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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! (1142 Views)
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I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:21pm On May 22, 2016 |
I am ready to quit my job to start a church.....I just need some investors. Yes, I am an atheist but I need the money. Church is all about the money. Now, you might be thinking....wait, isn't this Jackbizzle guy an atheist? Well, yes. But Many of your pastors and priests are atheists- they lost faith in religion and they only see it as a money making scheme. I'm already used to pretending to be a christian! I go to church to please friends and family. I even make prayers at large occasions. I am also good at giving convincing speeches. Although sha, I don't have patience or the heartlessness to stage fake miracles. That one is off the books. So, please, let's start sowing seeds. The Please, God loves a cheerful giver cc Reyginus, Johnydon22, dblackninja, kingebukasblog, cloudgoddess, hahn 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by johnydon22(m): 6:26pm On May 22, 2016 |
JackBizzle: The bolded means your church aint even leaving the ware house 4 Likes |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by PenSniper: 6:29pm On May 22, 2016 |
JackBizzle: Well, am a businessman but am disappointed because you didn't talk the complete business language. I have my hoe to dig and seeds to sow but returns on investment is missing in your proposal. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:39pm On May 22, 2016 |
johnydon22: Catholic church doesn't do miracles. Still the biggest church in Nigeria. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:40pm On May 22, 2016 |
PenSniper: God will reward you if you sow into my church |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Psylas(m): 6:44pm On May 22, 2016 |
you want to own 4 private jets? |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:50pm On May 22, 2016 |
Psylas: 10 private jets......I need to have a fleet. God has to bless me over the other pastors. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Nobody: 6:52pm On May 22, 2016 |
Let me be ur treasurer And am very good at staging miracles tanx to movies |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 6:56pm On May 22, 2016 |
Naijaboy007: No problem. But you must not share the secret of our church. Or else, I will cast you out like a demon in front of our congregation. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by onetrack(m): 7:04pm On May 22, 2016 |
I want to see what your revivals will look like first. It must have all-night praise, dancing, shouting, and rolling on the floor hysteria before I will set foot inside. And if you don't at least have an S-class Mercedes then we ain't even talking! |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 7:07pm On May 22, 2016 |
onetrack: I have an 06 range rover? I try? All night praise ke? I resemble king David? Anyhoo, na my lower pastors go handle that one! |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Joysmith2: 7:11pm On May 22, 2016 |
@OP
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Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by onetrack(m): 7:29pm On May 22, 2016 |
JackBizzle: Not good enough. But I might reconsider if you call yourself His Holy Annointed Rev. Dr. Apostle Prophet ____________ I'm easily impressed by titles. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by lepasharon(f): 7:35pm On May 22, 2016 |
I'm interested. I can be ur actor that catches the holy ghost |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Legitman22(m): 7:59pm On May 22, 2016 |
Psylas:Dat church go be owambe church. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by johnydon22(m): 8:41pm On May 22, 2016 |
JackBizzle: You are planning on running a pentecostal biz here not a catholic runs, so that's how it works. Get miracles or you are not in business |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 8:42pm On May 22, 2016 |
johnydon22: okay...i already have a guy volunteering to be the miracle receiver. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by johnydon22(m): 8:48pm On May 22, 2016 |
JackBizzle:Then you are in business let the circus show begin. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by hahn(m): 9:20pm On May 22, 2016 |
JackBizzle: I can be your treasurer 1 Like |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Nobody: 12:15am On May 23, 2016 |
hahn: That post has already been taken |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by Nobody: 12:16am On May 23, 2016 |
JackBizzle: |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by AnusOdourInhaler: 2:42am On May 23, 2016 |
Heh! Count me in |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by hahn(m): 6:57am On May 23, 2016 |
Naijaboy007: Treasury assistant nko? |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by dblackninja: 8:17am On May 23, 2016 |
JackBizzle: Hehehe..Like seriously It's not even a joke. I've contemplated on that idea for sometime now. Church na where it happens..even if it's botch-constructed with some wood and covered with some waterproof material like tarpaulin, trust me money will be moving. The pastorpreneur will be like..Always pay your tithe and give your offerings because they are for God who gave them to you. You will pray and fast for days and at last cheerfully give a sizeable amount from your sufferings--sorry God's blessings. The pastor will cheerfully accept of course for is it not written: A labourer deserves his wages . Problem now is capital to start..I pass my neighbour generator alone is around N18,000, not to talk of other essentials like white hankie etc. Everything don cost Bro, if you can afford the necessary materials for the ministry to start---wood, nylon and co., please call upon me to be the senior pastor, I can preach welu well ... [Have my C.V] Like Johnny pointed out miracle na mustooo, except if you want to be riding bicycle throughout your life in the ministry while others are busy thinking about purchasing a rocket. You have to be talented in both preaching and performing/staging good tricks (miracles) for the church business to sell. If you're lacking in both or either one, then you have to hire someone who does. Just because of that, folks are running away from my mother church (catholic) to where e dey happen. Once you can stage and perform good convincing miracles, you don't need to worry about members. Money will start flowing. Reyginus himself will sow a good seed for you to heal his friend's long lost joystick. 1 Like |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 8:28am On May 23, 2016 |
dblackninja: You need at least 100k to start a decent small church. Microphones Speakers Small generator Plastic chairs. Pako/glass pulpit As for Reyginus's friend, we would do p#nis enlargement miracles for him. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 8:31am On May 23, 2016 |
hahn: That post is open |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by dblackninja: 9:33am On May 23, 2016 |
JackBizzle: 100k ...Menn am doomed Okay you said decent..I still have hope. For me, na to start micro small. Go to someone's abandoned land. Clear land. Turn to Jesus the carpenter and erect a strong batcher..cover am with waterproof.. Construct some long wooden bench for a start. Invite people to the miracle center and instruct one brother to buy a microphone and speaker according to the Lord's directive and we'll rise from there If the small capital is there men then everything is set. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by JackBizzle: 9:43am On May 23, 2016 |
dblackninja: The miracle thing is still touching me. I can do the preaching....but giving amputees and sick people false hope with false miracle? That is wickedness. |
Re: I Need Investors To Start A Church....and I'm An Atheist!! by dblackninja: 10:36am On May 23, 2016 |
JackBizzle:Wickedness?? People are living on that hope alone. To take away that hope from them is like taking away their life. After reading a fantasy book to someone, how many will come back to listen to it a second time when you're not demonstrating how those events occurred? That's it bro, you have to demonstrate to gather your audience..that's how it works. |
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