Tekevwe

This i blive is a phase and yes I think love u by admitting he didn't want to lose u cos u pretty bt then seems he Ws just trying a lot to impress u and not being himself. Now he's more like himself and ure wondering.

U need to ask him certain defining questions. Just so u know wot type of guy he is and how u adjust to it cos u married now. Clearly let him know ure not happy and state all ure reasons out. If he doesn't change. Give him abit of space tho i hp it doesn't get to this.

Bt then if it's financial pressure that will phase out once those issues are sorted.

Tekevwe,

@X240 may indeed be very right in terms of the possible feelings behind your husband's moody disposition. While it might not be exactly the case, OP listen to this user, he probably has the best scenario here and maybe you could start to see it from a whole new perspective.

I myself took quite some time trying to understand why the husband could have suddenly locked himself up in a shell if he wasn't this way before now. But it's increasingly obvious he is in a very tight situation. Different men have different ways and levels of handling stress. Some turn into demons in the house, some withdraw and a lot of others in between e.g drunk, cheating, fasting from your food etc.

The Ideal man should be able to maturely control his emotions when it comes to his better half, but we need to understand your husband isn't perfect, he might be trying to control his emotions in an unconventional manner you aren't used to. Now, he may be acting this way because the ship is sinking, he is confused and doesn't know what to do about the office rent issue, and when he sees you and mentions it, he is hoping you would be resourceful and industrious in your thinking by helping to chip in a few words or two either to encourage or suggest a way out, but like most very young women, you may be oblivious to the issues and just only interested in him playing around expecting him to ignore the issue at hand. On the other hand, ignoring the issue would not resolve the problem and he feels it's useless talking to you about it if all you would do is change the subject to talk about something else that is more fun, so he withdraws to himself to think and now only has to depend on himself to think it through alone. Additionally like X240 said, it might be as a result of the fact that you might have contributed to his extravagant expenses and now he is left to go through the aftermath of funding the necessary alone, he might silently be blaming you for this, and it even gets worse if you the wife does not seem to want to understand that the economy of the family (Like oil price) has changed and still remain vocal about your financial expectation(like APC/PDP followers).

In my opinion, it is totally wrong for a man to take out his frustrations on his wife, He is supposed to be the head of the home and is responsible for every event and decision the family takes no matter the outcome, however, I do understand human beings aren't perfect and the scenario above can happen if the man can not control his emotions, but its rare for someone at his age to still have this sort of inclination, therefore I will suggest the OP should try as much as possible to focus more on resolving the issues that led to his mood rather than complain to him about it. If you can make intelligent suggestions, please do, if nothing else - If he is prayerful, encourage him to go to God in prayer cos nothing is impossible for God, go on your knees and pray too, if he sees you praying about the financial issues threatening the family he is more likely to come out of his shell, cos he would see he didn't marry a ceremonial wife. He probably doesn't need you to do anything physically, but he would likely be withdrawn if you act nonchalant and expect him to be all smiles when he is almost finished in life.

Babes you need 2months break in UK i ve got 4bed house inbox me asap look john

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Greetings ma'am
You see, the economy is not smiling at all and I think that is affecting your husband. Some of us rreally appreciate written contents, I think u can always send him written contents, dont complain in those contents, just wish him a great day at work while he is at work. Tell him how ur own day is going and be very positive and asssure him of your supports. ALways make hime know he is not alone in the fight becus this economy u are seeing is really a war zone. I think ur husband is passing thru some business difficult times. It is not easy. I perfectly understand how u feel. Try and find out those things he loves doing and see how u can also find interest in them. Does he watch football? U know wat I mean. Handle this case with care......he could be testing u...I seriously think it boils down to business stress, economic stress and financial stress. Use written contents to remind him how u are with him in this battle.

Women are the hardest to please.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

/
Typical of single guys, he thought he was doing fine. But all the expenses from traditional and white wedding depleted his account so much that he couldn't afford to renew his office rent. Now he sees you as the cause of his problems. Next line of action will be to accuse of being possessed by marine spirit and that you are an agent sent to destroy his life and destiny. Take am easy with marriage expenses, some people no go hear. No matter how big or small your wedding reach, e no go pass one month everyone forgets while your debt fit reach years to clear. Welcome to marriage reality101. The man dey vex for you o!

Ever wonder why na people who do big society wedding that their marriages first dey crash.
/

Tekevwe:


I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

A lot of u don't understand how much pressure comes with being married. Not a diss but the truth. Ur married now, n while Ur still in d euphoria of building a family, he suddenly has bills, responsibilities (esp familial) n work/career pressures to deal with and sometimes,it ain't easy to accommodate all that ...problem is, typical of we men, we don't communicate/cry as y'all would as such times n even appear withdrawn n that may leave u feeling 'unloved'.
U need to look outside yourself n reach out to him, through the walls YOU HAVE ALLOWED him build around himself...allowed 'cos, like it/not, u 2 r 1 now n each other's responsibility.
It's usually sexual, financial/another woman....take Ur pick, but it's obviously financial I.m.o... be as understanding as a mother here n you'll probably get a breakthrough.
I've been there, I know..
Cheers

Cavenchy:
X240 you are indeed very right. OP listen to this user, he probably has the best scenario here.

I myself took quite some time trying to understand why the husband could have suddenly locked himself up in a shell if he wasn't this way before now. But it's increasingly obvious he is in a very tight situation. Different men have different ways and levels of handling stress. Some turn into demons in the house, some withdraw and a lot of others in between. The Ideal man should be able to maturely control his emotions when it comes to his better half, but we need to understand your husband isn't perfect, he might be trying to control his emotions in an unconventional manner you aren't used to. Now, he may be acting this way because the ship is sinking, he is confused and doesn't know what to do about the office rent issue, and when he sees you and mentions it, he is hoping you would be resourceful and industrious in your thinking by helping to chip in a few words or two either to encourage or suggest a way out, but like most very young women, you may be oblivious to the issues and just only interested in him playing around expecting him to ignore the issue at hand. On the other hand, ignoring the issue would not resolve the problem and he feels it's useless talking to you about it if all you would do is change the subject to talk about something else that is more fun, so he withdraws to himself to think and now only has to depend on himself to think it through alone. Additionally like X240 said, it might be as a result of the fact that you might have contributed to his extravagant expenses and now he is left to go through the aftermath of funding the necessary alone, he might silently be blaming you for this, and it even gets worse if you the wife does not seem to want to understand that the economy of the family (Like oil price) has changed and still remain vocal about your financial expectation(like APC/PDP followers).

In my opinion, it is totally wrong for a man to take out his frustrations on his wife, He is supposed to be the head of the home and is responsible for every event and decision the family takes no matter the outcome, however, I do understand human beings aren't perfect and the scenario above can happen if the man can not control his emotions, but its rare for someone at his age to still have this sort of inclination, therefore I will suggest the OP should try as much as possible to focus more on resolving the issues that led to his mood rather than complain to him about it. If you can make intelligent suggestions, please do, if nothing else - If he is prayerful, encourage him to go to God in prayer cos nothing is impossible for God, go on your knees and pray too, if he sees you praying about the financial issues threatening the family he is more likely to come out of his shell, cos he would see he didn't marry a ceremonial wife. He probably doesn't need you to do anything physically, but he would likely be withdrawn if you act nonchalant and expect him to be all smiles when he is almost finished.

Well said...
Broken down better than I could have

Marriage is crazy. To women, marriage is the beginning of life while life ends for men. lol .This is so true for immature minds in marriages. This man has a problem. You need to slow before getting pregnant. He may withdraw completely.

Solution? Stay away from him. Only greet him when necessary. Stay farrrrrrrr from him until he comes around. If he doesn't, you may need to weigh your decision to stay in that marriage. The life is just too long ahead of you to start patching an unwilling man. But, I am sure he would come around. He needs iron hands. You are too mucho mucho!

Reading the comments n s.m.h.v..

The kind of advice u see here can turn a bad situation terrible..
Everyone advising u to withdraw/give him space...ok.
Try it n let us see how that goes, but lemme be a 'prophet' n tell u, 'It Won't Go Well'.

Withdrawal is one end of a vicious cycle that doesn't have a good outcome.

Cheers n all d best..

Cutehector:
Madam gv ur husband space.. forget the being lonely part. U want him healed ryt? Den let him be..

If u are lonely, dis ls the moment u engage in other activities.. wen he has calmed down, he'l just get bak to u.

I beg to disagree. Mind u this is a few months marriage and this is when new couples tend to connect to discuss abt what's lies ahead. This is the time to share love,feel loved,share more time together etc,not just shower,eat nd sleep.
For Christ sake,this is not a contract marriage,he should give time to his wife.
Madam, I suggest u should take ur time to learn and digest this new characters of him and find a better time to have an intimate word with him. Let him knw hw u feel abt all this in a calm and sensible manner.
Good luck

ogawisdom:
Most married ppl r room mates most of d times, learn to deal with dt it is nt nollywood. Jst give him space b4 he attacks u I dnt think dt shld b an issue. When he needs u he will come around u

Haba! It's not that bad na.

I agree they attend University of Married Life (UML), but roommates is exaggeration.

There were two major warning signs OP ignored in the excitement of wedding preparation.

(1) A man of 40 had to be stampeded by his parents to marry. Haba! He has income but still didn't deem it fit to marry. He probably knew taking responsibility for others isn't his cup of tea. If he lived in an individualistic society like Europe or America, he would probably remain single lifelong. I have seen many people in their 80s and older towards end of life. No kids, never married. Their stories of being contented living on their own are quite interesting. As an African, I kind of pity them. Some die virtually alone. No relative.

(2) He bones his siblings. This is a major personality thing (maybe a flaw even). A man of 40 not able to relate well with ANY of his siblings, yet OP expected him to relate with a total stranger, from a different home & background in the name of marriage. Our relationship skills begin at home.

His charms during courtship was just like using "banana to catch monkey".

i think your husband is going through stress. Give him some time, he will come around. Stress changes a man, I know this because I experienced same with my husband sometime in the past. It's a phase that will come to pass, so I will ask you to bear with it and be patient. Keep talking to him and expressing your concerns, let him know how you feel. Marriage is not easy, I know u had that fairytale picture of how it would be lovey Dovey all year round... Every experienced person will tell you the first year is very difficult because you both are still learning to live with each other and your differences. evidently you never lived with him so there's no way you would have seen these everyday behaviours. it is now up to you to handle it properly because the way you handle issues will determine peace in your marriage and its longetivity.

To answer your questions, no op, that's not how marriage should be. If anything marriage in the first year should still be rosey just like the courtship period because the kids have not come yet. I kinda agree with the poster who said he probably went overboard with courting you and your wedding, spending more than he could afford and now he is living with the consequences of it all. He did say he gave you all you wanted because he didn't want to loose you. Anyway, not gonna allot blame, op I hope you work.., otherwise things will get unpleasant for you really fast! Give him lots of space, agree with him how much will be your allowance for the month and collect it up front so that you don't go to him each time you want to cook or do something then you look like you are always asking for money. once a while use your own money to do something for him or the household so he knows he married a helpmate not a liability and pls, if it's within your power, try to delay childbirth for at least a year so that he gets used to the thought and you guys are prepared before the babies start coming cus children can add strain to an already strained relationship. I did say give him space right? Ignore him a little, let him miss your companionship and seek you out.

Tekevwe:


I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

I know exactly how you feel dear. I'm beginning to believe it's not stress from what you have described but that there might be something distracting or troubling him. The only problem is that it's hard to know what the hell is going on because he barely communicates. I don't want to believe he has started cheating and is putting in more energy into someone else when he should be giving you all that attention(I will give him a benefit of the doubt), all I would still recommend is, give him space but be very observant. Watch for more red flags and also communicate and always express yourself even though he's repelling you away. For better for worse....All the best!

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Madam! I had to read ur story 2times in order to pick one or two tins.
Here was a man dat cud only joke or laugh wit u nd frown @ his siblings nd mayb friends during ur courtship nd were not bothered wit dat? I mean neva asked him or told y frowned @ dem nd laugh wit only?.
Mayb because he provided u wit all u needed @ d time.
I tink u dd nt sit down to understand or knw ds man perhaps u got carried away by d gift nd care he showered only u.
Pretense was @ play d courtship whch u dd nt notice.
During d courtship dd u ever ask abt hw d business or giv him idea hw it cud grow?.
There s no way u wil espect a man dat married due to pressure to be vry vry hapy.
Again, for him to b unable to pay his rent immediately after d wedding cud mean dat u guys exhausted ur cash in d wedding, mayb u dd an elaborate wedding.
Dd u plan d wedding together, dd u try to restrain nd suggest a small budget wedding in order to save for d business.
Asking u ds questions seems lik u ve tins to share. If he dd evrytin to make u hapy he cud equally empty his account to organise a 'big' wedding.
My advice is dat u need to find a way to make him happy. Now is ur turn to make him happy because he took his time to make u hapy during d courtship.
He dd evrytin to please u then so do dsame to him now.
Play wit him, bring some positive surprises to him, try to bring somtin to d table, take him to movies. Wen I say take him, I mean pay for d movie by so doin he wil b rest-assured dat u can bring to d marriage.
Again, don't expect dat u wil b gettin all d gift u got in d past till he gathers himself.

You married the wrong man.

Start planning for divorce.

I hope he is not homo o!.

2. Challenge I see here might be the way his biz is progressing. Pray with him for d success of his biz.

Also pray for d success of ur marriage.

Try taking him out on a date.

Best wishes.

Cholls:
My brother Eddygourdo I give you a thumbs-up. but I will disagree based on the fact that their marriage is still young.

When you have husbands or likes, don’t distract yourself from your partner. Try enjoying it with him instead of living two separate lives, or just express it and be there sometimes to support him so that he can feel inclusive to your life. You should push him and encourage him.


For the most part I know you women would only have a problem with your husbands if his selfish about it. Why be in a relationship when you can’t live together and share differences so that you can appreciate or simply learn more from each other.

One thing that might also help is if the wife tried to show some interest in what her husband enjoys. Maybe from there he could come out of is shell.

U may nt b far from the truth, though ds may nt b dia case. D truth s ppl shud organise wedding within dia budget nd save for d marriage. Wedding s just a day even while marriage s d everlasting tin.
A junior colleague borrowed money to organise a big wedding nd bcame broke at d initial stage of d marriage.

I personally think you should try talking to him. Preferably when he's in a good mood with you. Say after u both are intimate. Communication is always essential for partners to settle differences. Who knows? You might just be able to bring smiles to his face. #mythoughts

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

so because her hubby isn't doin well financially u advicing her to leave the marriage?dats a bad advice please!if you dnt have somfin beta or tangible to say jes kip mute!marriage is in phases!she is just experiencing one of it!Let her brace up for more changes.Prayer is d key to solving any problem especialy d institution called marriage!May God help us all!

InvertedHammer:

/
Typical of single guys, he thought he was doing fine. But all the expenses from traditional and white wedding depleted his account so much that he couldn't afford to renew his office rent. Now he sees you as the cause of his problems. Next line of action will be to accuse of being possessed by marine spirit and that you are an agent sent to destroy his life and destiny. Take am easy with marriage expenses, some people no go hear. No matter how big or small your wedding reach, e no go pass one month everyone forgets while your debt fit reach years to clear. Welcome to marriage reality101. The man dey vex for you o!

Ever wonder why na people who do big society wedding that their marriages first dey crash.
/

This is quite silly and is a tacit endorsement of spousal abuse.

1. Did the guy not know how much the wedding was going to cost? If it was too expensive, he has the right to explain to his fiancee, try to trim down the budget or delay the wedding till they have more money.

2. Even if the problem is high expenses, how does his current attitude solve the problem?

obiaguna:


Is everything okay with you.?

Evrytin is ok wit him I suppose. He mayb rough bt dat seems to b d hard truth in cases lik ds.

I can never judge husband nd wife becus dier case always incompatible.

amokeme:
hanhan! is this not too harsh Leave the marriage ke? Just like that!
It is well. OP please disregard this kind of advise for now.
One more thing, I think the signs were there, you just ignored it or weren't concious of them. Why will he be keeping a straight face to his siblings? Did you bother to ask? Marriage is very delicate.
There are signs that shouldn't be taken for granted no matter how small or irrelevant it might seem. How a man treats his family (immediate ) is a kind of reflection of who he is and how he was brought up.
I think you were just carried away by the love and affection he showered on you. But since the did has been done now, just try and look for a way to sort your marriage out. The best advise so far is the one given by Eddygourdo. And while at it, your kneels shouldn't be far from the ground in prayers., fight your battles on your kneels. And please, try not to get pregnant now, it might become too depressing for you both (I'm saying this because he told you the pressure of providing for a family is getting to him) so please, we don't need a baby in this situation now. God will help you

Spot on. I quite agree wit u.

Firstly if I may ask what Dio you do for a living?
I have a few ideas which il like u to try

1.You need to keep the author and finisher of our faith closer to your house.
2.Let God rule your home from inside out.
3.Try praying with him first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
4.Engage in activities together.
5.Also keep busy, get a job or do voluntary work at old peoples home and relieve some stress off him.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

he probably met not what he expected, borehole maybe. indeed you may even have lied to him that you're a virgn, if this is the case, he must have said some things to express his disappointment.
sorry, there's little or no help ma'am in this regard for now.
if however he's not d kind of man who wanted a virgn, then he may be wondering about other things about your sexuality, maybe your hygiene, eg smelling poosi. it could well be other issues. you alone have the signs that point to the issue

You noticed he was always boning with his siblings and you didn't bother to ask him why because he was smiling with you!

Selfish girl!

I parricularly don't like it when a woman starts a complaint with he used to give me practically everything she wants...



E get as the thing dey vex me... Woman go just dey believe say man just come dis world come be yes man.. Utter rubbish...

If he was giving u all u wanted before marriage buh suddenly stopped giving u after marriage.. You shouldn't lament... Instead u sef suppose vex spoil ur man silly... Spoil am till im sef come ere begin complain bout how wonderful his wife is and giving thanks to God for changing her mindset from a collector to a giver...

Yet to meet a woman who is a giver sha... The wans wey I dey meet their mouth dey always be like korodome.. Stingy to the hell's core...

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

What! Why are you this harsh with your advice? Will leaving the marriage bring her joy?

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

It is a pity, some men have to fake their lives just to get a woman to marry. ( Deceit )..

This is because girls prefer lies to truth. Now the scales have fallen off your eyes.

I will advice you to offer him words of encouragement, cause the economy is biting hard on him. Tell him, " Honey, it will soon be better "..

PresVA:
Op, you may have to find out if he's having any challenges which you ain't aware of. .. If no challenges, then maybe he isn't into you and probably got married out of pressure from parents. ..
Continue to initiate conversations, maybe suggest you go out together, play games, see movies together et al..anything that will help you two bond... I believe gradually, he'll come around. .


Ps: His attitude isn't normal, a newly wedded couple should still be all lovey-dovey biko and not this boring; nothing like giving space biko... .. I hope you achieve better results. ...All the best. .

Good advice. Wake him up in the mid night and table your feelings to him in a loving and respectful manner. Tell him how lonely you feel and ask him if you offended him in any way. If he says yes apologize sincerely and tell him how much you love him. I believe it will work.