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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / And What If She Is Cheating? (28422 Views)
My Uncle's Wife Is Cheating On Him, I Need Help / My Sister Is Cheating On Her Husband For Not Supporting Her Financially / I Am Suspecting My Wife Is Cheating On Me (2) (3) (4)
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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by nasha1(f): 9:35pm On May 13, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: lol so cleaning ur house,caring 4 ur kids nd a man u love while ur husband do the same with job nd all the financial responsabilities is a duty?i must say it must have been very hard 4 ur mum,poor her.Was she forced 2 care 4 u and ur siblings? i mean a woman taking care 4 her OWN kids is a duty? a woman cleaning where she lives is a duty? because the man goes out everyday,morning till night,who spend more time at home?smh that means all the single mums are slaves,wonderful! 4 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by lezz(m): 9:43pm On May 13, 2016 |
MRBrownJ:Hey kiddo, I have chalked you down as one of the greatest hazards of cyber space!!! Your logical abilities are just a tad above a 7year old mongoloid. You'll pass for a circus clown if not for a deluded quack!!! In what era have duties/ obligation and marriage ever been separated? Not in the mediaeval times or now or in the future. Marriage involves both acts of choices and act of duties and obligations. You keep setting new lows with unprecedented speed. One act of idiocy from you is quickly replaced by another. You're unenviably unique!!! How I wish Internet fees will go the way of fuel so that muttonheads like you would be automatically weaseled out!!! If I had known you're this logically bereft, I would have ignored or trolled you into your cave where no light of logic ever slips in. Cyber-nuisance 3 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 9:56pm On May 13, 2016 |
nasha1: again, back in the days of our forefathers, mothers had NO choice and their JOB was to cook and clean and care for the household. today women are gainfully employed, and therefore they have a CHOICE... but if a woman today decides to live the TRADITIONAL way, then yes she will remain the "choiceless" slaves that our mothers were.... thus cooking and cleaning will be her enforced duties. 5 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by nasha1(f): 10:04pm On May 13, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: smh a woman who decides to live the traditional way decision: a choice that you make about something after thinking about several possibilities is a slave because she will remain choiceless because she CHOSE it ? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 5 Likes 1 Share
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Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 10:25pm On May 13, 2016 |
nasha1: bwaaaaah, here is another one who has English comprehension issues..... again, if a woman decides to live the traditional way then YES that person has no choice but to cook and clean as a slave (whether she likes it or not), because thats what the traditional way is about 3 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 8:57am On May 14, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: A SLAVE has no choice. As long as you can choose from different options then it is called FREEDOM. A woman that chose to be a "traditional" wife is not a SLAVE. If a woman is forced to do it without her consent then that is SLAVERY. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 9:58am On May 14, 2016 |
fancyupage: - does this woman, married the traditional way, has the choice to decide when she will cook and clean?! - can this woman, married the traditional way, decide that she wont cook a certain week? - can this woman go against the authority of her husband? whether she decides to enter such marriage on her own freewill or not is irrelevant to the fact that her status in that union is to be under that man's authority, and cook/clean as her daily duty, whether she consent to it or not. just because today many desperate women gladly accept the "slavery" due to social/religious/peer/family pressures of being married at all cost(and seemingly be happy), is irrelevant here... as soon as she enters such union, she becomes a SLAVE (willingly or unwillingly). i know many of you dont like the word but thats what a wife in a traditional wedding is. she is ruled by her husband, and whatever he says, goes. 4 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by nasha1(f): 10:14am On May 14, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: This is the silliest comment i have read on nl. If this is what happened 2 ur mum,then ur father needs 2 be shot. A housewife has a choice 2 cook anytime she pleases nd any food she pleases.she can sleep the whole day nd cook when her husband return from work,she can clean at her own convenience,she can travel whenever she wants nd go to parties with her husband.she can go shopping with her husband money nd enjoy a massage when hubby is working.she can watch tv the whole day because the remaining food she cooked yesterday will still serve the family for 2 days.she can decide 2 do laundry on weekends only. I am with a housewife right now doing her nails and left her 1 years old with her hubby at home because they have a reception this afternoon. jesus where are u from? wow what is the definition of slave? Wait, what am i reading? why did u choose 2 sound this dumb all of a sudden? 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by fancyupage(f): 10:23am On May 14, 2016 |
nasha1: @Nasha1 and MrBrownJ please let us remain civil with putting our positions across. I agree with most of your points nasha1. @MrBrownJ, you seems to think all employees are slaves because they have to follow the company's guidelines if they want to remain an employee. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 10:25am On May 14, 2016 |
nasha1: again, these are the questions, a YES or NO will do - does this woman, married the traditional way, has the choice to decide when she will cook and clean?! (meaning cook/clean somedays and not others) - can this woman, married the traditional way, decide that she wont cook a certain week? - can this woman go against the authority of her husband? |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 10:28am On May 14, 2016 |
fancyupage: YES the majority are.... they cant do whatever they please, they must do their duty regardless if they like it or not, they certainly CANNOT go against the authority of their bosses, and if they fail in their duties they are FIRED! 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by nasha1(f): 10:28am On May 14, 2016 |
fancyupage: I am sorry but i cant help it when a grown up man (educated) reasons like this,then i cant help it. postmann ur attention is needed. 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by nasha1(f): 10:29am On May 14, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: YES YES YES 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Stillfire: 11:21am On May 14, 2016 |
crackhaus: I do not agree it will infringe on the citizen's right to associate if we define marriage in terms of a contract. There are penalties when you go against a contract. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by crackhaus: 11:28am On May 14, 2016 |
Stillfire:Marriage is already a contract by civil law, but it ain't the kind of contract that can attract the penalty of a fine/jail time should one or more of the parties involved be found wanting. The reason for this is because, as much as it's a contract pledging commitment between two people, you really can't force anyone to remain committed to another person on an emotional and sexual level against his/her own freewill - that will be tantamount to abuse on one's civil liberties. Which is why there is an option for divorce (terminating said contract) should one or both parties require an out. 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by postmann: 11:42am On May 14, 2016 |
nasha1: Hmmm! Let those wallowing in their ignorance remain in their delusions if it helps them feel better. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Stillfire: 11:48am On May 14, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: No I would not cheat. I have the option of separation and divorce. These sanctions are just a rough schematic. I believe our abled lawyers and legislative arms will do more justice to these suggestions I have made if they are ever enforced. 1) I knew you were going to come with the rich men angle. ![]() 2) I don't believe so. 3) Compensation is not bad. It's better than staying in a typical adulterous Nigerian marriage with no compensation. We have men selling the idea they can 'cheat and still love' their wives. This is for them to show such 'love' by paying a compensation. 4 & 5) There is also the option of not getting married. You guys always talk about not wanting to get married. I think you should be grateful instead you have a reason not to get married. It will limit the mockery the institution has been reduced to. Marriage would then more likely be for serious people. Modern Marriage should be seen as a business contract. In fact the state needs to draw up a contract, laying out generic rules and regulations. Now each couple can now tweak those rules as they please depending on what they would like from the marriage, including clauses for sanctions and penalties. If any party goes against whatever they agreed to, they should be penalized. 6) lol, include it to your marriage contract that she has no right to get fat. 7) absolutely. I have no issue in punishing the mistress/mister. For example North Carolina has a law where the spouse that was cheated on can sue the mister/mistress for alienation of affection. In summary, the marriage institution needs some regulation in Nigeria. As of now we are power is being given to divorce rather than the institution itself. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Stillfire: 11:56am On May 14, 2016 |
TV01: Lol, I agree that the idea of an open marriage is an oxymoron. I just threw that in there for the non- religious amongst us. Now for the religious ones, and since Nigeria boasts to be a religious country, I really don't see how sanctions and penalties for adultery should be a problem, lol. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Stillfire: 12:17pm On May 14, 2016 |
crackhaus: The aim is not to force people but to regulate during the marriage and not only at termination. Of course the freedom of terminating a marriage would be there. Termination of a marriage also comes with a price. So losing time and money is not new. It's not much of a contract if one can leave by their own 'free will' throwing the other spouse into emotional turmoil. Modern marriage should be seen as a business contract with each party detailing what they expect from each other with penalties if one goes against it. I believe this is fair. |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by MRBrownJ: 12:37pm On May 14, 2016 |
Stillfire: i wish more women thought like you did, instead of them thinking that cheating back would be a valid option. These sanctions are just a rough schematic. I believe our abled lawyers and legislative arms will do more justice to these suggestions I have made if they are ever enforced. fair enough 1) I knew you were going to come with the rich men angle. 90% of his salary?! kai, now you are punishing his family/business as well... you need to find a fine/punishment that will affect JUST the cheater and not his immediate entourage. corporal punishment like flogging (lol) would make more sense. 2) I don't believe so. why would these men be responsible for their act, if they can now just pay a fine for fooling around? 3) Compensation is not bad. It's better than staying in a typical adulterous Nigerian marriage with no compensation. is the fine in place to punish these men or compensate these women who "willingly" stay with these monsters? if it is really that bad for these women then what about compulsory divorce for any cheaters instead? so that these wifeys dont suffer any longer than they should 4 & 5) There is also the option of not getting married. You guys always talk about not wanting to get married. I think you should be grateful instead you have a reason not to get married. It will limit the mockery the institution has been reduced to. Marriage would then more likely be for serious people. compulsory divorce, thats where the real solution is for people who got married for the wrong reasons. Marriage should be seen as a contract. In fact the state needs to draw up a contract, laying out generic rules and regulations. Now each couple can now tweak those rules as they please depending on what they would like from the marriage, including clauses for sanctions and penalties. If any party goes against whatever they agreed to, they should be penalized. such contract should have a clause stipulating that any party can update the contract with new terms, whenever they please... and if the other party doesnt agree to the new terms, then a compulsory divorce should be enforced 6) lol, include it to your marriage contract that she has no right to get fat. now you are talking!!!! as well as husband cant get a potbelly, or that wifey should satisfy any dirty nasty sexual desire that her husband is into etc 7) absolutely. I have no issue in punishing the mistress/mister. For example North Carolina has a law where the spouse that was cheated on can sue the mister/mistress for alienation of affection. now it could get a bit tricky if the cheating lady is married but unemployed, and her husband would have to "unwillingly" pay her fine In summary, the marriage institution needs some regulation in Nigeria. As of now we are power is being given to divorce rather than the institution itself. but imagine the state of marriage if/when everything is regulated and fined. you disrespect your spouse, FINE! you shout at your spouse, FINE! you talk too damn much, FINE! you came home late, FINE! you make her jealous by talking to ex, FINE! you cant fulfill your bedroom duties because of that "headache", FINE! the food you cook taste funny, FINE! it will be worst than the way people are suing left right and center for BS in the US. i think divorce aint so bad afterall. 1 Like |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by just2okworld(f): 1:34pm On May 14, 2016 |
Ff samhay WA je puff-puff |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by crackhaus: 1:47pm On May 14, 2016 |
Stillfire:Lol, see I get where you're coming from...but like I posited earlier, all of this is idealistic but not realistic. Causing people to pay a fine or face jail term for breaking a marriage contract essentially means restricting the will of a person. Okay let me try point a scenario to you: You say it should be treated like a contract. Well a contract also has what they call 'citations/conditions/terms' - in the sense that certain things need to be met for the contract to remain valid. So what if a man who agrees to your idealistic approach then goes ahead to state a condition like: I will remain a committed husband and not disrespect the institution as long as my wife performs all her wifely duties e.g - Prepare what I want to eat when I want. - Make love to me any and every time I want. etc. Should my wife fault on any of these conditions, she should be prepared to pay a fine or allow me seek these conditions elsewhere so I don't face emotional and sexual turmoil...lol. (In your own words) Stillfire, are you starting to see why idealism doesn't always translate into reality? ![]() Another thing to note is that most contracts are not given lifetime validity, so are you then saying the marriage contract should hold on a minimum of 5years after which either party can choose to renew it for up to 10years or choose to end it? If this is the case, them your idealism might begin to make more sense...but on the account that you want to keep people in a lifetime union by imposing jail time or fines, then that's just not gonna cut it. 1 Like |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Kimoni: 4:43pm On May 14, 2016 |
MRBrownJ: Just stumbled on this...don't know and don't care what you guys were debating on but this is the most absurd thing I've read on cyberspace. And too bad such BS had to come from you. Did you just say slaves ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by TV01(m): 10:47am On May 16, 2016 |
Mindfulness:You neither respect, nor share my beliefs. And that is neither here nor there, as the feeling is mutual ![]() Mindfulness:If reneging on a contract goes without sanction, what is the point of the contract? Mindfulness:There are? Pray tell, what might they be? Mindfulness:When you understand the reasons for, purpose of, and benefits from marriage, you'll realise that there is in truth only one form of marriage. However I fully understand that men are able to make variations on true marriage, yet still retain the label. The question is, does doing so deliver the same benefits? Mindfulness:Are you now championing marriage ![]() But how, if cheating should be allowed and non-punishable, or partners allowed to depart whenever they choose, make it more stable or harder to leave ![]() Here you make a somewhat classic case for marriage, whilst at the same time refusing to live by it's dictates in your own marriage?. I come to realise that most people don't argue from principle, just from a desire to justify what they practice. Mindfulness:And nobody - at least I didn't - claim that you said "the only way" to resolve the issue is to cheat. What you have clearly implied, is that "cheating is a valid way". Like I said, you neither share not respect my beliefs ![]() Indeed, the more you write, the more you demonstrate that your commitment is only ever to yourself (your own happiness. It's weird as well that on one hand, you emphasise that you are not bound by societal norms or conventions, yet you insist on dressing your choices in the garb of normalcy? Insisting they are as right, even spiritual I actually think I despise yours more than you hate mine. And you only hate mine because they don't validate yours. ![]() TV 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by TV01(m): 11:03am On May 16, 2016 |
Stillfire:You know Stilly, the more I study and examine marriage, the more I see in it a unique simplicity, that behoves what I consider to be divine by design. Did I just say that ![]() The basic criteria of male & female, lifelong, monogamous, consensual, majority age and consanguineous restrictions, beautifully encapsulates what it is. Varying this in any way is to re-define it and perhaps more importantly, means it deliver less benefits. A so called "open-marriage", would raise all sorts of questions around, inter-alia, paternity, stability, trust etc. That kind of agreement is better suited to a co-habbing , or some other lesser arrangement. I never get why people want marriage without the particulars. Especially in this day and age where domestic arrangements can be pretty much as one wants without stigma. It can only surmise that it's because they yearn for the validation and honour that accords with it, but don't have the wherewithal to commit to it? TV |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 11:10am On May 16, 2016 |
TV01: Ok then. If reneging on a contract goes without sanction, what is the point of the contract? I have already explained it. There are some legal benefits that result from this contract. I think it is sick to marry for the reason that it gives you control over your spouse. I expect my spouse to be loyal and respectful because he wants to and not because he has to. If he doesn't want to respect our relationship, then good riddance to ... They are? Yes and I am sure you know it. I would much rather try to maintain a friendly relationship with the father of my kids if he decided to behave in a way that is not pleasing to me then have him punished. It wouldn't help me at all. When you understand the reasons for, purpose of, and benefits from marriage, you'll realise that there is in truth only one form of marriage. Never has been and never will be. However I fully understand that men are able to make variations on true marriage, yet still retain the label. The question is, does doing so deliver the same benefits? Which benefits? Do you really think that everyone wants the same benefits as you do? Certainly not. Are you now championing marriage Certainly not your understanding of marriage but this should come as no surprise. But how, if cheating should be allowed and non-punishable, or partners allowed to depart whenever they choose, make it more stable or harder to leave Divorce is expensive. This in itself makes it harder for people to leave. Here you make a somewhat classic case for marriage, whilst at the same time refusing to live by it's dictates in your own marriage?. I come to realise that most people don't argue from principle, just from a desire to justify what they practice. No, I don't. I am enjoying all the legal benefits that come with marriage without acting like it is some sort of bondage. We entered the union voluntarily and we are free to exit it voluntarily. I certainly won't force anyone to stay with me who doesn't want to. And nobody - at least I didn't - claim that you said "the only way" to resolve the issue is to cheat. What you have clearly implied, is that "cheating is a valid way". I have not said it was valid, I have simply presented a life experience where it has been helpful. Like I said, you neither share not respect my beliefs I am sure most people try to resolve their conflicts before they think of separation. Indeed, the more you write, the more you demonstrate that your commitment is only ever to yourself (your own happiness. It's weird as well that on one hand, you emphasise that you are not bound by societal norms or conventions, yet you insist on dressing your choices in the garb of normalcy? Insisting they are as right, even spiritual I am very committed to myself and my happiness, which is not exclusive to being committed to other people in my life. How is it your problem? I actually think I despise yours more than you hate mine. And you only hate mine because they don't validate yours. Well, I don't hate you or your views. I ignore them most of the time. It wasn't me who quoted you on this thread. Maybe you were too slow to notice that I choose to quote you when I like your comment instead feeling bitter about comments that go against my beliefs. I love the freedom to choose what I like instead of focusing on the things I don't like. ![]() It is your choice to contaminate your system with negative vibes of scorn. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by TV01(m): 11:29am On May 16, 2016 |
crackhaus:Then in what sense is it a contract? crackhaus:Firstly, no one is forced to "contractually pledge commitment", that is done on their own volition, and it is done consensually. And secondly, if enforcing the commitment, or sanctioning the breaking of it, is an abuse of civil liberties, then entering into it in the first place is wrong. It perfectly aligns with "restraint of trade" law". You cannot "contract" something that is illegal. crackhaus:Mindfulness noted the covenant form of marriage earlier. It would help if we consider a civil form as distinct. Noting that I don't consider it true marriage - and yes, I appreciate that many jurisdictions do. ![]() Divorce is not part of the marriage contract, it's an entirely separate legal transaction, which only comes into play with premature dissolution. But then how does divorce on the basis of "one party wanting an out" in anyway enhance marriage? Obviously vows may vary, but vows which do not pledge permanence, or include "an out", are not marriage vows. Whatever the label the contract is given. In pretty much the same way as the relationship of two same sex people can never be a marriage. I outlined the particulars in my response to Stilly above. crackhaus:Most contracts may not be lifetime, but some are, and marriage is one such. It's true nature demands it. A "rolling arrangement" would create more problems. Besides, this is a mute point , if as you've noted, the contract is unenforceable. crackhaus:Sanctions are not the preferred way, honouring the commitment (contract) is, or alternatively avoiding it, and adopting some other arrangement. TV 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by TV01(m): 11:55am On May 16, 2016 |
Mindfulness:Legal benefits granted by the state - if said benefits were not already inherent in marriage - are not the reason for marriage. You get the state benefits because you are married, marriage is not so that you can garner state benefits. Mindfulness:Again, a diminished understanding of marriage and it's commitment. Mindfulness:It's "good riddance" now is it ![]() Mindfulness:No fault divorce has nothing to do with kids, or actually does anything to maintain friendly relationships. Indeed, when there was "fault", divorcing couples use dot focus their energy on the fault. Now their is "no-fault", they typically focus on the terms of the separation, often the kids. Mindfulness:Lots of relationship forms, but only 1 type of marriage as defined. Mindfulness:The benefits are multi-level. Not just for the individuals, and not much to do with legally sanctioned goodies ![]() Mindfulness:Championing marriage is primarily by living it, not commandeering it as it suits in order to validate ones choices. Mindfulness:I'm no expert on divorce, but that would only be if the couple make it so. Mindfulness:It's not by force, or controlling. It's by choice and commitment. Like I said, a diminished grasp of the marriage institution. One that at best, only sees it as a vehicle for your happiness. Mindfulness:Either you are saying it is valid because it is helpful, or that doing something wrong is valid if it is helpful. Which just suggests you don't subscribe to moral absolutes, rather consider outcomes. Happiness again ![]() Mindfulness:Or cheating ![]() Mindfulness:Don't get into a funk - you have repeatedly stated that you are only responsible for your own happiness. And more tellingly, emphasised that you are not responsible for the unhappiness you leave in your wake whilst in search of your own happiness. Mindfulness:Like coyly claiming to respect my opinions, then labelling them naïve and idealistic in the same breathe ![]() TV 1 Like |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 12:23pm On May 16, 2016 |
TV01: Whether you like it or not, they are MY reasons for marriage. Again, a diminished understanding of marriage and it's commitment. Whatever you call it, it doesn't change the fact that you and many other people use marriage to gloss over their feelings of insecurity. I don't need to understand marriage as some sort of bondage so that I feel secure. And I don't need to punish people to feel better. It's "good riddance" now is it Yes, it's good riddance to bad rubbish for me and whatever makes him happy for him in this scenario. In the medium-term I will be happier without a person who stays with me by force. ![]() No fault divorce has nothing to do with kids, or actually does anything to maintain friendly relationships. Fault divorce makes divorce messier than it needs to be and greatly diminishes chances for parents to maintain a friendly parental relationship for the sake of their kids. I ndeed, when there was "fault", divorcing couples use dot focus their energy on the fault. Now their is "no-fault", they typically focus on the terms of the separation, often the kids. When there was fault divorcing, people used to stay together by force maintaining an unhealthy environment for everyone involved. Lots of relationship forms, but only 1 type of marriage as defined. For you! The benefits are multi-level. Not just for the individuals, and not much to do with legally sanctioned goodies And one of the benefits is to make another person stay with you by force? ![]() Championing marriage is primarily by living it, not commandeering it as it suits in order to validate ones choices. I don't need to champion anything. I live my life and marriage as it suits me, whether you like it or not. ![]() I'm no expert on divorce, but that would only be if the couple make it so. No! Divorce is costly in many countries whether the couples want it or not. It's not by force, or controlling. It's by choice and commitment. Like I said, a diminished grasp of the marriage institution. One that at best, only sees it as a vehicle for your happiness. It definitely is a catalyst to my happiness. ![]() ![]() Either you are saying it is valid because it is helpful, or that doing something wrong is valid if it is helpful. Which just suggests you don't subscribe to moral absolutes, rather consider outcomes. Happiness again Happiness is the purpose of my life by CHOICE. ![]() Or cheating That too. Don't get into a funk - you have repeatedly stated that you are only responsible for your own happiness. And more tellingly, emphasised that you are not responsible for the unhappiness you leave in your wake whilst in search of your own happiness. I have not said that I am ONLY responsible for my happiness, I have said that I am PRIMARILY and EXCLUSIVELY responsible for my happiness. ![]() Like coyly claiming to respect my opinions, then labelling them naïve and idealistic in the same breathe You are too sensitive now. ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by TV01(m): 12:40pm On May 16, 2016 |
Mindfulness:Please explain this - how do I use marriage to "gloss over my insecurity" ![]() Mindfulness:How can choice and consensuality be deemed bondage? Mindfulness:In what way does "fault" divorce make separation messier? And how does it make parents less friendly? Mindfulness:Firstly, separated parents is always unhealthy for kids. Secondly, fault divorce means that marriage is less likely to be treated as a disposable relationship that can be canned on a whim. And thirdly it meant that there was some sort of recompense for the wronged party. Mindfulness:Utterly bogus. No one gets married by force. Mindfulness:Don't be touchy. Be proud. Truth has no problem being shouted from the roof-tops Mindfulness:Divorce is not costly. Individuals make it costly - https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview Mindfulness:Repeated - and varied to suit - ad nauseum Mindfulness:Only to your finely honed dribbling skills. ![]() TV 2 Likes |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by Nobody: 12:56pm On May 16, 2016 |
TV01: If you need laws to control and punish your partner in case she steps out of the line, then you don't trust her and you need legal support to soothe your fear in case she won't. How can choice and consensuality be deemed bondage? It is bondage once you demand punishment for someone who re-considers his choice for whatever reason. People should commit because they want and not because they are forced to. It beats my imagination how anyone would want to be with someone who stays with them by force. In what way does "fault" divorce make separation messier? And how does it make parents less friendly? People do not always agree on whose fault it was that led to the marriage break-down so they will try to prove that it wasn't their fault but the other person's, which in result will lead to a very messy divorce, the washing of dirty linen and ultimately to means that do not justify the purpose. I would much rather go for a peaceful arrangement than a war even if it was me who was wronged. I would much rather maintain a friendly relationship with the father of my child than have a compensation that would destroy any friendly relation, which would make matters even worse for my child in the long run. Firstly, separated parents is always unhealthy for kids. So are unhealthy relationships and at times even more unhealthy. Secondly, fault divorce means that marriage is less likely to be treated as a disposable relationship that can be canned on a whim. I am yet to see people who divorce based on a whim. And thirdly it meant that there was some sort of recompense for the wronged party. What compensation do you want the wronged party to receive? Utterly bogus. No one gets married by force. And therefore nobody should be forced to remain in a marriage. Don't be touchy. Be proud. Truth has no problem being shouted from the roof-tops I don't have to shout it from the roof-tops to feel validated. Divorce is not costly. Individuals make it costly - https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview Divorce is ALWAYS costly. And even if it wasn't, the wronged party can make it so if it helps them to feel better. Repeated - and varied to suit - ad nauseum You are free to ignore nauseating comments. ![]() You seem to have masochistic tendencies. ![]() ![]() Only to your finely honed dribbling skills. I didn't know I have that much power over you. ![]() |
Re: And What If She Is Cheating? by TV01(m): 2:57pm On May 16, 2016 |
Mindfulness:Marriage does not assume a "stepping out of line" - divorce does that. And I have no fear of anyone leaving me - believe that. Entering rightfully into marriage - without a pre-nup - requires, nay, demands trust, hope and rightful expectations - ab initio. The sanctions are first and foremost to shore up the institution, and secondly to ensure that divorce does not profit the instigator, which it does now, with no-fault, and laws favouring women. Mindfulness:Make the right choice to begin with. A lifelong commitment is not to be entered into lightly. Other relationship forms are freely available, avail yourself of one that most matches the desire to leave at any time and for any reason. The legal benefits can all be contracted separately. Mindfulness:Nope. Civilly, Divorce was allowable for the 3 A's - abuse, abandonment and adultery. For those to be justifiable, it will be clear who is at fault. It is not messier than no-fault case, as in truth, if you want a divorce for any reason whatsoever, it must be because you fault your partner, no? The term "no-fault" itself is an oxy-slowpoke. If spouses can't debate fault - which there should be little need to, they will re-focus and argue settlement, which they wouldn't have to do if fault were established. It may refocus energy at to a different aspect, it does not dissipate the hurt, rage or bitterness. Indeed, regardless of how you couch it, that was never the intent of NFD. It was to ostensibly allow a small number of women to escape horrible marriages without too much exertion. Now something like 80% of marriages are instigated by women usually to "pursue happiness", or "find themselves", or "be true to their hearts", for which they are typically awarded, the kids, the house and lots of free cash. Tell me you won't be bitter if that happens to you or yours? No fault legally maybe, but there will be much blame and recriminations between the parties. In any event, I care little for the nuances of divorce, as it is not a feature in properly constituted marriages. Mindfulness:Why does it have to be messy because there is fault? Or not messy because it is processed under no-fault rules. So one party will not/cannot be bitter if their spouse decided to leave for no justifiable reason? And you called me idealistic ![]() Mindfulness:That is the plaintive whine of one who puts themselves first. Kids do better even in a household with a low level of conflict, than in a divorce situation - fact! Mindfulness:But you postulate it as a necessary feature of marriage ![]() Mindfulness:It factors into decisions on custody, childcare payments, etc. If a woman wants a divorce because she met a nice man on holiday or to "pursue happiness", even though her husband has done no wrong, he should have custody if he so desires, and he shouldn't have to pay her anything if his income is much higher than hers. He should also get priority over the house. Mindfulness:Nobody is forced to enter into it. Nobody is ignorant of the lifelong nature of it. Nobody is forced to eschew alternatives. You have no point here. It's simply wilful, and an attempt to make your assertion a fact - it's not. Mindfulness:No, you just patrol the section looking for threads to you can stealthily use to self-validate ![]() Mindfulness:The link says otherwise in financial terms, you claimed otherwise in emotional terms with your bogus "better divorced, than unhealthy environment" cliché. Mindfulness:One may need to be slightly masochistic (or to be pious sacrificial ![]() Mindfulness:You don't - your winding mazy runs usually lack end product. But just to ensure that those lauding your silky skills do not remain blind to the fact ![]() TV 2 Likes |
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