How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? - Family

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How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? - Family - Nairaland

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How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 4:18pm On Apr 21, 2016

Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years . I am currently pursuing my second degree program and my husband has been most helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I am the first child in a family of 7.ever since I got married,my mum has been wanting to know what is happening in my home. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home. She calls every day, sometimes as early as 6am when I will still be in bed with my husband. my husband doesn't complain, but I know he is not happy about it.
Recently, she called to tell me that ever since I got married that I have stopped buying things for my siblings which is not true because sometimes I send credit to them and that is all I can do for now. My mum tried to push the blame to my husband and I told her to keep my husband out of the matter,she got angry and cut the call, then she later sent me a text saying "thank God am not her only child and that I should marry my husband very well" meanwhile my husband bought her a very expensive Samsung phone in December and he constantly recharges it for her.
One week after she said that stuff, I fainted due to exam stress( meanwhile am heavily pregnant and almost due). my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.
Mum has once asked me how much my husband earns and I told her I don't know. by the way money is not her problem because she has chains of business. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home, but I can't discuss my family, assuming she discussed hers, she wouldn't have built a stable successful home with dad. I have discussed with her and dad about this, but she still won't stop. she always insults me at will, she is used to blackmailing someone emotionally, then plays the victim.
So my fellow nairalanders, how can I get to stop her excesses and emotional blackmailing nature? am so tired of her, she stresses me mentally.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by thorpido(m): 4:38pm On Apr 21, 2016

You don't have to answer her calls all the time.You could speak with her on the phone daily but choose how much you want to say about yourself/family.Tell her about general things without going too much into details.
I don't know what it feels like to have a mum like yours but you've got to create you own space and not let her issues worry you.She has her own family.
What kind of a person is your father?He should keep his wife in check.

65 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 4:50pm On Apr 21, 2016

thorpido:
You don't have to answer her calls all the time.You could speak with her on the phone daily but choose how much you want to say about yourself/family.Tell her about general things without going too much into details.
I don't know what it feels like to have a mum like yours but you've got to create you own space and not let her issues worry you.She has her own family.

thanks, she's too domineering. am just tired

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by itstpia8: 4:55pm On Apr 21, 2016

Is it difficult to switch off your phone in the morning?

14 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by lanicky(f): 4:58pm On Apr 21, 2016

Have you tried forcing your father to get involved? Do that. Also let her know that she should not call you unless it is very important however if she does, you would cut the phone. Ignore her blckmaile rather concentrate on doing lil things for her. You could send her all mummy quotes and messages once a week just to let her know that you are still with her despite her belief. Hope she would understand with time

20 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by thorpido(m): 5:05pm On Apr 21, 2016

joychioma19:
thanks, she's too domineering. am just tired

Since she doesn't live with you,limit her intrusion.Don't pick her calls sometimes or just switch off your phones.
You have your own family now and she has to come to terms with that or be made to.

18 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by byvan03: 6:45pm On Apr 21, 2016

I personally will start ignoring her calls, including texts. When she is ready to make up, you will know. Please continue keeping information about you home under lock and key. Is she trying to build or destroy?

22 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by itstpia8: 6:48pm On Apr 21, 2016

I checked the op's posts and there's one about the husband beating her.

Those advising her should tell her not to broadcast everything about herself on nl all the time.

Moreso, the story is one sided.

I dont subscribe to people who try to destroy a family by inciting the members against each other.

As the op is doing.

15 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Miami11: 7:24pm On Apr 21, 2016

Poster if you are married to a wife beater you better mend relationship with your mother, you will need her more,

26 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 7:56pm On Apr 21, 2016

itstpia8:
I checked the op's posts and there's one about the husband beating her.

Those advising her should tell her not to broadcast everything about herself on nl all the time.

Moreso, the story is one sided.

I dont subscribe to people who try to destroy a family by inciting the members against each other.

As the op is doing.

do you think that everything posted on nl by a poster means they are the victim?..

11 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by raumdeuter: 8:09pm On Apr 21, 2016

Miami11:
Poster if you are married to a wife beater you better mend relationship with your mother, you will need her more,

I think the OP is literate enough to know what her issue is, She posted here about her own mother intruding not about anyone beating her.

41 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by itstpia8: 8:16pm On Apr 21, 2016

joychioma19:
do you think that everything posted on nl by a poster means they are the victim?..

Are you saying you are posting about someone else?

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by itstpia8: 8:17pm On Apr 21, 2016

raumdeuter:

I think the OP is literate enough to know what her issue is, She posted here about her own mother intruding not about anyone beating her.

On a previous thread, she complained about her husband beating her.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 8:34pm On Apr 21, 2016

itstpia8:

On a previous thread, she complained about her husband beating her.

you have to check dates and wordings correctly, revisit that thread. besides this is a new topic.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Miami11: 9:10pm On Apr 21, 2016

raumdeuter:

I think the OP is literate enough to know what her issue is, She posted here about her own mother intruding not about anyone beating her.

So did she hire you a spokesman or spokeswoman, how about minding ya own business

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by 4nobody4every1: 9:42pm On Apr 21, 2016

itstpia8:
I checked the op's posts and there's one about the husband beating her.

.

joychioma19:
do you think that everything posted on nl by a poster means they are the victim?..

joychioma19:
we have dated for 3years and we are now engaged,part of the marrige rite have been done.he has never shouted at me,but yesterday I got the shock of my life.I suspected he was cheating because he calls the girl each time he goes to work,I confronted him,out of anger I hit his hand and he beat me.though he apologized that night. but I haven't really forgiven him,I don't know what to do.he is really a nice man,but the thought of that night breaks me into two. Adebayo.

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years

29 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 10:11pm On Apr 21, 2016

4nobody4every1:

That post was for my friend. am ignoring please @itstpia8

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 10:18pm On Apr 21, 2016

4nobody4every1:

sure you have eyes to see. that post was for my friend. she is from the west am from the east please. don't know why people like you dwell in the past. I posted a new topic and you are Re-visiting the old post of last year. what exactly are you trying to prove?

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by 4nobody4every1: 10:22pm On Apr 21, 2016

joychioma19:
sure you have eyes to see. that post was for my friend. she is from the west am from the east please. don't know why people like you dwell in the past. I posted a new topic and you are Re-visiting the old post of last year. what exactly are you trying to prove?

53 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by itstpia8: 10:29pm On Apr 21, 2016

joychioma19:
That post was for my friend. am ignoring please @itstpia8

Are you even female?

because that's not clear.

Just went through your other posts, same stories.

let me guess, this is one of your throwaway accounts.

4 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by danot1030: 11:42pm On Apr 21, 2016

I know those kind of mother. There's nothing you can do to her, just make sure you avoid discussing your home with her especiall matters concerning your hubby.

3 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by yvelchstores(f): 6:38am On Apr 22, 2016

Ur mom is trouble. Someone bought her a phone and she is still complaining. Don't open up to her, she will ruin ur marriage. I am guessing ur dad's opinion doesn't count cos she is d man of d house. Don't be like her. Try ur best not to be like ur mother.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 7:38am On Apr 22, 2016

yvelchstores:
Ur mom is trouble. Someone bought her a phone and she is still complaining. Don't open up to her, she will ruin ur marriage. I am guessing ur dad's opinion doesn't count cos she is d man of d house. Don't be like her. Try ur best not to be like ur mother.

my dear, her own tigress attitude is overpowering. I just tire.

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 7:39am On Apr 22, 2016

yvelchstores:
Ur mom is trouble. Someone bought her a phone and she is still complaining. Don't open up to her, she will ruin ur marriage. I am guessing ur dad's opinion doesn't count cos she is d man of d house. Don't be like her. Try ur best not to be like ur mother.

my dear, her own tigress attitude is overpowering.

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by PresVA: 8:34am On Apr 22, 2016

Seriously, I think your mum kinda misses you but expresses it the wrong way...

Concerning the calls, I think she just wants to make sure you're ok.. you can limit the info you give her, what you don't tell her,, she won't know..

7 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 8:40am On Apr 22, 2016

PresVA:
Seriously, I think your mum kinda misses you but expresses it the wrong way...

Concerning the calls, I think she just wants to make sure you're ok.. you can limit the info you give her, what you don't tell her,, she won't know..

she doesn't even wait for me to tell her, she will be like "Ada where were you going with your husband in the afternoon?

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by PresVA: 11:39am On Apr 22, 2016

joychioma19:
she doesn't even wait for me to tell her, she will be like "Ada where were you going with your husband in the afternoon?

If this is a classical example of the type of questions she asks, then I really don't see it a big deal...
Nothing wrong with telling her you went to visit a friend or something. ..

When it comes to more personal questions, you can tell her, ooh don't worry or give her a vague answer....
Just handle it diplomatically. .

Don't try to shut her off your life, cos you may need her in the future. ..even if you may never need her, shutting one's mother off is something i can never advise. .

3 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Nobody: 8:05pm On Apr 22, 2016

This ain't rocket science.
She can only know the much you tell her.
My mum is overly caring and paranoid_ kinda scares me. Whenever she starts_ I restrict her calls for a week. Serves as a factory reset for her...

7 Likes

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by gist4kidsblog: 8:05pm On Apr 22, 2016

you want to handle your mama abi??

May your child(ren) Handle you in the mighty Name of GOD....

Endime pikin grin

1 Like

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by EMMYB0Y(m): 8:07pm On Apr 22, 2016

Re: How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? by Dandeson1(m): 8:09pm On Apr 22, 2016

Lol, the only way to kill a virus is to be a virus yourself, if you hav an intruding mother be an intruding daughter yourself, intrude her life so passionately she wont know wat hit her grin

6 Likes

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