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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child (2886 Views)
Help: I Am Struggling With The Idea Of Having Another Child / A Strange Woman In My Home.. How Do I Go About It?? / Pls Help...my Career Or My Marriage (2) (3) (4)
Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 12:32pm On May 13, 2016 |
please these is my first time posting but I need an honest answer I have been with my fiancé since when 6yrs ago and we have a brilliant 4yrs old boy .... yes, he doesn't have a prince charming face but he compliments that with his attitude and respects me a lot, he takes me first and he is in full support of everything I do, he sponsored my nce program cos my parents doesn't give a damn but I have always wanted to be a nurse not a teacher... I told him about my nursing career and he said he will sponsor me but I have to give him another child cos he can't wait or start nursing children in his old age..... he said after d the child is 9 months old I can drop him or her and he will look after the baby whilst I go to the nursing school, that is how I went to nce when I had my first child I don't know what to do if I should listen to him or not cos by the time I remove my family planning and follow his plan I will be 27yrs and I will spend 3yrs in nursing school, meaning I will be 30yrs before I am thru note:he is 10yrs older than me.... and I have enough money to sponsor myself if I want to disobey him. and follow my career |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by ariyebaba(m): 12:44pm On May 13, 2016 |
U av enough money..................... U will disobey him.......................... SMH !!! 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 12:47pm On May 13, 2016 |
Hmmmm...first ur career or husband which one is ur priority |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 12:55pm On May 13, 2016 |
kallmemrB: I can easily keep the money for future use or invest it for that three years if I follow his advice I don't know Jarreeee I don't know what to do I have nobody to talk to |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 12:58pm On May 13, 2016 |
ariyebaba: how do you know I will disobey him I can do that if I want but I will loose everything I have worked for if I dare bring up a fight I am even tired of fighting I just want to be a good woman, have a career and have a good home |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 12:59pm On May 13, 2016 |
beebee24:don't u have friends ...online comments can only help 1bit |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 1:11pm On May 13, 2016 |
friends! I have two types of friends right now j the one that are only interested in giving birth to children and stay at home all day infact they will discourage me and tell me Na so so book I like... in fact my mother in law go hear say him pikin dey sponsor his wife education through them while the other ones will just look at you like say you be shit... they are all career oriented.... they won't waste time to tell me I should face my career and stop drooling over one man decision since we are not married yet but |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by NL1960: 1:12pm On May 13, 2016 |
beebee24: He craves for a second child, so give him the second child. In addition, the boy needs a sibling and a playmate. There is no age limit to education. Moreover, you are still young. 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 1:20pm On May 13, 2016 |
NL1960: thanks dear you don't know how much that advice means to me |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by jashar(f): 2:11pm On May 13, 2016 |
I'ma be harsh. You're not yet married. So you ain't bound to nobody. Your life your rules. 5 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Eketem: 2:24pm On May 13, 2016 |
See my problem with women, you make it seem as if you are incapable of making any work decisions or even familial ones. If I ask why you are not married now I bet you don't know If tomorrow he disappoints you, you will start claiming he used you to have kids, made you sacrifice your career and dumped you, threatening him with curses. Now you have the opportunity to make your own adult decisions on a relationship and your future you are out sourcing it. What do you want? Tell him what you want, discuss with him and reach a compromise. Stop acting so choiceless in a relationship 10 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 2:48pm On May 13, 2016 |
@eketem thanks dear |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 2:50pm On May 13, 2016 |
jashar: thanks dear |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by PresVA: 3:12pm On May 13, 2016 |
Whatever decision you make, don't get pregnant again without a proper marriage. . All d best... 13 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Blade21: 3:35pm On May 13, 2016 |
so you are not married to a guy and you want to turn to breeding machine isn't it obvious he just wants kids with you ? why won't he marry you so at least you can have small rights incase anything happens , if traditional marriage is expensive he should go for court it's cheap girlie use your head oo before you come back and BE crying #PEACE# 9 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Evina(f): 3:52pm On May 13, 2016 |
Beebee24 Do you mind telling is the entire story? Why aren't you guys married or planning to anytime soon? 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 4:11pm On May 13, 2016 |
about the marriage issue we didn't get married years back cos we had nothing... I mean nothing, just his bed when I visited but as soon as I gave birth tins started to turn around and I shunned marriage when he talked about it, I told him I wanted to go to school instead... so we planned getting married 2017 cos I finished school last year November, while I look for a job this yr but I no see better job we have been planning the traditional and court marriage next year July which is my birthday, but now that I want to further my education and he wants a child, we have concluded I try and get pregnant early next year since my mom has already given his parents the bride price list... |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Mamatee07: 4:23pm On May 13, 2016 |
For me the first thing is would he make this kind of big sacrifice for you when you need such ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by NL1960: 5:02pm On May 13, 2016 |
beebee24: I never knew you were not married to him before i gave my initial advise. I will advise that you tell him to go and pay your bride price immediately. Why must you wait until your birthday next year?. He can do the traditional now which will include paying the bride price and then next year, you can do the wedding or court. I can see why he is willing to be there for you as you were there for him when he was struggling and had nothing but let him take a further step by paying your bride price. 3 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by JustHere2Observ(f): 5:45pm On May 13, 2016 |
Nursing schools have been scrapped, you can only go for degree which is 5 years. No one is too old to achieve their dreams. Its better to have the support of your spouse than to go ahead and have problems 3 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 5:54pm On May 13, 2016 |
beebee24: before you have any more kids please you should both go and get married Seems that you want a big fairy tale wedding do Big wedding do's are not for everyone. One needs to look at their particular situation and plan accordingly. It doesn't cost much to marry in the registry and do small traditional You dont have a job, you have a kid and are not married God forbid if trouble comes, what is your support? What do you fall back on? 5 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by byvan03: 5:56pm On May 13, 2016 |
Why exactly are you having kids for a man who is yet to marry you? Put a ring on it and have the kids you wish to. Once you face your career, it's forward ever, no stalling. Why can't you do both if I might ask? Let him marry you first, being your fiance is not enough, the kids are still illegitimate. 4 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 6:56pm On May 13, 2016 |
beebee24: Do you want to marry him? 1 Like |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by mysticgal(f): 7:22pm On May 13, 2016 |
Beebee please tell him to marry you before getting pregnant, you don't know tomorrow. Now see ; you might tell him you don't want to get pregnant and he will leave you. Why do I say so? He said before you continue your studies, you must have weaned the new baby to nine months, so if there's no baby, there'll be no school. Sweetheart first marry him like others adviced biko to save yourself from trauma ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by lilmax(m): 8:18pm On May 13, 2016 |
“I have enough money to sponsor myself if I want to disobey him and follow my career“ Not your fault though,i only pity your man 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by Nobody: 9:26pm On May 13, 2016 |
beebee24: @bold How is it a problem? ![]() |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by armyofone(m): 9:58pm On May 13, 2016 |
I'd say go to school. Two kids without a job (you) is difficult no matter the sides of the mouth he is speaking with now. Get married before having any more babies btw. 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by eyinjuege: 9:59pm On May 13, 2016 |
You're both adults. Get married at your own time when you both want to. Its your life, and your choice. Just ensure you raise your kids in a happy healthy environment, dazall. Regarding your choice of having a baby and going back to school, I think you can do both together if you're rugged enough. Before you even write jamb, pass, get admission you would have probably given birth by then. Nursing is a beautiful course to study, and its better you do a degree course instead of school of nursing. Most nurses that went to school of nursing are now going back to uni for their degrees. Its the same thing abroad btw. It is what it is. Goodluck with your decision. The main thing is that you're doing things that'll add value to your life. Right now you're empowered enough to fend for yourself so all that talk about marriage being some form of financial security is bull in my own opinion. Get married at you and your partner's time, and don't be coerced into doing that if you don't want to yet. 1 Like |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by pinkiberry(m): 11:20pm On May 13, 2016 |
did she just say "fiance" . wow! things babes do. so you wan born finish before you marry. God forbid bad thing. And who goes to nursing school these days? 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by bukatyne(f): 11:24pm On May 13, 2016 |
@beebee24: Get married first. You sound like you live together so I do not see where the no money part is coming up. Do a small court wedding & get a fantastic photographer to capture the memories in a beautiful way forever. @School and baby: I understand his point. He is 34 this year & not a so young man. He has also met you halfway... Have a baby & after 9mths when the babe is weaned, go for your nursing degree. He has proven to be faithful in the past, you have nothing to fear. Good luck. 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by diportivo: 12:52am On May 14, 2016 |
Marriage is the ultimate In case of any emergency,marriage will pay the bills u hear? ![]() Marriage koor,wedding ni You guys av planned marriage for nextyear...u av stated d reasons for that.dont be bamboozled into putting the cart b4 the horse...and i mean that as per what u av planned with ur husband-to-be He sponsored ur nce without marrying u yet.....u stayed with him when he had nothing...so wats d big deal about getting married first? He has his reasons for wanting a child early...age!and to me it makes sense Whatever advice u get here might not even hold water....you and him should really sit down and talk things over Nursing as a profession has nothing to do with ur age...nurses are always in demand....if u r a nurse at 30 u go see work...o sure ju I like how u categorized ur friends tho....shows u know what u r doing I wish u luck ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: Do I Go After My Career Or Have Another Child by raumdeuter: 2:04am On May 14, 2016 |
^^ Well said |
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