iPopAlomo:



So you too would stand in front of the tv to block your husband...?! You're not a girl anymore... you're a woman...

Same goes to the OP...

i dare not do that o, the woman has her own flops too but the man should have understood her state

sheilak:


You have made good points but

When you excuse the man for being violent, for being human, you forget that she is human too. You didn't consider that her reaction could have been a cumulative result of his

I really don't understand your comment but i will try to answer. Where in my post did I excuse his violent attitude? He is violent simple!
So according to you a violent man is a normal human-being? Anything out of character is abnormal.If i am 7 months pregnant i will avoid any form of confrontation especially if i know the person i marry. I can't force him to change who he is but i can definitely make a choice whereby i will never compromise my life. eg: leaving, minding my business or not stand in front of tv in the presence of his brother(which is a sign of disrespect if you ask me) just because i want to have his attention thus being confrontational. I was taught that two wrongs don't make it right.

Also, if you say he is hot-tempered and violent, shouldn't you be more concerned for her. Because If he is truly violent and hot-tempered, then his behaviour might become worse with more responsibilities, more responsibilities mean more triggers, more triggers would leave her uncertain of what or what not to prevent him from exploding. Is that what you would want?

So in your understanding i am not concerned for her because i didn't abuse her husband?
His temper is non of my business, hers is. At 7 months pregnant she should know better than to put herself in danger.

Above all, what about their kid/kids, don't you think they are going to get the brunt of his temper and violence because they are less likely than her to fight back.

In my post i told her that she didn't have to rush and have babies without solving underlying issues in her marriage.

I failed to see where you were going with this post of yours.

edwife:




I really don't understand your comment but i will try to answer. Where in my post did I excuse his violent attitude? He is violent simple!
So according to you a violent man is a normal human-being? Anything out of character is abnormal.If i am 7 months pregnant i will avoid any form of confrontation especially if i know the person i marry. I can't force him to change who he is but i can definitely make a choice whereby i will never compromise my life. eg: leaving, minding my business or not stand in front of tv in the presence of his brother(which is a sing of disrespect if you ask me) just because i want to have his attention thus being confrontational.



So in your understanding i am not concerned for her because i didn't abuse her husband?
His temper is non of my business, hers is. At 7 months pregnant she should know better than to put herself in danger.



Again irrelevant, doesn't make sense.In my post i told her that she didn't have to rush and have babies without solving underlying issues in her marriage. I failed to see where you were going with this post of yours.

You make it seem like it is easy to act responsible when the man is not. That is my problem with your post.
It is common knowledge that violence begets violence. She has clearly stated that her actions were cumulative effect of what he has been doing.

I agree that she hasn't taken any steps to resolve the underlying issues but I wouldn't blame her for reacting

sheilak:


You make it seem like it is easy to act responsible when the man is not. That is my problem with your post.
It is common knowledge that violence begets violence. She has clearly stated that her actions were cumulative effect of what he has been doing.

I agree that she hasn't taken any steps to resolve the underlying issues but I wouldn't blame her for reacting

Oh yes darling it is. Nobody will ever make me act out of character. You need discipline and self-control.
How am i responsible for another human-being action? Their actions shouldn't define your person. A good person is a good person no matter the circumstances.

So if your husband is a drunk and irresponsible, that will automatically make you too irresponsible? I didn't know it was transmissible.
If we are talking of a child yes, because kids emulate everything.

What if his actions were also cumulative of what she's been doing(raising her voice,being confrontational,disrespectful,nagging)?Unless he is insane in this case she will never attempt to continue with the marriage; Again not justifying abuse here. After all we only heard her side of the story,no?(which i am not in anyway doubting).

edwife:


Oh yes darling it is. Nobody will ever make me act out of character. You need discipline and self-control.
How am i responsible for another human-being action? Their actions shouldn't define your person. A good person is a good person no matter the circumstances.

So if your husband is a drunk and irresponsible, that will automatically make you too irresponsible? I didn't know it was transmissible.

What if his actions were also cumulative of what she's been doing(raising her voice,being confrontational,disrespectful,nagging)?Unless he is insane in this case she will never attempt to continue with the marriage; Again not justifying abuse here. After all we only heard her side of the story,no?(which i am not in anyway doubting).

The reality is it is transmittable. Emotions are transmittable even amongst strangers on a queue.

Well, she could be at fault too

fellis:
What is the man's problem?
Your pregnant wife asks for help with work you say no.
Ok allow her have rest of mind when she is at home, you refuse instead you rip her clothes in front of another man.
Respect her family nko? Same thing. The man cannot, he even calls her mom a witch to her face.
Now the woman quit her job to handle stress of doing housework alone for husband and his relatives and he is now witholding financial assistance from the wife.

God forbid I end up with any of the rabid sadists that parade themselves as men.
God forbid.
Op report him to your families so they can help you guys resolve the issue. If he doesn't change after you do that then leave him before he beats you to death.
Very heartless person.

Why lay your hands on a pregnant woman?

If you can't pity her then can't you pity the baby in her womb?

Typical Nigerian Girl mentality..try and advice her in a more subtle way instead of badmouthing her husband..dont forget there's no 3rd party in marriage..

Wow.
Now I believe what they say about women being their own worst enemies.
Lets go ahead and search for ways to blame the OP for triggering ber husband's psychotic behaviour.
Its her fault.
Let's disregard the fact that pregnant women are excessively emotional due to hormones and likely to overreact to emotional upset.
Let's disregard all that and blame OP instead
She is responsible for her husband's violent behaviour.
Why did she stand in front of the televion and trigger him?
What is her problem?
It's her fault naa.

Thank u all for ur contributions, i know i have my own fault too which is been too emotional,everything gets to me, 2015 was a great year for both of us and i put everything behind me , because i felt we had gotten to know each oda very well. I told his parent sometime ago but i regretted it cos they took sides with him .
D only thing that breaks my heart is the conversation btw i and my mum that he saw which has been told to his family and everyone now thinks am at fault.
I needed to just spill things out to someone and that was the only close prrson i could, its a mans world and we live in it.

^^^^^^ your husband is so petty shaaa... he saw the message and has gone to tell all his family members, nawa oo...

Seems you guys are in a competition of who would win the fight and who would carry the blame...

Really sad..

And you are still calling him "my husband" someone that doesn't regard you as anything. .How often does he act violent outside, or is it only when it concerns you.

The family must be as bad as their son
You alone know how you can help yourself, don't wait untill you are killed.

By the way hope your little surgery is not as a result of his maltreatment?

My dear take heart. I can see that you could have handled thing differently but I guess it was caused by the cumulative effect of him refusing to help you.

Please just jejely pack your stuff and go and stay with your for now. You can be talking to him from there to resolve matters. He has already told you he will make your life hell and pregnancy is hard enough already without that. Please pack up and go sooner rather than later. You don't want to lose your baby again.hopefully things will improve and you can return after you have the baby

Aprilinjune:
I got married 2012, few days into our wedding we had a lil arguements that resulted into slaps,which he later apologised for and i fogave him.Two months after our wedding i got pregnant which i miscarried, been having problems to concieve since then.
On the month of may 2014 i concieved again, and when i was about six months plus i asked my husband to accompany me to biy baby stuff,which he refused on the basis of it been stressful. Meanwhile i also work too and will only have saturday to do any shopping.
I called my mum and she agreed to go with me and everything was fine after getting everything from the market and on our way to d car park we were told they kill someone and people were running so we started running too,thank God .
When i got home and asked my hubby to help me with the load he refuse, later told me he didnt hear. I managed and we brought out the load. And later dat evening i asked my husband y he was cold to me and he said i came back late which is 7 pm on a rainning day to ajah.

We were still talking when my husband goy angry when i told him he respect my mum been around, he walked away and was watching tv, and i stood and blocked his view so that he can concentrate, he told me to move away which i refuse and he ended up tearing my cloth leaving me naked in front of his bro, i hit his shoulders immediately cos i was shocked and i received 4 slaps, three days later i lost my almost 7 months baby to bp. Again i didnt disclose this to anyone.
My husband looks like an angel and sometimes i cant even phantom how he changes like that.
Fast forward to this year am 5 months pregnant and my husbands siblings came for a short visits without even telling me, and my husband fully knows i cant cook cos have been restricted because of a minor surgery but he just cant man up for me. And i had to open up to my mother, i said some stuffs about how my husbands family treats me and my husband screen grab the msg, and has been insulting my mum and calling her a witch to my face. He threatens to call her and tell her never to come to his house. He said he will make me see hell this coming months, i resign from my job because of this pregnancy and no cash flow, he has also restricted me from withdrawing any money.
My parents are financially very very kk and i dont know if i should go to dem as am yet to start antenantal.
Sorry for the long post. Pls i need matured minds on this, its my life pls. Pardon my english

Pls when do u plan to run for ur life? Probably after losing the 4th pregnancy and a limb or two (God forbid). Why stay married when the marriage has nothing to offer other than sorrow and a threat to life?

If u like continue sharing d same house wt a psycho, he will soon strip u naked in the market wt 5 slaps as bonus.

.

baby124:
Your story is very silly. I won't even waste time responding to this. You had so many opportunities to run, yet you keep enduring. Even resigning your job. You must be a comedian with this post. By the way, your husband might be bi-polar. Since you have decided to die there, it's probably in your best interest to generally avoid him. Goodluck to you sha.

Well said.

She knows what she's getting from that "marriage".

Mtcheeew.

So many holes in your story, with more fingers pointing back at your immaturity. Grow up or leave the marriage, otherwise I predict more slaps. You dont sound ready for marriage.

HaneefahRN:


Pls when do u plan to run for ur life? Probably after losing the 4th pregnancy and a limb or two (God forbid). Why stay married when the marriage has nothing to offer other than sorrow and a threat to life?

If u like continue sharing d same house wt a psycho, he will soon strip u naked in the market wt 5 slaps as bonus.

weldone phsycologist

baby124:
Your story is very silly. I won't even waste time responding to this. You had so many opportunities to run, yet you keep enduring. Even resigning your job. You must be a comedian with this post. By the way, your husband might be bi-polar. Since you have decided to die there, it's probably in your best interest to generally avoid him. Goodluck to you sha.

You just said everything on my mind...best comment so far

OP go and stay with your parents and drink peppersoup
Don't tell them the issue, just tell them you need more attention from your mom since you have lost 2 pregnancies.
After the child you guys can sort out things

Man matter no be wetin you go lose all your pregnancies for, afterall do you know how many children God programmed for your womb?

midehi2:

yea but the man should understand and co-operate with the wife....i think the home lacks understanding

I think Op is equally a confrontational person

dahaz:

weldone phsycologist

Lolz. Thanks for weldoning me. I hate abusers wt passion, only a mad man wld frustrate and beat up a woman to d extent of losing 2 pregnancies and even threatening d 3rd one, infact he shld be in d forest amidst his animal kind

The reason why your husband does not respect you is that you don't respect yourself.

He slapped you.

He teared your clothes apart leaving you unclad before his brother.

He disrespected your mother.

He refused to help you do the shopping for the child that is is also his.

He refused to help carry the heavy stuff while you were pregnant.


And you are still there? For what reason exactly? Because "God hates divorce" or because you are afraid of what people will say?


Things won't get better for you if you don't learn to respect yourself.

Mindfulness:
The reason why your husband does not respect you is that you don't respect yourself.

He slapped you.

He teared your clothes apart leaving you unclad before his brother.

He disrespected your mother.

He refused to help you do the shopping for the child that is is also his.

He refused to help carry the heavy stuff while you were pregnant.


And you are still there? For what reason exactly? Because "God hates divorce" or because you are afraid of what people will say?


Things won't get better for you if you don't learn to respect yourself.

Ridiculous, I tell you.

I get it about women not wanting to break up a bad marriage but it gets to a point where one just needs to sit down and ask themselves when enough is enough.

EfemenaXY:


Ridiculous, I tell you.

I get it about women not wanting to break up a bad marriage but it gets to a point where one just needs to sit down and ask themselves when enough is enough.

It is pathetic. She is able to take care of herself since she has a job and she chooses to stay there. It has even gotten to the point where his family blames and disrespects her too.

I can only understand women who do not know how to take care of themselves and their kids financially. Everything else is sick.


I wish for her, from the bottom of my heart, that she understands that she does not deserve it and that she learns to respect herself.

HaneefahRN:

Lolz. Thanks for weldoning me. I hate abusers wt passion, only a mad man wld frustrate and beat up a woman to d extent of losing 2 pregnancies and even threatening d 3rd one, infact he shld be in d forest amidst his animal kind

I also agree with you.very wrong to hit a female especialy your wife who is carrying you baby.But there are two sides to a story.There might be important details the op might be hiding from us.

BTW were is your husband searching4love?

Mindfulness:
The reason why your husband does not respect you is that you don't respect yourself.

He slapped you.

He teared your clothes apart leaving you unclad before his brother.

He disrespected your mother.

He refused to help you do the shopping for the child that is is also his.

He refused to help carry the heavy stuff while you were pregnant.


And you are still there? For what reason exactly? Because "God hates divorce" or because you are afraid of what people will say?


Things won't get better for you if you don't learn to respect yourself.

God bless u so much my sister.

Stories like this annoy me really, cos I dnt av pity for such women, why shld u allow a man turn u to a ball he can play anyhow he likes?

dahaz:

I also agree with you.very wrong to hit a female especialy your wife who is carrying you baby.But there are two sides to a story.There might be important details the op might be hiding from us.

BTW were is your husband searching4love?

What details? There is no justification for being animalistic. I'm sure he has done worse things to her than she is letting on

God! I reject it hundred times over even for my worst enemy

HaneefahRN:


What details? There is no justification for being animalistic. I'm sure he has done worse things to her than she is letting on

God! I reject it hundred times over even for my worst enemy

lolz

HaneefahRN:


God bless u so much my sister.

Stories like this annoy me really, cos I dnt av pity for such women, why shld u allow a man turn u to a ball he can play anyhow he likes?

Thanks for the blessings, I appreciate them. You are blessed in return.

I hope she quickly understands that marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. I wonder why people forget that they were promised to be respected and honored.

Nothing to say than for you to pack a few things and move to your parent house and dissolve the marriage asap.

He is never going to change.

Aprilinjune:
I got married 2012, few days into our wedding we had a lil arguements that resulted into slaps,which he later apologised for and i fogave him.Two months after our wedding i got pregnant which i miscarried, been having problems to concieve since then.
On the month of may 2014 i concieved again, and when i was about six months plus i asked my husband to accompany me to biy baby stuff,which he refused on the basis of it been stressful. Meanwhile i also work too and will only have saturday to do any shopping.
I called my mum and she agreed to go with me and everything was fine after getting everything from the market and on our way to d car park we were told they kill someone and people were running so we started running too,thank God .
When i got home and asked my hubby to help me with the load he refuse, later told me he didnt hear. I managed and we brought out the load. And later dat evening i asked my husband y he was cold to me and he said i came back late which is 7 pm on a rainning day to ajah.

We were still talking when my husband goy angry when i told him he respect my mum been around, he walked away and was watching tv, and i stood and blocked his view so that he can concentrate, he told me to move away which i refuse and he ended up tearing my cloth leaving me naked in front of his bro, i hit his shoulders immediately cos i was shocked and i received 4 slaps, three days later i lost my almost 7 months baby to bp. Again i didnt disclose this to anyone.
My husband looks like an angel and sometimes i cant even phantom how he changes like that.
Fast forward to this year am 5 months pregnant and my husbands siblings came for a short visits without even telling me, and my husband fully knows i cant cook cos have been restricted because of a minor surgery but he just cant man up for me. And i had to open up to my mother, i said some stuffs about how my husbands family treats me and my husband screen grab the msg, and has been insulting my mum and calling her a witch to my face. He threatens to call her and tell her never to come to his house. He said he will make me see hell this coming months, i resign from my job because of this pregnancy and no cash flow, he has also restricted me from withdrawing any money.
My parents are financially very very kk and i dont know if i should go to dem as am yet to start antenantal.
Sorry for the long post. Pls i need matured minds on this, its my life pls. Pardon my english

He is obviously not happy in d marriage anymore, hw did u two get to this point. Am sure he didn't change for no reason. Sth is eating ur hubby up. If he has always been violent and insultive to ur people during courtship, then all I can say is carry ur cross.

Did you blue print the film knocking on heaven gate. op?

Scary stuff!


Guy hit u while pregnant knowing how much of high risk pregnancy yours is given your past record. I'm fearful of idiats...the ones who don't have self-control and are spot blind. It is well. Even with your account of the story, you aren't still sparkling . Alas, you were pregnant! That's your accepted license to raging hormones. What's his excuse? Respect is out of the window already thus u need that time apart before you collectively harm the little darling on the way. All will be well sweetheart... pele.