MRBrownJ:


this is not a fight bro, relax, we are having a mature discussion. these are just my views on the subject of cheating....

No one said it is .

MRBrownJ:





to"cheat" on someone, you need to be in a r/ship or union with someone with whom you have an exclusive sexual r/ship... THAT union.

Isn't it funny, given the debate-worthiness of the females here none has found that submission worthy of debunking? None but you, a male

My postulation has been simple. When men cheat, they often do so for fun or just because they can or for ego.
They still love and keep their union even though they can easily divorce and remarry.( the majority of cheating men that is)

Now whether this cheating is right or wrong, is not within the scope or intention of my submissions. I simply answered the question Bukky raised.

The morality of cheating was your idea and you somehow managed to weave it into the discuss.

MRBrownJ:





again, as much as their ego may have gotten in the way of their common sense, its their weakness that led them to say YES and do that wrongful act, instead of acting right and standing by the rules of their r/ship. ego was just the cheap excuse used because if they were NOT weak, they would have called their gf/wife, break up that r/ship FIRST, and then continue with that ego sex you are on about.

Over 70% of married men have admitted to cheating. That's those who agreed to be surveyed and owned up. If we take into account those who didn't give an opinion for one reason or the other, the mark will sour to 85%

And all of them are weak!!! Your stand is annoyingly simplistic and base. Religion is the only factor that defines cheating. Again you're taking this discuss away from it's original limit.

Men cheat and still want to stay in marriage, true or false? Answer that!!!

MRBrownJ:



i quoted the statement that you made (my post was referring/replying to it solely), if you have any issue understanding it, i will be glad to post it again for you. here is again the statement that you made, focus on what you wrote as this is what my post is about, NOTHING ELSE. if you dont stand for the below post, or believe that such broad statement is ONLY relevant to the question asked then so be it.

You're saying what you've been saying and what I've been debunking over again.

TV01:

You are conflating and confusing;

1. If one is "free to go" when a spouse cheats, how does that in and of itself right the wrong of cheating? Or are you claiming no wrong has been done? Or perhaps you subscribe to cheating as a right, as we have learnt today

2. Nobody has said violence will fix anything, or indeed that it is in anyway a good thing. The only thing that has been stated, is that as "cheating" is an outworking of human nature, so is "violence". And cheating may precipitate violence.

3. The constructive solution was preach against cheating, or do not take vows or make commitments that make you a cheat if you break or renege on them. Understanding causes of "destructive behaviour", is not to make excuses for it, rather, it's to help prevent situations that trigger it

The convoluted efforts to vilify a bad outcome and leave unattended a bad action is misguided. As is the underlying effort to absolve women of responsibility for their actions. And yes anyone who commits violence should also face the consequences

QED...and I fed, bathed and put both the kids to bed...I'm good .


TV

What should happen to people who cheat - men and women? Let me hear.

craziebone:


and how many times have you lot condemned a woman who poured acid on a man's area because he cheated? I can pull out so many stories about women who did the same and the only thing people said to him, was "he deserved it!"

the police are a culprit in this issue too. When a woman attempts to pull of a man's scrotal sac, the police would not charge her for attempted murder; instead, they would come up with stupid charges like misdeamenor etc.

When you guys do yours, you don't see a problem in it, but when the guy does his, then you go all women's right.

Craziebone my friend

You & women's rights!

Do you think a woman who sees herself inferior or beneath a man would endorse killing of an adulterous wife?

LeaveLeave rights aside, do you think an adulterous wife deserves death?

MRBrownJ:


again, i am simply saying that cheating (which is WRONG) makes many men OR women kill their partner as revenge (which is also WRONG).... therefore anyone cheating should be aware that death could be the outcome, at the hand of their deranged partner.

nobody should expect their partner to be "ok" when they learn about any wrong act, and instead they should accept whatever that deranged person would do as CONSEQUENCES of that wrong action.

blessed are you among humans and blessed are the words that come out of your holy mouth!

The angle you are coming from is exactly what these women and so-called civilized people do not understand, hence they start spiting words that reek the toxic smell of feminism, an ideology which for the most part, have been used to abuse the thinking, psychology and the very essense of the male gender, and is also engendering a kind of pathology in the man.

The issue at hand is what we all can understand and feel some amount of compassion towards. I mean, HOW ON EARTH IS ANYONE OF SOUND MIND GOING TO JUSTIFY THE KILLING OF ANOTHER GROWN HUMAN BEING, WHOSE INDIVIDUALITY, WORLD VIEW AND CHOICE IS COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT OF ANYONE ELSE, BE IT A SPOUSE, RELATIVE OR FRIEND, JUST BECAUSE THE VICTIM DOES NOT NECESSARILY BELIEVE IN COMPULSARY MONOGAMY! it is in the light of what i have said above, that i do not support the man who killed his wife and i believe he should face the full wrath of the law!

However, this kind of story happens the other way round too! There are countless stories even here on NL where women have poured acid on their man's area, because she thinks the man is cheating! There are also other stories that the woman also went out at the 'other woman', who may be completely innocent! So you can see that this is not a "Man on Woman" violence in which feminism found its reason for existence!

Presenting the arguement like the op is trying to do, brings to mind a misandry started, spread and entrenched by a feminism we cannot deny; and it is that the man is inherently a monster, and that the man basically thinks he owns the woman hence he treats her like a 'property'. But is this particular case a case of a man thinking he owns a woman? If you say yes, then i would ask you if you think the woman is also making a statement that she owns her man and can decide to kill him or cause him permanent injury because she suspects him of cheating?

Like MR Brown J alluded to in this post that i am quoting: this is just a case of someone reacting in extreem ways to a provocation caused in a department of the human life, romance, a department we all know people who are not very careful, can lose their minds when provoked and cause unimaginable and unreasonable harm. It is not and have never been a case of the man trying to dominate the woman, and that means i cannot understand how the payment of bride price or not have anything to do with anything here. But if you want us men to stop paying, that's to our advantage!

kaboninc:


Atheist do not believe in the existence of a god. Meaning as far as they are concerned, god does not exist. That translates to them conclusively stating that there is God. Or your own atheism is different from the mainstream?

It is the same thing only that I added one expecting good from it. However, would one have faith in something bad? To each of the religious people you mentioned above, individually as a class, they believe that their god made things good for them. Like the Christians who believe God created man to enjoy the earth. Same with the Sango worshippers, same with the Mayans, same with the Hindus. So what's good here is relative but the point is they see good in their gods actions (as believed).


So you're the one man one woman type...hmmmm

They do not believe in the existence of God because their is no proof of any gods existing, if you bring proof then gods may yet exist. It is not conclusive because there is room for you to prove gods exists.

Depends on what you consider bad or good, so yea, someone can have faith in something bad, just like I think the abrahamic religions/gods are bad, yet people have faith in them.

Yes I am, like anyone genuinely in love should be.

bukatyne:



Craziebone my friend

You & women's rights!

Do you think a woman who sees herself inferior or beneath a man would endorse killing of an adulterous wife?

LeaveLeave rights aside, do you think an adulterous wife deserves death?

how do you do? For your answer, please read the post before this very one.

Mindfulness:
What should happen to people who cheat - men and women? Let me hear.

You go hear am - having said that,this question has already been asked on this thread .

My take is that it first and foremost depends on the definition of a relationship. By definition if the relationship is not formalised or agreed - implicitly or explicitly - by the couple,then cheating cannot take place.

So for example, boyfriend/girlfriendage, I do not consider this formal, moreso where the couple do not clearly outline and agree their expectations.

For a formal marriage, fidelity is implicit, therefore cheating is a transgression. The wronged party has the right to forgive, redress or both. hence my delight and position when we discussed a while back and it transpired that a woman, was fined for committing adultery with a married man.

Prior to no-fault divorce, their had to be cause, and adultery was just cause. And that would determine how the judge ruled. Some jurisdictions choose to codify harsher punishments for adultery. I may not agree with the degree of harshness in some cases, but have no problem with it in principle.

Indeed, no fault divorce means in some ways means cheating has no real consequence for the cheat. Which means a number of things;
1. Cheating while not a right, is not effectively sanctioned. Vows are legally meaningless.
2. Violence may occur more frequently, especially knowing that there is no legal redress, and the laws mean they actually suffer more from the divorce than the cheat.

I don't think there is cause for violence, but neither do I believe there is cause for cheating.


TV

lezz:
My postulation has been simple. When men cheat, they often do so for fun or just because they can or for ego.

They still love and keep their union even though they can easily divorce and remarry.( the majority of cheating men that is)

I actually agree with your premise on the whole. The only thing I would question is using the very arbitrary term "love". Outside of religion - Christianity - for me, it is simply impossible to pin down. It can mean so many things, an ddoes not necessarily precipitate or underpin marriage.

TV

craziebone:


how do you do? For your answer, please read the post before this very one.

I am good, thanks.

I believe you are adding the woman rights angle to it.

I honestly do not believe anyone would applaud a woman who kills her adulterous husband.

I remember a thread where a woman was happy her adulterous husband died on his way to marry a second wife. The woman was bashed and called all sorts.

I do not endorse cheating however I find it ridiculuous excusing murder as a result of adultery.

Nothing justifies murder of one's spouse.

P.S.: Am I the only one who feels murder is not a punishment to the dead but his/her loved ones?

Mindfulness:


I know you are joking but what about all these women who fight the mistress?

They regressed?

They regressed o. Those are primitive beta females. The highly evolved alpha female has developed highly specialized communication skills to deal with her adversary. Biology praises our communication and language skills. No need for violence. Only lower animals like men resort to violence to resolve conflict.

@lezz:

Do you think adulterous wives want to end their marriages?

Why are more adulterous men eloping with their mistresses/marrying multiple wives than adulterous women?

TV01:

You go hear am - having said that,this question has already been asked on this thread .

By you?

My take is that it first and foremost depends on the definition of a relationship. By definition if the relationship is not formalised or agreed - implicitly or explicitly - by the couple,then cheating cannot take place.

So for example, boyfriend/girlfriendage, I do not consider this formal, moreso where the couple do not clearly outline and agree their expectations.

For a formal marriage, fidelity is implicit, therefore cheating is a transgression. The wronged party has the right to forgive, redress or both. hence my delight and position when we discussed a while back and it transpired that a woman, was fined for committing adultery with a married man.

Redress? How can the 'wronged' party be redressed?

Prior to no-fault divorce, their had to be cause, and adultery was just cause. And that would determine how the judge ruled. Some jurisdictions choose to codify harsher punishments for adultery. I may not agree with the degree of harshness in some cases, but have no problem with it in principle.

What courts are we talking about? Nigerian?

Indeed, no fault divorce means in some ways means cheating has no real consequence for the cheat. Which means a number of things;
1. Cheating while not a right, is not effectively sanctioned. Vows are legally meaningless.
2. Violence may occur more frequently, especially knowing that there is no legal redress, and the laws mean they actually suffer more from the divorce than the cheat.

I don't think there is cause for violence, but neither do I believe there is cause for cheating.

Now you are contradicting yourself. Just a few posts ago you said that cheating can be the cause of violence. Which one is it now?
And if one of the spouses denies the other the pleasure of se.xual intercourse, what do you suggest?

Stillfire:


They regressed o. Those are primitive beta females. The highly evolved alpha female has developed highly specialized communication skills to deal with her adversary. Biology praises our communication and language skills. No need for violence. Only lower animals like men resort to violence to resolve conflict.

kaboninc:


Its still an allegation. So we'll stick with it. But from all we've read so far, the woman's inability to manage her emotions instigated the event that let to her death

Oh yea? So you saying the woman killed herself?

sweetcocoa:
They do not believe in the existence of God because their is no proof of any gods existing, if you bring proof then then gods may yet exist. It is not conclusive because there is room for you to prove gods exists.

Depends on what you consider bad or good, so yea, someone can have faith in something bad, just like I think the abrahamic religions/gods are bad, yet people have faith in them.

Yes I am, like anyone genuinely in love should be.

Here's a definition I got on atheism...

Atheism is, in the broadest sense, the absence of belief in the existence of deities. Less broadly, atheism is the rejection of belief that any deities exist. In an even narrower sense, atheism is specifically the position that there are no deities.

Then so long as there is no proof, you can conclusively say it doesn't exist. Else you're entertaining some form of belief that he does exist. And you'd look forward to actually seeing that indeed God exist.

Ahhh...you didn't get my point about having faith that bad things will happen. The abrahamic adherents had faith in their activities because they believed it will be good to them. Else they wouldn't accept it. You think its bad. Its good to them.

Do you have faith?


Its really the best thing to be faithful. I like that. Please keep it up.

sweetcocoa:
Oh yea? So you saying the woman killed herself?

Lol.

Like I said, if women were to be in charge of this world.....

Its still an allegation. Let the court decide. The accused has never said he killed his wife. You might just be sending the wrong guy to jail.

Am not saying he is free either. But let the court decide.

@sweetcocoa
Being in love with someone does not mean you want to have se x with only that person.
You could have a ride or die relationship but the bae isn't able to give you total satisfaction in the bedroom department,or you just want to experiment,you could meet someone and the animal attraction is instant.You don't want a lifelong relationship,just se x and orga sm and goodbye while you return to bae at home.
Does that mean you don't love the bae?
I love you does not mean monogamy abeg.Not every male or female is cut out for 1 to 1 forever.
The problem is when society forces people to make promises to be faithful when they know they can't keep up.

If both spouses agree from day one that they cannot be true to eachother but from time to time would love to chop out there,there won't be killings and acid baths.One person will step out and when the partner joins e go begin cry like pesin wey dem chook stick for nyash.

Time for monogamous to pair up with monogamous and polygamous to pair with polygamous.Or accept that breaking the contract will open the door for anything without useless gender excuses.

PS who won't cheat on a man with that kind of strong face?

bukatyne:


I am good, thanks.

I believe you are adding the woman rights angle to it.

I honestly do not believe anyone would applaud a woman who kills her adulterous husband.

I remember a thread where a woman was happy her adulterous husband died on his way to marry a second wife. The woman was bashed and called all sorts.

I do not endorse cheating however I find it ridiculuous excusing murder as a result of adultery.

Nothing justifies murder of one's spouse.

P.S.: Am I the only one who feels murder is not a punishment to the dead but his/her loved ones?

No, you are not.

I think most people here agree - more or less explicitly - that murder is an extreme reaction of someone who is not mentally balanced.
I would even go further and say that no form of violence is justifiable as the result of a cheating spouse but I must admit that MBJ has a point when he says that it is an understandable, not excusable reaction, of someone who is mentally unstable.

Cheating hurts people and they react by hurting back. It's a sign of helplessness and also the result of naive beliefs that you can control other people by making them swear that they will love and respect you forever.

MRBrownJ:


and yet, intelligent and evolved women know that and still wanna cheat on these lower animals?! makes no damn sense!

I think this is even more justification for the female to cheat. When they realize the lower animal they are dealing with, cheating is inevitable. And in comparison to a cheater (female) vs murderer (male), the law and society would be more lenient on the cheater than the murderer. It's a slight win for the female compared to the lower evolved predisposed to violence male.

TV01:

I actually agree with your premise on the whole. The only thing I would question is using the very arbitrary term "love". Outside of religion - Christianity - for me, it is simply impossible to pin down. It can mean so many things, an ddoes not necessarily precipitate or underpin marriage.

TV

Quite correct, that's why I wouldn't answer bukatyne's trap of having me define "love" .

kaboninc:


Still werey

How far? How market?

Really? You called me werey?

kaboninc:


Here's a definition I got on atheism...



Then so long as there is no proof, you can conclusively say it doesn't exist. Else you're entertaining some form of belief that he does exist. And you'd look forward to actually seeing that indeed God exist.

Ahhh...you didn't get my point about having faith that bad things will happen. The abrahamic adherents had faith in their activities because they believed it will be good to them. Else they wouldn't accept it. You think its bad. Its good to them.

Do you have faith?


Its really the best thing to be faithful. I like that. Please keep it up.

Glad it says narrow, I deal with the broad sense of things.

Leaving room for proof doesn't mean you believe, it is saying it may exist, there is a chance that it's possible god exists but I need something to make me believe, until then, I don't believe, very simple.

Ofcourse I have faith, now what I have faith in, is another thing.

Yea, it's easier to be faithful, I wouldn't have it any other way.

bukatyne:
@le.zz:

Do you think adulterous wives want to end their marriages?

Only cultural and financial constraints hinder MOST adulterous women from terminating their marriages!!!

If you flip the table and let women have the financial and cultural backing that men have enjoyed, a cheating woman will not spare a moment's consideration before shutting the door to her marriage.

bukatyne:


Why are more adulterous men eloping with their mistresses/marrying multiple wives than adulterous women?

More married men eloping with their mistresses? Are you reciting movie stories to me?
If you mean lovers eloping owing to parental objection, I'll understand. But a married man eloping with a mistress is almost nonexistent or an isolated occurrence.

Stillfire:


Really? You called me werey?

I simply remembered you.

sweetcocoa:
Glad it says narrow, I deal with the broad sense of things.

Leaving room for proof doesn't mean you believe, it is saying it may exist, there is a chance that it's possible god exists but I need something to make me believe, until then, I don't believe, very simple.

Ofcourse I have faith, now what I have faith in, is another thing.

Yea, it's easier to be faithful, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Like saying well sha, him fit exist but until then, I no gree. Interesting. A quite part of you wish god exists.

Well its time for me to crash. Am sure you have your own interpretation of sleep and dreams.

Good night and look forward to continue our discussion tomorrow.

lezz:
No one said it is .
Isn't it funny, given the debate-worthiness of the females here none has found that submission worthy of debunking? None but you, a male

i am sorry if I (a man) dont have the same views as you, but this discussion isnt about male vs female, is it?

My postulation has been simple. When men cheat, they often do so for fun or just because they can or for ego.
They still love and keep their union even though they can easily divorce and remarry.( the majority of cheating men that is)

and my point is very clear n the issue by now...

Now whether this cheating is right or wrong, is not within the scope or intention of my submissions. I simply answered the question Bukky raised.

my point is not about whether cheating is right or wrong, its about WHY people cheat... stick to the issue i raised based on the statement you made.

The morality of cheating was your idea and you somehow managed to weave it into the discuss

.

again, my whole point is simply about WHY PEOPLE CHEA, but if you do come up with claims/questions that deviate from that school of thought then i will surely reply, as i earlier did.

Over 70% of married men have admitted to cheating. That's those who agreed to be surveyed and owned up. If we take into account those who didn't give an opinion for one reason or the other, the mark will sour to 85%
And all of them are weak!!! Your stand is annoyingly simplistic and base. Religion is the only factor that defines cheating. Again you're taking this discuss away from it's original limit.

thats because the act of cheating is VERY simple... you either are strong and respect the r/ship you are in OR you cant respect that r/ship a fall. a strong person would do the RIGHT thing and control their immediate need, a weak one simply falls

Men cheat and still want to stay in marriage, true or false? Answer that!!!

men and women do cheat because they cant control themselves and ACT RIGHT (within their r/ship) before going and have sex with another..., what they want afterwards is irrelevant to the point at hand.

You're saying what you've been saying and what I've been debunking over again.

you still havent said ANYTHING to counter anything i have wrote so far.. here it is again:
- how can anyone have unflinching love for a person and joyfully DISRESPECT that person and the union they are in?!
- what difference does it make why a person cheat, if the outcome (inability to control themselves aka WEAKNESS) is all the same?

lezz:
Only cultural and financial constraints hinder MOST adulterous women from terminating their marriages!!!

If you flip the table and let women have the financial and cultural backing that men have enjoyed, a cheating woman will not spare a moment's consideration before shutting the door to her marriage.

More married men eloping with their mistresses? Are you reciting movie stories to me?
If you mean lovers eloping owing to parental objection, I'll understand. But a married man eloping with a mistress is almost nonexistent or an isolated occurrence.

I do not think most cheating spouses want to end their marriages; that's why cheating is mostly hidden.

Do you want to carry out a census? There are more instances of an adulterous husband abandoning his family than an adulterous wife.

Jahblessme:
@sweetcocoa
Being in love with someone does not mean you want to have se x with only that person.
You could have a ride or die relationship but the bae isn't able to give you total satisfaction in the bedroom department,or you just want to experiment,you could meet someone and the animal attraction is instant.You don't want a lifelong relationship,just se x and orga sm and goodbye while you return to bae at home.
Does that mean you don't love the bae?
I love you does not mean monogamy abeg.Not every male or female is cut out for 1 to 1 forever.
The problem is when society forces people to make promises to be faithful when they know they can't keep up.

If both spouses agree from day one that they cannot be true to eachother but from time to time would love to chop out there,there won't be killings and acid baths.One person will step out and when the partner joins e go begin cry like pesin wey dem chook stick for nyash.

Time for monogamous to pair up with monogamous and polygamous to pair with polygamous.Or accept that breaking the contract will open the door for anything without useless gender excuses.

PS who won't cheat on a man with that kind of strong face?

I have never implied that loving someone means you want to sleep with only them, love ofcourse is not attraction but attraction can lead to love and because it can get complicated, it is best to stick to that one person you are in love with.

Love is the least logical thing ever and it's no news that people get jealous about someone they love, so I don't see how you can claim to be in love and be comfortable with your lover sharing what you two have with someone else.

But what do I know?

Stillfire:


I think this is even more justification for the female to cheat. When they realize the lower animal they are dealing with, cheating is inevitable. And in comparison to a cheater (female) vs murderer (male), the law and society would be more lenient on the cheater than the murderer. It's a slight win for the female compared to the lower evolved predisposed to violence male.

well, if cheating means that much to you, that you are willing to die for it, then so be it

Mindfulness:
By you?

Yes . So what do you think should happen?

Mindfulness:
Redress? How can the 'wronged' party be redressed?

The wrong party seeks/is given redress. That's the correct legal wording - I stand to be corrected

Mindfulness:
What courts are we talking about? Nigerian?

Divorce always had a cause,. There was a Plaintiff and a defendant. May jurisdictions are changing to no-fault, hence there are simply a petitioner and a respondent. Not sure Nigeria has/will?

Mindfulness:
Now you are contradicting yourself. Just a few posts ago you said that cheating can be the cause of violence. Which one is it now?

Cheating can be "the cause" of violence, cheating is not "cause" for violence. That is, I know it can trigger it, but, I'm not condoning it - no,no, don't mention it, it's your grasp of English, not mine .

Mindfulness:
And if one of the spouses denies the other the pleasure of se.xual intercourse, what do you suggest?

They work it out. Why should there be a denial? Marriage is at it's heart a conjugal relationship. Without sex it's barely a marriage, and without consummation, it can be annulled. They work it out. Nothing that can't be fixed if the will is there.


TV

lezz:
Quite correct, that's why I wouldn't answer bukatyne's trap of having me define "love" .

Can you imagine?


TV

kaboninc:


Like saying well sha, him fit exist but until then, I no gree. Interesting. A quite part of you wish god exists.

Well its time for me to crash. Am sure you have your own interpretation of sleep and dreams.

Good night and look forward to continue our discussion tomorrow.

I don't wish he exists because as far as I'm concerned, he is bad news .

I have accepted the world the way it is, I only wish that humans will be better, thus making the world better.

Goodnight.