please these is my first time posting but I need an honest answer

I have been with my fiancé since when 6yrs ago and we have a brilliant 4yrs old boy .... yes, he doesn't have a prince charming face but he compliments that with his attitude and respects me a lot, he takes me first and he is in full support of everything I do,
he sponsored my nce program cos my parents doesn't give a damn but I have always wanted to be a nurse not a teacher... I told him about my nursing career and he said he will sponsor me but I have to give him another child cos he can't wait or start nursing children in his old age..... he said after d the child is 9 months old I can drop him or her and he will look after the baby whilst I go to the nursing school, that is how I went to nce when I had my first child

I don't know what to do if I should listen to him or not cos by the time I remove my family planning and follow his plan I will be 27yrs and I will spend 3yrs in nursing school, meaning I will be 30yrs before I am thru

note:he is 10yrs older than me.... and I have enough money to sponsor myself if I want to disobey him. and follow my career

U av enough money.....................

U will disobey him..........................

SMH !!!

Hmmmm...first ur career or husband which one is ur priority

kallmemrB:
Hmmmm...first ur career or husband which one is ur priority

I can easily keep the money for future use or invest it for that three years if I follow his advice

I don't know Jarreeee
I don't know what to do
I have nobody to talk to

ariyebaba:
U av enough money.....................
U will disobey him..........................
SMH !!!

how do you know I will disobey him
I can do that if I want but I will loose everything I have worked for if I dare bring up a fight I am even tired of fighting I just want to be a good woman, have a career and have a good home

beebee24:




I can easily keep the money for future use or invest it for that three years if I follow his advice

I don't know Jarreeee
I don't know what to do
I have nobody to talk to

don't u have friends ...online comments can only help 1bit

friends!
I have two types of friends right now
j

the one that are only interested in giving birth to children and stay at home all day infact they will discourage me and tell me Na so so book I like... in fact my mother in law go hear say him pikin dey sponsor his wife education through them

while the other ones will just look at you like say you be shit... they are all career oriented.... they won't waste time to tell me I should face my career and stop drooling over one man decision since we are not married yet but

beebee24:





how do you know I will disobey him

I can do that if I want
but I will loose everything I have worked for if I dare bring up a fight
I am even tired of fighting
I just want to be a good woman, have a career and have a good home

He craves for a second child, so give him the second child. In addition, the boy needs a sibling and a playmate. There is no age limit to education. Moreover, you are still young.

NL1960:


He craves for a second child, so give him the second child. In addition, the boy needs a sibling and a playmate. There is no age limit to education. Moreover, you are still young.

thanks dear
you don't know how much that advice means to me

See my problem with women, you make it seem as if you are incapable of making any work decisions or even familial ones.

If I ask why you are not married now I bet you don't know

If tomorrow he disappoints you, you will start claiming he used you to have kids, made you sacrifice your career and dumped you, threatening him with curses. Now you have the opportunity to make your own adult decisions on a relationship and your future you are out sourcing it.


What do you want?


Tell him what you want, discuss with him and reach a compromise. Stop acting so choiceless in a relationship

@eketem thanks dear

jashar:
I'ma be harsh. You're not yet married. So you ain't bound to nobody.

Your life your rules.

thanks dear

Whatever decision you make, don't get pregnant again without a proper marriage. . All d best...

so you are not married to a guy and you want to turn to breeding machine isn't it obvious he just wants kids with you ? why won't he marry you so at least you can have small rights incase anything happens , if traditional marriage is expensive he should go for court it's cheap girlie use your head oo before you come back and BE crying #PEACE#

Beebee24

Do you mind telling is the entire story?
Why aren't you guys married or planning to anytime soon?

about the marriage issue

we didn't get married years back cos we had nothing... I mean nothing, just his bed when I visited but as soon as I gave birth tins started to turn around and I shunned marriage when he talked about it, I told him I wanted to go to school instead... so we planned getting married 2017 cos I finished school last year November, while I look for a job this yr but I no see better job

we have been planning the traditional and court marriage next year July which is my birthday, but now that I want to further my education and he wants a child, we have concluded I try and get pregnant early next year since my mom has already given his parents the bride price list...

For me the first thing is would he make this kind of big sacrifice for you when you need such If he is someone that would do such then you can consider his option. If he would never do the same for you then you need to think we'll. First of all don't have another baby till you are married

beebee24:
about the marriage issue

we didn't get married years back cos we had nothing... I mean nothing, just his bed when I visited but as soon as I gave birth tins started to turn around and I shunned marriage when he talked about it, I told him I wanted to go to school instead... so we planned getting married 2017 cos I finished school last year November, while I look for a job this yr but I no see better job

we have been planning the traditional and court marriage next year July which is my birthday, but now that I want to further my education and he wants a child, we have concluded I try and get pregnant early next year since my mom has already given his parents the bride price list...

I never knew you were not married to him before i gave my initial advise. I will advise that you tell him to go and pay your bride price immediately. Why must you wait until your birthday next year?. He can do the traditional now which will include paying the bride price and then next year, you can do the wedding or court.

I can see why he is willing to be there for you as you were there for him when he was struggling and had nothing but let him take a further step by paying your bride price.

Nursing schools have been scrapped, you can only go for degree which is 5 years. No one is too old to achieve their dreams. Its better to have the support of your spouse than to go ahead and have problems

beebee24:
about the marriage issue

we didn't get married years back cos we had nothing... I mean nothing, just his bed when I visited but as soon as I gave birth tins started to turn around and I shunned marriage when he talked about it, I told him I wanted to go to school instead... so we planned getting married 2017 cos I finished school last year November, while I look for a job this yr but I no see better job

we have been planning the traditional and court marriage next year July which is my birthday, but now that I want to further my education and he wants a child, we have concluded I try and get pregnant early next year since my mom has already given his parents the bride price list...

before you have any more kids please you should both go and get married
Seems that you want a big fairy tale wedding do
Big wedding do's are not for everyone. One needs to look at their particular situation and plan accordingly.
It doesn't cost much to marry in the registry and do small traditional

You dont have a job, you have a kid and are not married
God forbid if trouble comes, what is your support?
What do you fall back on?

Why exactly are you having kids for a man who is yet to marry you? Put a ring on it and have the kids you wish to. Once you face your career, it's forward ever, no stalling. Why can't you do both if I might ask? Let him marry you first, being your fiance is not enough, the kids are still illegitimate.

beebee24:
I shunned marriage when he talked about it, I told him I wanted to go to school instead... so we planned getting married 2017 cos I finished school last year November, while I look for a job this yr but I no see better job

Do you want to marry him?

Beebee please tell him to marry you before getting pregnant, you don't know tomorrow. Now see ; you might tell him you don't want to get pregnant and he will leave you. Why do I say so? He said before you continue your studies, you must have weaned the new baby to nine months, so if there's no baby, there'll be no school. Sweetheart first marry him like others adviced biko to save yourself from trauma

“I have enough money to sponsor myself if I want to disobey him and follow my career“


Not your fault though,i only pity your man

beebee24:
please these is my first time posting but I need an honest answer

I have been with my fiancé since when 6yrs ago and we have a brilliant 4yrs old boy .... yes, he doesn't have a prince charming face but he compliments that with his attitude and respects me a lot, he takes me first and he is in full support of everything I do,
he sponsored my nce program cos my parents doesn't give a damn but I have always wanted to be a nurse not a teacher... I told him about my nursing career and he said he will sponsor me but I have to give him another child cos he can't wait or start nursing children in his old age..... he said after d the child is 9 months old I can drop him or her and he will look after the baby whilst I go to the nursing school, that is how I went to nce when I had my first child

I don't know what to do if I should listen to him or not cos by the time I remove my family planning and follow his plan I will be 27yrs and I will spend 3yrs in nursing school, meaning I will be 30yrs before I am thru

note:he is 10yrs older than me.... and I have enough money to sponsor myself if I want to disobey him. and follow my career

@bold

How is it a problem?

I'd say go to school. Two kids without a job (you) is difficult no matter the sides of the mouth he is speaking with now.
Get married before having any more babies btw.

You're both adults.

Get married at your own time when you both want to.
Its your life, and your choice. Just ensure you raise your kids in a happy healthy environment, dazall.

Regarding your choice of having a baby and going back to school, I think you can do both together if you're rugged enough.
Before you even write jamb, pass, get admission you would have probably given birth by then.

Nursing is a beautiful course to study, and its better you do a degree course instead of school of nursing. Most nurses that went to school of nursing are now going back to uni for their degrees. Its the same thing abroad btw. It is what it is.

Goodluck with your decision.

The main thing is that you're doing things that'll add value to your life. Right now you're empowered enough to fend for yourself so all that talk about marriage being some form of financial security is bull in my own opinion.
Get married at you and your partner's time, and don't be coerced into doing that if you don't want to yet.

did she just say "fiance" . wow! things babes do. so you wan born finish before you marry. God forbid bad thing. And who goes to nursing school these days?

@beebee24:

Get married first. You sound like you live together so I do not see where the no money part is coming up.

Do a small court wedding & get a fantastic photographer to capture the memories in a beautiful way forever.

@School and baby: I understand his point. He is 34 this year & not a so young man. He has also met you halfway... Have a baby & after 9mths when the babe is weaned, go for your nursing degree.

He has proven to be faithful in the past, you have nothing to fear.

Good luck.

Marriage is the ultimate

In case of any emergency,marriage will pay the bills u hear?


Marriage koor,wedding ni

You guys av planned marriage for nextyear...u av stated d reasons for that.dont be bamboozled into putting the cart b4 the horse...and i mean that as per what u av planned with ur husband-to-be

He sponsored ur nce without marrying u yet.....u stayed with him when he had nothing...so wats d big deal about getting married first?

He has his reasons for wanting a child early...age!and to me it makes sense

Whatever advice u get here might not even hold water....you and him should really sit down and talk things over

Nursing as a profession has nothing to do with ur age...nurses are always in demand....if u r a nurse at 30 u go see work...o sure ju

I like how u categorized ur friends tho....shows u know what u r doing

I wish u luck

^^ Well said