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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / The Society And The Male Child (18167 Views)
Man Who Married 2 Wives In Order To Have A Male Child Now Has 6 Daughters. Photo / Husband Chases Out His Wife And Daughter Over Inability To Have Male Child. PICS / My Husband Beats Me For Not Bearing Male Child, Wife Tells Court (2) (3) (4)
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The Society And The Male Child by olaide92(m): 6:01pm On May 21, 2016 |
A MUST READ FOR ALL MEN AND WOMEN This is one of the best write ups I have read in recent years. Be patient enough to read it to the end. I am sure you Copied from Rasheedah Unachuwu Akano #copied# ............. Everyday, especially with the rise of social media, the menfolk are bashed and branded “evil”. We often make generalisations about the whole “specie” based on isolated experiences. Recently, a Nollywood actress wrote that “all men cheat”. My intention is not to write a rejoinder to the referenced article, neither is it an attempt to repudiate the assertion. However, in my moment of solitude, I asked if truly something is wrong with us as men. Before making my case, please permit me to share three independent events that will help connect the dots with you. Event 1 Recently, at a party, I was having a conversation with a group of childhood girlfriends. One of them, Omolara, was deeply concerned about the posture her nine-year-old son is beginning to assume in life. According to her, he is becoming too “SWEET” for a man, (Sweetness in her dictionary is a lovey-dovey, soft, simple and good man). She was actually seeking my opinion on how to help him ‘toughen up’. As I struggled to make sense of her request, I asked why she wanted to alter the poor boy’s personality and to my utmost bewilderment, Bidemi, Shewa and Zainab, all other three ladies sitting with us attacked me with an intense “Jezebelic” venom. I left the party wondering to myself if I was some sort of a novice, probably naïve or worse still, archaic in my thinking. Event 2 A few months ago, I got a phone call from a very dear friend. She asked if I could recommend the service of a good lawyer for her. Since she worked in my former constituency (i.e. the Nigerian banking industry), I erroneously assumed that she was about to resign her job to register and start a new business, Alas, my very good-natured, homely gentle and caring Bolanle wants to get a divorce. The reason: Bros has been cheating on her with two of his ex-es and a new kid on the block in his office. Disturbed at the distraught sound of her voice, we agreed to meet up at a nearby restaurant on my invitation. As she walked towards me, the pain from her countenance would best be described as the percussion to the symphony of a shattered heart; in one word: BROKEN. I watched as she broke down in tears whilst she narrated her experience. She had led a chaste and responsible life as a single chic and had been a faithful and dutiful wife. Her world was tearing apart not only because she caught Le-boo red-handed, but, because he rubbed his affairs in her face and was too prideful to show any form of remorse. Secondly, because NOBODY was in support of her divorce. Everyone, including her darling mum and numero uno confidante, encouraged her to her stay on in the marriage and their unanimous reason is that, all over the world and particularly in Africa, philandering is in the DNA of men. As I listened to the societal justification for her to remain in the marriage, I realised that, somehow in our social construct, we may have bought into an unconscious “conspiracy theory” that has no empirical, cognitive, scriptural, or moral validation. Event 3 The first time I saw Iyanya’s ‘Oreo’ music video, (no disrespect to the talented dude) my first instinct was fear for the ‘boy child’. I reckoned that excessive exposure to those sort of videos in his formative years can catalyse his inclination towards a ‘vulgar’ future expressed in poor character traits such as objectifying women, multiple dating, infidelity, lack of respect for women, cheating, polygamy et al. You can then imagine the emotion I felt when I walked into a friend’s house as the video was playing on one of the music channels on DSTV and right before Daddy and Mummy, was their six-year-old son watching and singing along without parental check. Here’s my pain: In most cases, all through her life, the girl child was trained to be contrite, to be meek, to cook, to serve the king as a queen, she was generally prepared for life. The question is, who prepared the boy child for life? Who bothered to help him discover his theme and guide him on how to navigate his way through the tides of life? Who spent time to teach him how to care for a pregnant wife? Who counselled him on how to be a gentleman? As a teenager, I recall listening to a conversation about the girl child losing her innocence. For the girl child it is a taboo, but in most cases, for the boy child it is acceptable. I have seen where an African mother defended her boy child in a case of fornication gone wrong, but the girl child was stigmatized for the same “crime”. In some homes, the boy child finished eating his meals and the Mother ensured that the girl child packed up his plate and washed them. It was forbidden for him to do the dishes because he was either the only son, the last boy or the first boy (as some Yoruba mothers will say, “Baba yin ni”). All his life, the boy child has been told that he is the champion and that it is a sign of weakness to be vulnerable. In some parts of Africa, he is the preferred gender, the one to carry on the family name (‘o ma se o’). There is nothing wrong with building up a child’s self-esteem but there must be a balanced approach to it, the sad effect of these alpha-male doctrines and masculine philosophies is that it messes up the child’s belief system and often times he loses the power of believing right. The world tells the boy child that he is the VICTOR whereas he is actually the VICTIM. He is the victim of a society that lied to him that he is superior to the girl child (that is probably why some men may never be able to handle a super successful, upwardly- mobile woman). He is the victim of a system that deceived him; that it is a sign of weakness for a man to cry. He is the victim of a system that gave him a false sense of dominance over his female counterpart. He is the victim of a system where his own mother concurred to the sinister doctrine that polygamist tendencies is an innate trait of the masculine gender. He is the victim of a system that had no strict boundaries for his social conduct and contriteness whereas the girl was prepared for life and marriage. He is the victim of our cultural flaws and idiosyncrasies. He is the victim of a faulty foundation of a failed society. Here’s how I see it: It is our responsibility to show him (the boy child) the masterplan of his creator. To be strong at heart yet not afraid to admit his weaknesses and cry if need be To be a leader yet with the humility to be a servant and have control over himself To be courageous yet not afraid to open to his errors in the days of adversity To be strong yet meek To be swift yet patient To be sweet yet wise To be kind yet firm To be wise, prudent, caring and focused To be honourable in the place of chastity To build the capacity to commit to his words and not renege on his promise of love To respect the WOMAN, her GOD, her will and her body To demonize feminine abuse and revere her emotions, her spirit and her essence To own his story, his will, his calling, his purpose, his family and his life A man who will treat all women with dignity and not exploit her vulnerabilities even when the latter so easily give in. Let’s help develop a breed of perfect gentlemen Let’s help the boys grow to become Men after God’s heart! To young mothers with growing boys, teach them how to handle the needs of a woman from a woman’s perspective, it is obvious that men don’t get it as much……(Family Customer Service 101) We may not be able to change the global stock of men, but in our little corner, with our sons, our nephews, our cousins, our protégées, our godsons, our neighbour’s sons. We can build ONE man that will affect a nation. A sage once told me: it is easier to build up growing children than to repair broken adults.. came across this and felt I should share and post. Feel free to share on groups. So we can start building the kind of men we hope to see. coined from 134 Likes 51 Shares |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by olaide92(m): 6:04pm On May 21, 2016 |
cc lalasticlala. tosyn2much. wristbangle hateu2.
I think our new mothers have a lot to do |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by DICKtator: 9:34am On May 22, 2016 |
Still the boy/child matter Even James Brown sang about this. It would always be a man's world!!! It is presumed that a boy should be tough in order to be a man(remember the Spartan trainings? And even the Roman ones?) Because we are seen as an epitome of strength, honour and valour!!! It is just how the world is wired!! That is why I always find it funny when some girls be forming feminists trying to degrade menfolk in order to "glorify "their status. Singing Beyonce's " who run the world" not even knowing that that song was written by men and given to the puppet to sing!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by veekid(m): 9:35am On May 22, 2016 |
too long o jare, I ll read later 4 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by emmyw(m): 9:36am On May 22, 2016 |
Another Long post Let Me Read It............ |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Nobody: 9:37am On May 22, 2016 |
Its not new,nature made it so.. Why do you think the snake went to Eve,and not Adam,because the snake knew Eve was vulnerable like the typical female child,who is sway to be servient to the male child,Adam. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by virginboy1(m): 9:38am On May 22, 2016 |
Space bookers association of Nigeria... Egbeda zone 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Nobody: 9:38am On May 22, 2016 |
It is easier to build up growing children than to repair broken adultsWORD women ar the ones actually causing this because they raise these boys to become men. When a mother wil take d girl child to d market to assist her with sellin but leave d boy child at home to play all day Cos in her word "HE IS A BOY" also when a mother request that the girl child cook and wash d plates for evryone (includin dat of her male siblings) and also that she wakes up early in d mornin to sweep d house while her male sibling(s) sleep and do nothing..cos "THEY ARE BOYS" I thank God for my mum,she took me to the market,taught me how to sell,i fetch water,wash my own cloths,i cant play around while she cooks cos am a boy..."i dey mad?" (i can cook),i knw hw to keep d house tidy and neat etc and all these i was taught by my mom (I LOVE HER FOR THAT) and what my Dad did was to scold me when i dont listen to my mom or do somtin wrong (RIP to him) In conclusion,everyone has a work to do as regards shapin d mentality of d boy child but it all starts with MOTHERS... Treat all children equally cos thats what they are... EQUAL! #TheOracleHasSpoken 47 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Nobody: 9:39am On May 22, 2016 |
OK Finally, I have read through completely. Let me ask the OP.... Questions are as follows... : 1) IF AFRICA adores POLYGAMY, how do we differentiate it from INFIDELITY... ? 2) IF all "MEN are cheats" Who cheated with them.. ...? Because the LADY Who attests to it, must be a prostitute. .. 3) For every man willing to CHEAT today there is always a LADY ready for such... . Pls. Explain.. .? 4) Most LADIES now prefer Married men to singles because married ones can't disappoint them again... Explain....? 33 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Nobody: 9:39am On May 22, 2016 |
![]() 'Coz Everything you said up there is true and Valid. ![]() And it's Not everyday someone like ''Esthar'' Has little to Nothing to contribute or contradict. ![]() So...yeah! kudos! 9 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Nobody: 9:40am On May 22, 2016 |
Wetin dem wan talk now ? ![]() 1 Like
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Re: The Society And The Male Child by DifferentBoy1(m): 9:40am On May 22, 2016 |
E too long to read jorh 3 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by virginboy1(m): 9:41am On May 22, 2016 |
Interesting piece. on the contrary. I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now? hehehehehehe 23 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by firstolalekan(m): 9:41am On May 22, 2016 |
Even with all the evil tags, I CAN NEVER TRADE MY "MANSHIP" FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD ![]() 6 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Nobody: 9:42am On May 22, 2016 |
... So touching ![]() |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by buchi16(f): 9:42am On May 22, 2016 |
nyc piece...tnks |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Ada9103(f): 9:43am On May 22, 2016 |
ok |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Proffdada: 9:44am On May 22, 2016 |
I'm ![]() |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by mariosam(m): 9:44am On May 22, 2016 |
Truth |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Zehner(f): 9:44am On May 22, 2016 |
Very interesting read. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by dumpointer: 9:44am On May 22, 2016 |
Person fit get head ache before him read finish. Long post are discouraging to read 2 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by skimarvel: 9:45am On May 22, 2016 |
There are somethings that can never be changed!! one of such is MALE AND DOMINANCE!!! 4 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by virginboy1(m): 9:46am On May 22, 2016 |
Yomieluv:k for kassava |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by sparkle4you(f): 9:47am On May 22, 2016 |
You are right. |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by omotroyz(m): 9:48am On May 22, 2016 |
very long... but worth the time I used in reading.
doh.
blessed be. 3 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Samuelnwite2(m): 9:50am On May 22, 2016 |
olaide92: |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Ridwan1821: 9:50am On May 22, 2016 |
Though, its not all men that normally cheat on their wives but I dont knw y a normal man will cheat on his wife. Well, some women do frustrate their husband but I don't think that should be an excuse for cheating. Also, some men do think this world is a men's world, therefore they can do anything they like. 2 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by kheart(m): 9:50am On May 22, 2016 |
Read it already |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by Pavore9: 9:50am On May 22, 2016 |
A nice write up. |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by lovingT(f): 9:50am On May 22, 2016 |
olaide92: Exactly what the post is saying. Why not our new fathers?? Or better yet our new parents? Why our new mothers ![]() ![]() 18 Likes |
Re: The Society And The Male Child by SweetieConstie(f): 9:52am On May 22, 2016 |
Great post! ![]() 7 Likes |
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