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I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! - Religion - Nairaland

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I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:21pm On May 22, 2016
I am ready to quit my job to start a church.....I just need some investors.


Yes, I am an atheist but I need the money. Church is all about the money.

Now, you might be thinking....wait, isn't this Jackbizzle guy an atheist? Well, yes. But Many of your pastors and priests are atheists- they lost faith in religion and they only see it as a money making scheme.

I'm already used to pretending to be a christian! I go to church to please friends and family. I even make prayers at large occasions. I am also good at giving convincing speeches.

Although sha, I don't have patience or the heartlessness to stage fake miracles. That one is off the books.



So, please, let's start sowing seeds.

The bidding sowing starts at N1,000,000 per person minimum.

Please, God loves a cheerful giver cheesy



cc Reyginus, Johnydon22, dblackninja, kingebukasblog, cloudgoddess, hahn

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by johnydon22(m): 6:26pm On May 22, 2016
JackBizzle:
I am ready to quit my job to start a church.....I just need some investors.


Yes, I am an atheist but I need the money. Church is all about the money.

Now, you might be thinking....wait, isn't this Jackbizzle guy an atheist? Well, yes. But Many of your pastors and priests are atheists- they lost faith in religion and they only see it as a money making scheme.

I'm already used to pretending to be a christian! I go to church to please friends and family. I even make prayers at large occasions. I am also good at giving convincing speeches.

Although sha, I don't have patience or the heartlessness to stage fake miracles. That one is off the books.



So, please, let's start sowing seeds.

The bidding sowing starts at N1,000,000 per person minimum.

Please, God loves a cheerful giver cheesy



cc Reyginus, Johnydon22, dblackninja, kingebukasblog, cloudgoddess, hahn

The bolded means your church aint even leaving the ware house

4 Likes

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by PenSniper: 6:29pm On May 22, 2016
JackBizzle:
I am ready to quit my job to start a church.....I just need some investors.


Yes, I am an atheist but I need the money. Church is all about the money.

Now, you might be thinking....wait, isn't this Jackbizzle guy an atheist? Well, yes. But Many of your pastors and priests are atheists- they lost faith in religion and they only see it as a money making scheme.

I'm already used to pretending to be a christian! I go to church to please friends and family. I even make prayers at large occasions. I am also good at giving
convincing speeches.

Although sha, I don't have patience or the heartlessness to stage fake miracles. That one is off the books.


So, please, let's start sowing seeds.

The bidding sowing starts at N1,000,000 per person minimum.

Please, God loves a cheerful giver cheesy


cc Reyginus, Johnydon22, dblackninja, kingebukasblog, cloudgoddess, hahn


Well, am a businessman but am disappointed because you didn't talk the complete business language.

I have my hoe to dig and seeds to sow but returns on investment is missing in your proposal.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:39pm On May 22, 2016
johnydon22:


The bolded means your church aint even leaving the ware house


Catholic church doesn't do miracles. Still the biggest church in Nigeria.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:40pm On May 22, 2016
PenSniper:



Well, am a businessman but am disappointed because you didn't talk the complete business language.

I have my hoe to dig and seeds to sow but returns on investment is missing in your proposal.



God will reward you if you sow into my church grin
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Psylas(m): 6:44pm On May 22, 2016
you want to own 4 private jets?
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:50pm On May 22, 2016
Psylas:
you want to own 4 private jets?


10 private jets......I need to have a fleet.

God has to bless me over the other pastors.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Nobody: 6:52pm On May 22, 2016
Let me be ur treasurer grin

And am very good at staging miracles tanx to movies
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:56pm On May 22, 2016
Naijaboy007:
Let me be ur treasurer grin

And am very good at staging miracles tanx to movies


No problem. But you must not share the secret of our church.

Or else, I will cast you out like a demon in front of our congregation.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by onetrack(m): 7:04pm On May 22, 2016
I want to see what your revivals will look like first. It must have all-night praise, dancing, shouting, and rolling on the floor hysteria before I will set foot inside.

And if you don't at least have an S-class Mercedes then we ain't even talking!
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 7:07pm On May 22, 2016
onetrack:
I want to see what your revivals will look like first. It must have all-night praise, dancing, shouting, and rolling on the floor hysteria before I will set foot inside.

And if you don't at least have an S-class Mercedes then we ain't even talking!

I have an 06 range rover? I try?


All night praise ke? I resemble king David?

Anyhoo, na my lower pastors go handle that one!
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Joysmith2: 7:11pm On May 22, 2016
@OP

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by onetrack(m): 7:29pm On May 22, 2016
JackBizzle:


I have an 06 range rover? I try?


Not good enough. But I might reconsider if you call yourself His Holy Annointed Rev. Dr. Apostle Prophet ____________

I'm easily impressed by titles.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by lepasharon(f): 7:35pm On May 22, 2016
I'm interested. I can be ur actor that catches the holy ghost
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Legitman22(m): 7:59pm On May 22, 2016
Psylas:
you want to own 4 private jets?
Dat church go be owambe church.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by johnydon22(m): 8:41pm On May 22, 2016
JackBizzle:



Catholic church doesn't do miracles. Still the biggest church in Nigeria.

You are planning on running a pentecostal biz here not a catholic runs, so that's how it works.

Get miracles or you are not in business
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 8:42pm On May 22, 2016
johnydon22:


You are planning on running a pentecostal biz here not a catholic runs, so that's how it works.

Get miracles or you are not in business


okay...i already have a guy volunteering to be the miracle receiver.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by johnydon22(m): 8:48pm On May 22, 2016
JackBizzle:
okay...i already have a guy volunteering to be the miracle receiver.
Then you are in business let the circus show begin.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by hahn(m): 9:20pm On May 22, 2016
JackBizzle:
I am ready to quit my job to start a church.....I just need some investors.


Yes, I am an atheist but I need the money. Church is all about the money.

Now, you might be thinking....wait, isn't this Jackbizzle guy an atheist? Well, yes. But Many of your pastors and priests are atheists- they lost faith in religion and they only see it as a money making scheme.

I'm already used to pretending to be a christian! I go to church to please friends and family. I even make prayers at large occasions. I am also good at giving convincing speeches.

Although sha, I don't have patience or the heartlessness to stage fake miracles. That one is off the books.



So, please, let's start sowing seeds.

The bidding sowing starts at N1,000,000 per person minimum.

Please, God loves a cheerful giver cheesy



cc Reyginus, Johnydon22, dblackninja, kingebukasblog, cloudgoddess, hahn

I can be your treasurer grin

1 Like

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Nobody: 12:15am On May 23, 2016
hahn:


I can be your treasurer grin

That post has already been taken
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Nobody: 12:16am On May 23, 2016
JackBizzle:



No problem. But you must not share the secret of our church.

Or else, I will cast you out like a demon in front of our congregation.

lipsrsealed
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by AnusOdourInhaler: 2:42am On May 23, 2016
Heh! Count me in
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by hahn(m): 6:57am On May 23, 2016
Naijaboy007:


That post has already been taken

Treasury assistant nko? sad
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by dblackninja: 8:17am On May 23, 2016
JackBizzle:
I am ready to quit my job to start a church.....I just need some investors.

Yes, I am an atheist but I need the money. Church is all about the money.

Now, you might be thinking....wait, isn't this Jackbizzle guy an atheist? Well, yes. But Many of your pastors and priests are atheists- they lost faith in religion and they only see it as a money making scheme.

I'm already used to pretending to be a christian! I go to church to please friends and family. I even make prayers at large occasions. I am also good at giving convincing speeches.

Although sha, I don't have patience or the heartlessness to stage fake miracles. That one is off the books.

So, please, let's start sowing seeds.

The bidding sowing starts at N1,000,000 per person minimum.

Please, God loves a cheerful giver cheesy


cc Reyginus, Johnydon22, dblackninja, kingebukasblog, cloudgoddess, hahn

Hehehe..Like seriously grin It's not even a joke. I've contemplated on that idea for sometime now. Church na where it happens..even if it's botch-constructed with some wood and covered with some waterproof material like tarpaulin, trust me money will be moving.

The pastorpreneur will be like..Always pay your tithe and give your offerings because they are for God who gave them to you. You will pray and fast for days and at last cheerfully give a sizeable amount from your sufferings--sorry God's blessings. The pastor will cheerfully accept of course for is it not written: A labourer deserves his wages .

Problem now is capital to start..I pass my neighbour generator alone is around N18,000, not to talk of other essentials like white hankie grin etc. Everything don cost cry
Bro, if you can afford the necessary materials for the ministry to start---wood, nylon and co., please call upon me to be the senior pastor, I can preach welu well cool... [Have my C.V]

Like Johnny pointed out miracle na mustooo, except if you want to be riding bicycle throughout your life in the ministry while others are busy thinking about purchasing a rocket.
You have to be talented in both preaching and performing/staging good tricks (miracles) for the church business to sell. If you're lacking in both or either one, then you have to hire someone who does.

Just because of that, folks are running away from my mother church (catholic) to where e dey happen.
Once you can stage and perform good convincing miracles, you don't need to worry about members. Money will start flowing.
Reyginus himself will sow a good seed for you to heal his friend's long lost joystick.

1 Like

Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 8:28am On May 23, 2016
dblackninja:


Hehehe..Like seriously grin It's not even a joke. I've contemplated on that idea for sometime now. Church na where it happens..even if it's botch-constructed with some wood and covered with some waterproof material like tarpaulin, trust me money will be moving.

The pastorpreneur will be like..Always pay your tithe and give your offerings because they are for God who gave them to you. You will pray and fast for days and at last cheerfully give a sizeable amount from your sufferings--sorry God's blessings. The pastor will cheerfully accept of course for is it not written: A labourer deserves his wages .

Problem now is capital to start..I pass my neighbour generator alone is around N18,000, not to talk of other essentials like white hankie grin etc. Everything don cost cry
Bro, if you can afford the necessary materials for the ministry to start---wood, nylon and co., please call upon me to be the senior pastor, I can preach welu well cool... [Have my C.V]

Like Johnny pointed out miracle na mustooo, except if you want to be riding bicycle throughout your life in the ministry while others are busy thinking about purchasing a rocket.
You have to be talented in both preaching and performing/staging good tricks (miracles) for the church business to sell. If you're lacking in both or either one, then you have to hire someone who does.

Just because of that, folks are running away from my mother church (catholic) to where e dey happen.
Once you can stage and perform good convincing miracles, you don't need to worry about members. Money will start flowing.
Reyginus himself will sow a good seed for you to heal his friend's long lost joystick.



You need at least 100k to start a decent small church.

Microphones
Speakers
Small generator
Plastic chairs.
Pako/glass pulpit


As for Reyginus's friend, we would do p#nis enlargement miracles for him.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 8:31am On May 23, 2016
hahn:


Treasury assistant nko? sad

That post is open
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by dblackninja: 9:33am On May 23, 2016
JackBizzle:


You need at least 100k to start a decent small church.

Microphones
Speakers
Small generator
Plastic chairs.
Pako/glass pulpit


As for Reyginus's friend, we would do p#nis enlargement miracles for him.

100k shocked...Menn am doomed embarassed Okay you said decent..I still have hope. For me, na to start micro small. Go to someone's abandoned land. Clear land. Turn to Jesus the carpenter and erect a strong batcher..cover am with waterproof.. Construct some long wooden bench for a start. Invite people to the miracle center and instruct one brother to buy a microphone and speaker according to the Lord's directive and we'll rise from there cool

If the small capital is there men then everything is set.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 9:43am On May 23, 2016
dblackninja:


100k shocked...Menn am doomed embarassed Okay you said decent..I still have hope. For me, na to start micro small. Go to someone's abandoned land. Clear land. Turn to Jesus the carpenter and erect a strong batcher..cover am with waterproof.. Construct some long wooden bench for a start. Invite people to the miracle center and instruct one brother to buy a microphone and speaker according to the Lord's directive and we'll rise from there cool

If the small capital is there men then everything is set.


The miracle thing is still touching me. I can do the preaching....but giving amputees and sick people false hope with false miracle? That is wickedness.
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by dblackninja: 10:36am On May 23, 2016
JackBizzle:

The miracle thing is still touching me. I can do the preaching....but giving amputees and sick people false hope with false miracle? That is wickedness.

Wickedness?? grin People are living on that hope alone. To take away that hope from them is like taking away their life.

After reading a fantasy book to someone, how many will come back to listen to it a second time when you're not demonstrating how those events occurred?
That's it bro, you have to demonstrate to gather your audience..that's how it works.

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