Good morning my beautiful people. I am not really a regular poster on this platform, I would have been able to tell where exactly I posted the last on my house help. Can't remember if it's in sexuality section.

My househelp is 15 now. She came to us, when she was 12. we have a fairly good relationship. We relate quite well and she tells me stuffs. Yesterday I sent her to buy detergent on the next street and she stayed longer than necessary. I was wondering what was keeping her only for someone to come and call me and hubby that we should hurry down and see what has happened. Hubby was about eating, when we dashed out. We got there only to realize that she was with a boy in her friends house and the friend's father caught her and held she and the boy hostage until their parents come.

She said the boy isn't her boyfriend but here friend's boyfriend(I believe her) cos her Friend Lilian ran away on sighting her father. The man had flogged them (my help and the boy)nonsense and bastard before we came.

On interrogating them, they said they were playing, play fighting as they called it but the man say he saw him on top of her(not unclad, clothed) and the boy on sighting him ran into the wardrobe in the room.

Now, to cut the long story short, we decided we would take her back but the mother called and kept begging that we should forgive her., that presently, she has 9 mouth to cater for and she can't cope. The mum scolded her on phone and told her that anything that makes us bring her back that she would go and sell pure water in traffic and all

Her dad left her mum with four children and remmaried someone else so he practically abandoned them. The mum just goes about cleaning peoples houses. Her mum's sister who passed on a few months back, left her children in my help's mother's custody. four kids again whom their fathers have refused to come and claim. she had the kids for three different men and was with the fourth hubby when she passed on. So you can imagine the pain and hardship the woman has to face alone.

I tell my help regularly that no mother, no matter how poor wants to give out her child, favour, bend down and concentrate. This same house, she was caught in, I had warned her severally not to go there again. The children there are loosed. So am really tired. Hubby thinks we should give her one more chance but I think she has had enough chances. She herself doesn't want to go back home. She would apologise a million times only for her to do another one again.

If she stays, how in the world can I keep her in check? The last one happened a month before now, that was prior to when they had holidays. The principal of her school and vice principal, warned she and the boy involved and talked to them like her own. So I really don't know what else to do.

Please madam, never throw her out until she is matured enough... continue to overlook her wrongs nw.

You said her mum had children from different men? Talk of births of same feather, like mother like daughter. She is 15, body still dey sweet her. If you can't have full control of her and monitor her at this stage, even your hubby is at risk.

nnamdibig:
You said her mum had children from different men? Talk of births of same feather, like mother like daughter. She is 15, body still dey sweet her. If you can't have full control of her and monitor her at this stage, even your hubby is at risk.

lol d girl has been wayward ever since... and if she throws her out, the girl will quickly join prostitution... dats just it.

donbenedict:
lol d girl has been wayward ever since... and if she throws her out, the girl will quickly join prostitution... dats just it.

That's why I said if she can't monitor her every move, that I fear for her own home when the girl gets older. What the girl need now is guidance & advise on how to control her newly discovered urge. And if madam can't do it, I fear for her own home.

nnamdibig:


That's why I said if she can't monitor her every move, that I fear for her own home when the girl gets older. What the girl need now is guidance & advise on how to control her newly discovered urge. And if madam can't do it, I fear for her own home.

my brother, I really don't believe in this guidance and counselling thing. Someone who wants to spoil will surely spoil no matter the millions of advices she/he gets. It's just a pity she decided to turn out to be bad.. my opinion is dat wen she is 18, she should just send her out.. dats if she keeps on messing around.

its one of those tins teenagers try to practise.we were once young.pls dnt send ha away.....do d best u can do to bring ha to order.if she is ur daughter u wont send ha away.

nnamdibig:
You said her mum had children from different men? Talk of births of same feather, like mother like daughter. She is 15, body still dey sweet her. If you can't have full control of her and monitor her at this stage, even your hubby is at risk.

Comprehension, her mum's sister is the on with kids from different men then she died leaving those kids in the care of her mum.

OP I don't know why you're even considering sending her back home because of this kind of matter, she's a teenager they always make bad choices, it's left to their Guardians and caretakers to set them straight, and this girl obviously isn't as bad as most house girls, she's not stealing from you or maltreating your kids or anything like that.

Don't send her back, discipline her and watch her closely, keep a strict watch on her movements, for example when you send her to go buy something, let her you're expecting her back in 5mins or something like that, just try to do the best by her.

Also that man should not have laid his hands on her, it's OK if he beats his child but he shouldn't have touched someone else's, it's your job as her Guardians to discipline her.

that adolescent stage
madam u did it
advise is the best u can give her

teach her about sex education

THE LORD IS UR STREGHNT

donbenedict:
my brother, I really don't believe in this guidance and counselling thing. Someone who wants to spoil will surely spoil no matter the millions of advices she/he gets. It's just a pity she decided to turn out to be bad.. my opinion is dat wen she is 18, she should just send her out.. dats if she keeps on messing around.

If she is not monitored and controlled, she will get worse.

nnamdibig:


If she is not monitored and controlled, she will get worse.

so who will monitor her wen the man and wife are busy at work?

donbenedict:
so who will monitor her wen the man and wife are busy at work?

That's why you have to put emotions out of it. If no one can monitor her, she is a time bomb. If she doesn't have time to monitor her, something else can even happen to her. She can even get pregnant and that will eventually lead to sending her home. So is either she give her orders and see to it that she follows her orders or she send her home simple. Nobody wants to live with house help who can't respect your orders.

Take her to a family planning clinic and have her counselled. If you can put her on a birth control method like the implant, it will save you a lot of headache. Get her involved in a youth group in church so she'll be more preoccupied.

dik dey hungry her too much. sit her down, talk to her about sex education then tell her if she must do it, she should use condom, to avoid stories that touches the heart. dont give her any birth control pills, it will mess her system up because she is roo young to start taking it.

nnamdibig:
You said her mum had children from different men? Talk of births of same feather, like mother like daughter. She is 15, body still dey sweet her. If you can't have full control of her and monitor her at this stage, even your hubby is at risk.

Not her mum. Her mother's late sister and all the children stay with her mother now. Her mum has just 4.

iamfroshsylver:
its one of those tins teenagers try to practise.we were once young.pls dnt send ha away.....do d best u can do to bring ha to order.if she is ur daughter u wont send ha away.

Hhhmmm! so true.

khalhokage:


Comprehension, her mum's sister is the on with kids from different men then she died leaving those kids in the care of her mum.

OP I don't know why you're even considering sending her back home because of this kind of matter, she's a teenager they always make bad choices, it's left to their Guardians and caretakers to set them straight, and this girl obviously isn't as bad as most house girls, she's not stealing from you or maltreating your kids or anything like that.

Don't send her back, discipline her and watch her closely, keep a strict watch on her movements, for example when you send her to go buy something, let her you're expecting her back in 5mins or something like that, just try to do the best by her.

Also that man should not have laid his hands on her, it's OK if he beats his child but he shouldn't have touched someone else's, it's your job as her Guardians to discipline her.

yes. she isn't bad. Doesn't steal or maltreat my children. I would talk and do more of talking. Beating can't do much at this stage. The man lost control really.

Emary:
Take her to a family planning clinic and have her counselled. If you can put her on a birth control method like the implant, it will save you a lot of headache. Get her involved in a youth group in church so she'll be more preoccupied.

This family matter thing seems quite extreme ooo. I have talked to her like a friend, mother and sister. She even told me when she kissed a boy and I cautioned and admonished her. So we have quite a good relationship. she stays in school till 4pm because she does lesson and we attend weekly activities together in church. Children's day is coming up and there is a programme in church and she and my children are all involved. so? what else? Na to pray oooo.

pinkiberry:
dik dey hungry her too much. sit her down, talk to her about sex education then tell her if she must do it, she should use condom, to avoid stories that touches the heart. dont give her any birth control pills, it will mess her system up because she is roo young to start taking it.

I have talked to her about sex and I occasionally do. Telling her to use condom na giving her free hand ooo. she is just 15. I would keep talking sha. Thank you.

lacapine:
I have talked to her about sex and I occasionally do. Telling her to use condom na giving her free hand ooo. she is just 15. I would keep talking sha. Thank you.

On that birth control pills stuff, she actually isn't too young for it o, seriously to avoid unwanted pregnancy that's the best way, you can research it yourself, but if you're not convinced you can stop her from having sex then do what you can to prevent pregnancy.

You have a teenage househelp be ready to put up with teenage behaviour. This is how teenagers behave.

That she is engaged as a child labourer doesn't make her any less a teenager with raging hormones.

When you have a teenager these are issues you will deal with, best to have the " talk" and teach them about Abstinence or if they want to have s3x protection.

Bringing in her mother's s3xual history was unnecessary because this is typical teenage behaviour.

That is the problem, you people who want to avoid hiring adult and professional helps and decide to go with children do not want to deal with emerging teenage issues. You expect the workers to be zombies without emotions or hormones.

Teenagers act out it is an age and a stage, I acted out but with proper information and counselling I turned out well.

nnamdibig:
You said her mum had children from different men? Talk of births of same feather, like mother like daughter. She is 15, body still dey sweet her. If you can't have full control of her and monitor her at this stage, even your hubby is at risk.

Its her late aunt that has children for different men. Her mum is taking care of the late sister's children who all have different fathers.

Eketem:
You have a teenage househelp be ready to put up with teenage behaviour. This is how teenagers behave.

That she is engaged as a child labourer doesn't make her any less a teenager with raging hormones.

When you have a teenager these are issues you will deal with, best to have the " talk" and teach them about Abstinence or if they want to have s3x protection.

Bringing in her mother's s3xual history was unnecessary because this is typical teenage behaviour.

That is the problem, you people who want to avoid hiring adult and professional helps and decide to go with children do not want to deal with emerging teenage issues. You expect the workers to be zombies without emotions or hormones.

Teenagers act out it is an age and a stage, I acted out but with proper information and counselling I turned out well.

Thanks for your contribution. I didn't bring up her mother's sexual history. That was her mum's sister and the whole essence was not the history, it's cos of the number the mother has to cater for. I don't even see her as a child labourer cos she is more like a family than that.If not, I probably would have beaten her without coming here to ask for help.

Secondly, I have had more than enough adult help. After one year, they either get married or look for higher pay. This is North, a 21 years old is good to go marriage wise.

lastly, I knew the family as an undergraduate way back so she came to us like a family friend not like a help. I just said we have a "fairly" good relationship which is even an understatement. She is free as in very free in my house. She has even apologized and wrote a long apology letter that she won't do it again. She brought it back from school. If we don't, she can asked to be taken back home.

So yes, she is a teenager and I don't expect her to act like zombie. I had taught her sex and she even opened up to me about her boyfriend and I cautioned her and am sure she has stopped. If we ain't close like that, she can't even open up to me like that. So please don't take it out of context.

lacapine:
yes. she isn't bad. Doesn't steal or maltreat my children. I would talk and do more of talking. Beating can't do much at this stage. The man lost control really.

It's a good thing she doesn't steal or maltreat your kids. What she is doing right now is normal for her age. It's for you to guide her right. If she is your child will you send her away? So, DO WHAT YOU KNOW YOU WOULD DO IF SHE WERE TO BE YOUR CHILD. If you succeed, it will even be an advantage to you by the time your kids gets to that age, you will already know how to handle it

WHOcarex:
It's a good thing she doesn't steal or maltreat your kids. What she is doing right now is normal for her age. It's for you to guide her right. If she is your child will you send her away? So, DO WHAT YOU KNOW YOU WOULD DO IF SHE WERE TO BE YOUR CHILD. If you succeed, it will even be an advantage to you by the time your kids gets to that age, you will already know how to handle it

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. I will. She has written us(hubby and I) an apology letter and she brought it back from school not quite long so am sure we have passed this one and hopefully we would cross many hurdles. Thank you and God bless.

lacapine:
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. I will. She has written us(hubby and I) an apology letter and she brought it back from school not quite long so am sure we have passed this one and hopefully we would cross many hurdles. Thank you and God bless.

She is a nice girl, and you are too. She is just reacting to peers pressure. I pray you succeed in raising her the right way. She will look back and thank you for it. Pls remain nice to her so that she will be the one to help her siblings. God bless you.

nnamdibig:


That's why I said if she can't monitor her every move, that I fear for her own home when the girl gets older. What the girl need now is guidance & advise on how to control her newly discovered urge. And if madam can't do it, I fear for her own home.

you are so correct. it's better she gives the girl's mother money to open a small business as a form of help than risking her own home. that little 15 year old is not a virgin and will **** your husband if the opportunity comes.

Emary:
Take her to a family planning clinic and have her counselled. If you can put her on a birth control method like the implant, it will save you a lot of headache. Get her involved in a youth group in church so she'll be more preoccupied.

implant birth control on another person's child? that's illegal, it's better to send her home than do that.

...

khalhokage:
Lalasticlala more advice is needed.

No need. She is just a child and she has apologized and feels remorseful, we have forgiven. Thanks.

WHOcarex:
She is a nice girl, and you are too. She is just reacting to peers pressure. I pray you succeed in raising her the right way. She will look back and thank you for it. Pls remain nice to her so that she will be the one to help her siblings. God bless you.

Thanks for the.compliments. We will, God help us.

lacapine:
No need. She is just a child and she has apologized and feels remorseful, we have forgiven. Thanks.

Ok sorry, I'll remove it.