dont know if i should go to dem as am yet to start antenantal.
Sorry for the long post. Pls i need matured minds on this, its my life pls. Pardon my english

hmmm! you are endangering your life especially the innocent babies that suppose be in this world since, the man is not who you can die for, pls for the sake of the pregnancy,kindly tell your mum and move down there till after birth if not, there's possibility of loosing this very pregnancy again.


some women can really suffer in the hands of their randy husbands...hmmm


this marriage dey tire person sef sometimes...hmmm

midehi2:

You stand in front of the tv... to provoke a reaction... why you women do that... I'll never know...

I've got no advice to give as I always say... husband and wife matter nah 'eyah...'

iPopAlomo:



You stand in front of the tv... to provoke a reaction... why you women do that... I'll never know...

I've got no advice to give as I always say... husband and wife matter nah 'eyah...'

yea but the man should understand and co-operate with the wife....i think the home lacks understanding

midehi2:

yea but the man should understand and co-operate with the wife....i think the home lacks understanding

So you too would stand in front of the tv to block your husband...?! You're not a girl anymore... you're a woman...

Same goes to the OP...

Two pregnancies lost and you're on the trajectory to losing the third one. But this time you may not come out of it alive.

You resigned from your job to maintain a marriage that shouldn't have existed in the first place. You gave up on your goals, career and self-development to please a man who has no regard for you nor your mother. Risking your life, health and fertility for an id1ot who has no sense of regard for his in-laws.

Really what more can some of you women tolerate just to bear Mrs? Seems like the surprises never cease coming.

The first few years of marriage could be all temptations.
But in this case,I'd say run for your life like insects running away from Mortein

How did he become this 'bad'? I don't believe people become monsters overnight. ..

Well, if you want to have this baby, quietly pack some things and remove yourself to your parent's home. Let him know where you are and if he screams at you, calmly tell him "I'm worried about what you said, that you'll make my life a living hell. We have already lost 2 babies, I don't want to lose this precious one. I'll be there until you're ready to speak to me and we can both work on our marriage". Maybe tell him you're gone after you've gone.
No-one is asking you to leave your marriage, but I believe both of you need to figure out what you want. Being pregnant is a crazy time for a woman and it spills over to a man. Both of you should have realised that, and after you lost the 2nd baby, sat down and asked yourself what you wanted out of your marriage.
He seems to have a very hot temper, slapping you 4 days after the wedding is pretty bad. And you need to learn to communicate with him (I didn't say beg on your knees in a terrified "submissive" manner, shivering inwardly whilst smiling on the outside, I mean speak to him in a proper manner and expect and demand he speaks to you in a proper manner as well).

Do you realise that you are pregnant and very well know that your husband has a hot temper and is violent yet you keep taunting him.

Why on earth will you even keep taking in without trying to solve underlying issues with your husband? The sooner you realize that babies don't bring love,respect or peace in a marriage- the better for you.

You shouldn't have quit your job, your husband is like that-I don't even have anything to say to him but I think you are your own problem.

But you get mind o, a man rips your clothes in the presence of another man, instead of you to go cover what is left of your dignity, you hit him.Did you seriously expect him(a violent man) to pamper you? Both seem to have a serious communication issue and you can never win in trying to act like him(violently).It's a recipe for disaster.

For the sake of the unborn baby, move to your parents house

But as for both of you, you deserve each other

[quote author=iPopAlomo post=42832195]


You stand in front of the tv... to provoke a reaction... why you women do that... I'll never know...

I've got no advice to give as I always say... husband and wife matter nah 'eyah...'[/quote
Ido this not to provoke him but to get his attention, but i dont just understand when the flipping into anger happens, because this is person who has two characters to himself, i so much try to be the best wife and he still says i just want him all to my self.thank u for ur reply

edwife:
Do you realise that you are pregnant and very well know that your husband has a hot temper and is violent yet you keep taunting him.

Why on earth will you even keep taking in without trying to solve underlying issues with your husband? The sooner you realize that babies don't bring love,respect or peace in a marriage- the better for you.

You shouldn't have quit your job, your husband is like that-I don't even have anything to say to him but I think you are your own problem.

But you get mind o, a man rips your clothes in the presence of another man, instead of you to go cover what is left of your dignity, you hit him.Did you seriously expect him(a violent man) to pamper you? Both seem to have a serious communication issue and you can never win in trying to act like him(violently).It's a recipe for disaster.

It was a reflex action.

Onegai:
Well, if you want to have this baby, quietly pack some things and remove yourself to your parent's home. Let him know where you are and if he screams at you, calmly tell him "I'm worried about what you said, that you'll make my life a living hell. We have already lost 2 babies, I don't want to lose this precious one. I'll be there until you're ready to speak to me and we can both work on our marriage". Maybe tell him you're gone after you've gone.
No-one is asking you to leave your marriage, but I believe both of you need to figure out what you want. Being pregnant is a crazy time for a woman and it spills over to a man. Both of you should have realised that, and after you lost the 2nd baby, sat down and asked yourself what you wanted out of your marriage.
He seems to have a very hot temper, slapping you 4 days after the wedding is pretty bad. And you need to learn to communicate with him (I didn't say beg on your knees in a terrified "submissive" manner, shivering inwardly whilst smiling on the outside, I mean speak to him in a proper manner and expect and demand he
speaks to you in a proper manner as well).

Thank u so much, never knew i could be in such dilemma also, plus he wasnt like this when we courted and i was working with high figure paying job before i moved down to lag after wedding. If hurt he never talks about it, just keeps it bottled and wait for the day to use it.

I bottled it up because i thought i could handle it,i plan on travelling in a months time, thank u all for ur contribution, i dont intend coming back for my child to see all this hate. Am praying for me for God to show me the way.
At least i know am not raving mad.

You can go to your parent's house for now because of your pregnancy. ..

However, I wish both of you can make peace. . You both have problem of communication.... Retaliating when he talks will do no good especially as he has a temper.. Try to be the calm one.. learn how to communicate to him better and hopefully he learns too..

Remember when you were courting and all loveydovey, you can get those days back...Take the lead, Start by getting him stuffs for valentine; you know what he loves. ...you can also buy movie tickets for both of you!

I wish you the best...

PresVA:
You can go to your parent's house for now because of your pregnancy. ..

However, I wish both of you can make peace. . You both have problem of communication.... Retaliating when he talks will do no good especially as he has a temper.. Try to be the calm one.. learn how to communicate to him better and hopefully he learns too..

Remember when you were courting and all loveydovey, you can get those days back...Take the lead, Start by getting him stuffs for valentine; you know what he loves. ...you can also buy movie tickets for both of you!

I wish you the best...

Thank you dearie,i wish I can have a good home too,but am left with this situation, I can't even go out,just had a Lil surgery.it exactly d communication, this is just the quarter of what happens.

It seems you ve been told things you wanted to hear.
I would not jugde your husband on the basis of your own side of the story.
What did you do before he slapped you before your wedding? (I would never support wife battering)

Did you inform him before you invited your mother to come and do the shopping for you?

Did you or him pay for the shopping?

Was he in the known of you quitting your job or you took a unilateral decision?

How do you also treat his family? Is he not reciprocating ?

How often do you have serious discussion with him at home?

Above all, how often do you pray together? Imagine you praying together and you continously pray for his success, that will make him to respect you. A man will never beat a woman he respects no matter what.

These questions may help you solve your own side of the problem.
Pls work on yourself first.

Please go back to your parents house,

Wonder why people stay with husbands with no emotion attachment

He seems not to care for you anymore, please pack and go

mostyg:
It seems you ve been told things you wanted to hear.
I would not jugde your husband on the basis of your own side of the story.
What did you do before he slapped you before your wedding? (I would never support wife battering)

Did you inform him before you invited your mother to come and do the shopping for you?

Did you or him pay for the shopping?

Was he in the known of you quitting your job or you took a unilateral decision?

How do you also treat his family? Is he not reciprocating ?

How often do you have serious discussion with him at home?

Above all, how often do you pray together? Imagine you praying together and you continously pray for his success, that will make him to respect you. A man will never beat a woman he respects no matter what.

These questions may help you solve your own side of the problem.
Pls work on yourself first.

It might be his version might be different, but i know have never wanted nothing but peace in d union.
Well i tolerate alot and i know, his siblings a guy and a girl has been staying with us for 3years now and none of mine has ever been here to stay, everyone is busy getting a life.my brothers cant even come for a visit of more than 1hour when they are in town. About my mum we did together cos he was cool with it.
he paid for everything though i do mine too wen i see things i love.
we also agreed i shld quit the job and we only pray when he isnt furious with me again.
in all i gave it all far too much, not his fault but d pampering killed everything.
Have decided on what to do already. Thank u muchos

OMG!!!

I really feel for you sister,He might be going through some stuff but that doesn't justify the way he mistreat you.

You need to act fast pls,go meet your parent or call a family meeting and tell them what you've passing thru.

That man can kill you...someone who beat baby out of your our womb isn't worth to called your husband.

What is the man's problem?
Your pregnant wife asks for help with work you say no.
Ok allow her have rest of mind when she is at home, you refuse instead you rip her clothes in front of another man.
Respect her family nko? Same thing. The man cannot, he even calls her mom a witch to her face.
Now the woman quit her job to handle stress of doing housework alone for husband and his relatives and he is now witholding financial assistance from the wife.

God forbid I end up with any of the rabid sadists that parade themselves as men.
God forbid.
Op report him to your families so they can help you guys resolve the issue. If he doesn't change after you do that then leave him before he beats you to death.
Very heartless person.

Why lay your hands on a pregnant woman?

If you can't pity her then can't you pity the baby in her womb?

Cc Aprilinjune


I might be young but I want to tell you that I know a lot about domestic abuse. I don't know of Nigeria but at least two women die each week from domestic abuse

Some cases can be resolved particularly if you can pinpoint the root cause for example stress etc but in your case it will keep escalating. I am not cursing but it is the bitter truth.

From your story, I am able to gather that some of these forms of abuses are unprovoked or are not enough to warrant his reactions. And when a man starts going after your family then you have no hope......HE IS NRVER GOING TO STOP

Leave now because you can and you have got just one pregnancy......

I am writing a paper on domestic abuse presently , although I am looking at the role of mediation but meeting soem victims tells me that some cases must be prosecuted.....yours is heading that direction. It is going to escalate. Do not forget that your responssisbilites will keep mounting and you definitely wouldn't expect a man who physically and emotionally abuses you to stand by you.

Remember your kids too. He is going to trnasfer it to your kids. Would you be happy if your gir-child grows up to be either a man-hater or another victim of domestic abuse OR would you want your son to abuse his wife the same way? I hope you know that most children who witness abuse later becomes perpetrators or victims. Don't ever think that your parental skills would change that

You need your family now emotionally and financially. It is either you move with them or find your own place near them. When you put to bed, let them continue to help you. Put yourself back there and regain your self confidence.

You can find men that would die to have you. You can still have a beautiful home. This is the fate of your first marriage, you should not let it define your life.!!?

fellis:
What is the man's problem?
Your pregnant wife asks for help with work you say no.
Ok allow her have rest of mind when she is at home, you refuse instead you rip her clothes in front of another man.
Respect her family nko? Same thing. The man cannot, he even calls her mom a witch to her face.
Now the woman quit her job to handle stress of doing housework alone for husband and his relatives and he is now witholding financial assistance from the wife.

God forbid I end up with any of the rabid sadists that parade themselves as men.
God forbid.
Op report him to your families so they can help you guys resolve the issue. If he doesn't change after you do that then leave him before he beats you to death.
Very heartless person.

Why lay your hands on a pregnant woman?

If you can't pity her then can't you pity the baby in her womb?

A man that insults your parents clearly do not respect them

It might make him stop for a while but trust me when I say he will continue

sheilak:


A man that insults your parents clearly do not respect them

It might make him stop for a while but trust me when I say he will continue

Tell me about it.
The man has serious mental issues.

fellis:

Tell me about it.
The man has serious mental issues.

They haven't gone through the trying times yet and this ia happening

I pray things change. Maybe she could find people to talk to him but I don't think that is likely

She has her own blames too but after the loss of two pregnancies.... I will be scared

Aprilinjune:
I got married 2012, few days into our wedding we had a lil arguements that resulted into slaps,which he later apologised for and i fogave him.Two months after our wedding i got pregnant which i miscarried, been having problems to concieve since then.
On the month of may 2014 i concieved again, and when i was about six months plus i asked my husband to accompany me to biy baby stuff,which he refused on the basis of it been stressful. Meanwhile i also work too and will only have saturday to do any shopping.
I called my mum and she agreed to go with me and everything was fine after getting everything from the market and on our way to d car park we were told they kill someone and people were running so we started running too,thank God .
When i got home and asked my hubby to help me with the load he refuse, later told me he didnt hear. I managed and we brought out the load. And later dat evening i asked my husband y he was cold to me and he said i came back late which is 7 pm on a rainning day to ajah.

We were still talking when my husband goy angry when i told him he respect my mum been around, he walked away and was watching tv, and i stood and blocked his view so that he can concentrate, he told me to move away which i refuse and he ended up tearing my cloth leaving me naked in front of his bro, i hit his shoulders immediately cos i was shocked and i received 4 slaps, three days later i lost my almost 7 months baby to bp. Again i didnt disclose this to anyone.
My husband looks like an angel and sometimes i cant even phantom how he changes like that.
Fast forward to this year am 5 months pregnant and my husbands siblings came for a short visits without even telling me, and my husband fully knows i cant cook cos have been restricted because of a minor surgery but he just cant man up for me. And i had to open up to my mother, i said some stuffs about how my husbands family treats me and my husband screen grab the msg, and has been insulting my mum and calling her a witch to my face. He threatens to call her and tell her never to come to his house. He said he will make me see hell this coming months, i resign from my job because of this pregnancy and no cash flow, he has also restricted me from withdrawing any money.
My parents are financially very very kk and i dont know if i should go to dem as am yet to start antenantal.
Sorry for the long post. Pls i need matured minds on this, its my life pls. Pardon my english

He is maltreating you and he doesn't respect you or your mum because he has no regard for females in general. Sorry for your losses.

Aprilinjune:
I bottled it up because i thought i could handle it,i plan on travelling in a months time, thank u all for ur contribution, i dont intend coming back for my child to see all this hate. Am praying for me for God to show me the way.
At least i know am not raving mad.

Kai!! I Sympathize with you.I don't know how hurt you are but your tone here really broke my heart,I wish things will work out for you. I'm really speechless. May God guide you unto a perfect path.amen.

edwife:
Do you realise that you are pregnant and very well know that your husband has a hot temper and is violent yet you keep taunting him.

Why on earth will you even keep taking in without trying to solve underlying issues with your husband? The sooner you realize that babies don't bring love,respect or peace in a marriage- the better for you.

You shouldn't have quit your job, your husband is like that-I don't even have anything to say to him but I think you are your own problem.

But you get mind o, a man rips your clothes in the presence of another man, instead of you to go cover what is left of your dignity, you hit him.Did you seriously expect him(a violent man) to pamper you? Both seem to have a serious communication issue and you can never win in trying to act like him(violently).It's a recipe for disaster.

You have made good points but

When you excuse the man for being violent, for being human, you forget that she is human too. You didn't consider that her reaction could have been a cumulative result of his

Also, if you say he is hot-tempered and violent, shouldn't you be more concerned for her. Because If he is truly violent and hot-tempered, then his behaviour might become worse with more responsibilities, more responsibilities mean more triggers, more triggers would leave her uncertain of what or what not to prevent him from exploding. Is that what you would want?

Above all, what about their kid/kids, don't you think they are going to get the brunt of his temper and violence because they are less likely than her to fight back.

so his siblings move in with you guys?
please why are they there?
Cant they come and visit

Lemme read and come back

Your story is very silly. I won't even waste time responding to this. You had so many opportunities to run, yet you keep enduring. Even resigning your job. You must be a comedian with this post. By the way, your husband might be bi-polar. Since you have decided to die there, it's probably in your best interest to generally avoid him. Goodluck to you sha.