I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

How individuals quote the bible amiss and put themselves in difficulties beats me.

I know women that resorted to tormenting, beating and treating a young girl with similar circumstances like an animal instead of sending her back to her parents.

If you can't handle it, send her home rather than allowing circumstances make you to turn someone's child to worse than an animal.

It's our duty to help the less privileged but in your case the beneficiaries are taking it to the extreme.

Let everyone stay at his or her home. Send your help and contributions to them if you have as it's not an obligation to be responsible for their upkeep.

Once the world throw away religion and it's books and realize that giving birth to many children is not a right then the world will be a better place.

Animalistic men will be making babies all over and handing them over to other people to take care for them. Pathetic!

WeNoGoDie:
How individuals quote the bible amiss and put themselves in difficulties beats me.

I know women that resorted to tormenting, beating and treating a young girl with similar circumstances like an animal instead of sending her back to her parents.

If you can't handle it, send her home rather than allowing circumstances make you to turn someone's child to worse than an animal.

well i wasnt the one who brought up the verse. I just wanted to know how others have handled a similar situation so i can know on how to go about it the right way.

@ MarryMeee,

Let those quoting Bible verse take her in. Right? Utter nonsense...so easy to ask someone else to keep enduring/tolerating ish, when they are not ready to do the same.

Your situation is very dicey. You are only human. If she continues with her destructive behavior, it will get to a stage that you might beat her and THAT might create more problems for you.

So, biko, send that girl back ASAP (or send her to one of those quoting the Bible). You can still contribute to her schooling.

BUT
If you're still feeling altruistic, you can dig deeper or employ a child psychologist to find out the root of her behavior.

For all the years the little has learnt to live
She has been that way
OK
I am not in support of all you wrote that she does
But what if she happens to be your daughter?
Will you sit and watch her bedwet?
Watch her doing all the things she does?
Have you showed her with love and care?

Ok sorry I am not giving you what you wanna read
Bye

Sort yourself out

you and your hubby should concentrate on making the little girl a better person. her behaviour is simply the product of where she is coming from.
as for her dad, your hubby should let him know that her daughter is enough headache already that he should not add to it.
you have the opportunity to give the little girl a life that the dad never did. do it for her sake not for the dad.

Do what you can. Don't force yourself. People should have the number of kids they can take care of. Period.

I dont have much to say,but reserve your energy for your own children.
Before we hear a story abt a guardian physically abusing a child on the internet

Am not babysitting anyone 's child while the parents chill. Send that girl home and let the parents do their job! I won't put myself in such situation no matter who is asking, except the child's parents are dead.

[quote author=MarryMeee post=46778066]

I can understand what you and your husband are passing through.
You people have done well by taking the girl in.

However, I think the girl has a developmental problem she is helpless about.
At her age, she should not wet her beds any more.
Her inattention and poor performance in school support my thinking.
No "normal" 11 year old spoils things the way you said she did.

If you send her back home, she won't get better. She will be worse.
Please exhaust all avenues of helping her, especially medically.
I believe that with the right medication, she will definitely be fine.

As for your husband's uncle, your husband should be be blunt and tell to not barge in unannounced like that.
If it is k own he is coming, you guys will be better prepared to host him.

Lastly, you did not mention whether there are other children in the house.
This girl will definitely appreciate your help when the time comes.

Good luck.

Abeg send her back home with money in lieu of taking care of her. Don't let her turn you into something else. Send her back home. Period!

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesistate at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroys them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools close and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

Are you serious??

Okay, jokes aside. Where is the child's mother in all of this? You've made no mention of her.

When I first read your post, my initial reaction was that you & your husband should return the child to her parents. Moreover, it seems your family unit is run and controlled by your inlaws. No one apart from you and your husband should tell you how to run your home. They can make suggestions - that's fine - but the final say (decision) is yours and hubby's to make because at the end of the day, whatever choices are made, you and your husband have to live with them - not your inlaws.

Anyway, as I was saying, the more I read of your post, the more obvious it was that this little girl has got some deep-rooted issues, even at that tender age. But first of all, you'll have to make some hard choices here. If you want to help that child, then you do so on your terms and not because an inlaw tells you to.

If you do decide you want to help her, then you're really going to roll up your sleeves and get involved. Like someone mentioned earlier, getting a qualified child psychiatrist to evaluate her is a good starting point. Get to the root cause of her bed wetting. My guess would be that she's got anxiety issues a lot of which is a throw back to her upbringing.

Poor child. None this is her fault.

EfemenaXY:


Are you serious??

Okay, jokes aside. Where is the child's mother in all of this? You've made no mention of her.

she is around giving birth like a rabbit.

When I first read your post, my initial reaction was that you & your husband should return the child to her parents. Moreover, it seems your family unit is run and controlled by your inlaws. No one apart from you and your husband should tell you how to run your home. They can make suggestions - that's fine - but the final say (decision) is yours and hubby's to make because at the end of the day, whatever choices are made, you and your husband have to live with them - not your in-laws

I am in total support of this. We asked the father to start looking for a place for school for her closer to their home, its will not be the best school in town but the children get to grow up with the mother close by and maybe when they see how much work her child is she might consider visiting a family planning clinic.

Anyway, as I was saying, the more I read of your post, the more obvious it was that this little girl has got some deep-rooted issues, even at that tender age. But first of all, you'll have to make some hard choices here. If you want to help that child, then you do so on your terms and not because an inlaw tells you to.

If you do decide you want to help her, then you're really going to roll up your sleeves and get involved. Like someone mentioned earlier, getting a qualified child psychiatrist to evaluate her is a good starting point. Get to the root cause of her bed wetting. My guess would be that she's got anxiety issues a lot of which is a throw back to her upbringing.

Poor child. None this is her fault.

although I may agree thay this child has psychological issues i feel like her stubnorness is purely her own doing. We have decided to let her be close to her mother, maybe her behaviour might change after getting that mother's love. This is however depend on whether the parents make the effort to transfer her of course.

cococandy:
Do what you can. Don't force yourself. People should have the number of kids they can take care of. Period.

That is ehh??

The so called uncles are the worst.

Few weeks ago while we were in Nigeria, one of my uncles in law casually strolled into my husbands family house to visit my parents in law only for him to meet my husband in the living room.

They briefly exchanged greetings , within a minute he has started asking my hubby for money. My hubby laughed and said no problem go and greet my parents I will see u before u leave.

He refused oo, insisting on getting some green leafs
" dollars" my Hubby was trying to introduce our 2 kids to him , saying baba, I came with my children but this man refused to even take notice of the kids rather followed my husband to our room and I greeted him. Ahhh my wife u are here, gud ask ur husband to give some green leaf. By then my husbands eldest sister came in jokingly saying don't worry he will see u later. But the man refused ooo, by now I was boiling mad, my husband gave him 5k he refused that he wanted green leaf. Dats when my sis in law took the money from my husband and stylishly took the old man out .

It was so embarrassing, he then went to greet my parents in law before coming back to our room to pray for my husband and thank him for the money.

How ridiculous. It's annoyin really. They expect things as if you owe them. And can be very ungrateful too. I've never been able to understand that mindset.
I consider myself generous if I have means to help but once the recipient begins to see it as their entitlement, I get turned off instantly.

bebe2:


That is ehh??

The so called uncles are the worst.

Few weeks ago while we were in Nigeria, one of my uncles in law casually strolled into my husbands family house to visit my parents in law only for him to meet my husband in the living room.

They briefly exchanged greetings , within a minute he has started asking my hubby for money. My hubby laughed and said no problem go and greet my parents I will see u before u leave.

He refused oo, insisting on getting some green leafs
" dollars" my Hubby was trying to introduce our 2 kids to him , saying baba, I came with my children but this man refused to even take notice of the kids rather followed my husband to our room and I greeted him. Ahhh my wife u are here, gud ask ur husband to give some green leaf. By then my husbands eldest sister came in jokingly saying don't worry he will see u later. But the man refused ooo, by now I was boiling mad, my husband gave him 5k he refused that he wanted green leaf. Dats when my sis in law took the money from my husband and stylishly took the old man out .

It was so embarrassing, he then went to greet my parents in law before coming back to our room to pray for my husband and thank him for the money.

am I the only one that feels all these thing were made up?....as in give a dog a bad name ish

Please marrymeee how exactly was she able to break the toilet? If everything you wrote is true I think that child is autistic and needs care. Her behavioural pattern suggests so.

Find a way for you and your husband to get her professional help if you guys can afford it.

Is there nothing at all she's good at? One just can't be an all bag of woes.

I'd blame u people for starting in the first place.. Cos when u guys eventually stop helping them now all dis evil intentions go fill Dem mind which is not good news for u guys... Anyways be prayerful and look for a better way to stop before they wreck una

oglalasioux:
It's our duty to help the less privileged [/b]but in your case the beneficiaries are taking it to the extreme.

Let everyone stay at his or her home. Send your help and contributions to them if you have as it's not an obligation to be responsible for their upkeep.

Once the world throw away religion and it's books and realize that giving birth to many children is not a right then the world will be a better place.

Animalistic men will be making babies all over and handing them over to other people to take care for them. Pathetic!

[b]NO. It is not our duty to help anybody. If you chose to do so, it is entirely UP TO YOU.

Take the little girl back to her parents and let him tell the uncle to reduce his visit, when you've got money and food stuff to spare you'll get them across to him. All these irresponsible men with no stable source of income breeding like kids are running out of fashion. Even if the girl is to stay, stop the irresponsible id1ot from coming to your house.

e dey happen

Dyt:
For all the years the little has learnt to live
She has been that way
OK
I am not in support of all you wrote that she does
But what if she happens to be your daughter?
Will you sit and watch her bedwet?
Watch her doing all the things she does?
Have you showed her with love and care?

Ok sorry I am not giving you what you wanna read
Bye

I kinda agree with your opinion.
I have a young girl that stays with my family too. Any time she misbehaves or does something wrong, I always make sure I correct her in love.
@op you always need to ask yourself this question. What if she's my daughter, what would I do?

Send her to boarding scul if u can afford it...

can you do us a favor ? Do not bring your family problems to public forum

Gbagaun!

You are probably an evil woman.
Take that from me.
All those bunch of lies you told against this girl just to paint her black, would you say the same things if she was your sister?

I can easily tell that you are angry because she came from the husbands side. It's common with all evil women.

Change your ways when you still can, otherwise you will pour hot water or acid on her someday and end up in Prison.

She broke Plasma TV,
She broke Toilet WC, really? That hard thing? How did she do that? With a sledgehammer or what?

What else did she do?
The evil girl broke her shoes,
She Tore her school uniform,
She Bed-wets, fights, never do anything such as assignment?

She goes into her room, picks out her best clothes, which of course you paid billions to buy, she wears the best cloths and runs out to play with it in the mud. An 11 year old girl, whose tiny breasts must have started sprouting out, playing in the mud, with her best cloth?
Please in which country is that? Somalia or south Sudan? Gawd.
How old were those chibok girls writing WAEC when they were allegedly kidnapped? But your evil girl here still plays in the mud at 11.

Why don't you just tell us you want her gone so you can bring your own sister? Apparently you have a ready replacement, even before your husband beat you to it and brought her to his house.

I am way too intelligent to believe all the rubbish you said about this innocent girl.
Even Lucipher will find it very difficult to win a destruction contest with this 11 year old girl.

On top of that, her father comes for monthly salary in your World Bank home.
Of course with other incentives such as groceries etc.
Where is the mother in all this?
How many times have you reported her to the mother or even to the Reverend Father or Pastor? I believe that's what you people do down there when you really want to help.

Do you really expect me to believe you?
No mention of one good thing from the girl, not even to fetch water or cook anything?
Apparently according to you, her life assignment is to destroy everything in your home, nothing else.


Your heart is black because I don't see why you were hesistant when your husband wanted to bring her. Do you know their family history?
Who trained your husband? What exactly are you bringing to the table?


You first of all painted the father of the girl with black paints as if you know anything about him.
Evil thing.

And all you people shouting send her home, do you really think this evil thing is telling you all the story?
Do you not believe that if this is a law court, the girl will have her chance to say her own version.
She never wanted her in the first place and she admitted it up there. She just wanted her own relatives to fill the house. It's common with evil women.

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

Leave bible here and face reality. If it is not working out, take her back unless you enjoy seeing her kill your child or burn the house, then you will remember her root.

Leave that matter of in laws here. Take her back and promise to assist them pay her school fees if you have enough. Staying with you and constituting havoc would end up giving you the hell of problem you would regret for the rest of your life.

If you want Timothy in the bible as you have quoted, invite him to your house for him to see things. Maybe he will help you out. You can as well invite John from the bible too.

OP..u don't need to tel me.. I am 101% sure the family is igbo..#idiosyncracies

This has nothing to do with bible oo, since the father is irresponsible, the bible makes it clear that fathers must play their fatherly responsibility.

You people can prayerfully attend to this but the bible doesn't restrict you from sending her back home, she could even be possessed with wrecking damages, kilode!
But probably her up bringing is a factor in her character, better still you can groom her like your own child to develop and change attitude.