In order for marriage to flourish both husband and wife need to leave their parents and start a new home together. From that moment they need to be number one in each other's life. That doesn't mean they don't love and care about their parents. It simply means that the top priority has now changed from parents to spouse.

Here are a few reasons why this is so important

1. It shows honor and respect for your spouse

When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. The same with a husband. When you talk together as a couple about your problems and seek answers in a united way, it strengthens your marriage. Parents can be consulted, but it's best done with both of you present, not going behind each other's back. That doesn't mean there won't be times when one-on-one time with a parent is needed. It just means that running to a parent is not your first or usual response.

2. It shows your spouse and your parents that your marriage is solid

If one or the other keeps running home to Mom or Dad, complaining about his or her spouse, it can be damaging to your marriage. A mother of a young married daughter told about how her daughter was continually telling them bad things about her husband — nothing big, just annoying things like he doesn't pick up his clothes, he watches too much TV, or a myriad of other nit-picky traits. When this happens the parents can't help but feel like you married a loser, even though there are wonderful things about him that you love. If they have a skewed view of your mate due to your continual barrage of negatives, they may not give you proper counsel, even may encourage you to leave him. Unless there's abuse, that would be disastrous. When you put your spouse first, your parents and your spouse will recognize how important your marriage is to you.

3. It creates a stronger intimacy with your spouse

When your focus is on your mate then each other's needs can be met. There is a bond of devotion where deep sharing of thoughts and experiences kindle a love that can be experienced no other way. This kind of intimacy opens the door to a more romantic relationship. If you don't feel like you're number one, genuine intimacy is hard to achieve. Allowing your parents to have that number one spot can put a damper on your relationship. A woman told us about how her mother-in-law called her son every night at bedtime. She said, "Just when we finally have some alone time after the kids are in bed the phone rings, and it's her. The other night we were snuggling on the couch enjoying each other when it rang. We knew who it was. My husband always feels obligated to take the call. It's taking a toll on the intimate side of our marriage." This couple solved the problem by the husband telling his mother this was not a good time to call. They then set a time that worked better for all concerned. Most parents want their kids to have a happy marriage and will respond to such requests. Taking this action helped his wife realize how important she was to him. Setting boundaries with parents in a kind and loving way is important. Keeping close to parents matters, and it can be done without jeopardizing your marriage.

4. When things get tough you can count on each other

When you've kept each other at the top of the list, there will be no question about loyalty to and from your spouse. A couple told of a time the husband lost his business. He said, "My wife was by my side the whole time, cheering me on, right up to the bitter end when the business collapsed. I knew that even if my parents or others criticized me for taking this risk, she would stick up for me." No one chooses to fail, but if it happens it is comforting to know your spouse is right there to buoy you up. That goes for other kinds of challenges, as well. When you have kept each other as a priority, you'll be there for each other through the hard times. Your spouse is your greatest support system. Parental love and support is nice to have, but in the end it is your spouse who is by your side daily.

5. When your parents reach the end of their lives, having your spouse by your side will be very comforting.

Keeping the relationship strong with your mate can make all heartaches a little more bearable, particularly this one. If you have been respectful and loving to your parents, all the while keeping your mate as your priority, your memories will be sweeter and your marriage will be stronger.

A caution

In all of this, don't push your parents away. Include them in ways that work for you and your spouse. A loving relationship with parents can be very helpful in keeping your family strong. You and your spouse can build that relationship while keeping each other as your main priority.










familyshare.com

FTC....

Nollywood has been telling us otherwise....

It does not matter. you should do what is right

slyIsaac:
Nollywood has been telling us otherwise....

Has anyone else noticed how it's mostly women that come up with articles and reasons why a person's spouse should be number one before their parents and/or siblings?

6.You need to be growing together : Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes that, is something, which cannot be escaped from. That doesn’t mean however that all hope is lost, in fact, it means quite the opposite. A marriage a chance for two people to spend their years growing together and learning together, if you want your spouse to feel, as though they are growing with you, then you need to ensure that they feel, as though they are equal to you.

None is more important than the other.

Each of them has their respective roles to play.
Love both!
Honor both!
Respect both!
Adore both!
If you think your spouse is more important, and you place him ahead, what do you do when there is marital storm, where and who do you run to?

Likewise, if your family ahead, and there is family storms, who will you lean on.


The best is to be a good spouse to your partner and good child to your family, i.e, just balance the two.

greatgod2012:
None is more important than the other.

Each of them has their respective roles to play.
Love both!
Honor both!
Respect both!
Adore both!
If you think your spouse is more important, and you place him ahead, what do you do when there is marital storm, where and who do you run to?

Likewise, if your family ahead, and there is family storms, who will you lean on.


The best is to be a good spouse to your partner and good child to your family.

There...

very well written

greatgod2012:
None is more important than the other.

Each of them has their respective roles to play.
Love both!
Honor both!
Respect both!
Adore both!
If you think your spouse is more important, and you place him ahead, what do you do when there is marital storm, where and who do you run to?

Likewise, if your family ahead, and there is family storms, who will you lean on.


The best is to be a good spouse to your partner and good child to your family.

crackhaus:
Has anyone else noticed how it's mostly women that come up with articles and reasons why a person's spouse should be number one before their parents and/or siblings?

You can say that again
And it always backfires.. Trust me, have learnt the hard way through experience..
I wil.never ever place my spouse above my parents.. Instead i will balance the equation. Because both parents and spouse are very important to me.. None is above the other..
If.not for my parents, i wont be where i.am today.. They sacrificed so much for.me.. None can be compared to what they gave up, just to.make.me.comfortable in life.
If not for my parents?
I for suffer well! No be small thing...

Just balance the two.. Thats all.

Amelian:




You can say that again
And it always backfires.. Trust me, have learnt the hard way through experience..
I wil.never ever place my spouse above my parents.. Instead i will balance the equation. Because both parents and spouse are very important to me.. None is above the other..
If.not for my parents, i wont be where i.am today.. They sacrificed so much for.me.. None can be compared to what they gave up, just to.make.me.comfortable in life.
If not for my parents?
I for suffer well! No be small thing...

Just balance the two.. Thats all.

My exact sentiments.

Amelian:




You can say that again
And it always backfires.. Trust me, have learnt the hard way through experience..
I wil.never ever place my spouse above my parents.. Instead i will balance the equation. Because both parents and spouse are very important to me.. None is above the other..
If.not for my parents, i wont be where i.am today.. They sacrificed so much for.me.. None can be compared to what they gave up, just to.make.me.comfortable in life.
If not for my parents?
I for suffer well! No be small thing...

Just balance the two.. Thats all.

i seconded

crackhaus:
Has anyone else noticed how it's mostly women that come up with articles and reasons why a person's spouse should be number one before their parents and/or siblings?

You took this post right out of my mind.

Real crap.

The question should be : why do some women feel a compulsive need to put themselves between a man and his parents ? And why do men never ever do the same ?

A marriage can still be all 5 , and even more blissful ,without the need for a man to have to choose who should come first, wife or parents.

The love, affection and relationship between a person and parents are totally in a different category than that between a person and his/ spouse, and therefore should never be put on the same pedestal.

A spouse can always fall out of love, betray you, shame you or even harm you.
Your parents can hardly ever fall out love, betray you to the world or harm you.

Therefore, the choice, if one is ever forced to make it, is very clear.

Every spouse should obviously put themselves first while respecting and caring for their parents together.

Anybody not ready to leave his/her family and cleave to his/her spouse should stay married to their parents.

The bible has already outlined where everyone belongs......

''therefore, a man shall live his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"
My wife is 'me' as we are one. Whatever happens to her affects me directly and vice versa. The place of parents are different and should be respected.

"Honour your father and mother....."
My wife cannot take the place of my parents while my parents can't take that of my wife. I could remember vividly when I got married, my mum told me my wife comes first and was reiterated my my dad who claimed that to be the secret of their successful union of close to forty years.
What I will not condone is my wife trying to come between me and my parents as everyone already has his role and place spelt out. But, that hardly happens if one marries the right spouse.

plaetton:


You took this post right out of my mind.

Real crap.

The question should be : why do some women feel a compulsive need to put themselves between a man and his parents ? And why do men never ever do the same ?

A marriage can still be all 5 , and even more blissful ,without the need for a man to have to choose who should come first, wife or parents.

The love, affection and relationship between a person and parents are totally in a different category than that between a person and his/ spouse, and therefore should never be put on the same pedestal.

A spouse can always fall out of love, betray you, shame you or even harm you.
Your parents can hardly ever fall out love, betray you to the world or harm you.

Therefore, the choice, if one is ever forced to make it, is very clear.

The answer to the question is simple: Emotional Neediness - this is a very special God-given trait found more often in women than in men.

Diamondruby u haven't replied my previous mention...

SmellingAnus:
Diamondruby u haven't replied my previous mention...

Hi

DiAmOnDrUbY:


Hi

missed you... I have literally checked on your moniker daily since Jun 3rd when you last came online....