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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? (11038 Views)
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How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 12:34am On Mar 24, 2016 |
I saw that frown again, clearly as it lingered with the accompanying deep lines between her eyes while she found her way to our matrimonial bed reluctantly. It was one of our few nights of love making urge quenching. With her back turned on me in bed as usual, waiting for me to do whatever it was I wanted while she endured? At the final minute, when it was time to seal the matter and enjoy the spoils of a penetration, I’m interrupted by that soft voice….”are you wearing a condom?” For months, I’ve watched the coldness when it was time; it has been same ugly attitude. She’s not the maid or a neighbor’s daughter; she’s my Wife of five years. We have two daughters between us and that’s the attitude I get when I ask for sex. I don’t do that often except when I’m pressed but that’s natural. I don’t know when my woman is in her monthly flow, I get turned down sometimes on that pretext. I go to bed every night like a young bachelor, alone in bed and wondering how many other men live like me. Weekends are hell for me, both boring and lonely. I’m still looking for what hit me, when exactly and how. I trust a few of you nairalanders can help me figure all that out. I’m waiting for both sides of the coin. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by divinehand2003(m): 12:39am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Ok |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by PiccoloBrunelli(m): 12:39am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Poetic ![]() |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by arosunshine(m): 12:45am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Maybe u are boring in bed 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 1:00am On Mar 24, 2016 |
arosunshine: Could be, could be not. That's not enough reason to treat a man like that. 2 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by eddyline(m): 3:41am On Mar 24, 2016 |
sorry man.. but I don't think Nairaland is the best place to seek solutions to your family problems. 8 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Miami11: 3:48am On Mar 24, 2016 |
How do you treat her generally, maybe she is enduring being with you, Have you ever cheated on her? Is she suspicious of you, that explains the seeking condom part, Is she stressed, tired, overwhelmed, talk to her poster, communication is the key to a happy marriage 18 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by cococandy(f): 6:36am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Why does she want a condom? Afraid of getting pregnant or suspects you of cheating? Find out what her fear is and you may just be halfway to solving the problem. 9 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by missvera(f): 6:49am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Try to let her see reasons to be romantic. If she is I guess your weekend won't be boring and lonely for you. As per the use condom issue, she must be scared of getting pregnant. And she turning her back at you on bed means she doesn't like s*x or may be she doesn't enjoy doing it with you... start touching her in the right place. 1 Like |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by RiloKiley: 7:28am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Why requesting for a condom after two kids? Is she scared of having more kids? Did u cheat previously and she's scared of getting an infection? I think this is one of the cases where proper communication would help. Unless she is frigid. But a frigid woman won't care about the condom bit. It sounds like she's still hurting from something done in the past. If you know what it is talk to her about it (again if you have done it before. Counselling involves multiple sessions.) find out her insecurities and assuage them. Also try and change your sexual pattern. Don't let her just back you waiting for penetration, engage in pre-intimacy. E. G kissing, touching, caressing, handling. Don't go straight to her erotic zones. If she feels turned on she won't be this reluctant. And of she is feeling any annoyance handling has a way of making her talk about it. At least then you'll know what the problem is if u don't already. Let's know how it goes ![]() 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by GodnGold: 7:30am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Bro,while you wait for the sides of the coin,could you go back to when it all started. Have you being found wanting on the grounds of infidelity? Have you lived up to your expectations as daddy? Have you called her for a talk? Do you treat her like you would treat yourself and more? From your post,is all about how you feel not how she also feels. The tiniest vibe can get a woman doing anything to get attention. Ask questions and Listen... Do not do 90%of the talking,10% and then listen clearly. There lies your answers. Take it easy man! It sure is well. 4 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by RiloKiley: 7:31am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Handling = f. o. ndling Intimate = er.o.t..ic Why is nairaland changing these words ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 7:38am On Mar 24, 2016 |
@poster where did it all start from and what went wrong? As an example, there is a lady on the other thread complaining that her husband never calls or looks back when he travels. One day she too will be cold blooded towards the man. Usually there is a starting point but it isn't noticed until its too late or almost too late. If you cant work out what the issue is/was yourself, then pls find a way of asking her and ensure that you listen to what she is saying and you can both take it from there to try and heal whatever the problem is/was. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by greatgod2012(f): 9:13am On Mar 24, 2016 |
@op you're supposed to have asked her before coming here. What did she say it's the problem. Leave NL now and go and ask your wife what the problem is, ask her why she treats you the way she does. Communicate, listen to her and reassure her. Your first point of contact when having marital problem is your spouse, not social forum. Nobody can know why your wife treats you as such, until you ask. GO AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WIFE. 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Missonas(f): 10:20am On Mar 24, 2016 |
What made you two get married in the first place? Go back and look for it. |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Dyt(f): 10:41am On Mar 24, 2016 |
Same question everyone is asking I am honestly interested in what you have done to that woman |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 11:54am On Mar 24, 2016 |
ANANABA000: Dear OP . .. 1. Is your wife over 30? Sex drive reduce with age . . 2. Did she just have a child? Childbirth can reduce sexual pleasure . . 3. Has she always been that way? Well people rarely change . . 4. Is she trying not have another child? This would totally explain the Condom request (I do it too ![]() ![]() 5. Did you cheat on her or betray her trust in any way? This could kill any form of attraction she has of you . . . 6. Does she have a domestic help? I've never seen a libido killer as great as exhaustion . . . Irrespective of the answer to these questions, one thing is certain your wife is no longer attracted to you sexually. This is the time for you to quit grumbling and find a way to regain her interest If you were a woman I would tell you to buy sexy red lingerie, romantic fragrance and hot costume ![]() ![]() But since you are man, you may want to consider a romantic get away (without the kids), go down on her (MouthAction) . . . Don't make it all about inserting your kini . . . You can give her a massage starting from her shoulder and graaaaadually go down . . ![]() You need to work hard . . . and I wish u the best! 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by KevinDein: 1:59pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
All of you telling him to find out what he did to her. Seriously, why can't she tell her husband what he did wrong so they could work on it? You women just make the simplest things difficult. Life would have been so much easier without these complex beings. 3 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 2:25pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
Wow! Thanks for all the many comments and advice. Contrary to what most of you Guys think though, I've not done anything that warrants this treatment. Exhaustion is out of the possible causes because there's a house help that does all the hard work in the house. Communication takes two to work, I've done my part in so many different ways. From text messages to Whats app and BBM chat,late night discussion and even third party involvement. I've threatened to bring in competition with a second Wife, I've threatened separation and all the other different methods you can think of. She's young at 31 and married to me on a 7 year age difference. We agreed to have two kids during courtship but other birth control methods between spouses should be considered instead of the condom. On MouthAction, I wonder how many ladies on here have ever got a tongue lick down there. 1 Like |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by sandiyke(f): 2:37pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
@op your wife is hurting. Do have a heart to heart talk with her before the whole thing degenerates into something else. Good luck on your search. 1 Like |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Dyt(f): 2:56pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
ANANABA000: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ANANABA000: In essence she must be a bad wife just acting strange without you doing nothing Well I have heard there are humans like that We call them crazy black people You are a saint and I am tempted to applaud you for all you have done Rare gem you are But something again, while you have threatened, why haven't you done it? Scratches nose 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by KevinDein: 3:14pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
Bro, dump her and marry another woman; a younger, prettier one, preferably. Wubbish. ![]() I hate it when people just decide to make others suffer for whatever flimsy reasons ![]() ![]() |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by RiloKiley: 3:23pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
ANANABA000: If there's no reason for this behaviour then it means she is frigid (doesnt like sex). Has she always been like this? Did it all start after the birth of her first child? Your answer will determine the next step u should take. |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 4:07pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
ANANABA000: Ok so you have mentioned a possible reason?. What have you done about it. Obviously she needs help around the house and with the kids. What is your role in the kids life, are you involved as a father?. Start helping out around the house or you guys should hire someone who comes during the day and closes at 6pm. Also be more hands on with the kids. All that is what you should have done instead of threatening to bring in another wife( so selfish). Solve the problems and you will see a huge change in your wife. I can bet my life on it. 2 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by greatgod2012(f): 4:44pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
ANANABA000: OK, you've tried. But, of all your explanation, you're silent on the cheating area, and for you to have threatened her of competition with second wife, it means you must have probably been seen with mistress/es. @op, HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON YOUR WIFE ![]() 13 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by peacengine(m): 4:59pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
OP, I hope you help her with the kids and some house chores. Do you do pre-intimacy? You need to learn how to make love to a lady bro, she'll keep asking you for more ![]() Seriously it seems like she's afraid of getting pregnant again bro, you two need to talk about birth control asap 2 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by RiloKiley: 5:10pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
greatgod2012: 2 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by greatgod2012(f): 5:14pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by postmann: 5:23pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
OP, since you've tried all forms of communication, even threatened bringing in a competitor, you still haven't said what your wife said was the problem. Or was she mute all along? 1 Like |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Pidggin(f): 5:39pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
Why did you threaten her with competition? You are breeding resentment, wish you well 5 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Nobody: 5:50pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
ANANABA000: Oga instead of you too go and stimulate your wife orally you are here asking questions. You don't want condom? What other birth control have you suggested to her? I see you don't want to do any work. No wonder you are already threatening her. Continue! 6 Likes |
Re: How Does It Happen In Your Home, Is Your Marriage This Messed Up? by Dyt(f): 5:57pm On Mar 24, 2016 |
Ujoan: He's a saint na A very white one at that, no single stain All he wrote had proven that black woman is just being a typical Nigerian woman He even sounds egoistic and proud I can imagine him telling his wife to behave or he brings in another wife #dunno what's wrong with me these days sha, aproko woman 6 Likes 1 Share |
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