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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) (6044 Views)
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The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 7:56pm On May 24, 2016 |
Making a movie in Nigeria is serious business. You really don’t need a lot of experience to make one. If you’ve ever wondered how to make one we made a guide for you. 1. First of all, make sure your movie poster tells the whole story. Don’t leave any chance to the viewers to guess how the movie goes, if possible narrate the film on the poster. http://zikoko.com/list/complete-guide-making-nollywood-movie/ Lalasticlala Ijebabe nex
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 7:59pm On May 24, 2016 |
2. Quickly make a movie about anything that happens in the news.
Be fast, be the first person to make it so you can make enough money.
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:00pm On May 24, 2016 |
3. Make sure you include an intro scene irrelevant to the movie. Intro scene should be about a plane flying or a farm in the village. Anything works.
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:01pm On May 24, 2016 |
4. Include a 10 minute scene of cars driving from one end of Lagos to the other. Maybe to show off the beautiful potholes and traffic sellers, always include funny background music too.
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by missdebs(f): 8:02pm On May 24, 2016 |
beautiful potholes, lmao. your one good writer |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:03pm On May 24, 2016 |
5. Put like ten passerby scenes and three scenes with a car reversing. Because you must include all your family members in the cast. Charity begins at home.
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:04pm On May 24, 2016 |
6. Whoever is singing the theme music must narrate the whole movie with it.
If you don’t listen well, you an’t understand the movie. 4 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:05pm On May 24, 2016 |
7. There must be a gateman scene. No matter what the movies is about make sure you add that scene. The gateman must also try to be funny
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by trekkie: 8:05pm On May 24, 2016 |
Funny |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:06pm On May 24, 2016 |
8. Carry only one or two bags when you are moving out.
Even if you have been living there for the past 20 years. 4 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:07pm On May 24, 2016 |
9. Find a way to include a mother-in-law in the movie plot.
Yes you guessed it. She must be wicked too.
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:08pm On May 24, 2016 |
10. Remind your actors and actresses to use funny accents. Mix British and American with a little Jamaican accent in one sentence for the international community. 4 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:09pm On May 24, 2016 |
11. Somebody must be poisoned.
“After the poison is added to the food, taste it. Okay? Action!”
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:10pm On May 24, 2016 |
12. You must have a housegirl. This is one important rule. Never forget, because who will break a plate and get punished or sleep with oga. 1 Like
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:11pm On May 24, 2016 |
13. If your movie does not have witchcraft and babalawos you haven’t started. Witches must wear black or red, voodoo priests must paint one eye with chalk. Be consistent. 2 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:12pm On May 24, 2016 |
14. Your actors must shout, if you don’t shout you are not acting well.
Maybe the microphone is always bad, we don’t understand.
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:13pm On May 24, 2016 |
15. There has to be a slap scene. At least one epic slap must happen please. It spices up the movie. (The person receiving the slap must say “did you slap me?”). 3 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:14pm On May 24, 2016 |
16. Give an illiterate the subtitles to do. It costs too much to pay a professional to do it, and you must save money. If the viewers don’t like it, they will manage it like that. 3 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:15pm On May 24, 2016 |
17. Now divide the storyline into four parts Parts I-IV. You can give the titles different names so people would know. Make enough money on a story that should last 10 minutes. 1 Like
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 8:16pm On May 24, 2016 |
18. Don’t forget the most important part of the movie ending.
Without it your movie is useless. 2 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by decatalyst(m): 8:45pm On May 24, 2016 |
Op, you forgot to add to get your copy visit no24 ebimpejo lane or no25 edidi lane alaba international market. Grab your copy now!!!] ![]() ![]() 4 Likes
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Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by kristen12(f): 9:42am On May 26, 2016 |
That to God be the glory must be there. Nollywood sha 1 Like |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by MrOdyssey(m): 1:02am On May 27, 2016 |
decatalyst:... You even forgot the ultimate- to get ur copy rush now to number 25 ebimpoje lane., idumota lagos or number 14 pound road aba. Get your copy NOW!. |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by oluwagream: 2:41am On May 27, 2016 |
Kk |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by MrCow(m): 7:11pm On May 31, 2016 |
hmm @op you killed it there should also be an accident scene where only the car will be on the way 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by MrCow(m): 7:19pm On May 31, 2016 |
kristen12:abi o, only in a nollywood movie will a guy shoot himself twice on the head 1 Like |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Mcowubaba: 12:46pm On Jun 20, 2016 |
Nollywood movies, u will see a Fair small boy washing ceramic plates in 1982, then the will now show 21 years later, the boy will now be Jim Iyke washing the same ceramic plates in 2015 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by ArikeAriyo(f): 3:57pm On Jun 21, 2016 |
Hmmm |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by Nobody: 9:52pm On Jun 21, 2016 |
decatalyst: you forgot the 1hr noisy advertisement. |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by kwencypresh(f): 10:50am On Jun 28, 2016 |
MrOdyssey:Or no 5 & 6 Ubakasson plaza, Alaba international market lagos 1 Like |
Re: The Complete Guide To Making A Nollywood Movie (hilarious) by drexel39(m): 9:16pm On Jul 06, 2016 |
An elder will advice his children and cough 3 times before he dies,don't dispute it,its in the constituion 3 Likes |
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