My husband's younger brother is a married and bless with a child.

His wife own a place where she train vulnerable young girls in catering and beads making, she called me from a wedding reception and pleaded that i should go and tell her husband to help her buy fuel because he is not picking his calls. On getting to their home i saw the baby crying with poo all over her body, called the house help but no response so i decided to bath the baby when i enterd the room i had some noise coming from the bedroom and the door was lockd so i bath the child but dont have any dress to put on the baby. I went and sat in the sitting room waiting. Lo and behold she (one of her girls on training) came out with his wife's wrapper on her chest rushin to the bathroom. Was so shocked and angry that had to drag the girl to my house and beat the hell out of her. The shameless man came begging me not to tell my husband nor his wife. I know for sure i can never tell his wife but wil tel my husband.
Some men are prayer point sha!

purity22:
My husband's younger brother is a married and bless with a child.
His wife own a place where she train vulnerable young girls in catering and beads making, she called me from a wedding reception and pleaded that i should go and tell her husband to help her buy fuel because he is not picking his calls. On getting to their home i saw the baby crying with poo all over her body, called the house help but no response so i decided to bath the baby when i enterd the room i had some noise coming from the bedroom and the door was lockd so i bath the child but dont have any dress to put on the baby. I went and sat in the sitting room waiting. Lo and behold she (one of her girls on training) came out with his wife's wrapper on her chest rushin to the bathroom. Was so shocked and angry that had to drag the girl to my house and beat the hell out of her. The shameless man came begging me not to tell my husband nor his wife. I know for sure i can never tell his wife but wil tel my husband.
Some men are prayer point sha!

Why was he begging you to keep his dirty secret? He was brave enough to dip his dîck in a public toilet (on his matrimonial bed oh! With the tart using his wife's personal clothing. Ayama!) So the idiöt should man up and face the consequences.

Nothing done in secret stays hidden forever. Don't worry, I doubt his wife would leave him over this but she does have a right to know about his indescretions. For all you know, he probably had unprotected sex with the girl, thereby exposing his wife to a host of STDs.

AIDS is real.

this matter put salt and water in your mouth at the same time

You did well, let your husband know, but don't tell your inlaw's wife, you may not like the outcome, becos no one can predict what the woman will do.

You may even tell the randy husband to corroborate a cooked-up story that the apprentice insulted you and should be sent packing.

Keep an eye on your brother-in-law though, if a child steals crayfish once, there's 95% chance he'll go back to take another.

ephemm:
You did well, let your husband know, but don't tell the wife, you may not like the outcome, becos we can't predict what the woman will do.

Would you give this same piece of advice if the situation was the other way round?

EfemenaXY:


Would you give this same piece of advice if the situation was the other way round?

Yes, I may...

...but take it or leave it, in Africa, men shall continue to get away with infidelity more times than women - that's just the way things are at the moment.

Although you tried, but there is no reason for fighting, you should talked things out.

you should be lucky the young girl didnt fight back,in the process of forming James bond,got the beating of your life.

why fight,when theres an option of dialogue..

you did wrong fighting.

You are wrong ! Just make sure u don't tell his wife what u saw. Warn the guy not to indulge in such again.
vote ivyy for miss nairaland!

BRAVO

ephemm:


Yes, I may...

...but take it or leave it, in Africa, men shall continue to get away with infidelity more times than women - that's just the way things are at the moment.

You "may" meaning there is a chance you can't swallow the piece of advice you're dishing out, but expect others to? Hypocritical aren't you? Speaking from both ends of your mouth - proving you shouldn't be taken seriously.

Re the bolded: you make me laugh.

Just because you men think you "get away" with it just goes to prove men with such mindsets aren't very smart. How do you know the wife of a cheating man isn't beating him at his game right under his nose but is more discrete?

How do you know a cheating man isn't bringing up another man's kids under his roof? How many of his kids are actually his? So who really is the smarter one here??

What a joke.

See no evil, hear no evil and most imortantly speak no evil. If women. Can learn to hold it all in especially when the stakes are so darn high the world would be such a peaceful place.
Just take a moment and picture a scenario where you tell on the man...most probably to your husband like you said and the your husband did the most unusual and daft thing of confronting his brother...if I were him I would blatantly deny knowledge of this and I may try implicating you in another fiasco.

AIDS/HIV. Is real o! Tell the woman and your husband. Call a family meeting o. The woman should be able to make an informed decision after the meeting. I would want to know if I were in her shoes. Na iron pant I. Go de wear. I will deal with he hurt later. I gorra be alive o train my children.

lovinam:
AIDS/HIV. Is real o! Tell the woman and your husband. Call a family meeting o. The woman should be able to make an informed decision after the meeting. I would want to know if I were in her shoes. Na iron pant I. Go de wear. I will deal with he hurt later. I gorra be alive o train my children.

THANK YOU!!!

Most of the responses advocating she keeps quiet under the flimsy guise that her telling on him will "break the home" is from cowardly men refusing to take responsibility for their misdeeds.

Is she the one "breaking" the man's marriage for catching him red-handed? Or the man who couldn't control his dîck?

I bet you, these same men shouting "keep quiet" would want to know if their wives were cheating on them.

Bunch of hypocrites.

You shouldn't have beat the girl. It's not your place or anyone's to.
That's the only ish I have with your story.

As for whether to tell or not, follow your conscience and use your wisdom to imagine the possible outcome. Chose the line of action that will yield the best result.

If his wife has to find out for him to change and behave himself, then so be it.
But If telling his wife will make her your enemy, then respect yourself and mind your business. Some women will turn on you rather than confront the cheating the husband. Just figure out the kind of woman she is before you ridicule yourself trying to fix another person's marital problem.

Tell your husband, let him take it from there. Some men are just disgrace to their family.

byvan03:
Tell your husband, let him take it from there. Some men are just disgrace to their family.

What if the husband covers it up? To protect his brother.

cococandy:

What if the husband covers it up? To protect his brother.

My dear I can't run the risk of being the fool by telling the wife, most times it backfires. Most women know their cheating husbands/bf more than any outsider, telling her is like rubbing it on her face.

Certainly he will protect his brother if he has been unfaithful too but I will rather eer on the side of caution. I have caught a friend's husband, I only started avoiding her because we can't be friends when am hiding something you should know. She eventually caught him by herself. They made some noise, she threatened to go, a lot of begging and a brand new car followed and they lived happily ever after. Do you know how fooli*sh I would have looked blowing the whistle? Of course the man still cheats.

Madam, if you're going to tell atall let it be to your husband and let him take it up anyhow he deem fit. If you go directly to the wife and it bounce back on you, you'll hate yourself for pokenosing. It's better and safer if it's your man that spill it to the wife.

Be wise.

EfemenaXY:


THANK YOU!!!

Most of the responses advocating she keeps quiet under the flimsy guise that her telling on him will "break the home" is from cowardly men refusing to take responsibility for their misdeeds.

Is she the one "breaking" the man's marriage for catching him red-handed? Or the man who couldn't control his dîck?

I bet you, these same men shouting "keep quiet" would want to know if their wives were cheating on them.

Bunch of hypocrites.

Was the husband's cheating a norm or just a one-off?

I think before rushing to inform the wife of her husband's sins, it behoves she appraise the situation well.

And yes couples have an eerie way of turning against an informant later on. And no one wants to be caught in the line of fire.

You always have this baseless assessment when trying to solve domestic issues.

When ephemm pointed to you that in Africa men still get away with cheating, it was a plain fact, he didn't say he was in support of it.

He made a statement of fact which is absolutely correct.

But you still had a way to bring your unending sorrrows and sadness into it by drawing a long line of uncorrelated harangue that leads nowhere.

TheDarknight:


1. Was the husband's cheating a norm or just a one-off?

2. I think before rushing to inform the wife of her husband's sins, it behoves she appraise the situation well.

3. And yes couples have an eerie way of turning against an informant later on. And no one wants to be caught in the line of fire.

4. You always have this baseless assessment when trying to solve domestic issues.

5. When ephemm pointed to you that in Africa men still get away with cheating, it was a plain fact, he didn't say he was in support of it.

6. He made a statement of fact which is absolutely correct.

But you still had a way to bring your unending sorrrows and sadness into it by drawing a long line of uncorrelated harangue that leads nowhere.

Re the bolded bits in blue: I suggest if you want to get into a debate with me, you do it without getting personal. I don't have the patience to deal with emotional men. You either hit me hard with facts or keep quiet.

Now, to address your points: 1. Irrespective of whether the husband's cheating is the norm or a one off as you put it is besides the point. What's wrong is wrong so stop trying to sugar coat it. It only takes once to pick up a deadly STD. FACT.

2. There's nothing to "behove". The sooner the wife knows, the better so she can go check herself at the nearest STD clinic. Or are you claiming this is an irrelevant point? You don't think she needs to know if she's been exposed? If not, why not? Pray do tell. If on the other hand you agree that she needs to check herself out, then how do you propose that she does this without understanding why she has too in the first place? It's bad enough that the man decided to do the dirty in their matrimonial home, but to bring his slu.t onto the same bed he shares with his wife, and have her wearing the wife's clothes? Arrant nonsense.

3. They'll cross that bridge when they get there. No point in making assumptions on what might happen. The wife needs to know, just as I'm quite certain, you'd like to know if you were being cheated upon. You can't have one rule for her and one rule for him. Doesn't work that way mate.

4. What's baseless in advocating openness when resolving domestic issues? You believe deceit is the way forward, I don't. All cards must be laid on deck, otherwise your so-called "resolution" is a joke.

5. And I made a statement of fact that men with such assumptions think they get away with it when in actual fact they don't. Why does the thought that a man might be raising another man's seeds under his roof hurt so much?

6. I disagree, based on the reasons given in point 5.

EfemenaXY:

You are taking this whole advice thing quite too personal than I can bear, I don't comment more than once on a thread so as to allow millions of NL users the opportunity to make theirs too before the thread gets too long and boring.

Pls go back and read the modified version of my 1st comment.

I advised OP based on several assumptions:
Eg what if the wife knows her husband is randy and has been trying to save her marriage by keeping other members of the family in the dark?

Every time, what you don't know, won't hurt you.

ephemm:

You are taking this whole advice thing quite too personal than I can bear, I don't comment more than once on a thread so as to allow millions of NL users the opportunity to make theirs too before the thread gets too long and boring.

Pls go back and read the modified version of my 1st comment.

I don't do personal and I don't see any modifications made to your post. It's exactly as I quoted it in my response. Re: boring - that's your opinion. You're free to not respond.

ephemm:
I advised OP based on several assumptions:
Eg what if the wife knows her husband is randy and has been trying to save her marriage by keeping other members of the family in the dark?

If she knows, then she wouldn't have a problem hearing about his latest escapades from her sister in law, would she? So what's the issue?

ephemm:
Every time, what you don't know, won't hurt you.

Really.

You advocate burying your head in the sand if the wife's at the receiving end, but can't admit you'd be open to the same approach if the man's the one being cheated upon?

Interesting.

EfemenaXY:


Re the bolded bits in blue: I suggest if you want to get into a debate with me, you do it without getting personal. I don't have the patience to deal with emotional men. You either hit me hard with facts or keep quiet.

I took the cue from you. And you're allergic to facts and truth. If you're not, you won't go about drooling over the fact that African societies are more tolerant to male cheating. It is undeniable!

You had to look for a baseless argument to colour the truth. It's your usual way of argument here, so Madam, shut up your mouth and cease being a simpleton.

EfemenaXY:


Now, to address your points: 1. Irrespective of whether the husband's cheating is the norm or a one off as you put it is besides the point. What's wrong is wrong so stop trying to sugar coat it. It only takes once to pick up a deadly STD. FACT.

Biological facts: it doesn't take one to pick one for men!!! It takes just one ejaculation or use of public toilet for women to pick one. Or unhealthy vagina hygene or dirty panties

EfemenaXY:


2. There's nothing to "behove". The sooner the wife knows, the better so she can go check herself at the nearest STD clinic.

Nihilistic pessimism

EfemenaXY:


Or are you claiming this is an irrelevant point? You don't think she needs to know if she's been exposed? If not, why not? Pray do tell. If on the other hand you agree that she needs to check herself out, then how do you propose that she does this without understanding why she has too in the first place? It's bad enough that the man decided to do the dirty in their matrimonial home, but to bring his slu.t onto the same bed he shares with his wife, and have her wearing the wife's clothes? Arrant nonsense.

Seems this irks you to a personal level. Do the matrimonial bed and clothes ring a distant bell you'd rather not hear?

Women should do check ups regularly irrespective of their husbands disposition to cheat. You guys have a vulnerable opening. Your STDs are so numerous you needn't raise false alarm over an imaginary one.

EfemenaXY:




3. They'll cross that bridge when they get there. No point in making assumptions on what might happen. The wife needs to know, just as I'm quite certain, you'd like to know if you were being cheated upon. You can't have one rule for her and one rule for him. Doesn't work that way mate.

Go for brain tumour scan, where did I propose separate rules for them in this case? You're playing to the gallery of gender sentimentalism.

EfemenaXY:

4. What's baseless in advocating openness when resolving domestic issues? You believe deceit is the way forward, I don't. All cards must be laid on deck, otherwise your so-called "resolution" is a joke.

Opennes Should refer to both couples. Using the term for a third party -- in this case the In-law-- is a flawed conception of marriage on your part.

EfemenaXY:



5. And I made a statement of fact that men with such assumptions think they get away with it when in actual fact they don't. Why does the thought that a man might be raising another man's seeds under his roof hurt so much?

6. I disagree, based on the reasons given in point 5.

You're a sadistic, lovelorn loner.

^^ Is that the best you could come up with? It's not even worth quoting!

Anyway, we aren't in the same league. I'm done with you boy but hey, feel free to have the last word. The dance floor's all yours. Now move on.

Thanks.

You need to tell his wife so she can protect herself from std.
Some men are cursed sha

[quote author=cococandy post=45203911]You shouldn't have beat the girl. It's not your place or anyone's to.
That's the only ish I have with your story.

As for whether to tell or not, follow your conscience and use your wisdom to imagine the possible outcome. Chose the line of action that will yield the best result.

If his wife has to find out for him to change and behave himself, then so be it.
But If telling his wife will make her your enemy, then respect yourself and mind your business. Some women will turn on you rather than confront the cheating the husband. Just figure out the kind of woman she is before you ridicule yourself trying to fix another person's marital problem.

Thanks, for your advice, i just lost control thats why i had to desend on her but after the incident i was beginning to feel bad beating her. I told my husband this morning and he was very upset with him but he frown @ the beating aspect that what if she'd died while beating? I for enter one chance. My husband has called him

[quote author=purity22 post=45208880][/quote]
You have done the right thing telling your husband. Now move on, don't push it further.

Yomieluv:
you should be lucky the young girl didnt fight back,in the process of forming James bond,got the beating of your life.

why fight,when theres an option of dialogue..

you did wrong fighting.

Thank God she didn't fight back but had it been she did fight back i am very sure this matter would have been so bad by now. And i know that other married women staying in the same compond would join me. I dragd her to my house to avoid crowd. Anyways am not even proud of my action but i pray it send a massage to her brain

Purity22 (I know I'm going to get my head bitten off for this...) But let me just say it: thank you for beating that girl up. If you were my sister, I'd be so proud of you. Stop worrying if the girl had died, we have a population issue in Nigeria and besides, this is NIGERIA! You'd never get convicted (I believe in diplomacy and violence: there's a time to talk, there's a time to kill. Too much reading of the Old Testament as a child caused this ).

All I could think of is the baby lying unattended to, sitting in its filth, allowed to do whatever (what if the baby had crawled towards some electronics and put live wires into his mouth? What if he had crawled somewhere and something heavy lands on him), the useless pair (his matrimonial bed, his wife's wrapper). Ignoring his child because of cheap lust! Emphasise this part to your husband: he ignored the welfare and safety of his child to gbensh.

Act strange next time you are the guy, let the wife notice something is wrong. When the girl comes in, hiss and act like a Nollywood Mother-in-law. If the wife asks, say "oh nothing!". You'd have planted seeds in her mind and she will eventually figure it out.

You acted rightly.

That lady is capable of killing her boss someday.

She tied her oga's wrapper Bed her oga's husband on her matrimony bed/home

Abi that's what I'm thinking too.
I can only tell a woman her husband is cheating if she's my blood sister. You can't trust how a friend (except you know her 100%) will react to such news. You become the bad guy for it. Especially with all those ones that will rather blame anything or anyone else except the actual person who's hurting them.

byvan03:



My dear I can't run the risk of being the fool by telling the wife, most times it backfires. Most women know their cheating husbands/bf more than any outsider, telling her is like rubbing it on her face.

Certainly he will protect his brother if he has been unfaithful too but I will rather eer on the side of caution. I have caught a friend's husband, I only started avoiding her because we can't be friend's when am hiding something you should know. She eventually caught him by herself. They made some noise, she threatened to go, a lot of begging and a brand new car followed and they lived happily ever after. Do you know how fooli*sh I would have looked blowing the whistle? Of course the man still cheats.