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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) (3891 Views)
Man Offers Girlfriend N500k To Dump Her For Another Lady. She Collects The Money / After Promising Marriage, Lady Gets Her Boyfriend Beaten For Trying To Dump Her / When He Tries To Dump You Before Valentine's Day (Hilarious Photo) (2) (3) (4)
How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 11:56pm On Jun 14, 2016 |
You’ve had enough of this shiit. You and your bros are at the bar just having a quiet little evening chugging some good beer and discussing money when you feel the vibration in your pocket. It’s a text message from your fuccking slam piece. “Where R you?? I thought we were supposed to hang out tonight!!” Bleep this bitch. You guys have been banging for the past two months and in a drunken moment of insanity, you actually agreed to the ultimate bro hell: a relationship. Ever since then she’s been crazy as Bleep. She tries to get you to meet all her friends, hang out before midnight, and even be seen at bars together. And worst of all, she expects you to be sober the entire time. This shiit just isn’t cutting it – you’re a fuccking bro – you weren’t meant to live in society’s fuccking cage of monogamy. As you read the text message you snap – tonight, much like every night, was made for you and your bros to get fuccked up and hook up with slam pieces. Through the haze of chugging three bottles, you see a familiar face across the bar. You don’t remember her name, but let’s be honest, outside of your favorite porn star, what girl’s name do you remember? Then it hits you – that’s one of your slam piece’s friends. Sure she was annoying as fucck when you met her, but you might as well fucck her because she was looking for some dickin’. You approach her and within 10 minutes, you’re getting fuccking dome shots in the girls’ bathroom. Thirty minutes after you emerged from the ladies room doing “The Dougie” while your bros chanted your name, your slam piece calls – she’s fucking pissed. You don’t pick up the phone and don’t even fuccking bother listening to the 5 minute long screaming voicemail. You just send her the three words that make you a free man: “We’re done bittch.” Serves her right. That’s what she fuccking gets for trying to control you. While bros hate being trapped in a relationship – you better fuccking believe they love dumping bitches. Now I know what everyone out there is saying – “How the fucck would bros ever get into a situation where they would have to dump a bittch? Bros don’t have girlfriends, they have slam pieces!” While this is by definition true, there’s a problem. Slam pieces realize bros are the most genetically perfect human beings so they naturally get attached. They don’t want just a one night stand, they want the whole fuccking thing. Sadly, there is only so much bro to go around, therefore we have to step up and do the right thing. We have to let those biitches know when we’ve used them up. Bros get such a fuccking high by seeing how devastated a girl gets when she finds out she’ll never get to bang them again. The more she cries and begs to stay together, the more he realizes, “I’m really fuccking good at banging!” So how does a bro dump a girl? Let’s take a fuccking look! 1. Loud Public Dumping – Everyone says the smart thing to do when you’re breaking up is to do it in public - that way there won’t be a scene. Well, bros do that shiit in public, but they do it to make a scene. By dumping a girl at the bar, while everyone and their fuccking mother is around to witness it, not only do you let the World know that you’re single and ready to bang some stranger, but that you are the one that did the dumping. Slam pieces fuccking love a bro who’s in charge, so this shiit just makes you even more of a bang-magnet. 2. Ignore Her – Say it’s past the point of a public dumping and you just want to move on and really never talk to her again. In this case, it’s best to just ignore the shiit out of her. When I say ignore, I don’t mean just wait longer to return her phone calls or text messages – I mean just straight up pretend that she never fuccking existed. Like say you run into her at the bar - treat her like a stranger. When she comes screaming in your face about why you won’t talk to her, ask her what her name is. She’ll probably call you an asshole or some shiit, but just tell her that’s not your name and introduce yourself. If she doesn’t get the picture by this point, make it clear that you’re single and ask her if she’s got a boyfriend. By acting like she doesn’t exist, eventually she won’t. Fucck that biitch 3. Cheat on Her - Sometimes, bros just need to do the honorable thing: bang another slam piece. Now this is tricky - since bros are the smartest people on the fuccking planet, they always get away with cheating, but when you’re trying to dump a biitch, you WANT to get caught. Perhaps the best method is by banging one of your girlfriend’s roommates, friends, or even one of her sisters. This ensures that she will definitely find out. In addition banging one of her close friends will be easy as shiit since all girls fuccking do is gossip, so they will have definitely heard how fuccking awesome you are at banging. She’ll usually be so embarrassed that she’ll never want to speak to you again, which is obviously a fuccking jackpot. Side effects for her may include years of therapy, but don’t worry - her future husband/ “taster of your dick” will pay for that. “Let’s just be friends.” It’s a phrase the rest of society uses when they break up. It may ease their guilt, but luckily for us – we don’t get guilt. When bros dump biitches, there’s no worrying about her feelings or telling her “it’s gonna be alright” while you gently pat her on the back – there’s fuccking tears! After all, being with a bro is the pinnacle of any girl’s life. Despite her violent eruptions and ridiculous claims that we’re “assholes” for sleeping with their sisters, time will pass. You fuccking know that some late night down the road you’ll get that text saying, “What are you up 2??” Oh, she’ll be back for another ride on the almighty D – they always come back. Only true bros will understand Don't be a pusssy, be a fuccking bro 4 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by heffem(m): 12:01am On Jun 15, 2016 |
thanks bro...... whatever u do, there's repercussion for it 2 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 12:06am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Freakypinky:Typical biitch. Always wanna talk even when their opinion was not sought for. Did you miss the BROS ONLY in parenthesis or are you just a hoe looking for dicck. Fucck outta my thread. Biitches are not invited ![]() 5 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by ronald4lif(m): 12:17am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Freakypinky: She just signed her death warrant by daring such. Murder is a crime but I won't mind sniffing the life out of her and embrace the gulag. ![]() 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 12:22am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Freakypinky:STFU hoe |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 12:23am On Jun 15, 2016 |
ronald4lif:You a real bro ![]() 1 Like |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by ForeverYoung197(f): 12:28am On Jun 15, 2016 |
This is too harsh. |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by iyamchee(m): 12:35am On Jun 15, 2016 |
People like you never achieve anything in life. You deserve to be publicly flogged and hanged for this shit..... You are a Fucck boy!! You disrespect women, thats what makes you a fucck boy. You need to have a rethink and undergo reorientation cause I can tell you fo sure that your life is fuccked!!........Fucck Boy 1 Like |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 12:54am On Jun 15, 2016 |
iyamchee:PUSSSY! Go suck a dick you fucckin fa.ggot. Read the title next time pusssy boy - BROS ONLY. You're a pusssy, not a bro so fucck off! |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by iyamchee(m): 1:12am On Jun 15, 2016 |
trollolololol: I have nothing to say to ya.....except to bring your dumb useless brain to the realisation of the fact that you are a disgrace to your mom......God bless her soul whoever and wherever she is...but ya a disgrace to her..... |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by iyamchee(m): 1:24am On Jun 15, 2016 |
trollolololol: No wonder..... Good luck with your stupid life....freakypinky, never mind him.....he is either traumatized or something like that....... Fucck boy |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Nobody: 1:24am On Jun 15, 2016 |
trollolololol: trollolololol:°You need ta calm down. |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by VUCHAR(m): 1:27am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Lolz ![]() ![]() |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by bitchcrafts: 6:29am On Jun 15, 2016 |
The "let's just be friends" is my favorite approach, stvpidly intelligent reasons to back up my stand. Style so foolhardy esp if you want a solemn, no noise brkup, no tears in her face till she reaches her home where she buries her head in a pillow to cry out her lungs. Works 99.9% of the time , I concur. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by czarr(m): 6:32am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Funny AF! Had a good laff ![]() 1 Like |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by TuneChi369(m): 6:42am On Jun 15, 2016 |
trollolololol:Why not act matured and tell her you both should path ways with concrete reasons than doing the above to her? How would you feel if all what you said are done to your sister or sisters?....think twice dude. 1 Like |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 6:48am On Jun 15, 2016 |
TuneChi369:Bros have no guilt brother so IDGAF. I don't have any sisters but if I did then she deserves the same treatment if she's becomes someone's slam piece. A slam piece is a biitch and biitches deserve no love :-/ 2 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 6:50am On Jun 15, 2016 |
![]() ![]() bitchcrafts: |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by TuneChi369(m): 6:56am On Jun 15, 2016 |
trollolololol:Oh,because you don't have a sis and you think you free.They said karma is a bitch...and it's awaits you...Na nairaland here we dey when you go come complain last last. 1 Like |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by trollolololol(m): 6:57am On Jun 15, 2016 |
TuneChi369:Only pusssy niggas are scared of karma. Are you a pusssy nigga or a bro? Choose wisely 2 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by ucheHapers(m): 7:01am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Just enjoying my cereal this beautiful morning, waiting for the real drama to begin...let the name calling and insults begin |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Nobody: 7:01am On Jun 15, 2016 |
cc paulkillerman paulkillermanag obontami |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Nobody: 7:03am On Jun 15, 2016 |
TuneChi369: Oh please here they go again with sister this, daughter that, nigga pleaase 1 Like 1 Share
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Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by bitchcrafts: 7:03am On Jun 15, 2016 |
TuneChi369:Is that karma speaking? oh well, know that karma works to balance things out. Nothing wrong in fvcking and later dumping if she'd been cool with the fvkcing in the first place. If bieetches don't want the pain liberating from a byebye to be fvking prickly, let her keep her legs fvking closed.Even ma sis, preach that gospel instead of buying the sympathy with emotional words. Better cautious than be sorry. |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Natotogokillme: 7:05am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Best way to dump a biitch? Take her to a hotel room and fawk her hard. And when she's about to have orgasm, pull out and tell her it's over. Bang the door in her face when you're leaving. 3 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Natotogokillme: 7:07am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Freakypinky:Hohohoho! Smash my car? Then I'd treat her like the ho she is. ![]() ![]() ![]() 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Nobody: 7:08am On Jun 15, 2016 |
trollolololol: Thats realt talk bro. Sadly many guys dont know the difference btw a slam piece and a keeper. they wanna put a ring on a hoe then later cry like a bìtch 2 Likes |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by bitchcrafts: 7:08am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Natotogokillme:WoW, This's for them bad strong men that could hold Cum.ming back as long as long ![]() |
Re: How To Dump A Biitch (BROS ONLY) by Nobody: 7:10am On Jun 15, 2016 |
bitchcrafts:
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