Skrim:


It's not some weeks. The project is located in Abuja. And that is where I will be for the next 6 months for its final deployment and execution.

The south Africa trip itself is just 4 days. And I'll be back. But once I'm back and all goes well, I'd be moving to Abuja with my boss the next week.

I'm in a tight spot.

I don't think there's any tight spot in this matter. What's 6 months? There are people that stay away from their partners for a whole year and still keep in touch. Their love still keep on blazing and waxing stronger. It's not that it's a far away country. What's your worry all about? Is it about that for the 6 months you will stay in Abuja you won't be able to remain faithful to him while still Abuja or he won't remain faithful to you ? If it's none of that then I see no reason to be worried.

My candid advice is: Sit him down and have a heart to heart discuss with him. You ain't losing him and you ain't losing your career. You guys can do it this way- For the six months make sure you visit once a month making six times within the six months. And always make sure both of you communicate regularly cuz communication is a vital aspect of every relationship. Why so many relationships crumble, it's because there is no regular communication between the two parties involved. So make things work out by taking care of the two sides to make both work out.

Skrim:


It would become my permanent Base since I would be transferred to the Abuja branch. My job would then be there.

Sir, I actually had a long session of thinking before coming to nairaland but I couldn't come up with anything. My boyfriend works in a Lagos company. If I proceed with the project then I'd be transferred to Abuja permanently as my new branch of our company where I work.

1. Accept his proposal, that should be his birthday gift ( you don't want to break his heart on his birthday). 2. Discuss the prospect with him. Be ready to let him know that you are ready to make sacrifices for the relationship. Make him see that you place him above everything else. Give suggestions outlined here by a nairalander on distant relationship. Listen to his response and contribution, that will help both of you. Wish you luck

Who are you deceiving? Naturally your boyfriend should be happy your career is progressing but you know the truth....you are fucking your boss! That is why you are the only one qualified to do the job. The four day presentation in southie will be done by the two of you inside hotel room. Your boyfriend has warned you about the relationship. Truly, your boss promised you a cut from the project but he is just deceiving you using a new investot stuff to Bleep you during his trip to SA. Make your choice. Bleep him, collect your share if any and foeget your BF or forget the trip but if your oga fails to fulfil his part of the deal dont tell us another story that touches the heart

Who are you deceiving? Naturally your boyfriend should be happy your career is progressing but you know the truth....you are fucking your boss! That is why you are the only one qualified to do the job. The four day presentation in southie will be done by the two of you inside hotel room. Your boyfriend has warned you about the relationship. That is why you know telling him will end the relationship. Dont create another SHONDE pls. Let go of the guy so you can enjoy your project in peace. Truly, your boss promised you a cut from the project but he is just deceiving you using a new investor stuff to Bleep you during his trip to SA. Make your choice. Bleep him, collect your share if any and forget your BF or forget the trip. if your oga fails to fulfil his part of the deal dont tell us another story that touches the heart

Skrim:


I fear my talking to him would send him away

Then next him.

This is a no brainer imo. Your career & credentials are forever, while a lasting relationship is not guaranteed.

Communication problem n fear of d unknown!

There is no reason for your dilemma. The project cannot prevent your wedding from taking place. Just tell him about it and he would understand.

Even in marriage, wives go for training or degrees abroad and the home won't break.

After dating for so long, by now you already know if you'd love to be his wife or not. Don't waste time in giving your answer.

Also, don't use this project to spite him. Women are fond of using work to fight their men. Forming busy even when they are on leave. Don't be like that.

nonjebose:
1. Accept his proposal, that should be his birthday gift ( you don't want to break his heart on his birthday). 2. Discuss the prospect with him. Be ready to let him know that you are ready to make sacrifices for the relationship. Make him see that you place him above everything else. Give suggestions outlined here by a nairalander on distant relationship. Listen to his response and contribution, that will help both of you. Wish you luck

Thanks

both is possible, u av to sit ur guy down for a long talk

PunkyV:


Then next him.

This is a no brainer imo. Your career & credentials are forever, while a lasting relationship is not guaranteed.

and who says when they get to SA, those SA guys won't change their minds!! tsew.. 5yrs relationship because of impatience and irrationality.. how can someone that planned a "" huge project"" like that as she has claimed and she can't plan her relationship! IMO, she is fcvking selfish! fcvking wanna waste another human being's 5yrs.. tsewvq!!!

Oluwapresley:


and who says when they get to SA, those SA guys won't change their minds!! tsew.. 5yrs relationship because of impatience and irrationality.. how can someone that planned a "" huge project"" like that as she has claimed and she can't plan her relationship! IMO, she is fcvking selfish! fcvking wanna waste another human being's 5yrs.. tsewvq!!!

Ok, so what do you think she should do?

Oluwapresley:


and who says when they get to SA, those SA guys won't change their minds!! tsew.. 5yrs relationship because of impatience and irrationality.. how can someone that planned a "" huge project"" like that as she has claimed and she can't plan her relationship! IMO, she is fcvking selfish! fcvking wanna waste another human being's 5yrs.. tsewvq!!!

I'm not selfish sir. The issue is my bf work. He works in Lagos. Even if I accept his proposal, when I migrate to Abuja, what about him? When I wanted to relocate back to the east last year. I asked him to come with me he said no. That I should stay with him instead.

So it's not about planning or being selfish

PunkyV:


Ok, so what do you think she should do?

she should be patient and rational.. the boss that she is going to SA with, is he gonna get a divorce from his wife? is the project the end of his marriage or his relationship? she is sit down and talk with her boyfriend and they should work it out.. there are 1 million ways to kill a rat.. I've never seen any problem in life that has just a solution to it..

Skrim:


I'm not selfish sir. The issue is my bf work. He works in Lagos. Even if I accept his proposal, when I migrate to Abuja, what about him? When I wanted to relocate back to the east last year. I asked him to come with me he said no. That I should stay with him instead.

So it's not about planning or being selfish

is your boss gonna get a divorce from his wife? and u see y I said u are fvcking selfish?? u wanted to move to the east. u asked him to follow u.. really if he had followed u, Ur project will come up again, u will ask him to pack again and move to Abuja, abi it always has to be about u, abi? suit urself.

A reasonable and focused guy would give u d needed support and encouragement on ur career. D only task 4 u now is reassuring him of ur commitment to him. Take time to gv him gud perspectives, gv him 1m reasons he should trust u d more. D fear of loosing u to another man may raise some form of sceptism but u can still wk it out wt him. Build more of trust nw pls. Call him more, chat him, show him more care. U are asset bby, no man would lk 2 let go if d mix is complete.

Skrim:


Thanks again sir

Oluwapresley:


she should be patient and rational.. the boss that she is going to SA with, is he gonna get a divorce from his wife? is the project the end of his marriage or his relationship? she is sit down and talk with her boyfriend and they should work it out.. there are 1 million ways to kill a rat.. I've never seen any problem in life that has just a solution to it..

I see your point & I concur. I think it'll depend on whether he is also willing to be patient + rational about the matter. Relationships are a two-way street.

Skrim:


I fear my talking to him would send him away

if he really loves you, he will understand, explain to him and make him understand, understanding is d key, may God help you

Its obvious you do not value your bf. I once had to wait for an ex that left for her degree in the UK that's a three
years wait. Situations like yours is reason why I advice guys not to make relationship a 50/50 decision making BTW them n their girls. Girls would want to be cherished but I have no idea what is cherishing about quitting a five yr affaur after proposal. SMH for the mumu that proposed to you, am sure the signs of your Insincerity would have been all over the relationship without him paying adequate attention to the threat.

Oluwapresley:


is your boss gonna get a divorce from his wife? and u see y I said u are fvcking selfish?? u wanted to move to the east. u asked him to follow u.. really if he had followed u, Ur project will come up again, u will ask him to pack again and move to Abuja, abi it always has to be about u, abi? suit urself.

Sir, you are taking his side here not considering the position at which I stand. My boss won't relocate to Abuja. He would return to Lagos after a few days. It is I, and my IT team that would permanently relocate as the company would be transferring us.

So I don't know how I'm selfish here.

helpee:
Who are you deceiving? Naturally your boyfriend should be happy your career is progressing but you know the truth....you are fucking your boss! That is why you are the only one qualified to do the job. The four day presentation in southie will be done by the two of you inside hotel room. Your boyfriend has warned you about the relationship. That is why you know telling him will end the relationship. Dont create another SHONDE pls. Let go of the guy so you can enjoy your project in peace. Truly, your boss promised you a cut from the project but he is just deceiving you using a new investor stuff to Bleep you during his trip to SA. Make your choice. Bleep him, collect your share if any and forget your BF or forget the trip. if your oga fails to fulfil his part of the deal dont tell us another story that touches the heart

Lol...

This is not the helpee I know oh.

Or are you the boyfriend?

Skrim...

Long distance relationships can be draining and sometimes may appear to be frustrating. But what keeps you going is that you have a destination and you are determined to get there. So the question is, where is your destination? You two have spent 5 precious years and I don't think you would want to even consider putting all that into ruin.

Come to think of it: what if within that 8 months the project was suspended, you ended up marrying your boyfriend, what will be your decision now that the project is to continue? Also, I believe your boyfriend should know about this project from inception. In that case, he ought to know what it means to you especially career wise.

Your career and your relationship are both very important to you. But approach things with an open mind.

Justdulla:
One Chance is that situation when board a commercial vehicle carelessly without first ascertaining the sort of passengers on board...Project can always come and go,but mind you relatiinship is hard to come by and u claimed to have spend 5yrs building it and now your thinking of saying NO.....i repeat you dont love the dude,you just use am pass time.....I cant imagine i wud date a lady for even 2yrs and she wud tell me no,i wud just assume shes gone insane and take her to one prophet....My Judgement: Accept his proposal on his birthday,a day after tell him what came up and how it wud be beneficial for your career/achievement, elucidate properly what this new responsibility entails and what is expected of you and he would definitely understand...if you think that marriage is easy then Ask linda ikeji ir genevieve why they are still single

I love your write up, pls tell that to her, she should know that with the money she would be making from her supposed project, she can buy many boyfriends but not a real husband, and even though you managed to get one, he can never understand you like him (your boyfriend) , because he met you when you were already there at the top, and also on your part you too can never understand him totally, because he may be pretending to be a good guy because of your money or he, himself may be too rich to even care about you or your feelings or give you time at all, in anyways, you are messed up.

My lady, in the scale of preference of any mature single lady, marriage tops the ranking, it is marriage before career and who knows if maybe one way or the other, you might have discussed the project issue with your bf before now, and let just assume, he set this up himself, knowing fully well how you valued this project ( I saw that on your writeup, I also sense love for money and fame inside you), just to know weather you can go the extra length for love or for him.

My dear so after you make this money then what, assuming your bf is no longer in the picture, you now start from square one or scratch to build a rls again, do you know how draining that can be? Still dicuss it with him, open everything down, I mean leave no stone unturn,and after after serious deliberations, discussion, reasoning, thinking, meditating e t c he disagrees, on you not going to Abuja, my advice to you lady is to pipe low and get married, that's if you really love him, check your heart very well.

In conclusion, my dear, my advice is face marriage if and only if you think, he is the right one for you and you truly loves him and he also truly loves you. Money will always come, because after marriage you guys can work as a team, and from your post it seems you are the originator of that project, that means, you are a creative genius, a rare gem, the company needs you more than you need them and on the other hand you can produce more project with that same brain of yours.

Be that as it may, and given the advices you have received notwithstanding, lady go down on your knees and ask the creator of wisdom (GOD), the source of all wisdom, the custodian of wisdom for divine direction and grace to take the best profitable DECISION of your life.

God bless you and good luck.

Skrim:


It's not some weeks. The project is located in Abuja. And that is where I will be for the next 6 months for its final deployment and execution.

The south Africa trip itself is just 4 days. And I'll be back. But once I'm back and all goes well, I'd be moving to Abuja with my boss the next week.

I'm in a tight spot.

Then u can visit him once in a while like travel to his place on Saturday then return back to Abuja on Sunday. U can do that atleast once or twice each month till the whole 6month is over.


The major thing is to sit him down when he is less busy then explain everything to him. Note his reaction nd convince him.

This decision isn't tough at all because you clearly never loved him enough. If you did, you won't have to think about it, if the guy had any ego he should have ended the relationship after you asked to think before giving response. Choose your project, he obviously isn't worth the sacrifice to you.

He wasn't on board with whatever it is I offered as a walk around. As such, I have decided to deny his proposal today and follow my career in full.

byvan03:
This decision isn't tough at all because you clearly never loved him enough. If you did, you won't have to think about it, if the guy had any ego he should have ended the relationship after you asked to think before giving response. Choose your project, he obviously isn't worth the sacrifice to you.

Yes. I have decided to deny his proposal.

But NOT that I never loved him enough. He wasn't in support of me continuing my project. All what I offered as alternative for us he rejected them so it's his loss not mine.

Follow your projext

Skrim:


Yes. I have decided to deny his proposal.

But NOT that I never loved him enough. He wasn't in support of me continuing my project. All what I offered as alternative for us he rejected them so it's his loss not mine.

You have every right to pursue your dream if that's what you desire most. May the project be a success!

SMH career over love and happiness...am sure if a guy took this same decision the ladies on nairaland will crucify him for wasting her years but is all good..do what makes you happy and i wish you all the best in your decision but don't regret it if things doesn't work out fine cus is your choice and your cross.

why is he just proposing now? i think he's only trying to put you in a tight corner coz he is so aware of the importance of the job. if truely he loves you he won't make you choose rather he will wait for you, your happiness should always be his priority. infact he should encourage you more.

Allyty:
why is he just proposing now? i think he's only trying to put you in a tight corner coz he is so aware of the importance of the job. if truely he loves you he won't make you choose rather he will wait for you, your happiness should always be his priority. infact he should encourage you more.

hyy can we get to be friends