hello! I really want to hear from the ladies in here. But if your man truely loves you and you don't doubt it one bit, and he also says he doesn't want to get married but wants to make you his only, would you stay anyway?

When i say he loves you, i mean he does his own part as a man would do.

So y wouldn't he want marriage yet wants things only owked by marriage... Abi he get spiritual wife

He also wants a baby right?

For some Rare men, Marriage complicates Things...don't worry...Such men usually stands by yhur syd...some day he'll change his mind n finally agree to marriage...

Alakoba tio n salamo .

Dyt:
He also wants a baby right?

Lols

This is how men keep deceiving ladies, how will a man of marriage age claim to love you yet he doesn't want marriage?
Babymama will keep being on the increase.

It is good for him to love me, but my plans for my life transcend that.

I want to be 'one' with that man I love, and who loves me too; I want to have kids; I want to build a home -a cocoon- if you may excuse my expression; and I want to take companionship with that man to another level- I mean, I want to find him around in my waking moments.

The above plans would not be possible without marriage, and that's because I don't have plans of moving in with a man without marriage, neither have I as of yet conceived any plans of becoming a baby mama.

Chao!

Lol!
Why else do ladies stay in a relationship if not for marriage

krak101:
So y wouldn't he want marriage yet wants things only owked by marriage... Abi he get spiritual wife

it is important to note that the senario i created is a hypothetical one.

Haven said that, we also should remember that not everyone feel sex is "owked" only by marriage. Many people who are married today, actually have had sex many times before they got married.

Dyt:
He also wants a baby right?

if he is ok with everything except the marriage part.

wordbank:
Na another level of olosho b ds
#codedtinx

do you also see the 'regular' bf/gf relationship where sex is done regularly, as "olosho"? The only difference is, he wants to be wit her for life but not officially married

Who would accept such kind of arrangement?

If he has no plans of marriage, move on immediately.
Women have a biological clock to contend with. Unless you have plans to become a baby mama.

slyIsaac:
For some Rare men, Marriage complicates Things...don't worry...Such men usually stands by yhur syd...some day he'll change his mind n finally agree to marriage...

you are absolutely right! Day after day, i have come to realize that the whole idea of the "one size fits it all", is not a very sound philosophy. People's experiences in life are not the same, therefore, i think we should all shape our lives according to how best we can make the most of it.

Late last year when i went to Brila's Lekki office for an audition (some of you may remember), i ran into an interesting guy and we struck a long conversation. He was a tall, majestic figure, who was between 30 and 32 years and just moved into his brother's house in VGC. He came with a nice Toyota on that day (could be his brother's). He revealed to me in the course of our discussion, which spanned various aspects of life, that he never had a woman all his life! I wasn't too suprised at that even though from his looks, that would have suprised many people. It was believable for me because i have seen at least two of such cases. He said all his attempts were not successful.

This got me thinking, not him telling me now, but this got me thinking what the attitude of people like this guy, would now be towards women, marriage and relationship in general!

One fundamental thing i have come to understand about life and romance, is that: if one lacks it, or has had some, but most, if not all of it, have been terrible, they tend towards gender-hate; and those who manage to not get hateful, which is a difficult thing to overcome especially with that kind of experience, tend to be one of the most loving people on earth. This explains why some very rich women may have a kind heart even after they've been taken advantage of so many times. I know a lady whose husband wasn't the very best, but she is one of the most kind-hearted ladies i've ever known. She went on to raise her children to be like her as well.

Another example of people who've been through extreems of life and have become either good or bad are: Lord Baelish and Lord Tyrion, the Imp, in the HBO tv series "game of thrones". Baelish was a boy who came into the sevice of the Lanisters, saw first hand, the ills of the prevailing social structure of commoners and nobles, and he chose to become heartless. Tyrion on the other hand, though of noble birth, didn't quite experience the privilages of his nobility because he was a dwarf. He saw real wickedness metted out to him even by his father and sister; and despite all of that, unlike Bealish, he chose to become in the words of Lord Varys, "one of the few living men in Westeros, who can make it a better place". He wasn't only clever, he also had empathy and sympathy. He loved fircely as well.
My friend, despite his experience, came off as a good man. At least, that's what i think of him after speaking with him over a wide range of issues.

I am wondering if this kind of guy, with his kind of 'entry behaviour', finally finds a woman, and months into their relationship, she begins to ask for marriage, wouldn't it be a turn off? Because i think for him, it would turn out as him being USED to solve the lady's unmarried status. And that if not because he looks like someone who can now get married, the lady wouldn't have taken him, same way the others turned him down. He could begin to feel that the whole relationship is not really about him, but about her. I think he would like to be loved and anyone who is just so concerned about mariage, just isn't giving enough time to think of more ways she could love him. Love is the one thing he has missed all his life. Going on ahead into that marriage could get things complicated for him like you rightly said. This is because he would feel hounded and blackmailed into the marriage and a houded man WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BE THE BEST LOVER. And like you said, he may change his mind later. For me, before such people could chage their minds, they would have to experience more love from her.

bukatyne:

Lols

such people most times are not into relationships of any kind for children. They have other ways of getting children.

craziebone:
if he is ok with everything except the marriage part.

He wants children but doesn't want marriage? Smh..

Vyolet:
This is how men keep deceiving ladies, how will a man of marriage age claim to love you yet he doesn't want marriage?
Babymama will keep being on the increase.

you may want to read one of my posts to a guy here on this very thread to get clarified on the area that puzzles you.

Also, if babymamas increase, so will babydadas! I wonder why you women choose to steeotype yourselves, or allow the world to stereotype and shame you for the exact same thing men do?

It also seems some ladies are not bothered with being babymamas to some guys. We've seen it among celebs.

Gaborone:
It is good for him to love me, but my plans for my life transcend that.

I want to be 'one' with that man I love, and who loves me too; I want to have kids; I want to build a home -a cocoon- if you may excuse my expression; and I want to take companionship with that man to another level- I mean, I want to find him around in my waking moments.

The above plans would not be possible without marriage, and that's because I don't have plans of moving in with a man without marriage, neither have I as of yet conceived any plans of becoming a baby mama.

Chao!

like i said to someone here, some people tend to be super good that they respect other people's choices in life, including this your very choice. They know too well not to make their own issues, someone elses.

Miami11:
Who would accept such kind of arrangement?

If he has no plans of marriage, move on immediately.
Women have a biological clock to contend with. Unless you have plans to become a baby mama.

i agree with you and we have seen it here already from the women that most of them do not like the idea one bit.

Your second point which says they should move on if marriage isn't forth coming as they expect, brings a more tangential issue to my mind, which is: how our culture and religion's harping on marriage can make us not to achieve sexual morality which our culture and religion also preache.

If she is with a man and marriage isn't forth coming, and because she is under societal and religious pressure to get maried, what happens? She moves on to the next guy, or she keeps several guys around at the same time. As she does that, most times, she sleeps with each and everyone of them. So you can see how confused our society is. We demand morality from people, yet, we are not ready to shape the society in such a way that can help bring about that sexual morality.

Nope.
Didn't even read the post, just the subject.
Women need to know their price. Stay where, for what? Does he understand what love is, to begin with? When you say he loves, you mean doing his part as he should. What other part would a man play except to make a woman out of you and show that he is willing to "forsake all others" and make you his wife?
Abeg.. kindly let him love from a distance and clear the doorway for someone serious.
I really get irritated when men want to have their cake and eat it and it's more upsetting when women fall for this.
Someone will love you and marry you. Wait for him.

lily12:
Nope.
Didn't even read the post, just the subject.
Women need to know their price. Stay where, for what? Does he understand what love is, to begin with? When you say he loves, you mean doing his part as he should. What other part would a man play except to make a woman out of you and show that he is willing to "forsake all others" and make you his wife?
Abeg.. kindly let him love from a distance and clear the doorway for someone serious.
I really get irritated when men want to have their cake and eat it and it's more upsetting when women fall for this.
Someone will love you and marry you. Wait for him.

lol. I agree with you o jare. Its important you do that which makes you happy. But if you had read the thread a lil bit, at least, you wouldn't just conclude men are trying to eat their cake and have it.

Op I've read your bit about the man's background and experience and if you feel he's going to change, why not go for him yourself?


As for me its a total no-no. No matter how loving, caring or understanding he is he can only prove he really loves me by taking me down the aisle and showng me off to the rest of the world as his woman with a ring and his last name. If he cannot then he really does not love me and I cannot waste my time on something that is leading nowhere. I cannot be a man's babymama if he does not have sense enough to tie the knot either before or after the child is born. I'm not banking on him changing either because if a man says he does not want to get married from the start, then he probably never would. I don't want to take such chances

craziebone:


lol. I agree with you o jare. Its important you do that which makes you happy. But if you had read the thread a lil bit, at least, you wouldn't just conclude men are trying to eat their cake and have it.

Hope you'll be happy when your daughter tells you she doesn't want marriage, rather she wants to be having babies for men?

You people should stop propagating bullsh!t pls.. soon teenagers will start cohabiting with men freely afterall it's what they want?
And the world keeps 'decaying', all because of freedom bla bla bla. No more sense of decency. .

i personally can relate with this issue ...
marriage should be strictly by mutual agreement. if one party is not ready emotionally, psychologically n otherwise, they should not be lured.
I kinda agree to what a poster 'Siena' posted above.
if a man requires relationship to marriage, if u have it then offer it. but if what u have is marriage... then don't agree... on to the next.
Because every decision has consequences...

Suigeneris93:
Op I've read your bit about the man's background and experience and if you feel he's going to change, why not go for him yourself?


As for me its a total no-no. No matter how loving, caring or understanding he is he can only prove he really loves me by taking me down the aisle and showng me off to the rest of the world as his woman with a ring and his last name. If he cannot then he really does not love me and I cannot waste my time on something that is leading nowhere. I cannot be a man's babymama if he does not have sense enough to tie the knot either before or after the child is born. I'm not banking on him changing either because if a man says he does not want to get married from the start, then he probably never would. I don't want to take such chances

first off, i am a man and that means i cannot take 'him'.

Secondly, the basis for this thread is actually a hypothetical situation. That means: i actually sat down and just imagined it if women would still stay with a guy who loves them, and they know how much he does, but still do not want to get married.

The other story about the guy i talked about, came in as soon as i read that particula post i replied to. When i read that post, it was then i realized i have encountered people who've got some kind of experience; and this experience could affect the way they could see the woman and relationships; and if these people say they wouldn't like to get married, i think i would be able to understand.

Like that guy said, such people will probably, if not definitely change in the end. They would only need to be shown more love like they have never had before.

It could work out, as long as the couple in question:

~ Are in agreement / on the same page

~ Decide what their priorities are i.e. Career vs kids, etc.

I know a lady at work, not married, no kids, but has a partner.

My guess is they value companionship and their respective careers over marriage and kids.

Women, who can understand them? A woman who doesn't care about marriage is liberated, a man who doesn't want marriage isa time-waster? Una never ready.

PresVA:
Hope you'll be happy when your daughter tells you she doesn't want marriage, rather she wants to be having babies for men?

You people should stop propagating bullsh!t pls.. soon teenagers will start cohabiting with men freely afterall it's what they want?
And the world keeps 'decaying', all because of freedom bla bla bla. No more sense of decency. .

first of all, the topic is not about one who doesn't want to get married, but be having children everywhere and with everyone. The topic is about a man wanting to stay and love just one woman and if women would like to stay with such a man who will love them above all but doesn't want marriage.

Again, the topic says "ladies", not teenagers! And no, no one is propagating bulsh!!t, as you call it.

But can i ask you questions: some of the ladies here insist that it is only when a man takes them down the aisle that he would be truely proving his love for them. While that may be true in some cases, do you think it is true in all cases? Do you think every man who proposes to a woman, is doing it because he truely loves the lady? He could be doing it because he is desperate to get married, you know. Or you think men don't watch time too? How many men want to have children in their old age?

If a man or woman is not sure their place with their partner, and thinks getting them to propose marriage or accept marriage proposal will cement their place, do you think that would be achieved after the marriage is 'sealed'? If a man or woman is insecure about their place with their partner, don't you think what they should be doing then, is not to try to get married, but to try to solve all outstandin issues that led to the insecurity in the first place? Do we get married so as to be sure of our place with someone? I thought the other way round is the case! I thought we get married to someone because we are already sure of our place with them!

While i agree that proposing marriage to a lady MAY be a sign of love for her, DON'T YOU THINK STAYING WITH OUR PARTNERS, WETHER OR NOT THEY PROPOSE MARRIAGE, AS LONG AS THEY WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WITH US, IS EVEN A BIGGER AND A STRONGER INDICATION OF LOVE?

This question goes to you and every other woman out there who wouldn't stay with a guy, who is truely commited to them, because he is not proposing marriage: if there were no such thing as marriage in human anthropology, would you still stay with that man or woman you are now with, or have chosen as a partner? This is an interesting question. Maybe i should start another thread for that.

Timbuktou:
Women, who can understand them? A woman who doesn't care about marriage is liberated, a man who doesn't want marriage isa time-waster? Una never ready.

Smart observation

@Craziebone,

yes I could.