xendra:

you sit down and carefully think this through. can you cope with all this for a long time? I would be more afraid of being with the wrong man. If you can then by all means, but if you can't then leave and don't look back. If he is lucky to find someone else that has a small dream like him that should not be your business. just make sure you are taking a decision that is right for you and don't leave room for regrets. Honestly nobody can promise you love in the future but I know there are always better things ahead. I can't begin to tell you my long story, but @23 I would have also ended up with the wrong person and @some point when he got married and I started to pay attention to people i regretted and thought I made a mistake until recently something happened that would make me grateful to God for the rest of my life......oh and guess what 3yrs latter I found love like I never Imagined...

Just know this
youdeservetobehappy

I'm surprised that everyone keeps referring to the young man's dream with that ignoble word "SMALL".
How do you think Oyahkilome,Oyedepo, Adeboye TB Joshua e.t.c all started?
DESPISE NOT THE DAYS OF SMALL BEGINNINGS...
OP, break up with him because your dreams are not compatible; and not because he is a bad person or because you think he is aiming too low.
in his breasts burns the fire of God. Do not douse those flames. He needs someone with a similar passion for the things of God. You just happen not to be that person. That doesn't mean you are a bad person. From your post i can infer that you are a good hearted upwardly mobile young lady.
He has chosen his course in life. Choose yours.

Op. Dooo!

I av been following Ppls comment from what im able to gather from wat u av typed, I guess ur man is definitely under internship wth his dad in d ministry(business) and surely he will take over from his Dad. (seem like a cool business though)

Furthermore i wonder what u guyz have been discusing for d past 5yrs dat u avnt known much about his philosophy,mindset,thinking,future plans,lifestyle etc.
U were suposed to have trashed all this one out right from early stage of dating.

This is why i wonder when ppl keep mute and have no questions to ask during courtship or even dating.
its not ur fault though i guess its just ur personality.

I think u shud ask urself these questions:

1. Am i comfortable wth d ways his family treats me?

2. Incase my fiance bcoms d Pastor can i forgo my dreams to work wth him?

3. Does his Family respect and accept me for who i am? Are they always happy seeing me?

4. How often does my fiance accept my opinion?

5. Do i have inner peace of mind about this relationship?

6. Did he narate to u if God actually cald him or he cald himself because his Dad is a man of God? If not, una suffer go b d very one If God actually didnt call him.

Its not about d number of yrs u guyz have dated. However d guy to me still acts as a boy (as in his parents still makes decisions for him)

I guess u seem to b someone who can endure even when not convienient. However i guess marriage shud b enjoyed and not endured.

You have good dreams but like they say "Man proposes God disposes"

Above all i think u need to ask God in Prayer n fasting is an obvious/personal conviction to know If he is d right person for U.(i.e. God's will)

U can neva say he may b d right person for you.

Peace..

.

[

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Crystallss:
Pls i need your advice and opinion on this issue that has been eating me up. (im 23 and he is 25)

My boyfriend and i has decided to tie the knot but we cant seem to agree on some issues like where to live, school for our children, dressing style etc. This may be a little issue to some women but not to me because i like planning how i want my future to look like.
First of all, he wants us to live in a little town where his parents reside and happen to have a church there. (I dont like little towns i feel there is no motivation to be at your best.) This decision was made without my knowledge and approval. What annoys me is that we had planned to live abroad for a while before coming back to nigeria but all of a sudden he is insisting that he does not want to travel anymore and wants to make this little town his permanent home knowing that i have always wanted to travel out and his elder brother and two junior sisters has travelled out. He said i should adjust myself and learn how to love this place he has choosen for us and he is following God's directions.
This arrangement is not suitable for me since i have to be cummuting from one town to the other to work every day and i dont want to raise my children in that environment. It does not meet up with the standards i had in mind for my children nor did i imagine living in that locality or state. Am i making unnecessary demands?

Secondly, he wants me to stop wearing trousers. Most of my clothes are in this fashion and the few skirts i have are those i wear to church occasionally. Is it right for me to change myself and what i like because of him?

Thirdly, he works as his dad's PA and is so comfortable with this job. I told him to look for a real job but he always replies that he is already working with his dad and that is enough for him plus he doesnt want to work with his school certificate against my wish. When he just graduated i begged him to go for service but he refused. Anyway My concerns are he is always with his dad monday to friday and even on sunday since his dad owns the church and im also worried that he will be a daddy's boy. Is it wrong for me to want to get married and move somewhere far from our families where we can start our own family together?

We have been dating for a very long time and i feel hurt when i think of all these misunderstandings which i thought has been settled. I dont know what to do anymore. I have prayed and fasted all to no avail for God to show me the right path cause i dont want to act according to my will and i dont want to marry wrongly but for one reason or the other he has decided not to speak to me. My elder sister married wrongly because she was pregnant and now she is enduring her marriage.
I went to see a pastor for counselling he told me im destined to live abroad and i will take my family members along too just to be sure i visited another man of God and he said im to remain here and can only visit not reside there.
I dont have much experience with dating he is my first and only bf of 5 years duration. I feel like my boyfriend wants to change me to suit his demands but he denails it and says he wants what is best for us and this is the right path. Pls what do i do now? Should we go ahead with the wedding plans?

You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you.
You got a better job offer in Lagos, yet you stayed back because of him?
Good job offers aren't so easy to come by ,yet you let that slip away.
Why stay behind for someone who isn't ready to move an inch for you
This your relationship seems so one-sided, with you making all the sacrifices and comprising, yet he refuses to budge.
Whosoever you date should bring out the best in you not move you backwards
Sorry,but I don't think you guys are compatible
Same thing almost happened to me, but I broke it off with him. He always wanted things to go his way but hates to compromise, we discussed the numbers of kids we wanted.
I told him I wanted two (due to the economic situation and all) but he insisted on four children, i expected him to say let's compromise then and have three kids,(in as much as I have always wanted two,I was ready to make it three for him, but he refused to meet me halfway) and said we should break up because I was telling him what to do.
But come on this is about my own life too, but he refused
He said we must stay at abeokuta, but really I have lived in Lagos all my life and I just couldn't adjust to such environment.
Just know if you get married to him, you will never have a say in that marriage

Crystallss:
Im scared of breaking up. What if i regret my actions later if i cant find someone else to love and by the time i realize that he already has someone else? On the other hand what if we do get married and i get angry and fustrated later in life because i couldnt meet up with my goals. I dont want to make a mistake that will hunt me the rest of my life

Why do you have such low opinion about yourself?

What makes you think that no other guy out there will value beyond your expectations?

I think the problem is, he is your first, therefore, you have built your whole life around him such that you lost your individuality and sense of worth

I am older than you are, and I don't have such thoughts because they aren't true. I think you are too hasty for marriage due to unnecessary fear.

Don't be afraid my dear, though the hard truth is that no one is perfect. So even if you meet a man who compromises in a relationship, he may definitely fall short in another aspect of the relationship

Everyone has got flaws, just stick with the one you think you can cope with, but I for one can't marry a man who acts like he is the only one in the relationship.

Crystallss:
If i suggest postponing the marriage they will say im bringing up another issue. His dad made it clear that if we are not making any plans to get married this year then everyone should go their seperate ways

[color=#990000][/color]
Must you marry him,when it's so obvious you both for't agree on anything?

Even the Bible says, "can two walk together except they agree" (Amos 3:3)

Marriage is a lifetime decision that shouldn't be made in a haste

Crystallss:
i respect the fact that he is going to be the head of the house and i have to sacrifice some of my dreams if we want this relationship to work. Does that mean i have to be the only one compromising just to prove that i am submissive?

[color=#006600][/color]

Don't ever sacrifice your dreams for a man you aren't yet married to, people change

Yes a man is the head of the home and a woman needs to be submissive ,the more reason why a woman needs to get married to man who holds same beliefs ,convictions,and also has same goals and drives that fit or matches the one she possesses,so that when he leads, it becomes so easy for her to follow and support him.SIMPLE

Babe I fink u should not get married yet, dnt jump into it for now. Just calm down ur just 23 n who said u cnt meet som1 better? Dnt ever think that because dere are better guys ma dear. N Plz ma own opinion is dat IF u MUST Marry dat guy den d 2 of u av 2 reach an agreement because IF u dnt, u are likely 2 av a lot of issues n u won't b happy. Dat guy seems lik his gonna b a daddy's man n dat is nat good. Again he is a man dat does nat change his mind n compromise n based on ur write up he already feels ur detective and dat is a very bad notion. It's ur life no body will help if u make a mistake because it will b too late n marriage is till death so dnt make any mistakes oh Plz think properly n dnt do it because his parents or ur parent wants it. If he cnt compromise a little wif u also compromising for both of u 2 reach an agreement den dnt marry him. U will meet som1 better.

ghostmist:
I'm surprised that everyone keeps referring to the young man's dream with that ignoble word "SMALL".
How do you think Oyahkilome,Oyedepo, Adeboye TB Joshua e.t.c all started?
DESPISE NOT THE DAYS OF SMALL BEGINNINGS...
OP, break up with him because your dreams are not compatible; and not because he is a bad person or because you think he is aiming too low.
in his breasts burns the fire of God. Do not douse those flames. He needs someone with a similar passion for the things of God. You just happen not to be that person. That doesn't mean you are a bad person. From your post i can infer that you are a good hearted upwardly mobile young lady.
He has chosen his course in life. Choose yours.

I don't remember any of these men of God you mentioned, remaining under their biological father waiting to inherit his dream. and did you read her story well? from what I understand his father makes decisions for them, among other things. and so far, he doesn't seem to want anything else except subjecting himself and her to that life he alone desires. This isn't just about small beginnings, it is about long term desire. Anyway....I have called it what I would, you call it what you would. plus nobody called anybody a bad person.

There is no going back after you'd said ' I do ' remember? So, sit yourself down and weigh your options really well.

Its your life, you can choose to be the god of it , the queen of it or of course the slave of it. You only live Once! Make the best of this one chance...

Our guy is being groomed as his father's successor, there's no way he will leave his father's side.


And why we're you subjected to a deliverance because you had an opinion? Seem to me they are the kind of people who will do anything to silence a woman



My advice: your man won't leave that small town or his father's side. Can you cope with it? Marry him. You can't cope with it? Break up with him now


Bye

@akinsa, ghostmist.. Guys... I posted what he said when we talked about this issue again pls scroll up to see it. Akinsa i answered your questions honestly.

Crystallss:
@akinsa, ghostmist.. Guys... I posted what he said when we talked about this issue again pls scroll up to see it. Akinsa i answered your questions honestly.

Love is not the problem here. Oftetimes, married folks discover to their dismay that love is not what really keeps a marriage together.

individuals in 7 out of every 10 divorce cases in the law courts answer in the affirmative when asked about their love for their partner.
This begs the question- WHY ARE THEY SEEKING FOR THE DISSOLUTION OF THEIR MARRIAGE since they claim to love their partner so much??

the good book asked a very salient question in this regard..."can two walk together except they be agreed?"

Ask yourself that question and make sure you're at peace with the answer you come up with.

I wish you the best in your decision.

Recherche:


Why do you have such low opinion about yourself?

What makes you think that no other guy out there will value beyond your expectations?

I think the problem is, he is your first, therefore, you have built your whole life around him such that you lost your individuality and sense of worth

I am older than you are, and I don't have such thoughts because they aren't true. I think you are too hasty for marriage due to unnecessary fear.

Don't be afraid my dear, though the hard truth is that no one is perfect. So even if you meet a man who compromises in a relationship, he may definitely fall short in another aspect of the relationship

Everyone has got flaws, just stick with the one you think you can cope with, but I for one can't marry a man who acts like he is the only one in the relationship.

please keep preaching into her head. Please don't relent.

The last thing I will ever do to a woman is shrink her potentials.

I am happy for my own sister because her boyfriend is very supportive to her development etc.

Op, what have you decided to do about this issue?

Quintee:
Op, what have you decided to do about this issue?

we finally broke up. It hurts so much although I have been deliberating on it for months I couldn't muster up the courage to actually do it. But he did 2 days ago. I am still heartbroken.

Crystallss:
we finally broke up. It hurts so much although I have been deliberating on it for months I couldn't muster up the courage to actually do it. But he did 2 days ago. I am still heartbroken.

heartbroken over wat exactly. Isint dat wat u wanted.

sage50:
heartbroken over wat exactly. Isint dat wat u wanted.

I wanted him to change his mind