If you consider the outstounding progress humans have made over the years, you might be forced to believe probably everything was/is a secret agenda to increase the rate at which humans poke one another in the ass. This has however led to so many misconceptions and misinformation because well nobody wants to talk about sex and being the sex starved zombies that we are, we had to look for it somewhere else, PORN!

Now, unless you have an outright permission from your patner,thats if you ever find one, do not try this porn practises,


1. SPITTING

There are many ways spitting shows up in porns, but one that keep eating at my thoughts occurs when a patner(guy) grabs the mouth of his other patner(lady) and then go ahead to pour an inordinate and abominable amount of spit in her mouth while she swallows it up like a morsel of yellow eba and also pretends to enjoy it. Disgusting right? It would surprise you to know that its already becoming a mainstream practise, no thanks to porns that depict this scenes.

Unless science decide to invent a kind of condom we can wear as a form of body armor that would cover the whole of your body you cannot deny the fact that you would always come in contact with your patners body fluid during sex, but when that body fluid is a liquid that has it source from your nose(cartarhh) and finds it way to your throat and you think you can use my own mouth to dump that insanity of yours, then its a no no for me.

Another reason for spitting is lubrication, using spit for lubrication during sex is like filling your car's fuel tank with water because, 1) fuel is scarce and 2) one well dressed mad man(PORN) told you he just used it and it worked for him, so you think to yourself, whats the worst that can happen. First, remember how during harmattan you always try not to lick your lips becase you know the spit would only make your lips look like the feet of a 93 year old lady from ibadan. Now imagine pouring spit on a vagina cos you think its a good lubricant (no wonder those ladies never come back) It because you made their vagina hurt like it was struck by lightning.

Also it's been socially accepted since the days man was a monkey(not that we've changed much though)that we only pour our spit on/at something we find totally saraki-like disgusting, so think of the implication if you let your patner use you as his or her spit trash can, seriously stop thinking.

How do I remove my moniker from this thread

DISGUSTING!!!

anyanma

Ooooo please!

2. SWALLOWING

Swallowing usually follows after you handle a man's genitals in your mouth popularly knows as Mouth Action and then he expulses inside your mouth instead of the floor the house builder has gracefully provided. This is like the senior brother of spitting, only that it involves something thicker which is semen you dumb Arrow. I just want to let you know there is no modicum of sexual satisfaction derived from watching someone swallow your semen other than "I have watched selena doglez(porn actress) swallow a mans cum so if my girl friend can do that for me, it means i have a total control over her and she completely loves me" Ladies, that's the train of thought of most men. I know also that some of you would willingly do this, if you are down to the level were you need to swallow a man's cum before you can prove you truly love him,then all i can say to you is i'm sorry, your self worth is down in the sewage tank mixing with tiny particles of shit,used condoms and ...., fill in the rest.

Apart from the fact that swallowing is just outright disgusting, there is also the issues of safety. Swallowing sperm may not be bad for your health, but swallowing the semen of a man with herpes, genital warts,gonorrhea, syphilis(list goes on) is like wearing a bomb vest while still sitting on a keg of gunpowder, when it would blow up, we would even have a hard time finding your soul.

3. SLAPPING SOMEONE'S GENITALS

Men of Nairaland, we know even the slightest touch on our balls can hurt like hell. heaven knows, that's the first line of attack for many women. But you know what porn is telling us? he is saying as long as you are both naked with your patner, she can slap your balls and you have to pretend to enjoy it cos truth is its not everyday you get to have an naked lady in your bed and you just have to be okay with her slapping your balls, even the thought of this hurts me so much its like i've been kicked in my balls.

Even men are guilty of this, slapping a gal's vagina like its the cheeks of your younger brother. The reason why she doesnt complain is because somehow she hopes your stupidity would fizzle out before she gets totally turned off. unless your patner is okay with this which i seriously doubt, your routine should be fairly simple, it should be something like this

go inside with your fingers
come out
try going in and out slowly
try going fast
watch her reactions,
look for the center of gravity
watch her reactins
ask questions(if its a Nigerian gal, she might never answer)
no porn stunts. slaps, punches,fisting(except you are training her vagina for child birth) is not allowed.

4. DANGEROUS PORN POSITIONS

A study by the school of medical sciences, univeristy of campinas, Brazil, put the woman on top position as the most dangerous sexual positions as its been known to break many a dick which i am sure is as a result of an increase in artificially induced, silicon filled large fake asses. But that's not the point, the point is if a well known sexual position can be considered dangerous to the survival of dickdom, imagine how super dangerous it would be with all those alien positions you see in porn.

Ladies, dont think you are save, some positions have been known to burst wombs, while others would make your bones feel like you've been cramped in a box for 3 years. Having sex in dangerous porn like positions is like drinking a heavy mixture of ijebu concotion that does nothing in your body yet you still wake up with a head dropping 'i wish to die' hangover

or like this

5. ASS LICKING

This is another level of grossness only rivalled with saraki's stupidity. If you expect me to lick your ass then you can as well serve me your shit in a pizza box and see if i would not let your head swim in your own shit. Funny enough we've heard of ladies asking for this. My answer to them is simple, if you can bend your mouth to rich your ass, would you lick your own ass? I expect a NO, but if your answer is yes you better start doing that now.

Now, just as you would expect with everything that involves eating shit, even if that shit is served on a beautiful black anus, there are diseases that comes with this practise. There is e-coli and there is the brain tapeworm, both of them is bound to make your life miserable, why? for the simple reason you decided to eat shit, which in itself is already sorely miserable.


This porn actors go to extreme lengths to ensure that they are free of any form of diseases. But you on the other hand, when last did you do a check up, or your patner.

You still want to eat shit?
Go Right Ahead.

lalasticlala, have you done any of these

Damn... Some nasty ish but true.

No 4 got me like ... Op u 2 much

FixNigeria:
No 4 got me like ... Op u 2 much

lol, at least u read it.

Funny thread

I heard that skinny girls don't joke with cum. I heard that it nourishes them and makes them bigger.
Cum; a wonderful source of protein and zinc.

Disgusting bt also educating.. Seriously most porn movies are dirty.. Let's learn to practice clean sex..

You right Op, I think it's because the world is getting crazier.

Chuukwudi:
I heard that skinny girls don't joke with cum. I heard that it nourishes them and makes them bigger.
Cum; a wonderful source of protein and zinc.

i also heard you can get stds from swallowing cum, so the ball is in you court, Not like there is a throat condom or something

Spitting is really gross, i agree. A lady cannot just swallow every man's cum. As for the sex positions, the dangerous ones cannot be performed so its off d table.

Assliking:- Maybe you dont wash you ass while bathing or dont you take you bath before having sex?

porn? what's that

This is as gross as it is interesting

OP, you write well! Nice points.

Ewww, gross!

Best thread of the year. In fact I think I am cummin while reading this shiît. It makes me hórny as hell.
username: lalasticlala
password:breadseller,olajumoke,snake,saraki,davido,apc,buhari.
Any of these should do the trick.

wheesin:
Best thread of the year. In fact I think I am cummin while reading this shiît. It makes me hórny as hell.
username: lalasticlala
password:breadseller,olajumoke,snake,saraki,davido,apc,buhari.
Any of these should do the trick.

You well so ? This thread making you h@rny instead of disgusting you

Ucheosefoh:
You well so ? This thread making you h@rny instead of disgusting you

What's your own ?

Crysallis:
Spitting is really gross, i agree. A lady cannot just swallow every man's cum. As for the sex positions, the dangerous ones cannot be performed so its off d table.

Assliking:[b]- Maybe you dont wash you ass while bathing or dont you take you bath before having sex?

[/b]

I don't understand do u support Assliking or wot.. Mehn Dats disgusting

Dat a man can pound fast for hours without coming. Dat women scream lik dogs.